will1988 Posted January 31, 2013 Posted January 31, 2013 I was in class today and the topic of weed smoking came up. Most people (mostly women) chimed in about how they do it and they don't see it as a big deal or whatever. Seems most people these days feel that way. I realize I am certainly in the minority in my age group when it comes to drug use of any kind. Ironically, I think marijuana should be legal and it's stupid that it's not, but it's just not something I'm into personally at all. I've mentioned on here several times my stance on drug use. Zero tolerance for it. However, I see this as a problem going forward. The more we go on, the more things become accepted/mainstream/the norm. I cannot date someone long term if they smoke. That's one of my deal breakers. I (begrudgingly) date women short term who do it. Out of sight, out of mind sort of thing. But with the majority of women being at least casual smokers, not full blown pot heads, but occasional smokers, I fear I would have to change my stance when it comes time to settle down. Something that, knowing myself, I cannot do. Have any of you been forced to change your stance on certain issues because of the changing of the times or have you always stuck to your guns? I agree with you. I wouldn't date anyone who even smoked pot once in a blue moon. I don't care if you smoke cigs like I do, or drink from time to time like I do... but no drugs. Mostly because of my job though (I'm a civil servant). However, I'm not against people doing it, and I think it should be legalized but taxed and controlled, I just don't want it around me until that time has come.
will1988 Posted January 31, 2013 Posted January 31, 2013 I'm with you Senor Castle, I don't have many deal breakers, but smoking pot (or doing any drugs, including abusing prescription drugs or pain killers or ADD meds) is one of them. I hate the smell. I hate smoking in general, but the smell of pot bothers me more than the smell of a regular cigarette. Not sure why, but I hate it. It's such a deal breaker for me that even if I'm intensely attracted to a guy, if I find out he uses drugs, that attraction will almost instantly fizzle and poof away into never never land. I DID break one my dealbreakers with my ex though. I always told myself that I would never date a Democrat, and I end up dating a guy who has never voted anything other than blue. The funny thing is that even though you may be picturing me as a hardcore Republican right now (what, with being against pot and all), I'm actually super pro-choice, pro-gay marriage, and I roll my eyes at fox news! We made it work because we both respected each other's views and chose to have healthy debates regarding policies to try to understand each other's point of view. No name calling or mockery - just facts. We both ended up becoming more moderate because of it. at your last paragraph. To me that sounds like you are a Libertarian. Conservative on a lot of things, especially fiscally, but liberal socially. I am in the same boat as you.
Lorelai Posted January 31, 2013 Posted January 31, 2013 I don't think it's hypocritical if you drink. If you're getting seriously drunk then maybe, but if you drink socially, that's different. If you're out on a date and you order a wine or another alcoholic drink, it's not going to alter your judgement or impair you. People smoke to get high. They don't take one hit and say "alright, I'm good". Note for the Internet: I'm stating things that occurred that are long out of the statute of limitations. When I used to smoke, I did exactly that, if the stuff was good enough. It was enough to get me buzzed, which is all I wanted. Even when I actually bought it, I never kept more than a gram in the house -- I would smoke a hit or two from a one-hitter to help me sleep. Now, why wouldn't I just drink a beer? Because in my family, people have had much worse problems with alcohol and stronger drugs, not with pot. My stepfather is an alcoholic (Mom just keeps picking 'em, my biological father is dead because of his inability to learn moderation in his substance use) and he doesn't drink much hard liquor. But ALL he drinks, throughout the day, is beer. From the time he wakes up until he goes to sleep. He doesn't have a job -- he got fired from Wendy's. I also never really liked the way alcohol affected me beyond a glass of wine (which doesn't), and I have a curiously low tolerance. I black out before I pass out or throw up -- and if I don't supervise a mixed drink's makings or drink extremely slowly from them, I can get extremely messed up off of just one drink. That has a potential to be *extremely* dangerous, if I ever got fond of the feeling of being drunk. I've never blacked out from pot. Different strokes for different folks. I'm glad, either way, that I prefer reality instead of having to escape from it, with any substance.
Els Posted January 31, 2013 Posted January 31, 2013 I have very few real dealbreakers, so no, have never compromised on any. I have certainly compromised on preferences. 2
TheZebra Posted January 31, 2013 Posted January 31, 2013 at your last paragraph. To me that sounds like you are a Libertarian. Conservative on a lot of things, especially fiscally, but liberal socially. I am in the same boat as you. Yay! If only our numbers were bigger I think on FB I have maybe 3-4 Lib friends. And they're all dating someone, of course. 1
venusianx13 Posted January 31, 2013 Posted January 31, 2013 In regards to things such as smoking cigarettes, weed or other drugs, and heavy drinking, I'm actually less flexible than I used to be. I tried, several times, to date cigarette smokers, and I found it to be just intolerable. I also don't want it around my son any more than it already is (his father smokes, even in front of him, and I think's it's really inappropriate and inconsiderate). As for weed, nope, won't even tread those waters anymore. I am a civil servant and associating with someone who smoked, even on occassion, would be too much of a risk. My ex boyfriend had taken up the habit of buying, transporting, and sometimes even selling, and he got arrested, but hid this all from me up until the arrest. So no, I won't budge on that one anymore, even though prior to that, I dated people who used. I too, think it should be legal and I don't care who does it, I just don't want to be involved with someone who does it, and that's my prerogative. I used to date pretty conservative or Libertarian guys, as I, myself more closely identified myself as a Libertarian, but the best match I've ever had is my boyfriend, and he's pretty much a flaming liberal. He's evened me out, and I came to find (through our political conversations) that I do actually identify with a lot of his views, though I am actually pro-life (which is not typically a liberal stance). He's heard my side on this issue, though, and respects it.
