NothingButAGlance Posted January 30, 2013 Posted January 30, 2013 (edited) okay I will try and keep it as short as possible. Long story short; I dated this girl 4 months back for 4months-ish. I treated her badly; I never cheated or anything extreme, but I did not show her the attention she deserved. This was right out of college and I had my priorities off and picked several things over her. She took the break up pretty tough and was mad for month or two. Anyways this was 4-5 months ago and believe it or not I grew up a lot since then. Honestly and truly there's a ton of ways I figured my life out, worked out and pretty much know what I want. Anyways over the past month I cant stop thinking about her and am trying to get back with her. I texted her last weekend to see her and she agreed and we talked for almost 2 hours, but nothing about us. And I never told her why I was there. (I want her back). The next day I end up texting her again and she ends up coming over for an hour and I tell her how I feel and what I want. She more or less shakes her head no but wouldnt tell me "no straight up". So the next morning I end up writing this huge long message and send it to her apologizing and everything I mean and my sincerity and she replys with "Im thinking, but i didnt want you to think im ignoring you." I give her two days and give her a call and we talked for a half an hour about nothing really. I avoided anything about us or what shes thinking. Overall I think it was a good sign. I know this is a long read, but I would REALLY appreciate some advice here. I want to do this right and I told her I would take as long as needed to show her how different I am. How should I go on with calling her or seeing her, etc? She seems skeptical and rightfully so, but she wouldnt see me 2 days and call me when I asked her too if I didnt have a shot right? Edited January 30, 2013 by NothingButAGlance
rushingwaters Posted January 31, 2013 Posted January 31, 2013 You have a shot. She's waiting for you to sweep her off her feet. Ever watched a chick flick before? You might have to. 1
pbjbear Posted January 31, 2013 Posted January 31, 2013 You have a shot but Im not convinced people change that dramatically like you said you have. Most of the time when a guy doesnt give attention the first time around, he wont the second time around after he attains the girl again. If you are going to sweep her off her feet, make sure you dont revert back to your old ways. Theres a strong possibility you will do that and she probably senses this
Lani Posted January 31, 2013 Posted January 31, 2013 Instead of spending your time talking to her about what went wrong, and how you've changed, and what you want now, spend it winning her back. Actions speak louder than words. You definitely have a shot, because she's talking to you. Sweep her off her feet. Just make sure you're sure. Don't win this girl back and then screw her over again, because if you do, I will hunt you down myself!!! 3
Author NothingButAGlance Posted January 31, 2013 Author Posted January 31, 2013 I was dating her around the time i was finishing up school, graduating, full time job, quitting restaurant, etc. it was no excuse to treat her the way i did but i have since settled and learned a lot of the things i want. And i realized how good she was to me. quick update; i asked to see her last night and she said she was going over to her friends. She texts back 3 hours later and invited me to go out to a bar with her and and her friend. And asked me to bring her a jacket. I knew her friend from before but it seemed like she was pushing for me to "hang out with them" again. So i think im okay, or this is some cruel joke to get even with me.
danieldavid7832 Posted January 31, 2013 Posted January 31, 2013 You know her better go for whats right, have a good life dude!
Mary7720 Posted February 1, 2013 Posted February 1, 2013 This reads like she's trying to be just friends, or trying to smooth things over enough to hang out as a group. After all, it's been four months since you broke up--for some people that's when just friends starts. I also wonder if it's more about your bruised ego, or it's hard cutting contact, not because you really want her back. You were only going out for four months, even including the breakup time, that's still the infatuation/brain chemicals stage, I wouldn't put too much into this, start over with someone else.
Author NothingButAGlance Posted February 1, 2013 Author Posted February 1, 2013 I seriously doubt she is trying to be friends. I made my intentions very clear about what i want in my letter and what not. Im sure it is always possible but i think right now she is guarded and going very slow.
