carhill Posted January 31, 2013 Posted January 31, 2013 Marked (potential and realized) negative dynamic = significant life lesson in unhealthy interpersonal relations.
Yamcha Posted January 31, 2013 Posted January 31, 2013 I dont get that many rejections, I just get led on alot Perhaps unattractive women fear rejectionSomeone leading you on is a rejection, in the end. But it doesn't really matter, in the long run. All you've really lost is some time and haters gonna hate. 1
soccerrprp Posted January 31, 2013 Posted January 31, 2013 If I'm interested, why would I want to "chase?" All the ladies, including current, required no chasing to start a relationship. We both liked each other, no games, move on from there... 1
Granin Posted January 31, 2013 Posted January 31, 2013 For me, should "it be there" (feelings or attraction), if they are not reciprocated, I have the ability to block it off, and tune that portion out. Have always been the type that if they don't want me in that manor, then it's a done deal. Also, I don't catch on real easy:o, it's got to be blunt and in my face. I value friendship a lot, and if it's not in the cards (per se), I'm cool with that...that's just me though, and I totally see where you are coming from, because I have a lot of friends that carry your POV:) I get what you're saying too, and in all honesty I'm currently in a situation where I'm following your principles. I saw this girl for a while, developed deep feelings (deepest I've ever had) and when I went to take things to another level I got rejected (I botched it to be honest so I don't blame her). I took it as a straight rejection and went into no contact, but a week later she started talking to me again like nothing had happened. Obviously I wanted a straight answer, so I asked her where we stood, and on Christmas Eve she informed she'd like us to remain friends. The worst part is I know she was initially interested, and I killed it We're continuing a friendship now, and I'm finding it very difficult. On one hand I absolutely love talking to her, it makes me really happy. On the other it's been over a month and it still hurts a ton. I'm handling it better, a little I suppose, but I know if she starts a relationship any time soon I'm going to be in a whole other world of hurt. And I've always got that toxic hope that I can change her mind. So yeah, I'd rather be a heartless robot!!
StanMusial Posted January 31, 2013 Posted January 31, 2013 I don't think it's a matter of preference really. In most cases the man has to do the chasing anyway initially. The female has to show some interest though at some point or the trail goes cold. I like it when a girl shows interest but not if she chases... I don't like rejecting her if I don't like her. I'd rather be rejected. Hell hath no fury like a biotch scorned.
Author amolya Posted January 31, 2013 Author Posted January 31, 2013 So the general consensus is that both parties should show equal interest in the other (though I guess men prefer to be the ones showing slightly more interest at the start) I guess what hurts is when one person shows interest/does some 'chasing' but then changes their mind and ends up leading the other person on, so the other person is now reciprocating their interest, but gets shut down by the initial chaser. That often happens to me anyway...
Granin Posted January 31, 2013 Posted January 31, 2013 I'd much rather reject than get rejected haha wtf, who'd rather have it the other way?
StanMusial Posted January 31, 2013 Posted January 31, 2013 I'd much rather reject than get rejected haha wtf, who'd rather have it the other way? Not if you are rejecting sex-starved crazy married women or hormone crazed teenagers. **** it I would rather take my lumps (of which I have plenty of times) than deal with endless drama.
Bristolius Posted January 31, 2013 Posted January 31, 2013 So the general consensus is that both parties should show equal interest in the other (though I guess men prefer to be the ones showing slightly more interest at the start) I guess what hurts is when one person shows interest/does some 'chasing' but then changes their mind and ends up leading the other person on, so the other person is now reciprocating their interest, but gets shut down by the initial chaser. That often happens to me anyway... This is what seems to happen, sure. Often men make an initial approach not because they're already sold on a woman, but because they're curious. "Men know what they want and they go after it." But really, do they think, "I want that woman. Now I'm going to have my first conversation with her"?
