miss_jaclynrae Posted February 2, 2013 Posted February 2, 2013 I show as much interest as I am interested. Dating games and rules are dumb. When you meet someone who it works with, the rules and games won't play a role at all. I have pursued, I have shown too much interest, I have shown not enough interest. The guys who were turned off by either I am not with for a reason. 1
tbf Posted February 2, 2013 Posted February 2, 2013 I'm so sick of "the mating dance". It is a dance. Misstep and you're out.
musemaj11 Posted February 2, 2013 Posted February 2, 2013 The chase is fun when I see a woman as sex target. It helps to build up the sexual tension and the testosterone push is thrilling. But when I see a woman whom I feel instant emotional connection with I just want to fall into a relationship with her because the more I have to chase her the more I distrust her. It makes me fear that she is simply not into me as much as Im into her.
KungFuJoe Posted February 2, 2013 Posted February 2, 2013 LOL at "women expect perfection" LOL at "mating dance" LOL at ****ing everything. You guys make it seem like only .0000001% of men get a date.
pureinheart Posted February 2, 2013 Posted February 2, 2013 Before I came to LS, I had NO IDEA that there were people out there who never got approached by the opposite sex. I got approached a lot when I was younger and pretty much constantly until I was eventually married and completely off the market. I hardly ever go anywhere without my wife these days and of course, my wedding ring is a pretty good indicator that I'm not single. But before? I've had girls pick me up in clubs, try to kiss me, openly ask me out, tell me they liked me, tell me they wanted to f*ck me even. I just thought that's how it works. People liked someone...they went for it. This was all in my late teens to mid 20s. I mean, there was actually a time where I could sit back and count how many girls like me and I would actually have to think for a bit. I seriously could have been one huge man whore if I wasn't so damn picky. Then I come here and there's guys talking about how no woman has ever approached them or shown any interest and I was seriously mind blown. I live in Southern California...grew up in Buena Park, CA (Orange County) and I'm still here today. So unless OC is some COMPLETELY DIFFERENT WORLD from everywhere else...I really have no idea how or why there is this "perception" that guys don't get approached. I think CA, especially Southern CA is more outgoing than certain other places. I am as outgoing as most here, although I just can't come on to a man...just can't do it. If he wants me, he'll come and get me:D...just don't want to be got right now:D Buena Park is a really cool area, I just love it and just love LA (except for the freeways)
tbf Posted February 2, 2013 Posted February 2, 2013 LOL at "women expect perfection" LOL at "mating dance" LOL at ****ing everything. You guys make it seem like only .0000001% of men get a date.It's like 2
pureinheart Posted February 2, 2013 Posted February 2, 2013 The chase is fun when I see a woman as sex target. It helps to build up the sexual tension and the testosterone push is thrilling. But when I see a woman whom I feel instant emotional connection with I just want to fall into a relationship with her because the more I have to chase her the more I distrust her. It makes me fear that she is simply not into me as much as Im into her. Would you say your male friends feel this way too (bold)? Your post is quite informative, thank you:)
KungFuJoe Posted February 2, 2013 Posted February 2, 2013 That's my experience. So you're telling me that if you had played your cards right, done all the right things, jumped through the right hoops...you would have "scored"?
KungFuJoe Posted February 2, 2013 Posted February 2, 2013 Firstly, I don't use the term "scored", thank you. No, I am not. My experience is women are very unforgiving, even with small mistakes. make a mistake in the "mating dance" and you won't be seeing her again. I puked on a girl (we weren't even dating) while making out with her at a bar in LA (Dublins...it's gone now). Then I proceeded to get carried by three bouncers and tossed out on my ass where I proceeded to continue to puke my guts out. I barely remember how my friends got me home. What happened to that girl? She's now my wife. I guess I played my hand "perfectly" didn't I? If she likes you, she likes you...it won't matter if you do everything PERFECTLY or not. 1
KungFuJoe Posted February 2, 2013 Posted February 2, 2013 You're either luckier or more skillful or better looking than me. It's more likely I'll be struck by lightning than married. No one ever said life is fair. Lucky? Maybe. Skillful? I have no "skills"...I'm just who I am. Better looking? I have no idea what you look like, but I'm not winning any modelling contests anytime soon. But I also don't have this "attitude" that you need to be perfect to find a woman. What about feeling that the woman has to be perfect to be with YOU? A change in perception is always the hardest thing to come by, but most of the time, it's all you need. 1
fortyninethousand322 Posted February 2, 2013 Posted February 2, 2013 LOL at "women expect perfection" LOL at "mating dance" LOL at ****ing everything. You guys make it seem like only .0000001% of men get a date. For some guys it certainly feels this way. I've always felt I needed to be perfect to get a date.
