Looks or concern for looks scaring people off?

[pbjbear]

Honey, I lived in NYC till I was 20, and still go quite often. I know how NYC is.

 

The problem is you pick bad men. Average guys can be just as superficial as gym guys. Hell, plenty of gym guys are average blokes.

 

So I stand by what I said before...swearing off fitness guys is silly...unless you want guys to assume you are shallow and superficial just because you are active and healthy.

Not true.

 

There have been numerous studies on this. Its not about US standards bro. Its about world standards. A great percentage of our country is unhealthily overweight.

 

Argue with the doctors on this one.

 

I dont pick bad men...based on how many men I have dated and I have dated all types. You just dont like that the vast majority of gym obsessed men I dated, were shallow and selfish when I got to know them. Sorry if that offends your schema of the world.

 

I turned away plenty of gym goers who were clearly *******s, so I highly doubt it me just ignoring all the nice men and picking *******s.

 

I am well known in my group of friends for having higher standards. Everytime I go out and some guy hits on me somewhere, I hear my friends make remarks like "oh no, hes not nice enough for Peyton" it makes me sound a little stuck up but its true...I dont like jerks. Some guys are much better at hiding it than others though. Keep thinking that

[SJC2008]

Hmmm I think Kaylan exagerrated the stats a little but he is right that the US has too many overweight people. There are a good chunk of people in the "healthy weight" category here but it isnt the majority. Thing is, the other poster is right that unless you are stick thin people see you as overweight here for some reason.

 

In the USA, I have always been amused by the juxtaposition of gym rats and overweight people its like there is no inbetween. In other countries, most people are in a healthy weight category- some are stick thin, but most are just at a healthy weight

 

I think a healthy weight for me would be about 175 but it seems like 185 is my rock bottom. My ideal weight for my height of 5'10" and a medium frame is 151-163. Are you fkn kidding me?? I'd look like a bean pole if I could even get down to that.

 

In regards to the post: I don't think many people want to date down because it's safer. If they did we'd see way more of a gap between partners. How often do you see a "What's he/she doing with her/him"?? Not often!

[kaylan]

I dont pick bad men...based on how many men I have dated and I have dated all types. You just dont like that the vast majority of gym obsessed men I dated, were shallow and selfish when I got to know them. Sorry if that offends your schema of the world.

If you are picking bad men, and are presently single...what does that say about your taste?

 

I turned away plenty of gym goers who were clearly *******s, so I highly doubt it me just ignoring all the nice men and picking *******s.

Or maybe the decent men turn you away and dont ever approach you because they stereotype you the same way you stereotype other people.

 

Either way, average men are no much less shallow than men who arent average. The average guys just put you on a pedestal and value your looks a lot more tbh. See how stereotypes work?

I am well known in my group of friends for having higher standards. Everytime I go out and some guy hits on me somewhere, I hear my friends make remarks like "oh no, hes not nice enough for Peyton" it makes me sound a little stuck up but its true...I dont like jerks. Some guys are much better at hiding it than others though. Keep thinking that

Meh, sounds to me that maybe you are stuck up and dont give decent guys a chance before you stereotype and prejudge them....all the while ending up dating men who arent right for you.

 

I mean, as I said before, you are here...and you have made poor dating choices, or else you wouldnt be single. But thats all of us aint it =P

I think a healthy weight for me would be about 175 but it seems like 185 is my rock bottom. My ideal weight for my height of 5'10" and a medium frame is 151-163. Are you fkn kidding me?? I'd look like a bean pole if I could even get down to that.

 

In regards to the post: I don't think many people want to date down because it's safer. If they did we'd see way more of a gap between partners. How often do you see a "What's he/she doing with her/him"?? Not often!

lmao....151 to 163? 150 is WAY skinny for 5'10. Im 175 at 5'9, and Im slim as is.

 

What kind of ideal is 151? Id have to feed you sir lol

[ascendotum]

Yes they do. The gym honed body will deter some women. In the nite club setting, you may not notice it so much, because of the greater emphasis on looks and the hookup up nature of the venue and the effect of alcohol on lowering her inhibitions. I have heard a number of times though where I guy has a great body and works out regularly that this can be actually a negative for some (insecure) women. I think quite a number of women over 30 wont take you seriously for a LTR, because 'they feel you'd either replace them or feel you can do better in time' + there would be pressure on them to maintain diet & gym routine to keep up with you. That's why I saw a number of attractive women in their 30s settle down with beefy/slightly tubby guys. They would feel less intimidated when they started to get a bit of a middle age spread themselves.

