Looks or concern for looks scaring people off?

January 30, 2013

Hmm, Ive wondered about this.

Sometimes I know Ill avoid approaching a girl or talking to a chick who I think is very attractive, because Ill assume she will want a guy hotter than me, or that she will think she can get better. Hell, in many cases Im sure a gal can get a hotter guy than me so I wont approach in real life or send a message if its online dating.

So I was talking to my chick friend and she said girls do the same thing. And then she said my going to the gym as much as I do (4 times a week for at least 90 mins) and being so concerned with my health/fitness/look, will scare off some girls. That even if the girls get to know me and know Im not some shallow dude whos gym obsessed, that theyll either avoid dating me, or just hook up with me casually because they feel Id either replace them or feel I can do better.

Do some girls really feel this way? Im no Channing Tatum, but Im in good shape, and just aim for a soccer players body. Im not trying to be a meat head and I have a wide range of interests that make me unique. That all being said, I really am wondering if women will automatically not date a guy, or put him in the hookup only column based on how he looks.

January 30, 2013

Yes some girls do. Usually the most insecure ones or the lazy ones who rarely want to go to the gym. I actually know a guy who dumped a girl for high body fat percentage...and you WONT believe if you see this girl. She is in amazing shape and even considered skinny by me and the majority of people. So the thought comes from somewhere.

January 30, 2013

Most people look for the most attractive person they can get with the looks they have..meaning someone as good looking as them hopefully in a perfect world slightlly better looking but they get initmdated by somebody who they perceive as a lot better looking then them

Ive had women tell me they think im gorgeous but went out with my friend because hes average looking and wouldnt be tempted to cheat on them

Turth is it worked out because these women were quite average thmeselves and i never would have said yes for anyhting more then a ons

January 30, 2013

Yes some girls do. Usually the most insecure ones or the lazy ones who rarely want to go to the gym. I actually know a guy who dumped a girl for high body fat percentage...and you WONT believe if you see this girl. She is in amazing shape and even considered skinny by me and the majority of people. So the thought comes from somewhere.

Wtf??? He actually kept track of her percentage? Is this real life? lol

I can understand dumping her if she got really big and he became unattracted to her....but to keep track of actual percentages of someone who isnt even really big to begin with....wow.

January 30, 2013

This is also why people can be pc and scoff at leagues as far as looks all they want they exist for a reason the more the scale is favored in the direction of one partner too much in looks department theyres gonna be insecurity problems in the relationship from the lesser looking person and feelings of he or she can do better in the rough times by the better looking person..

January 30, 2013

Everyone does that. Everyone tries to figure out their own value as a potential mate, and everyone tries to do the best they can.

Kaylan, if you live in the USA you live in a country where 2/3 of the people are overweight and 1/3 or so are clinically obese. To a woman who worries about her weight she will be threatened by the image of you going to the gym and working out around women who also work out. So ironically hitting the gym to attract women can have negative returns if you do it too much.

Then there are the people who while good looking, well educated, etc consciously trade down so thinking that a less desirable mate will be more reliable.

This seems to be a common problem on LS for both some of the men and many of the women. We are seen as good for a hookup but not for a date or a mate.

January 30, 2013

Wtf??? He actually kept track of her percentage? Is this real life? lol

I can understand dumping her if she got really big and he became unattracted to her....but to keep track of actual percentages of someone who isnt even really big to begin with....wow.

yes real life. I was quite shocked too. Now she is like 5 7 in height and certainly not more than 115 lbs.

January 30, 2013

No such thing as too good looking.

Perhaps if it's combined with being a social misfit...but if you are very good looking combined with a "normal" personality...then you will have no trouble with the opposite sex.

January 30, 2013

I see what you're saying, but honestly these days people are so narcissistic they think they deserve better than they do. I have seen big girls go after scrawny built triathletes. My thinking is, what do you possibly have in common? He's up and running 20 miles Saturday morning and you're sleeping in till noon.

January 30, 2013

Everyone does that. Everyone tries to figure out their own value as a potential mate, and everyone tries to do the best they can.

Kaylan, if you live in the USA you live in a country where 2/3 of the people are overweight and 1/3 or so are clinically obese. To a woman who worries about her weight she will be threatened by the image of you going to the gym and working out around women who also work out. So ironically hitting the gym to attract women can have negative returns if you do it too much.

Then there are the people who while good looking, well educated, etc consciously trade down so thinking that a less desirable mate will be more reliable.