tbf Posted February 2, 2013 Posted February 2, 2013 Are you guys the flamingo in the front, that instead of focusing on the mating dance, dips his head to scoop up some food?
pureinheart Posted February 2, 2013 Posted February 2, 2013 Haha, no problem it was a good read I don't plan to change myself for her, but the strange thing is from the first time I met her she really inspired me to change myself for the better, and to continue to do so. Not to impress her or anything; I've gone through a lengthy period of apathy and an active pursuit of not giving a damn. Either out of a fear or genuine failure or just plain laziness, but something about her just woke me up again, forced me to look at myself and realise I needed to start really living again and take more risks. I'm not a bum on benefits or anything, I have a job, but I've definitely been coasting for quite a few years and she's given me this drive to do more with myself. I've applied to do a degree, I've to travel a lot this year and I'm working out a lot more, getting a lot healthier and taken up a lot of old neglected hobbies. She's had this immense positive impact on me, despite the emotional hurt, and really I should be thanking her so much, but it's completely weird that this has happened and she'd probably find me telling her to be so too. And I already know she's not interested knowing me on any deep level relationship-wise, so I'll just contently go on and try and embrace this feeling she's given me, regardless of the pain, and she'll have to remain oblivious I guess This is totally awesome! You have an excellent attitude- take the possitives, expanding on those and dealing with the negatives. Bold- I had a a rather long period of what you describe, then a friend came to live with me, one that I new in HS. She had been through MANY adventures with me. I began to find myself amidst the nostalgia, remembering HS and the carefree attitude. Lost some weight and got back out in the world again. Like you was wasting away in some sort of an abyss, then it all changed, what was holding me back seemed to be gone. Things were changing so drastically that I'm still catching p...there was a lot of clean up once woke up:) I hope your healing is quick!
Necris Posted February 2, 2013 Posted February 2, 2013 If possible I would like to not have to chase women around, but the only guys I know that don't have to chase are ultra-attractive at least to the women that chase them.
Necris Posted February 2, 2013 Posted February 2, 2013 You have skills all right. To throw up on someone and have her forgive you takes serious skills. Agreed, I don't even know what to say about skills like that. Maybe it was just meant to be.
KungFuJoe Posted February 2, 2013 Posted February 2, 2013 People aren't that fickle. If you like someone, just because they do something not exactly "savory" doesn't mean you just "flip off" the switch. We are both drinking...all of us...just having a good time and I went a little overboard because my friend and I were competing to see who could down the most Liquid Cocaines (NASTY drink, btw). Of course, he's 240lbs and I was 195...so guess who lost.
jamesbob Posted February 2, 2013 Posted February 2, 2013 Sorry didn't read the thread. But I don't prefer chasing, I think it's too much work for what you get. Porn is good enough IMO.
KungFuJoe Posted February 2, 2013 Posted February 2, 2013 My reality is different. One misstep and they "flip the off switch". Give me some examples...
jamesbob Posted February 2, 2013 Posted February 2, 2013 My reality is different. One misstep and they "flip the off switch". Learn some more game and keep trying if you want to. Some of them aren't going to like you, some are going to like you no matter what you do. some are borderline and will just turn off like you're saying with one mistake
KungFuJoe Posted February 2, 2013 Posted February 2, 2013 Made a joke about a city with a high crime rate. Didn't know it was where she was from. Another woman I said she was pretty. She claimed I didn't mean it and it went downhill. Sounds like some uptight girls, really. The second one sounds like she had confidence issues. Though, to be honest, I don't think you should EVER compliment a girl on being "pretty" or "beautiful" when you're just dating. Not that I don't believe in compliments...compliments are good...but when you say something "general" like that, they might think you're just feeding them a line. Say something specific...like you love their eyes, or an item of clothing they are wearing..or their nails, etc. And of course, you have to mean it. Never EVER say anything you don't mean.