 

 

 

pdjbear...a number of your posts about men have been quite negative, but I see now and in some recent posts that you dated very good looking to seriously hot guys + body builder guys. You are chasing the hotties who you say here were all shallow. Maybe in your negative posts about men you preface 'men' with 'really hot looking body builder' men....

[pbjbear]

If you are picking bad men, and are presently single...what does that say about your taste?

 

Or maybe the decent men turn you away and dont ever approach you because they stereotype you the same way you stereotype other people.

 

Either way, average men are no much less shallow than men who arent average. The average guys just put you on a pedestal and value your looks a lot more tbh. See how stereotypes work?

Meh, sounds to me that maybe you are stuck up and dont give decent guys a chance before you stereotype and prejudge them....all the while ending up dating men who arent right for you.

 

I mean, as I said before, you are here...and you have made poor dating choices, or else you wouldnt be single. But thats all of us aint it =P

lmao....151 to 163? 150 is WAY skinny for 5'10. Im 175 at 5'9, and Im slim as is.

 

What kind of ideal is 151? Id have to feed you sir lol

 

I dont pick bad men so your first point is irrelevant.

 

I have stated so many times on this site if I found a decent man Id be making sure I didnt blow it. I have dated a few decent men, only a few because NYC is full of vain, narcissistic shallow asses, but they didnt work out for other reasons (long distance, being too busy, them simply losing interest in me). If I didnt give them a chance, I would have dated them long enough for these issues to even present.

I havent said decent men dont exist, but they are few and far between in my world.

 

Maybe average men dont approach me...I dont know.

Sure, average people exist who are selfish and shallow. I never said they didnt. This thread is about gym obsessed people, so thus my responses are about gym obsessed people. Ive dated probably around 10 men obsessed with the gym. They all seemed nice and not shallow, hence why I gave them chances. Once I dated them for a decent length of time (meaning longer than a month) it became apparent they were too focused on looks for me and were disrespectful.

 

Not everybody shows their true colors in the beginning either. Im sure women do it too but I dont know I aint a lesbian

[SJC2008]

There have been numerous studies on this. Its not about US standards bro. Its about world standards. A great percentage of our country is unhealthily overweight.

 

Argue with the doctors on this one.

 

I'd love to argue with the doctors on this one.

 

Regardless of where the standards come from skinny does not mean healthy. It's about genetics! Now unless you're morbidly obese, a few extra pounds isn't going to hurt you if you have good genes. My uncle is a pretty healthy person, maintained a pretty healthy lifestyle (hardly ate fast food, wasn't a gym rat but excericised). He NEVER smoked a day in his life and was only an occaisonal drinker. At 65 he went in for a stress test and the tests were good. He wanted a more in-depth test due to our family history and genetics. Well, one of the arteries going to his heart was 98% blocked and he had to get it replaced with a vein from his leg. He was a bean pole as a kid and as an adult had a little flab from age but was about 150-160 pounds at 5'9".

 

The same thing is going to happen to me. I could run marathons and have a beach bod but it won't stop the stuff from building up in my veins becuase it's in my family history.

[pbjbear]

Yes they do. The gym honed body will deter some women. In the nite club setting, you may not notice it so much, because of the greater emphasis on looks and the hookup up nature of the venue and the effect of alcohol on lowering her inhibitions. I have heard a number of times though where I guy has a great body and works out regularly that this can be actually a negative for some (insecure) women. I think quite a number of women over 30 wont take you seriously for a LTR, because 'they feel you'd either replace them or feel you can do better in time' + there would be pressure on them to maintain diet & gym routine to keep up with you. That's why I saw a number of attractive women in their 30s settle down with beefy/slightly tubby guys. They would feel less intimidated when they started to get a bit of a middle age spread themselves.

 

 

 

pdjbear...a number of your posts about men have been quite negative, but I see now and in some recent posts that you dated very good looking to seriously hot guys + body builder guys. You are chasing the hotties who you say here were all shallow. Maybe in your negative posts about men you preface 'men' with 'really hot looking body builder' men....

 

I see your point, but what I bolded does actually happen alot. Not every single guy like you described will do what I bolded, but a majority of them probably will. Finding a very hot guy or girl with good character is a rare commodity.

 

I said I dated men of all types. Of course I talked about hot men in this thread...isnt this thread about gym obsessed people? I have dated a bunch of nerdy, dorky guys and quiet shy guys too. Start threads about dorky guys (my favorite type) and quiet guys and Ill tell you my experience about them too.