This seems to be a common problem on LS for both some of the men and many of the women. We are seen as good for a hookup but not for a date or a mate.

haha, the fact that so many americans are overweight makes me feel theres less women for me to choose from that Ill fit with. And hell, the in shape ones will be in super demand as they are the minority.

*le sigh*

January 30, 2013

No such thing as too good looking.

Perhaps if it's combined with being a social misfit...but if you are very good looking combined with a "normal" personality...then you will have no trouble with the opposite sex.

Of course good looking men have no problems getting women i think the point is theyres some women who are very attracted to certain men but are intimiated and dont approach becasue they feel the guy is out of her league or he wouldnt be faithful to her because all of his options

January 30, 2013

haha, the fact that so many americans are overweight makes me feel theres less women for me to choose from that Ill fit with. And hell, the in shape ones will be in super demand as they are the minority.

*le sigh*

It depends on where you go though. If you live in NY there are tons of attractive in shape people everywhere. I live in a big city and I very rarely see really overweight poeple.

January 30, 2013

Hell yes. Every single guy Ive dated that was gym obsessed was too shallow and selfish for me.

The last 3 guys I met through the gym (not even counting the ones before that) I gave the benefit of the doubt and they still ended up being that way.

I am not saying EVERY single guy who is gym obsessed is this way, but it seems the odds are not in my favor.

It isnt so much I avoid men at the gym because I am insecure and am convinced he will cheat on me/use me for sex... its more because in the end, I know I wont be compatible with them.

I work out alot and eat healthy but I tend to do better with average looking men, because they tend to be less selfish and shallow (2 things which are big turn offs for me)

My best friend told me a few months ago I attract shallow men because Im goodlooking and they assume Im shallow...she was right and I needed to hear it out aloud from someone else. It makes sense why it doesnt work out...they assume I am shallow like them and then when they get to know me they become annoyed at how dorky, introspective and focused on morals I am (those are phrases from past guys I dated who were huge gym goers)

A dorky, introspective, respectful gym rat is a needle in a haystack apparently

I live in NYC. I may be goodlooking but I aint no model...esp by NYC's standards

Edited January 30, 2013 by pbjbear

January 30, 2013

Hell yes. Every single guy Ive dated that was gym obsessed was too shallow and selfish for me.

The last 3 guys I met through the gym (not even counting the ones before that) I gave the benefit of the doubt and they still ended up being that way.

I am not saying EVERY single guy who is gym obsessed is this way, but it seems the odds are not in my favor.

It isnt so much I avoid men at the gym because I am insecure and am convinced he will cheat on me/use me for sex... its more because in the end, I know I wont be compatible with them.

I work out alot and eat healthy but I tend to do better with average looking men, because they tend to be less selfish and shallow (2 things which are big turn offs for me)

My best friend told me a few months ago I attract shallow men because Im goodlooking and they assume Im shallow...she was right and I needed to hear it out aloud from someone else. It makes sense why it doesnt work out...they assume I am shallow like them and then when they get to know me they become annoyed at how dorky, introspective and focused on morals I am (those are phrases from past guys I dated who were huge gym goers)

A dorky, introspective, respectful gym rat is a needle in a haystack apparently

I live in NYC. I may be goodlooking but I aint no model...esp by NYC's standards

The average guy doesn't want you because you just have such amazing morals. He wants you because you are out of his league. They're all shallow at the end.

January 30, 2013

The average guy doesn't want you because you just have such amazing morals. He wants you because you are out of his league. They're all shallow at the end.

...they werent out of my league. They went for me because of my looks.

NYC is full of narcissistic men who want a trophy girlfriend or just someone hot. To be fair alot of women are narcissistic and want a rich successful guy (I dont...)

Vanity is rampant here culture-wise, not sure why it took me so long to figure it out

January 30, 2013

...they werent out of my league. They went for me because of my looks.

NYC is full of narcissistic men who want a trophy girlfriend or just someone hot. To be fair alot of women are narcissistic and want a rich successful guy (I dont...)
Vanity is rampant here culture-wise, not sure why it took me so long to figure it out

I said you are out of their league, meaning you are better than the average guys...

I think most big cities are filled with extreme vanity. It gets tiring after a while.

January 30, 2013

Hmm, Ive wondered about this.

Sometimes I know Ill avoid approaching a girl or talking to a chick who I think is very attractive, because Ill assume she will want a guy hotter than me, or that she will think she can get better. Hell, in many cases Im sure a gal can get a hotter guy than me so I wont approach in real life or send a message if its online dating.