Mary7720 Posted February 1, 2013 Posted February 1, 2013 Well friends is a stretch after a breakup, just cool to hang out, maybe they were drinking, simple curiosity about what you'd say, or it's all a power/control trip, testing you in front of her friend...if she really wanted to see you she'd see you alone. Whatever happens but you sound very young, you might get back together briefly but it almost never works long term...I stand by the bruised ego/hormones concept, and most importantly: a broken trust is almost impossible to get over for real, it's not just about winning her back. Who knows what happened with you two but trust can be erased even when you don't physically cheat! You say you're moving forward with changes but this seems like a move backwards--I don't mean to sound harsh, just advising what I've seen a million times in breakups. Often there's a deeper reason for breakups & it's better to not waste anyone's time, let her go and start your new better self with someone else. While this is your example I don't know all the details so I'm speaking in general terms--good luck to all.
pbjbear Posted February 1, 2013 Posted February 1, 2013 This reads like she's trying to be just friends, or trying to smooth things over enough to hang out as a group. After all, it's been four months since you broke up--for some people that's when just friends starts. I also wonder if it's more about your bruised ego, or it's hard cutting contact, not because you really want her back. You were only going out for four months, even including the breakup time, that's still the infatuation/brain chemicals stage, I wouldn't put too much into this, start over with someone else. In all fairness, most of the time this is why men come back. And women too. Being lonely or fear of not finding someone else ("she was so good to me"), ego issues....not because they truly miss the person and what they offered. You can make all the excuses you want, but if you really wanted her you wouldnt have broken up...
babycrapgreen Posted February 1, 2013 Posted February 1, 2013 I was dating her around the time i was finishing up school, graduating, full time job, quitting restaurant, etc. it was no excuse to treat her the way i did but i have since settled and learned a lot of the things i want. And i realized how good she was to me. quick update; i asked to see her last night and she said she was going over to her friends. She texts back 3 hours later and invited me to go out to a bar with her and and her friend. And asked me to bring her a jacket. I knew her friend from before but it seemed like she was pushing for me to "hang out with them" again. So i think im okay, or this is some cruel joke to get even with me. She's really guarded right now, anyone would be. It's only been 5 months. I think you owe at least a dinner out or something. But, you need to take it slow, you can't just expect her to jump into the relationship with open arms, I'm sure there's hurt there that you need to make up.
Author NothingButAGlance Posted February 2, 2013 Author Posted February 2, 2013 Another update; So i asked her out for icescream last night after she got off work and she said okay. She texted me when she got cut and i picked her up. She was telling me about her shift and all the stuff that happened, we got the icescream and then ended up letting my dog out at my house and headed back to her place. We ended up sittin on her bed talking about nothing really for an hour n a half or so, she didnt sit close to me but at the end of the bed. I felt conversation went good and she asked me if i told my mom i was talking to you again, etc. i ended up leaving and i got a side hug bye and told her id talk to her soon. So i guess my confusion is how is she feeling? I know she isnt going to take me back with arms wide open, but when should i bring up the whole "where are we going talk". She hasnt initiated any text and i know the balls in my court to win her back; but its fustrating fighting this battle when i have no clue what shes thinking. Its good she invited me out wednesday night and accepted icescream date last night; do i just suck it up and hope she initiates and opens up?
Author NothingButAGlance Posted February 3, 2013 Author Posted February 3, 2013 Anyone at all, women?? Im really just looking for some opinions??
Mary7720 Posted February 4, 2013 Posted February 4, 2013 It sounds like she may want to trust you but doesn't and it hurts too much to get closer, seems like she's trying to be adult and have light conversation. Sorry. I don't think people should give up for no reason but lack of trust is a biggie, without it you can't really be together.
Lani Posted February 4, 2013 Posted February 4, 2013 I think she's just taking her time, to see how you are around her and how much you're willing to hang around. You hurt her, and she still needs time to move on from that and trust that you won't do it again. As far as I can see, if you really want her back, then there should be no big rush for you to know whats going on. Don't pester her to let you know 'where you're going' but enjoy the time you're spending with her and hope something comes from it.
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