Esoteric Elf Posted February 2, 2013 Posted February 2, 2013 If he doesn;t he's not interested in the girl. Funny, though I wouldn't consider myself a great example or even an example, as I have tended to be always an outlier in surveys and such.
Ladybugz Posted February 2, 2013 Posted February 2, 2013 its in the men to be the chaser. they are made like that. so its up to us as woman to just to show interest and let the men be a men and chase us. and at a certain point its up to us to say yes or no to the men. when woman start chasing men often it ends up in the men thinking that you are a issue woman or slut and that they can do what ever they want with you cause you offer yourself to them. or they lose easily interest in you. cause you are not a challenge. there are a few guys that are to shy to chase you. in that case you can take a move on them. but still dont take the leading role. a men enjoy chasing a woman and work hard to get her. more issue you are less serious they get with you. so its not like just a saying or tradition. its the way men and woman are made. and beside men doesnt commit easily to a woman. so you need to be hard to get. otherwise you will get fooled easily. and dont low your standards for a men. let them fight to keep up with yours.
Ladybugz Posted February 2, 2013 Posted February 2, 2013 Chasing is more like, do their best to get you, do their ultra best to summit to your wishes. be at their best to be with you. etc. By being easy or spreading your leg's right away or chase them first.\you are making your own down fall. and you can call him to, but at a certain moment youneed to give him the space for you to see if he is really interested. being all over the place stands in your own way to see the signals etc. that he is not interested or for him to step up or show you his interest in you
bobsmith76 Posted February 2, 2013 Posted February 2, 2013 Constantly, I read about how in dating, guys should be the ones chasing girls, and guys initiating contact. If he doesn;t he's not interested in the girl. If a girl initiates contact at any time (even after the guy has made the first 'move' ) she is needy or lacks self respect. Most of this spiel comes from the ladies, so I want to know what guys think. Does it really turn you off if a girl asks you out or calls you? Or if she tries to arrange a date instead of you? Do you really prefer to 'work' for a girl rather than her serve herself up to you on a plate? Sometimes, I don't like waiting around for a guy to call me or whatever. If I feel like it or I like him, I'll do it. I'm not someone who texts/calls someone constantly maybe once every few days, but if I am the first to do it, then he cools off I always wonder if it was because I didn';t wait around to be 'chased' (and that is what I'm often told if I ask around), but then again could it just be because he was never interested in me in the first place? Perhaps men are not good at rejecting girls so they prefer doing the work so they don't have to deal with letting down a girl who likes them more than they like her? I don't know if I'll be able to change how I approach these things, but it's nice to know what others (esp men) actually think about this My advice is to by all means make the first move. You have nothing to lose and everything to gain. You can't catch any fish if you don't go fishing. Let's examine what it means to be intelligent. It means to be able to obtain goals. Well, if you don't even try to obtain a goal, then you can't even determine if you're intelligent. Do you want to just float passively through life and react to what's presented to you or do you want to take the initiative and actually try to get what you want? However, I have to point out that if you take the active route get ready for a lot of disappointment and rejection. As a guy, unless you're powerful, rich or famous, you learn really quick to brush rejection off. I'm not sure women are good at that. Also bear in mind that if you go after a guy most likely he will think, well, I'm not willing to marry her, or have a long term relationship with her, but she's a great person to have sex with. So bear in mind that a lot of men will be thinking like that. Also, as a guy I love it when a woman makes the first move. Who is more likely to love me? A woman who does not respond to my advances or a woman who makes an advance? Obviously the latter. Great, a lot less work for me.
Granin Posted February 2, 2013 Posted February 2, 2013 I'm not sure I deal all too well with rejection, despite being a man. I've only been rejected once, or "friend zoned", but it's not an experience I'm in a rush to repeat. I think women and men can deal with rejection in the same way (hurts but you get over it eventually) it's just a societal and maybe even biological issue that discourages women from being more active. Rejection isn't something exclusive to dating, and men and women have to endure it in a lot aspects.
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