tigressA Posted January 31, 2013 Posted January 31, 2013 I thought I didn't have an issue with pot until after some time with my ex-ex. He smoked it every day, when he had some. It got really annoying, particularly because his personality changed quite a bit when he was high...just really obnoxious and irritating. I've smoked pot a few times but have never been into it. I would prefer being with someone who didn't smoke at all or smoked only once in awhile.
pbjbear Posted January 31, 2013 Posted January 31, 2013 I broke my biggest deal breaker ever. Being with a woman who had a kid. Awwwwwwwww
Author MrCastle Posted January 31, 2013 Author Posted January 31, 2013 I certainly agree with you on the "drug use" issue but do you know why you feel that way? Also, where do you draw the line on that basis? I don't necessarily think you should change your mind about this, but ...again this is just me.. I think pot smoking and alcohol consumption belong in one camp which include non-addicted, normal social behaviours while drug abuse and other addictive behaviours belong in another. For me a full-blown pothead, an alcoholic, and an opiate addict are all off the table as potential partners because their habits are likely to impair my quality of life. On the other hand, someone who likes to go out and have a drink or occasionally smokes a bowl isn't going to compromise my quality of life. I was just never into it. I have personal reasons and, in an effort not to get into it with the people on the board who do smoke, I'll just politely say it's not my thing. The party scene in general was never my thing. I could be with someone short term who actively does it, or someone long term who used to do it, but does it no longer. I couldn't be with someone long term who was actively doing it, in any way. Whether once a day or once a year. If I'm gonna be with you for the long haul, no drugs, of any kind, except for alcohol, but not to the point of getting black out drunk. 1
Keenly Posted January 31, 2013 Posted January 31, 2013 I find the op funny because I'm a daily weed smoker and my deal breaker is women who drink a lot . I had a less than stellar childhood that forced me to grow up a little too fast because both my mother and step father were nightly fall down drunk alcoholics. Personally I have deal breakers I could compromise on and let slide.... bit she would really have to be amazing. There would have to be no other red flags either . And to the person who said being a pothead means you have other problems , I disagree. The only problem I have that i know of, besides being single , is yeah I'm a little lazy bit o have always been lazy, and I play through it to get what I need to do done. You can make superlative generalizations all day , but everyone is different. My first serious relationship, she hated that I smoked and always put me down for it , even though her brother smoked more than I did but it was OK for him bit not for me. Anyway, I'm willing to bet most people, given the right potential date, would absolutely compromise . No one is perfect right ?
KungFuJoe Posted January 31, 2013 Posted January 31, 2013 I'm the opposite. NOT smoking weed is a deal breaker for me. 1
pbjbear Posted January 31, 2013 Posted January 31, 2013 I used to smoke pot recreationally like drinking...I wouldnt want to date someone who is irresponsible with it, just like I wouldnt date someone irresponsible with drinking either. I get Keenly who says he does it to relax and doesnt do it too much. Thats ok- but alot of people in their 20's who smoke pot do it more than that and its tied to other bad behaviors. I dont think its a bad dealbreaker. Im 25 and I feel like an old lady sometimes...I just am not much of a drinker or smoker anymore except for now and then. I dont know what happened
pbjbear Posted January 31, 2013 Posted January 31, 2013 See...we're not all bad. Ive complimented you several times. Alot of the men on this site are not the men I meet in real life. If I met a guy like you or Woggle Id all be good The men I meet in real life would not care enough to go to an internet site to get advice about ladies (advice that doesnt lead to their weiner that is) 1
KungFuJoe Posted January 31, 2013 Posted January 31, 2013 Ive complimented you several times. Alot of the men on this site are not the men I meet in real life. If I met a guy like you or Woggle Id all be good The men I meet in real life would not care enough to go to an internet site to get advice about ladies (advice that doesnt lead to their weiner that is) I sure hope not!