candie13 Posted January 31, 2013 Posted January 31, 2013 I have a good friend of mine who started to smoke pot a lot. Like a LOT. I told that to him, a few time... anyway, ski season here, so he's out, doing a lot of sport. If my date would occasionally have a smoke, like with his friends, once a week, I wouldn't reconsider my decision to date him. So my main deal breakers are: - no illegal substance abuse (one of the guys I really liked and asked me to have a serious thing together was occasionally using coke - one of those work hard, play hard types. That was not the main reason why I said no, but when looking at the overall picture, it did matter a LOT) - holiday time / vacation: my LT boyfriend was doing amazing at work for years and his job was pretty unpredictable. However, all of his colleagues seemed to manage it. I loved him for his passion and talent, but in the end, it is my time and I need to relax and need time-out / time for us (he was freaking out if I was mentioning hols by myself or with the girls); I spent almost 2 years with just one week holiday and then I was out of there (first thing I did after leaving him was to book a 3 weeks trip to Vietnam with my friend) - cheating: tried to overcome it - I was in a long distance relationship and appreciated the honesty - had a fit, anyway . Keeping the story short, I should have left then and there, the rest of the 2 years were nice, but a pure waste of time... It's not that I don't want to forgive, it's that I cannot... - drinking: never dated a guy who had a drinking problem and never will. My dad used to have this pbm, when I was a little child, too many bad memories since then, to put up with them now, as an adult.
KungFuJoe Posted January 31, 2013 Posted January 31, 2013 To be perfectly honest...my stance on pot (just like with any drug) is that it depends on the person. For instance...I like pot. I like it a LOT. If, for some crazy reason, all the pot on this planet just "disappeared"...I would be pretty damn sad. But then I'd be over it and move on. I've gone without for weeks with no problem. And I have my "rules". I ONLY do it at home, and at night AFTER the kids are fast asleep. I don't use it to "socialize". In fact, the last thing I want to do is use it to go OUT. I do it when I want to kick back at home, relax after a tough day of screaming at my kids, and either have a LONG night of sex with my wife, or have a LONG deep conversation with my wife and/or select friends. On the flip side, one of my best friends pretty much NEEDS it. He doesn't go anywhere without getting high first. We go to dinner? He's gotta get high. Play golf? Get high first. Go to a bar or a club? Get high first. And he admittedly has some depression issues. He says smoking weed makes him feel better about himself. And that in itself is not necessarily a problem (it is used as an anti depressant drug) but it's the fact that he has to do it everywhere we go that is a problem for me. 2
Mycteria Posted January 31, 2013 Posted January 31, 2013 (edited) This thread is funny, because it's actually a deal breaker to me if a guy doesn't do drugs. I'm a perfectly respectable citizen by day and I've never been in any kind of trouble. Good job, good school, etc etc. But I would feel extremely cheated if I couldn't share a psychedelic experience with my life partner a handful of times a year. Short of traveling to India and getting involved in some kind of spiritual sexual rituals (like tantra), there is just no way to connect with your partner in a more intense and mind shattering way than to have a one on one psychedelic experience with them. That, and my ideal "date night" with my future husband would be in the bedroom, candles and incense lit, some really good weed, and pandora set to Thievery Corp. Edited January 31, 2013 by Mycteria 4
KungFuJoe Posted January 31, 2013 Posted January 31, 2013 This thread is funny, because it's actually a deal breaker to me if a guy doesn't do drugs. I'm a perfectly respectable citizen by day and I've never been in any kind of trouble. Good job, good school, etc etc. But I would feel extremely cheated if I couldn't share a psychedelic experience with my life partner a handful of times a year. Short of traveling to India and getting involved in some kind of spiritual sexual rituals (like tantra), there is just no way to connect with your partner in a more intense and mind shattering way than to have a one on one psychedelic experience with them. That, and my ideal "date night" with my future husband would be in the bedroom, candles and incense lit, some really good weed, and pandora set to Thievery Corp. This is MY date night almost to a tee...except Pandora is set to Delerium. 2
colombiana28 Posted January 31, 2013 Posted January 31, 2013 This thread is funny, because it's actually a deal breaker to me if a guy doesn't do drugs. I'm a perfectly respectable citizen by day and I've never been in any kind of trouble. Good job, good school, etc etc. But I would feel extremely cheated if I couldn't share a psychedelic experience with my life partner a handful of times a year. Short of traveling to India and getting involved in some kind of spiritual sexual rituals (like tantra), there is just no way to connect with your partner in a more intense and mind shattering way than to have a one on one psychedelic experience with them. That, and my ideal "date night" with my future husband would be in the bedroom, candles and incense lit, some really good weed, and pandora set to Thievery Corp. it's too bad we're both into men, cause you sound PERFECT for me haha 3
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