So I was talking to my chick friend and she said girls do the same thing. And then she said my going to the gym as much as I do (4 times a week for at least 90 mins) and being so concerned with my health/fitness/look, will scare off some girls. That even if the girls get to know me and know Im not some shallow dude whos gym obsessed, that theyll either avoid dating me, or just hook up with me casually because they feel Id either replace them or feel I can do better.

Do some girls really feel this way? Im no Channing Tatum, but Im in good shape, and just aim for a soccer players body. Im not trying to be a meat head and I have a wide range of interests that make me unique. That all being said, I really am wondering if women will automatically not date a guy, or put him in the hookup only column based on how he looks.

I think if a girl does not want to date you based on how you look, that is her decision. I wouldn't sweat it.

Not all guys like how I look. Not all guys think my hair color is attractive, or think I'm beautiful. I learned not to care about that.

What I've learned is the man who I love and commit to/with thinks I'm beautiful and it's his opinion of me that matters to me, not what other guys think.

He would not have dated me if he didn't find me beautiful. I don't know who first said, "Beauty is in the eye of the beholder" but that's so true. So, it doesn't matter to me that all guys do not think I'm beautiful and that they didn't want to date me. What matters to me is the man I love, who is drop-dead handsome in my opinion, thinks I"m beautiful.

January 30, 2013

It depends on where you go though. If you live in NY there are tons of attractive in shape people everywhere. I live in a big city and I very rarely see really overweight poeple.

I live in NY, but in the suburbs =/

Hell yes. Every single guy Ive dated that was gym obsessed was too shallow and selfish for me.

The last 3 guys I met through the gym (not even counting the ones before that) I gave the benefit of the doubt and they still ended up being that way.

I am not saying EVERY single guy who is gym obsessed is this way, but it seems the odds are not in my favor.

It isnt so much I avoid men at the gym because I am insecure and am convinced he will cheat on me/use me for sex... its more because in the end, I know I wont be compatible with them.

I work out alot and eat healthy but I tend to do better with average looking men, because they tend to be less selfish and shallow (2 things which are big turn offs for me)

My best friend told me a few months ago I attract shallow men because Im goodlooking and they assume Im shallow...she was right and I needed to hear it out aloud from someone else. It makes sense why it doesnt work out...they assume I am shallow like them and then when they get to know me they become annoyed at how dorky, introspective and focused on morals I am (those are phrases from past guys I dated who were huge gym goers)

A dorky, introspective, respectful gym rat is a needle in a haystack apparently

I live in NYC. I may be goodlooking but I aint no model...esp by NYC's standards

Id say you just attract lame men and have a bad eye for catching them.

I wouldnt say their behavior is only typical of gym folk. Plenty of city men are shallow and without substance...regardless of fitness level.

If you are active, work out, and healthy yourself...all without being shallow...why is it ok for you to stereotype men who workout and care about their health as shallow? Thats hypocrisy all fueled by your poor taste in men.

From my time at the gym, I find the people are as variable there as there are in many places you can meet people. Many types of people hit the gym.

Edited January 30, 2013 by kaylan

January 30, 2013

Hell yes. Every single guy Ive dated that was gym obsessed was too shallow and selfish for me.

The last 3 guys I met through the gym (not even counting the ones before that) I gave the benefit of the doubt and they still ended up being that way.

I am not saying EVERY single guy who is gym obsessed is this way, but it seems the odds are not in my favor.

It isnt so much I avoid men at the gym because I am insecure and am convinced he will cheat on me/use me for sex... its more because in the end, I know I wont be compatible with them.

I work out alot and eat healthy but I tend to do better with average looking men, because they tend to be less selfish and shallow (2 things which are big turn offs for me)

My best friend told me a few months ago I attract shallow men because Im goodlooking and they assume Im shallow...she was right and I needed to hear it out aloud from someone else. It makes sense why it doesnt work out...they assume I am shallow like them and then when they get to know me they become annoyed at how dorky, introspective and focused on morals I am (those are phrases from past guys I dated who were huge gym goers)

A dorky, introspective, respectful gym rat is a needle in a haystack apparently

I live in NYC. I may be goodlooking but I aint no model...esp by NYC's standards

This is my favorite kind of person.