TheZebra Posted January 31, 2013 Posted January 31, 2013 I'm with you Senor Castle, I don't have many deal breakers, but smoking pot (or doing any drugs, including abusing prescription drugs or pain killers or ADD meds) is one of them. I hate the smell. I hate smoking in general, but the smell of pot bothers me more than the smell of a regular cigarette. Not sure why, but I hate it. It's such a deal breaker for me that even if I'm intensely attracted to a guy, if I find out he uses drugs, that attraction will almost instantly fizzle and poof away into never never land. I DID break one my dealbreakers with my ex though. I always told myself that I would never date a Democrat, and I end up dating a guy who has never voted anything other than blue. The funny thing is that even though you may be picturing me as a hardcore Republican right now (what, with being against pot and all), I'm actually super pro-choice, pro-gay marriage, and I roll my eyes at fox news! We made it work because we both respected each other's views and chose to have healthy debates regarding policies to try to understand each other's point of view. No name calling or mockery - just facts. We both ended up becoming more moderate because of it. 1
Author MrCastle Posted January 31, 2013 Author Posted January 31, 2013 I'm with you Senor Castle, I don't have many deal breakers, but smoking pot (or doing any drugs, including abusing prescription drugs or pain killers or ADD meds) is one of them. I hate the smell. I hate smoking in general, but the smell of pot bothers me more than the smell of a regular cigarette. Not sure why, but I hate it. It's such a deal breaker for me that even if I'm intensely attracted to a guy, if I find out he uses drugs, that attraction will almost instantly fizzle and poof away into never never land. I DID break one my dealbreakers with my ex though. I always told myself that I would never date a Democrat, and I end up dating a guy who has never voted anything other than blue. The funny thing is that even though you may be picturing me as a hardcore Republican right now (what, with being against pot and all), I'm actually super pro-choice, pro-gay marriage, and I roll my eyes at fox news! We made it work because we both respected each other's views and chose to have healthy debates regarding policies to try to understand each other's point of view. No name calling or mockery - just facts. We both ended up becoming more moderate because of it. Haha that's crazy. No I don't think you're weird! I am a bleeding heart liberal, super duper hippie...who is against smoking pot. But like I mentioned, I want it to be legal--it just makes more sense for it to be legalized. I just won't smoke it. Not my thing. But yeah, I am a left wing guy, always have been. I try not to get into politics with people though because I'm pretty passionate in my stances and if we disagree on key issues, I can't see us making it work
xxoo Posted January 31, 2013 Posted January 31, 2013 Most of them will outgrow pot by the time you outgrow casual dating Deal breakers are bigger for me than a detail like pot. They are more about how a person manages their vices, whatever vice they have. Do they demonstrate addiction or dependence? Reckless use? Spend an unreasonable amt money on this habit? That sort of stuff. I wouldn't compromise on deal breakers like addiction, dependence, or financial irresponsibility.
ThaWholigan Posted January 31, 2013 Posted January 31, 2013 I'm a relatively new pot-smoker. Everyone else I know had been doing it since their very early teens. I started just around 20 - a year before diagnosis. I stopped for a while in 2011 due to a pinched nerve (weed causing the muscle to rest rather uncomfortably on the nerve). I try not to smoke often - need to get a vaporizer, much healthier. Admittedly, I don't really have the lungs for regular smoking . I digress.... So far, my dealbreakers are few (and pretty basic). I imagine once I get into a relationship I will know more about what I won't tolerate.
TheZebra Posted January 31, 2013 Posted January 31, 2013 Haha that's crazy. No I don't think you're weird! I am a bleeding heart liberal, super duper hippie...who is against smoking pot. But like I mentioned, I want it to be legal--it just makes more sense for it to be legalized. I just won't smoke it. Not my thing. But yeah, I am a left wing guy, always have been. I try not to get into politics with people though because I'm pretty passionate in my stances and if we disagree on key issues, I can't see us making it work I also think it should be legal. If I had to pick a 'party' to align myself with I'd be a Libertarian. As to whether I'd be with someone long term based on their stances vs mine, I think it honestly depends on the issue. For example, I could stay with a guy if he anti-gay marriage, even though I'd disagree. But if a guy was anti-choice then it def. wouldn't work out. For the most part though, as long as we respect each other and each other's views, I'm ok with it.
irc333 Posted January 31, 2013 Posted January 31, 2013 Someone who smokes pot, recreationally, chances are they don't have much for them career wise, and probably can't even keep a job due to failing some kind of "on the spot" drug tests by their employers. I was in class today and the topic of weed smoking came up. Most people (mostly women) chimed in about how they do it and they don't see it as a big deal or whatever. Seems most people these days feel that way. I realize I am certainly in the minority in my age group when it comes to drug use of any kind. Ironically, I think marijuana should be legal and it's stupid that it's not, but it's just not something I'm into personally at all. I've mentioned on here several times my stance on drug use. Zero tolerance for it. However, I see this as a problem going forward. The more we go on, the more things become accepted/mainstream/the norm. I cannot date someone long term if they smoke. That's one of my deal breakers. I (begrudgingly) date women short term who do it. Out of sight, out of mind sort of thing. But with the majority of women being at least casual smokers, not full blown pot heads, but occasional smokers, I fear I would have to change my stance when it comes time to settle down. Something that, knowing myself, I cannot do. Have any of you been forced to change your stance on certain issues because of the changing of the times or have you always stuck to your guns?