[kaylan]

I dont pick bad men so your first point is irrelevant.

 

I have stated so many times on this site if I found a decent man Id be making sure I didnt blow it. I have dated a few decent men, only a few because NYC is full of vain, narcissistic shallow asses, but they didnt work out for other reasons (long distance, being too busy, them simply losing interest in me). If I didnt give them a chance, I would have dated them long enough for these issues to even present.

I havent said decent men dont exist, but they are few and far between in my world.

 

Maybe average men dont approach me...I dont know.

Sure, average people exist who are selfish and shallow. I never said they didnt. This thread is about gym obsessed people, so thus my responses are about gym obsessed people. Ive dated probably around 10 men obsessed with the gym. They all seemed nice and not shallow, hence why I gave them chances. Once I dated them for a decent length of time (meaning longer than a month) it became apparent they were too focused on looks for me and were disrespectful.

 

Not everybody shows their true colors in the beginning either. Im sure women do it too but I dont know I aint a lesbian

Again...how are you not picking bad men if the guys you have dated are all the bad things you say they are?

 

It says something about YOUR taste. No matter what you say about NYC, theres more than enough people there and various kinds of men, so that if you are single...its not the bulk of the NYC mens fault.

 

Think about it. A city of 8.5 million people...and youre telling me all the single men are faulty? No...Im thinking the men you are attracted to are faulty.

[SJC2008]

lmao....151 to 163? 150 is WAY skinny for 5'10. Im 175 at 5'9, and Im slim as is.

 

What kind of ideal is 151? Id have to feed you sir lol

 

lol that was my reaction when I looked up the charts. Google "Ideal weght chart" and they are all the same. IMO you can't tell if someone is healthy by their weight unless they are HUGE. There are rail thin people that I work with who have a crappy fast food diet like me and going by weight and body fat percentage they are "healthier" than me when that couldn't be further from the truth.

[StanMusial]

Hmmm I think Kaylan exagerrated the stats a little but he is right that the US has too many overweight people. There are a good chunk of people in the "healthy weight" category here but it isnt the majority. Thing is, the other poster is right that unless you are stick thin people see you as overweight here for some reason.

 

In the USA, I have always been amused by the juxtaposition of gym rats and overweight people its like there is no inbetween. In other countries, most people are in a healthy weight category- some are stick thin, but most are just at a healthy weight

 

I tend to agree with this latter part. Americans tend to take things to the extreme. You're either an Ironman athlete or Fat Albert LOL. When I was in Europe I noticed the women were mostly fit, some were curvier and some were thinner but on the whole their bodies were more attractive.

 

Lastly, I don't really think being "too hot" is ever going to be a problem for 99.99% of people. It's an interesting hypothetical but not really applicable. The alternative (too ugly) is where most will have issues.

[pbjbear]

Again...how are you not picking bad men if the guys you have dated are all the bad things you say they are?

 

It says something about YOUR taste. No matter what you say about NYC, theres more than enough people there and various kinds of men, so that if you are single...its not the bulk of the NYC mens fault.

 

Think about it. A city of 8.5 million people...and youre telling me all the single men are faulty? No...Im thinking the men you are attracted to are faulty.

 

Most men in NYC are narcissistic. Im not going to go there with you. Alot of women are too.

 

I think a big part of my problem is I date men my own age...Im 25. Men my age tend not to be the most mature, but I feel weird dating a guy who is older than early 30's

 

Also ignoring my part where I talked about the decent men I dated...not every single guy I dated had faults, but most were

 

Nerdy and shy guys can be selfish too. Its not always apparent right away with them though but they most certainly can be! Thats what I mean about true colors...guys that dont have alot of options show their best behavior for far longer before they start really being themselves

Edited January 30, 2013 by pbjbear

[kaylan]

I'd love to argue with the doctors on this one.

 

Regardless of where the standards come from skinny does not mean healthy. It's about genetics! Now unless you're morbidly obese, a few extra pounds isn't going to hurt you if you have good genes. My uncle is a pretty healthy person, maintained a pretty healthy lifestyle (hardly ate fast food, wasn't a gym rat but excericised). He NEVER smoked a day in his life and was only an occaisonal drinker. At 65 he went in for a stress test and the tests were good. He wanted a more in-depth test due to our family history and genetics. Well, one of the arteries going to his heart was 98% blocked and he had to get it replaced with a vein from his leg. He was a bean pole as a kid and as an adult had a little flab from age but was about 150-160 pounds at 5'9".

