Author Armymanis Posted January 31, 2013 Author Posted January 31, 2013 Ummm... yes she is training you. And yes this is unhealthy. Honestly, I don't even think she likes you for who you are. She likes you only because you obey her. Do you want to like a girl who doesn't like you back? How old are you? Is she your first girlfriend? What is your cultural background and views on dating? I'm 23 and she is 22 and has depression. I want someone to love me and pay attention to me.
pbjbear Posted January 31, 2013 Posted January 31, 2013 I'm 23 and she is 22 and has depression. I want someone to love me and pay attention to me. Dont let her use her depression as an excuse to be horrible to you Dont stay with someone so awful because you are desperate for love. Many girls out there whod treat you alot better:(
chex Posted January 31, 2013 Posted January 31, 2013 To be honest this sounds like a bdsm relationship o_o I wonder if her being abused has something to do with it
TaraMaiden Posted January 31, 2013 Posted January 31, 2013 depression is a mental illness. But I think there's more to it than that. I think she never processed the abuse she had when younger and it has seriously affected her mental equilibrium. Frankly - if this IS all true - you are not going out with a mentally stable person. She's seriously unbalanced. She needs urgent help. Professional help. And by the way - if you have time to 'post' on the internet - that's all the time you need to troll. I hope to phukkinghell you are sincere, because my female cousin was rendered disabled by a man behaving exactly like your "Girlfriend". Don't waste my time, if you're not.
chex Posted January 31, 2013 Posted January 31, 2013 To be honest this sounds like a bdsm relationship o_o I wonder if her being abused has something to do with it well, more of a strange unconsented BDSM so more like just abusive/controlling
Author Armymanis Posted January 31, 2013 Author Posted January 31, 2013 depression is a mental illness. But I think there's more to it than that. I think she never processed the abuse she had when younger and it has seriously affected her mental equilibrium. Frankly - if this IS all true - you are not going out with a mentally stable person. She's seriously unbalanced. She needs urgent help. Professional help. And by the way - if you have time to 'post' on the internet - that's all the time you need to troll. I hope to phukkinghell you are sincere, because my female cousin was rendered disabled by a man behaving exactly like your "Girlfriend". Don't waste my time, if you're not. I am being sincere. Should I give her 6 months to see if things get better? We have v day coming up which I just earned. We always have a good time hanging out almost everyday
veggirl Posted January 31, 2013 Posted January 31, 2013 I am being sincere. Should I give her 6 months to see if things get better? We have v day coming up which I just earned. We always have a good time hanging out almost everyday What has she done to "earn" your absurdly undying devotion? What has she done to "earn" the fact that when she says jump, you say how high? Don't you feel kinda like a little bitch..?
rushingwaters Posted January 31, 2013 Posted January 31, 2013 I'm 23 and she is 22 and has depression. I want someone to love me and pay attention to me. I don't think she loves you. Because of her depression (and probably insecurity), nothing you do will ever be good enough for her. You sound like a really sweet guy. You will definitely find another girl who will love you back. This girl is NOT your responsibility. I'm concerned that if you spend more time with her, you will have a negative impression of dating/love.
sydneysider1978 Posted January 31, 2013 Posted January 31, 2013 (edited) There is something really wierd about the OPs use of language.. Unlocking privileges? Earning the right to see her? Taking away privileges if he's bad? It sounds like a video game. Is this is how the girlfriend describes it? If so, it's pretty wierd. But if you take away the language the OP uses it sounds pretty normal. They spend a lot of time together. But sometimes she hangs out with her friends - normal. When's she's pissed at him for whatever reason, she sulks a little and doesn't feel like going on a date or being as affectionate - normal. Her co-worker, who's she's probably known for longer and is car expert is going to help her buy a car - normal. You don't "earn privileges" in a relationship, it's a gradual move to becoming more involved in each others lives as your trust and affection grows. You don't level up when you score enough points. Edited January 31, 2013 by sydneysider1978
Author Armymanis Posted January 31, 2013 Author Posted January 31, 2013 There is something really wierd about the OPs use of language.. Unlocking privileges? Earning the right to see her? Taking away privileges if he's bad? It sounds like a video game. Is this is how the girlfriend describes it? If so, it's pretty wierd. But if you take away the language the OP uses it sounds pretty normal. They spend a lot of time together. But sometimes she hangs out with her friends - normal. When's she's pissed at him for whatever reason, she sulks a little and doesn't feel like going on a date or being as affectionate - normal. Her co-worker, who's she's probably known for longer and is car expert is going to help her buy a car - normal. You don't "earn privileges" in a relationship, it's a gradual move to becoming more involved in each others lives as your trust and affection grows. You don't level up when you score enough points. Thats how she words it to me.