fortyninethousand322 Posted January 31, 2013 Posted January 31, 2013 One thing about pot: I totally want it to be legal and there's no reason for it not to be. The fact is though that right now pot is illegal, if not at the state level, definitely at the federal level. I'd be wary of dating someone who smoked pot, almost entirely because I don't want to have my house raided by DEA agents and have my dog shot. I don't want to be Cheye Calvo'ed. 2
KungFuJoe Posted January 31, 2013 Posted January 31, 2013 EVERYONE smokes pot. And I mean, everyone. (obviously, you know I'm not being literal). But the wife and just started REALLY smoking about 2 years ago. We had tried it on occasion when we were younger, but we always ended up with shwag. But now I get the best medicinal chronic and my god the difference is...well...it's amazing is what it is. And now that we're smoking, we're finding out that a lot of our friends also smoke, too! It's like "omg, you smoke!?? *I* smoke!!! Gimme a hug!!!" yeah...just like that. BTW...if I you can't tell...I'm not exactly sober right now. And yes, I know it's a school night. 2
Author MrCastle Posted January 31, 2013 Author Posted January 31, 2013 One thing about pot: I totally want it to be legal and there's no reason for it not to be. The fact is though that right now pot is illegal, if not at the state level, definitely at the federal level. I'd be wary of dating someone who smoked pot, almost entirely because I don't want to have my house raided by DEA agents and have my dog shot. I don't want to be Cheye Calvo'ed. Yeah I totally get that. I've heard of some nightmare scenarios where a clean person is driving and gets pulled over for something minor and the passenger had drugs on them and failed to tell the driver. Stuff like that worries me. 1
Author MrCastle Posted January 31, 2013 Author Posted January 31, 2013 EVERYONE smokes pot. And I mean, everyone. (obviously, you know I'm not being literal). But the wife and just started REALLY smoking about 2 years ago. We had tried it on occasion when we were younger, but we always ended up with shwag. But now I get the best medicinal chronic and my god the difference is...well...it's amazing is what it is. And now that we're smoking, we're finding out that a lot of our friends also smoke, too! It's like "omg, you smoke!?? *I* smoke!!! Gimme a hug!!!" yeah...just like that. BTW...if I you can't tell...I'm not exactly sober right now. And yes, I know it's a school night. No, believe me, I know. I said it several times, I'm in the minority. Which is the problem. If more people were anti drug, this wouldn't be an issue. But because more people are into at least experimenting, I've having difficulties.
KungFuJoe Posted January 31, 2013 Posted January 31, 2013 One thing about pot: I totally want it to be legal and there's no reason for it not to be. The fact is though that right now pot is illegal, if not at the state level, definitely at the federal level. I'd be wary of dating someone who smoked pot, almost entirely because I don't want to have my house raided by DEA agents and have my dog shot. I don't want to be Cheye Calvo'ed. No one gets arrested for marijuana usage. That only happens in the movies. In real life, if you get pulled over, you just offer the cop an eight and you go on your way. joking of course. But it's not serious **** at all.
Phateless Posted January 31, 2013 Posted January 31, 2013 I was in class today and the topic of weed smoking came up. Most people (mostly women) chimed in about how they do it and they don't see it as a big deal or whatever. Seems most people these days feel that way. I realize I am certainly in the minority in my age group when it comes to drug use of any kind. Ironically, I think marijuana should be legal and it's stupid that it's not, but it's just not something I'm into personally at all. I've mentioned on here several times my stance on drug use. Zero tolerance for it. However, I see this as a problem going forward. The more we go on, the more things become accepted/mainstream/the norm. I cannot date someone long term if they smoke. That's one of my deal breakers. I (begrudgingly) date women short term who do it. Out of sight, out of mind sort of thing. But with the majority of women being at least casual smokers, not full blown pot heads, but occasional smokers, I fear I would have to change my stance when it comes time to settle down. Something that, knowing myself, I cannot do. Have any of you been forced to change your stance on certain issues because of the changing of the times or have you always stuck to your guns? are you aware that both caffeine and alcohol are more physiologically harmful than marijuana? 1
phineas Posted January 31, 2013 Posted January 31, 2013 Once. Dated a woman who was still friends with her ex's & had a lot of guy friends she "would never date" Well, turned out she was sleeping with an ex behind my back while "taking it slow" with me & after I bailed she got in a relationship rather quickly with one of her "just friends". So when it comes to deal breakers you need to stick to them. If it's causing you to disqualify most of the people you meet than you are either too picky or you need a different scene to hang out in. 1
TheZebra Posted January 31, 2013 Posted January 31, 2013 No, believe me, I know. I said it several times, I'm in the minority. Which is the problem. If more people were anti drug, this wouldn't be an issue. But because more people are into at least experimenting, I've having difficulties. That just means we have to get married. And as to whether 'everyone smokes pot' or not, it really depends on your circle. There were some groups in college where yes, everyone in that group DID smoke. But in my group of friends, both those I hung out with in college and those afterward, no one smoked pot. And no, I didn't go out with a sign saying 'pot smokers need not apply for my friendship', it just happened that the type of people I hung out with or who were into my hobbies weren't into it. Plus, it's still illegal for the most part, and I don't want to deal with that risk. It doesn't matter if it should or shouldn't be illegal. I don't think there should be speed limits, but I don't drive at 90mph because of it.
fortyninethousand322 Posted January 31, 2013 Posted January 31, 2013 No one gets arrested for marijuana usage. That only happens in the movies. In real life, if you get pulled over, you just offer the cop an eight and you go on your way. joking of course. But it's not serious **** at all. I don't want this to happen to me. Yeah, I know, most people don't get arrested or have their dogs shot. But, I'd rather not take the chance, if it can be avoided.
Emilia Posted January 31, 2013 Posted January 31, 2013 Have any of you been forced to change your stance on certain issues because of the changing of the times or have you always stuck to your guns? I think the definition of deal breaker to me is something that I can't compromise on. Dope is one, his being married is another. Yes I've learned over the years that what I had thought to be a dealbreaker wasn't in the end (like age) but there are certain things I just can't compromise on.
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