 

The same thing is going to happen to me. I could run marathons and have a beach bod but it won't stop the stuff from building up in my veins becuase it's in my family history.

Dude...who said skinny meant healthy?

 

Numerous medical studies show being overweight or obese is NOT healthy. This is not about having a little flab...this is about being overweight and how it affects your health. Skinny people, stocky people, short and tall people can all have flab....but thats not a measure of health.

 

Being overweight IS.

[kaylan]

Most men in NYC are narcissistic. Im not going to go there with you. Alot of women are too.

A lot of people are narcissistic in NYC, but being a native and having more experience with the area, I wouldnt say its most people. Maybe just most people you meet.

I think a big part of my problem is I date men my own age...Im 25. Men my age tend not to be the most mature, but I feel weird dating a guy who is older than early 30's

Its not an age thing either. Women here in their 30s will tell you how dating can be annoying for them too. And older guys dont tend to take much younger girls seriously...so Id ay dating guys your age at least has that perk.

 

I know plenty of mature guy our age (Im 26). My two closest friends have been in LTRs for the majority of their dating lives and are really down to earth. Again, I think you run into and select the wrong men, because I run into good guys a lot.

 

Or maybe the good guys arent approaching you, so maybe you need to approach them.

 

Also ignoring my part where I talked about the decent men I dated...not every single guy I dated had faults, but most were

You dated decent guys, and it didnt work out, and then you dated jerks and that didnt work out. Its all indicative of your taste in men though. That my point.

Nerdy and shy guys can be selfish too. Its not always apparent right away with them though but they most certainly can be! Thats what I mean about true colors...guys that dont have alot of options show their best behavior for far longer before they start really being themselves

And yet you want these so called average guys who are merely on their best behavior so they can land the girl whos above their league?

lol that was my reaction when I looked up the charts. Google "Ideal weght chart" and they are all the same. IMO you can't tell if someone is healthy by their weight unless they are HUGE. There are rail thin people that I work with who have a crappy fast food diet like me and going by weight and body fat percentage they are "healthier" than me when that couldn't be further from the truth.

Weight charts arent too good if someone has a good amount of muscle.

 

Either way, doctors and these medical studies arent just using weight a a factor. They study disease incidence, health risks, and other stuff to get to their conclusions. Thats how we know being overweight isnt good. The point is that a thinner person is generally healthier than an overweight person. Not always, but generally thats how things pan out.

 

Most people can tell or feel if they are overweight. I just think people try and cop out by using the arguments you are.

Edited January 30, 2013 by kaylan

[pbjbear]

A lot of people are narcissistic in NYC, but being a native and having more experience with the area, I wouldnt say its most people. Maybe just most people you meet.

Its not an age thing either. Women here in their 30s will tell you how dating can be annoying for them too. And older guys dont tend to take much younger girls seriously...so Id ay dating guys your age at least has that perk.

 

I know plenty of mature guy our age (Im 26). My two closest friends have been in LTRs for the majority of their dating lives and are really down to earth. Again, I think you run into and select the wrong men, because I run into good guys a lot.

 

Or maybe the good guys arent approaching you, so maybe you need to approach them.

 

You dated decent guys, and it didnt work out, and then you dated jerks and that didnt work out. Its all indicative of your taste in men though. That my point.

And yet you want these so called average guys who are merely on their best behavior so they can land the girl whos above their league?

Weight charts arent too good if someone has a good amount of muscle.

 

Either way, doctors and these medical studies arent just using weight a a factor. They study disease incidence, health risks, and other stuff to get to their conclusions. Thats how we know being overweight isnt good. The point is that a thinner person is generally healthier than an overweight person.

 

Most people can tell or feel if they are overweight. I just think people try and cop out by using the arguments you are.

 

I guess I think differently. When I date an average looking guy I dont really think he is out of my league because he has other things to offer I place high importance on.

 

I could approach guys that dont approach me, but I dont have a ton of experience in that and the little I have, I have found when I have to chase guys they usually arent all that interested in me

[kaylan]

I guess I think differently. When I date an average looking guy I dont really think he is out of my league because he has other things to offer I place high importance on.

 

I could approach guys that dont approach me, but I dont have a ton of experience in that and the little I have, I have found when I have to chase guys they usually arent all that interested in me

Well sometimes if you want to succeed, you cant sit around and wait for life to happen to you...you have to make life happen.

[SJC2008]

Dude...who said skinny meant healthy?

