Author crownjewel1 Posted February 4, 2013 Author Posted February 4, 2013 I am working on fixing myself and this bad situation I've gotten myself into. I haven't seen the OM and I'm trying to get the courage to stop all communication with him. Meantime I am also trying to deal with the reasons I think I've grown away from my husband. We have major financial problems. I make double his salary but I recently found out I may be laid off in a few months. What is a husband's normal response to that? My husband has verbally been supportive... Etc. but he just tells me that I better get my resume together because he can't support our family and his job he says is the best he will ever get. I feel SO stressed and I think that's why I've been searching for an escape. It's not right but it is the source of my problems... Husband wants me to file for bankruptcy alone.. To save one of our credit. Is that normal?
TaraMaiden Posted February 4, 2013 Posted February 4, 2013 it's not a question of finding the courage. It's a question of finding your integrity. There is no 'courage' needed to stop doing something that's wrong.... It's all very well seeing what's happening around you, but don't use them as excuses. Money worries don't automatically lead to phukking someone else. Your personal choice leads you to opening your legs for a man who has no right to be there. Look at the practicalities - if you get laid off, do you receive a redundancy package? And there's a lot of common sense in what your H. advises... However, if it's got to the stage that you dislike interacting with him, anything he says or does is going to grate on your nerves. Sure there's a lot for you to think about, but doing the right thing shouldn't be something you have to think about too hard. You really need to accept full responsibility for your actions, and change your ways. Because if you don't, the only other way, is the wrong way. And you really don't want to 'go there'. 2
Author crownjewel1 Posted February 4, 2013 Author Posted February 4, 2013 I agree with you.. You are spot on. I suppose it will be tough for me to see my husband without the affair fog right now. But I just see him as along for the ride. Always has been. He seems to put all the pressure on me. Telling our son "when mommy gets that new job or promotion... Maybe we can have a big house like that". I just feel so disappointed in myself.. For my job problems and I feel envious of women who have men who are supporters and providers. Does that sound like I'm asking for too much?
TaraMaiden Posted February 4, 2013 Posted February 4, 2013 I agree with you.. You are spot on. I suppose it will be tough for me to see my husband without the affair fog right now. But I just see him as along for the ride. Always has been. He seems to put all the pressure on me. Telling our son "when mommy gets that new job or promotion... Maybe we can have a big house like that". I just feel so disappointed in myself.. For my job problems and I feel envious of women who have men who are supporters and providers. Does that sound like I'm asking for too much? Well, yes, obviously in this case, you are, because you know it's not going to happen, and you resent that. Look, you obviously have a truckload of issues regarding your marriage, but you took the dishonest and blinkered way out of them, by succumbing to a distraction - which has merely served to compound your dilemma. First of all - ditch the affair. It's a red herring and a crutch which actually is doing you no service or credit at all. Secondly, find a source of financial advice to plan ahead. If redundancy is on the cards, you need to prepare. remember, it wasn't actually raining yet, when Noah built the ark. Thirdly, decide. I mean, you really need to sit down and decide: Do you want to continue with this marriage, or cut your losses and end it? I'll be honest - to me it sounds like you've already bailed.... So if that IS the case - get a grip and implement the action of terminating it legally. Remember this: Courage is not the absence of Fear. Courage is the Control of Fear. Be proud of yourself, and do the right thing, whatever your 'right thing' is.
Jonah Posted February 4, 2013 Posted February 4, 2013 Cut yourself a little slack. Being hard on yourself will only make you demean yourself further. It could be that you are now addicted to self degradation, this place you have found yourself being the sum total of your life so far. So being addicted and unable to stop what you know is harmful to yourself, you need to seek help. This is a good place to get help but also get flamed. I suggest a trained professional and perhaps group therapy. This takes time and money, but it takes what it takes to get well. You may even consider "in house treatment". Anything to keep from going back to the sewer. To say, "oh just stop doing it you bad person you. "confess" ...no often that's just not possible. Seek help, get this poison behind you and leave it behind.
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