January 30, 2013

Of course good looking men have no problems getting women i think the point is theyres some women who are very attracted to certain men but are intimiated and dont approach becasue they feel the guy is out of her league or he wouldnt be faithful to her because all of his options

I wouldn't want those women anyways. Lack of self confidence is a major turn off and I think it should be a red flag for anyone.

January 30, 2013

I sometimes feel intimidated by attractive men. I always avoid approaching or talking to a guy that is fit (mostly men in the gym) because I think I am out of their league but I have been told by many people that guys don't approach me because I look intimidating. Most of the time I think attractive men are shallow so I go for the average looking man. I'm guessing it goes both ways but if you have lots of confidence then you shouldn't have anything to worry about.

January 30, 2013

I live in NY, but in the suburbs =/
Id say you just attract lame men and have a bad eye for catching them.

I wouldnt say their behavior is only typical of gym folk. Plenty of city men are shallow and without substance...regardless of fitness level.

If you are active, work out, and healthy yourself...all without being shallow...why is it ok for you to stereotype men who workout and care about their health as shallow? Thats hypocrisy all fueled by your poor taste in men.

From my time at the gym, I find the people are as variable there as there are in many places you can meet people. Many types of people hit the gym.

I am not saying they are shallow because they work out and eat healthy.

They were people that were too obsessed with superficial things in life. Money, sex and LOOKS. Looks is in caps because all of the men I met from the gym placed waaaaaaay too much emphasis on looks. I found this out after dating them, not from judging them from the first few times I met them at the gym.

Again, you dont live in NYC.

January 30, 2013

Kaylan, if you live in the USA you live in a country where 2/3 of the people are overweight and 1/3 or so are clinically obese. To a woman who worries about her weight she will be threatened by the image of you going to the gym and working out around women who also work out. So ironically hitting the gym to attract women can have negative returns if you do it too much.

Then there are the people who while good looking, well educated, etc consciously trade down so thinking that a less desirable mate will be more reliable.

This seems to be a common problem on LS for both some of the men and many of the women. We are seen as good for a hookup but not for a date or a mate.

Not to sidetrack the thread but at 5'10" 210 I'm just in the obese category. By US standards unless you're stick thin, you're overweght. So going by those measures 2/3 of the US may be overweight BUT IRL and especially at school, there are waaaay more skinny, average, a little extra people than "fat" people.

January 30, 2013

Hmmm I think Kaylan exagerrated the stats a little but he is right that the US has too many overweight people. There are a good chunk of people in the "healthy weight" category here but it isnt the majority. Thing is, the other poster is right that unless you are stick thin people see you as overweight here for some reason.

In the USA, I have always been amused by the juxtaposition of gym rats and overweight people its like there is no inbetween. In other countries, most people are in a healthy weight category- some are stick thin, but most are just at a healthy weight

January 30, 2013

I am not saying they are shallow because they work out and eat healthy.
They were people that were too obsessed with superficial things in life. Money, sex and LOOKS. Looks is in caps because all of the men I met from the gym placed waaaaaaay too much emphasis on looks. I found this out after dating them, not from judging them from the first few times I met them at the gym.

Again, you dont live in NYC.

Honey, I lived in NYC till I was 20, and still go quite often. I know how NYC is.

The problem is you pick bad men. Average guys can be just as superficial as gym guys. Hell, plenty of gym guys are average blokes.

So I stand by what I said before...swearing off fitness guys is silly...unless you want guys to assume you are shallow and superficial just because you are active and healthy.

Not to sidetrack the thread but at 5'10" 210 I'm just in the obese category. By US standards unless you're stick thin, you're overweght. So going by those measures 2/3 of the US may be overweight BUT IRL and especially at school, there are waaaay more skinny, average, a little extra people than "fat" people.

Not true.

There have been numerous studies on this. Its not about US standards bro. Its about world standards. A great percentage of our country is unhealthily overweight.

Argue with the doctors on this one.

Hmmm I think Kaylan exagerrated the stats a little but he is right that the US has too many overweight people. There are a good chunk of people in the "healthy weight" category here but it isnt the majority. Thing is, the other poster is right that unless you are stick thin people see you as overweight here for some reason.

In the USA, I have always been amused by the juxtaposition of gym rats and overweight people its like there is no inbetween. In other countries, most people are in a healthy weight category- some are stick thin, but most are just at a healthy weight

I didnt exaggerate any stats. MrLonelyOne is the one who came up with the 2/3 figure. Not me.

Edited January 30, 2013 by kaylan

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