Granin Posted January 31, 2013 Posted January 31, 2013 Not if you are rejecting sex-starved crazy married women or hormone crazed teenagers. **** it I would rather take my lumps (of which I have plenty of times) than deal with endless drama. Haha true I guess, but I think rejections are a lot simpler when both parties are completely candid and honest, which is rare. There's far too much pussyfooting or just plain lying when it comes to letting people down. 3
pureinheart Posted January 31, 2013 Posted January 31, 2013 I get what you're saying too, and in all honesty I'm currently in a situation where I'm following your principles. I saw this girl for a while, developed deep feelings (deepest I've ever had) and when I went to take things to another level I got rejected (I botched it to be honest so I don't blame her). I took it as a straight rejection and went into no contact, but a week later she started talking to me again like nothing had happened. Obviously I wanted a straight answer, so I asked her where we stood, and on Christmas Eve she informed she'd like us to remain friends. The worst part is I know she was initially interested, and I killed it We're continuing a friendship now, and I'm finding it very difficult. On one hand I absolutely love talking to her, it makes me really happy. On the other it's been over a month and it still hurts a ton. I'm handling it better, a little I suppose, but I know if she starts a relationship any time soon I'm going to be in a whole other world of hurt. And I've always got that toxic hope that I can change her mind. So yeah, I'd rather be a heartless robot!! I am soooo sorry you are going through this...the feelings are way too raw right now. Yours is a different matter, as you two were dating it sounds like. "Dating" to me speaks the possiblility of further growth...especially after the first date. Another date speaks that the person is more than interested. This is the part that can be deceiving because personally I take people at face value and lack the discernment to understand that there could be an "agenda" or whatever. I have to be REALLY careful, even after it's made plain and clear, or spelled out. I know you don't blame her, and I'm not either, although would like to say this- even as dense as I can be, the deep feelings that you describe, cannot be hidden IMO. At this point even a "friendship" could possibly lead the other person on, EVEN if the wording is clear. Have seen this far too many times and people just get hurt and it's wrong. I hate to see others broken hearted, it breaks my heart. In your case, the NC thing is appropriate. My sincere apologies if the tone of my posts sound "distant", and thought of this later. I know you weren't directing anything at me, but saw for myself that I do sound detached. Nope, just dense:laugh: Truth- my thinking is, "why would a person in this day and age want a person like me, especially now?" This is not meant to communicate a low self-worth, because according to my faith, I'm worth everything and do believe this most of the time. At the same time don't see myself as "all that" either...weird I know. After working with thousands of men (male dominated industry), it's just fact that my type now is out-dated. This isn't meant to sound like a "high moral ground" deal, putting myself on this moral pedestal above others...no, far from the truth. Times have just changed. Now want to say concerning the flip-side to your situation, there were a couple of guys that "chased" me for months/years. At a point, and not sure what changed, although I became deeply attached to them- neither of them would or can deal wth me now because of the changes that took root in me, BUT, there was a change of heart. You're good people dude, and please don't change who you are, and try not to let your heart grow cold...the right person WILL come and share your beliefs and WILL feel the same towards you. Sorry for the "book", I tend to get long winded:laugh: 1
pureinheart Posted January 31, 2013 Posted January 31, 2013 So the general consensus is that both parties should show equal interest in the other (though I guess men prefer to be the ones showing slightly more interest at the start) I guess what hurts is when one person shows interest/does some 'chasing' but then changes their mind and ends up leading the other person on, so the other person is now reciprocating their interest, but gets shut down by the initial chaser. That often happens to me anyway... It did me too ...it's a mixed signal game IMO, why it happens, not sure of the motivation:rolleyes: ...it's plain wrong to lead people on... This is the very reason I'm glad to be a "space case"! If one doesn't expect anything, or get to involved too soon, it saves A LOT of heartache. This next statement will contradict everything I've said, BUT, do believe in "love at first sight" AND "happily everafter" ...these things IMO do exist, I have yet to see it personally:laugh:
pureinheart Posted January 31, 2013 Posted January 31, 2013 Haha true I guess, but I think rejections are a lot simpler when both parties are completely candid and honest, which is rare. There's far too much pussyfooting or just plain lying when it comes to letting people down. Yep, trying not to hurt anothers feelings, actually hurts them more! Being straight up and blunt is the best policy. It's human nature to side-step certain things...not guilty of this area of side-stepping, but have in others of which is being changed as of the last few months.
Author amolya Posted January 31, 2013 Author Posted January 31, 2013 Yeah, in my experience men try to side step (and I'm sure women do it too), and I always think it would be sooooo much less painful if they were straight up and honest, instead of ignoring me/leaving me hanging, wondering what the hell went wrong and blaming myself for saying this/doing that/coming on stronger than i should have/not reciprocating interest as much as i should have etc. Thankfully I've now learnt not to beat myself up, and just do what I want, if someone has a problem with it its their problem, their loss. However, If more people just COMMUNICATED it would be so much easier for everyone. ALSO, someone mentioned earlier that women don't approach for fear of rejection. I think we get rejected in worse ways than men. Usually a man will start talking to girls he likes, if he gets rejected then and there, its not so bad. However if you go out with someone, actually start to like them, then get rejected, that's worse. (not saying this doesn't happen to men too, but this is the kind of rejection most females deal with). I'd much rather approach a guy and be rejected then have a guy appraoch me, I actually like him, then get rejected..
