Jammo22 Posted January 30, 2013 Posted January 30, 2013 My girlfriend broke up with me 4 months ago. She said she had fallen out of love with me and just didnt feel the same anymore. We were together for 3 years and were so in love and serious about each other. We werent engaged but had plans of marriage already set in place...we talked after the breakup and we had a big discussion as to why she fell out of love..we worked out it was common issues that occur after being in a relationship for a decent length of time, getting into too much of a routine and becoming boring and lazy together with things we'd do,for example,stay in and watch movies all the time rather than go out with friends etc like we used to. Also spending too much time together,not enough space to miss each other and look forward to seeing each other the next etc. We also think it's because I took her for granted a bit towards the end and didnt make her feel very wanted or loved. I guess because of the wedding plans and how serious we got I just thought shed always be there so stopped trying to impress her and be romantic etc. i feel like an absolute ass for this. we started making love less and less too because of how routine and boring we got. She told me shes still attracted to me,but just doesn't love me anymore. There were times after the breakup we would catch up (because we were staying friends despite how devastated I was) and she would burst into tears saying she missed me so much (we used to spend everyday together) and she told me she wished like hell she could love me again. Through tears she said, I wish I could fall in love with you again so badly but the feelings are just gone and I don't know how to make them come back. She told me of she could go back in time and change things,talk to me about everything when she first started feeling like she was falling out of love and fix the problems early on to prevent her falling out of love,she would. There were times when we'd catch up with each other and shed get upset and then just kiss me so passionately,saying it felt right and she wanted it in the moment. I said to her that if she wished she could love me again why don't we try and go on dates and try be more intimate again sexually and romantically and see if the spark and your feelings for me can come back? She said shed try this and we went on dates and everything,but when it came to going in for the kiss or anything else she said it felt like she was forcing it,she had no erge to just kiss me or be with me sexually even though she still found me very attractive. She said she only kissed me those other times because in the moment we shared she felt a want and an erge to do it,but the erge wasn't there to do it all the time like it was when she was in love with me. After a while it got too much and we stopped trying. I've since found out she had a one night stand with a guy drunk,and a fling with another guy sober. I was her first for everything. First serious long term boyfriend, I took her vrginity and shed never really been sexual with anyone else. She told me she was sorry for doing that behind my back and she regretted it. she said it just feels over for her and although she wishes it didnt, it just does and shes in the state of mind now that she wants to be single,she enjoys the space and the freedom and not being tied to one person. She told me ill always have a big piece of her heart and I said to her I still love her and if anything changes for her,if she regrets letting me go,or starts to have feelings for me again to tell me 'cause I know ill always love her and want to be with her deep down in my heart. She told me of course she would, and nothing's changed, if she could wish for her feelings back and love me again,she would in a heartbeat,but in reality she can't force them to come back so she has to stick to what she feels and move on, which I know is true. We are staying good friends. I almost feel like because I was her first for everything..she has never had the chance to go out and be single,and never had the chance to be with other people (whereas I have) to realise and appreciate me and how good me and her were. Her and I both know there will always be a special bond between us, and I almost feel like once we've had some time apart and she's had time to be with other people, she may realise what we had was so much better and want to try again? I also know itd hurt her like hell to see me in a relationship with someone else as shes told me that, so i feel like maybe if she sees me dating another girl shell get jelous or scared shes completely lost me for good and may want to be with me again..you know? the whole "you want what you cant have" thing. We've resolved the issues from our relationship and why she fell out of love to make sure it won't happen again. Because we are staying good friends I feel like I have the opportunity to go away and work on myself a bit and then show her a new and improved me? And make her a bit jelous if I start dating someone else.. Also I can still be the one that's there for her when she's upset etc. I realise I need to move on and I am, it's just I know ill always love her..so I'm sort of moving on while waiting so please don't post anything that says "get over her man shes gone"...all I wanna know,is has anyone ever had an ex fall out of love with you but then after time (doesnt matter how long) come back? Can that happen even though shes said shes fallen out of love? Does it sound like there may be a chance she may come to her senses after a while and want me back?
Njeanne Posted January 30, 2013 Posted January 30, 2013 Difficulty reading without alinea's...but ye I hope it's possible as I am in same issue at this point. Thought after six weeks nc I realised I might have caused his falling out of love with me, hobby kept me busy four evenings a week while during day he was at Uni... I hope he'll come around, but best thing to do is move on and have her miss you, she might change her mind/heart.
Author Jammo22 Posted January 30, 2013 Author Posted January 30, 2013 Thanks also another point i left out...Just recently we met up to 'say goodbye to our relationship'..i made her a slideshow of all our photos and memories over the 3 years with 'goodbye my lover', as the background music,and she cried the whole way through and at the end said she missed us
Njeanne Posted January 30, 2013 Posted January 30, 2013 Seems you got more of a chance then me, my ex said hurtfull things, while saying it hurted him as much for saying these things too me. :'( He tried to get drunk while telling it on IM too me. I miss him soo much, I can't stand not hearing his voice anymore, his laugh and else. I wish I could turn back time so I could never done that hobby and me and him would've still been together. I wish we could have second chance...everyone does, but he was more in love with me then I was with him (had half year crush on me, rejected him once) so...we had such strong friendship bond, but he said hurtfull things so I could move on, he didn't wanted to give me false hope.
almosteverythingx Posted January 30, 2013 Posted January 30, 2013 Haha god I wish you had put blooming paragraphs in that one! Haha Anyway, tbh this question really was 'too close to home' for me. What you have said everything is exactly what I'm going through. First of all though before I answer. I want to know how old you both are? Then How long you've been broken up? sorry if you've said I did try to skim through some of it as like I said paragraphs would of made it easier to read. And another... once again apologises if you have mentioned this... how long if anytime at all is the longest you've not contacted her? Thanks
Author Jammo22 Posted January 30, 2013 Author Posted January 30, 2013 Sorry for no paragraphs! Uh I am 23 and she is 21 now. We have been broken up just over 4 months. And the longest I havnt contacted her for is about 1-2 weeks...wev agreed to stay good friends so we still talk and hang out etc..however we are both heading away to different universities this year and will be in different cities so will only see each other every few months,but will prob talk over phone etc to keep in contact..I have considered NC but I just feel like it will break the bond we have and allow her to get over me more especially when we will be in different cities so she won't have the chance of seeing me round or anything
hudson701 Posted January 31, 2013 Posted January 31, 2013 This situation is absolutely identical to mine...I was reading your post and nodding constantly at pretty much everything you said! My ex is also 21, I was her first everything, she did the exact same thing as yours when we were on a break i.e. 2 regretful one night stands. I've read around and keep getting the same answers to the seemingly unanswerable; I think when a woman reaches 21 they get 'itchy feet' - they want to go out and slut around, experience new boys and party a lot more often, travel the world etc. when they reach 25/26 they're a lot more grounded so the relationship is far more likely to last as they've done everything they need to do and more importantly they've matured. At 21 they're still quite teenage-like to be perfectly honest, partying, their girlfriends and pulling seems to be the main agenda, even if their intelligent, academic etc. I've been totally burnt by going out with a 21 year old (3 year relationship since she was 18) so I'm definitely making sure my next girlfriend is at least 24- I'm 29 btw. I do not want to get this hurt ever again, I'm actually beginning to hate her now. Will be reading your thread with interest to see how the situation develops.
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