todreaminblue Posted January 31, 2013 Posted January 31, 2013 It is cruel and unusual to treat a relationship as a rewards system...withholding affection is abuse...a relationship is meant to be mutually beneficial when you skew it towards one party it isnt a relationship its a dictatorship...mutual decision, mutual pleasure, mutual respect, mutual compassion mutual love....mutual give and take.thats a relationship.....deb
Almond_Joy Posted January 31, 2013 Posted January 31, 2013 You both sound off kilter. Yes, she is training you as some people would dogs, with a punishment/reward conditioning approach. Not trying to be offensive, honestly, but the way you talk kind of reminds me of a dog. They bend over backwards to please their owners, and in return all they want love and attention...and snausages . Sounds exactly like your thought process from what you've posted, except the snausages. Are you really that hard up for love and attention, that you feel you need to put up with this behavior? Get more friends or join a community theatre troupe if you want more love and attention; no self-respecting person should put up with this talk and behavior. Secondly, if all your gf wants is for you to do everything she wants, this is not a relationship. You're just a lapdog. Most mature women I know can see right through a "yes" man and it's disgusting and pitiful to watch. Stop agreeing to do whatever she wants on her terms and establish some boundaries of your own so you get the basic respect you deserve as a fellow adult and human being. I recommend that for future relationships. This arrangement you've got with this girl right now....you just need to cut your losses and walk away. The skills, time, and effort, it would take to make this a healthy relationship are far beyond what you can or are probably willing to invest, especially if all you want is sex love and attention. You can get these things from a much more reasonable woman. Good luck.
TaraMaiden Posted January 31, 2013 Posted January 31, 2013 I am being sincere. Should I give her 6 months to see if things get better? We have v day coming up which I just earned. We always have a good time hanging out almost everyday Are you deliberately being obtuse, or something?? Look, I'm sorry, but everyone has told you this is a highly dysfunctional situation. You Do NOT give it 6 months - you get out right now. Without any further hesitation. You leave, and refuse to comply with her mind-games any more. You have to put distance between yourselves immediately. Okay, let's play a game: Pretend I'M your girlfriend. Here's what I'm telling you to do: Ditch this bitch, THIS INSTANT, and refuse to ever see her or talk to her again, until she has put herself through some serious psychological therapy. Your reward will be getting your life back and being free to find someone who interacts with you on a suitable and equal level. If you keep asking questions now, I'm getting the hell out of here, because I'm beginning to think she's not the only one who needs therapy....
pureinheart Posted January 31, 2013 Posted January 31, 2013 Hey everyone. I'm very grateful to have a girlfriend and be in her life but something's annoying me and I'm wondering if my girlfriend is training me to obey her always and never disobey her even though she says she's not controlling. So I have to earn absolutely everything no matter what it is. We hangout almost everyday already and she says that im hers and no one elses. She also says I should be grateful that I get to spend as much time as I do with her. Her other friends get to hangout with her whenever she feels like it and so do her co workers no matter what gender they r. She spends the majority of her time with me which I'm very thankful for and she always texts and calls me everyday. I love all the attention. However when I do something bad, she takes one of my privileges away like being able to go to the movies with her, kissing her or being able to hug her. when I do something good she praises me and unlocks another privilege like getting to see her naked for example or go hot tubbing with her. Now I also never say no, never say anything bad to her, and always do what she tells me to. Is she training me like a dog? She has been abused before when she was in high school and I would never do that to her at all and love her a lot. I would just like to be able to be given more privileges and not get stuff taken away when I do something bad. I have never cheated on her ever and she lets me do what I want when we arnt together but we are together almost everyday anyways. There is an old psychological term (not even sure if it's used today) called Classical Conditioning. It sounds like she is conditioning you. Also want to say that people are not property. Quite frankly, I don't even treat my dogs in this manor. The red flags appear to be very clear, and you see them...it's up to you whether this will work for you or not. Not saying that people can't or won't change, although it's best not to expect them to. I wish you all the best, and hope you make the right decision for YOU!
pureinheart Posted January 31, 2013 Posted January 31, 2013 Thats how she words it to me. Oh my... This is not good:(
chex Posted January 31, 2013 Posted January 31, 2013 Sounds like she's a sociopath trying to get her own personal slave who will do whatever she tells him to through conditioning. Next thing you know, she's gonna start pulling some skinner's box sh*t on you.
Phateless Posted January 31, 2013 Posted January 31, 2013 There is something really wierd about the OPs use of language.. Unlocking privileges? Earning the right to see her? Taking away privileges if he's bad? It sounds like a video game. Is this is how the girlfriend describes it? If so, it's pretty wierd. But if you take away the language the OP uses it sounds pretty normal. They spend a lot of time together. But sometimes she hangs out with her friends - normal. When's she's pissed at him for whatever reason, she sulks a little and doesn't feel like going on a date or being as affectionate - normal. Her co-worker, who's she's probably known for longer and is car expert is going to help her buy a car - normal. You don't "earn privileges" in a relationship, it's a gradual move to becoming more involved in each others lives as your trust and affection grows. You don't level up when you score enough points. agreed, the language almost sounds like aspergers.
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