normal person Posted January 31, 2013 Posted January 31, 2013 There's some interesting stuff being said here. Maybe I'm in the minority but if a girl is too aggressive, the whole process isn't as much fun for me. I enjoy the process of talking to someone, winning them over, learning things about them, etc. In my opinion it's usually far more rewarding to earn a girl's affection, not just have it handed to me. Kind of like making a fortune through hard work and determination rather a lottery ticket. I think that being "hard to get" is a very attractive quality in a girl, it makes them more intriguing and mysterious, and maybe that increases their desirability on a subconscious level, I don't know. That's not to say if a girl wants to do the chasing that it's unwelcome. It's a nice change of pace and sometimes flattering, but personally I prefer to "go after" rather than "be gone after." 2
Phoe Posted January 31, 2013 Posted January 31, 2013 I find this thread very interesting, for the most part men are saying they don't mind a girl chasing/pursuing them. Good to know... I also agree with the men who say women are alot more fearful of rejection. All the guys I've ever pursued rejected me and it has got me into this state where I reallllly do not want to pursue... at all. So then, if guys generally don't mind being pursued, but I'm being rejected when I do pursue, that means I must be doing something wrong. GUYS - how should a girl go about pursuing a guy? Help a girl out here! 1
Phoe Posted January 31, 2013 Posted January 31, 2013 Don't be ugly It should be pretty easy after that. Men are very easy to please hoping for something a bit more helpful... 1
KungFuJoe Posted January 31, 2013 Posted January 31, 2013 I find this thread very interesting, for the most part men are saying they don't mind a girl chasing/pursuing them. Good to know... I also agree with the men who say women are alot more fearful of rejection. All the guys I've ever pursued rejected me and it has got me into this state where I reallllly do not want to pursue... at all. So then, if guys generally don't mind being pursued, but I'm being rejected when I do pursue, that means I must be doing something wrong. GUYS - how should a girl go about pursuing a guy? Help a girl out here! No, it means you are pursuing guys who don't like you. Nothing more to be read there. You're not doing it wrong. They just don't like you. 1
Author amolya Posted January 31, 2013 Author Posted January 31, 2013 I find this thread very interesting, for the most part men are saying they don't mind a girl chasing/pursuing them. Good to know... I also agree with the men who say women are alot more fearful of rejection. All the guys I've ever pursued rejected me and it has got me into this state where I reallllly do not want to pursue... at all. So then, if guys generally don't mind being pursued, but I'm being rejected when I do pursue, that means I must be doing something wrong. GUYS - how should a girl go about pursuing a guy? Help a girl out here! I#m in the same boat, I think some of us women need tips on pursuing men haha! 1
Phoe Posted January 31, 2013 Posted January 31, 2013 I#m in the same boat, I think some of us women need tips on pursuing men haha! Somehow I don't think we're gonna get much help :laugh: 1
KungFuJoe Posted January 31, 2013 Posted January 31, 2013 I don't know what to tell you. I can't imagine how a woman would ever get turned down unless she's approaching the top 5% of men who actually have a lot of options. The average single guy has no standards That's because most men aren't like the ones on this site. I've turned down women who have asked me out or approached me because I just wasn't interested, she wasn't my type, I wasn't single at the time, etc. Perfectly attractive women, too. I'm very picky. 1
Author amolya Posted January 31, 2013 Author Posted January 31, 2013 I've been rejected by a guy who hadn't gone on a date in years, and who spends all his time with his buddies, who seemed to find me attractive and who I thought we clicked on a personality level. Then again I've also been rejected by guys who clearly have women falling at their feet. I really don;t think all men have such low standards that they will respond to any female whatsoever approaching them 2
KungFuJoe Posted January 31, 2013 Posted January 31, 2013 You must live in another planet where men get approached by attractive women, I don't know any guys who ever say they get approached by attractive women and I know a lot of guys who are probably far better looking than you (and probably more outgoing/confident as well - no offense man) Anyways, you're in a very small percentage of men who have options. 95% of single guys are willing to date anybody who is somewhat cute/not fat Man...I gotta admit...this planet I'm on rocks! It's called Earth. What's yours called? 1
Author amolya Posted January 31, 2013 Author Posted January 31, 2013 DJtiesto are you serious? Average single men reject attractive, confident women. It happens. Way more than you think. There's plenty of people on loveshack who can attest to that...
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