Hopeful79 Posted January 30, 2013 Posted January 30, 2013 Like this morning for instance- my ex of 2 1/2 mos (we went out for 2 1/2 yrs- lived together for 1 1/2) sent me a photo from his morning walk of the progress of a hotel they are building by where we used to live. He "likes" my Facebook statuses too. I haven't been responding to him. I am not going to let him know he is affecting me, I just don't understand why he can't get it through his head we are not friends and probably never will be. Iove him too much. I know he doesn't want to lose me from his life, but I will not be his friend and I told him I can't be his friend because I will never see him as a friend. These random contacts from him give me butterflies and make me miss him all over--but don't want to break NC.
TaraMaiden Posted January 30, 2013 Posted January 30, 2013 Please eliminate all and every way and means he has of being able to get through to you. Block him on Facebook, block his number on your 'phone, block emails... the works. Read the No Contact Guide (updated 2013) in my signature on how to handle unwanted texts, because apparently those don't always get blocked..... But if you really want to drop off his radar, he's going to have to be shoved forcefully off yours.
Gingerxr2 Posted January 31, 2013 Posted January 31, 2013 Hey , How come your still friends with him ?
Author Hopeful79 Posted January 31, 2013 Author Posted January 31, 2013 We are both part of this "Biggest Loser" group - a dieting/health group on Facebook. It has helped me a lot - we have both been part of it for a long time. I love the people on there, the friendships, and the support (both emotionally and healthwise). I don't want to quit it, nor does he. I try to ignore him. I don't answer emails and don't comment on his things. We recently had planned to hang out this Sat (two weeks ago we had our last physical contact - it ended with him treating me as his g/f again-- calling me sweetpea, cuddles, kisses, handholding, sex...and cuddles the next morning - only for it to all end and him to tell me to leave and then that was that - enjoy the moment and it is what it is he said). Well we were meant ot hang out this Sat...Monday I sent an email -- I wrote I reconsider - it's not good for me to see you. He asked if he will ever see me again. I wrote that I hope so. I love you ... OK OK, I know stupid...I still love him. I hate myself for still loving him but I do. He wrote this sweet email back about how wonderful I am, How he loves me, I'm a wonderful person, but his priority is to move on. And he does hope to see me again one day (as a friend). I didn't answer that. I thought he got it. Now he sends this photo this morning. I just got another email from him...asking if maybe I changed my mind and want to see him Saturday. I won't answer - right??? I shouldn't. I don't want to be a bitch, I know he is hurting too...I just can't do this friendship thing, I don't see him as a friend. Espeically when he gets mad if I talk about my emotions and that I still want him as a b/f and that I'm crossing boundaries, yet it's perfectly OK for him to use me and treat me like a g/f just for the day and night! It hurts...I wish I could be friends with him, I do, I just don't work that way. I love him too much. I just don't see him as a friend and prob. never will... I'm not strong enough to defriend him totally on FB right now :-(((((
veggirl Posted January 31, 2013 Posted January 31, 2013 Hon you're not a bitch for not responding. It will hurt you more to see him. If anything he is a big ass for continuing to ask you to be his friend when he knows you are in love with him. 1
cavalier99 Posted January 31, 2013 Posted January 31, 2013 I'm beginning to wonder why we always blame the dumper if they come around and we let them and we get hurt. I mean we control our NC. They are fine with things. If they come by and we sleep with them and and listen to what they say and get hurt isnt it our fault? Why should they assume we are hurting soooo much and cant handle it. If we cant handle it we shouldn't see them. If we can great. Why is it always that the dumper is sooooo insensitive using us etcetera. We are the one that cant handle the contact so it is really our problem. Just my thought for today. Cav 1
Sugarkane Posted January 31, 2013 Posted January 31, 2013 Just because they contact it doesn't mean you have to break NC. How many times do dumpees contact and never ever get a reply? Plenty. You can choose not to answer the ex, they'll soon get bored and go away.
TaraMaiden Posted January 31, 2013 Posted January 31, 2013 Hopeful79, I hate to tell you, but you need to "grow a pair". You're behaving exactly like the doormat he wants you to be. You love him, you can't be in touch with him - yet you crumble and respond when he does.... so then you tell him, "I can't do this, but I hope eventually we can be friends, because I love you." 'Great', he thinks. 'I can keep pushing it, because she loves me - she'll be secretly grateful for every little drop of attention I send her way'.... What you need to do is send him a relatively harsh missive: "What part of 'No Contact' do you Not Understand - ?! Please stop attracting my attention by sending me pictures, messages, and anything else which means I am compelled to notice you! Leave me alone, I need to do this for myself. I feel too strongly about you to just be a casual friend you get to mess about with! Please respect my request, and Do NOT contact me any more, no matter what!" Now, that will hurt. And sadly, it WILL hurt you, more than it hurts him - but the pain you feel by letting him into your life all the time, is sadly, as cavalier99 says, self-inflicted. It's tough - but you're playing into it. It's like the razor-wire analogy in the NC Guide. I keep urging people to copy, paste into Word, and print off as many copies necessary as to entirely wall-paper the place you live in, top to bottom. And honey - you really need to remind yourself that you're not together because for him it wasn't working. So why should it work any more now, when you really shouldn't even be interacting with him at all........? 2
Author Hopeful79 Posted February 6, 2013 Author Posted February 6, 2013 Hopeful79, I hate to tell you, but you need to "grow a pair". You are very right. Bottom line, he doesn't want to be with me. I am healing, it's just taking me time. This whole thing is hard. I'm not ready to delete him from faceook - but I haven't been responding to him. That's at least a step for me in the right direction. Thank you for all your comments - each of you. It helps to read so many of the threads on this site and to know I'm not alone or crazy to feel this pain, to this extent.
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