 

Numerous medical studies show being overweight or obese is NOT healthy. This is not about having a little flab...this is about being overweight and how it affects your health. Skinny people, stocky people, short and tall people can all have flab....but thats not a measure of health.

 

Being overweight IS.

 

Well if you're not overweight you must be healthy right?? That's what I'm getting at.

 

I'm not arguing that being overwieght isn't unhealthy. IMO you have to be severely overweight for it to cause problmes but doctors make it sound like unless you're a match stick you're gonna have a heart attack. Don't tell me I'm obese at 5'10" 210. Most people are surprised when I tell them what I weigh. What's the difference between me and a skinny person that has the same lifestyle/eating habits as me? Nothing, he just has a faster metabolism, he's still out of shape but according to a weight chart he's "healthy". Get the eff out of here (I'm saying that in general not to you).

[kaylan]

Well if you're not overweight you must be healthy right?? That's what I'm getting at.

NO ONE EVER SAID THIS.

 

Just because its a known fact that being overweight can be very unhealthy for you, does NOT mean that people are trying to say that not being overweight is healthy.

 

I'm not arguing that being overwieght isn't unhealthy. IMO you have to be severely overweight for it to cause problmes but doctors make it sound like unless you're a match stick you're gonna have a heart attack. Don't tell me I'm obese at 5'10" 210. Most people are surprised when I tell them what I weigh. What's the difference between me and a skinny person that has the same lifestyle/eating habits as me? Nothing, he just has a faster metabolism, he's still out of shape but according to a weight chart he's "healthy". Get the eff out of here (I'm saying that in general not to you).

No one here argued that and this thread is NOT about that. So lets stop please.

 

Your opinion means nothing when compared to studies and journals that show being overweight (not just obese) increases many health risks.

 

No one is saying you are obese...but without the muscle to attribute for that weight...210 at 5'10 is indeed overweight. Its about how you carry the weight. Screw what health charts think...those are just general estimates. Go to your doctor and see what he says. Im sure unless you have a lot of muscle on your body, youd be deemed overweight and told to slim down.

 

And the difference between you and a slender person with the same lifestyle is that he lucked out with genetics and therefore will have less health risks because of not being overweight. Thats just how it works. Some people have to work harder than others to decrease risks. Sure you and your friend may both have some of the same health risks...but your genetics also made you bigger than him, thus giving you other risks despite having the same lifestyle as him.

Edited January 30, 2013 by kaylan

[SJC2008]

NO ONE EVER SAID THIS.

 

Just because its a known fact that being overweight can be very unhealthy for you, does NOT mean that people are trying to say that not being overweight is healthy.

 

No one here argued that and this thread is NOT about that. So lets stop please.

 

Your opinion means nothing when compared to studies and journals that show being overweight (not just obese) increases many health risks.

 

No one is saying you are obese...but without the muscle to attribute for that weight...210 at 5'10 is indeed overweight. Its about how you carry the weight. Screw what health charts think...those are just general estimates. Go to your doctor and see what he says. Im sure unless you have a lot of muscle on your body, youd be deemed overweight and told to slim down.

 

And the difference between you and a slender person with the same lifestyle is that he lucked out with genetics and therefore will have less health risks because of not being overweight. Thats just how it works. Some people have to work harder than others to decrease risks. Sure you and your friend may both have some of the same health risks...but your genetics also made you bigger than him, thus giving you other risks despite having the same lifestyle as him.

 

Kaylan I'm sorry for side tracking the thread, it wasn't intentional as I was commenting on another posters take. It does happen here from time to time. TBS I'll leave it at that after this:)

 

Nobody called me obese, I said I'm obese (going off of height and weight BMI). I know I'm overweight and won't deny it in any way shape or form. Nobody said skinny doesn't means healthy, I said that. I said that becuase of what I said before; That unless you're a match stick you're deemed "unhealthy" by our medical standards.

 

About the bold: That's not neccessarily true. I already told you my uncle was very skinny and has led a realatively healthy lifestyle and he had a 98% blockage.

[yongyong]

Is he asian? we have different standards lol

 

Yes some girls do. Usually the most insecure ones or the lazy ones who rarely want to go to the gym. I actually know a guy who dumped a girl for high body fat percentage...and you WONT believe if you see this girl. She is in amazing shape and even considered skinny by me and the majority of people. So the thought comes from somewhere.

[KungFuJoe]

If a guy dumps a girl because she gets too fat...who's at fault here?

 

The guy who did the dumping or the girl that gained the weight?