babycrapgreen Posted January 30, 2013 Posted January 30, 2013 This is rather a long story and complicated, I'll try to simplify it as much as possible. I met Sam through a mutual friend about 8 years ago, I had a boyfriend then that I had been with for 4 years. So, Sam and I started carpooling and we became really close friends, completely platonic and he eventually started liking me, he expressed his feelings for me and I declined, ofcourse, I didn't want to leave anyone for someone else. He completely stopped talking to me, I was hurt, but, I understood why. I gradually saw him less and less because I was starting my career and growing up, but, he never left my thoughts. Even at parties, we wouldn't really interact with each other, it's like we hardly knew each other. I would get random emails and texts from Sam, for which I would reply with no return. I kept an email he wrote me in 2010, he had a girlfriend then, and I didn't want disrespect that, so I never replied. And by then I was engaged. My fiance isn't the most perfect man, he's attempted to cheat on me, flirted friends, but, he's been there and declares he's in love with me. Occurences of which happened more than once. I don't want to digress. Just a brief background on my fiance. So, I finally replied to the 2010 email that Sam wrote me, just to say hello. He gave me his number and we texted each other daily. He was aware of my engagement. We hung-out multiple times, it was like we never left each other. Once again, completely platonic. We had several serious conversations of what happened to us over the yearsthis past December, how we never really forgot each other and how if we ever did get together it would've worked out. But, I noticed recently, Sam been distancing himself from me. In fact, I broke off my engagement and broke up with my boyfriend, and Sam hasn't contacted me. I don't know what to think. I would really appreciate any advice.
HitMeNow Posted January 30, 2013 Posted January 30, 2013 (edited) So after 9 years of just wanting Sam's attention, you broke up with your bf and thought that Sam would be waiting for you like a little puppy dog. You sound very confused on what you want or who you are. Edited January 30, 2013 by a LoveShack.org Moderator 2
Author babycrapgreen Posted January 30, 2013 Author Posted January 30, 2013 (edited) I didn't email or text message HIM. HE did. It wasn't me who who email or text message him out no where. You need to read again, guy from MIAMI. So after 9 years of just wanting Sam's attention, you broke up with your bf and thought that Sam would be waiting for you like a little puppy dog. You sound very confused on what you want or who you are. I wasn't the one contacting him through the years.. Let me clarify that. I was not the one who was wanting his attention. HE contacted me. Edited January 30, 2013 by a LoveShack.org Moderator Merge
HitMeNow Posted January 30, 2013 Posted January 30, 2013 I wasn't the one contacting him through the years.. Let me clarify that. I was not the one who was wanting his attention. HE contacted me. Laugh it up because I believe in KARMA' date=' especially, when it's wrong.[/quote'] You did not want it, but you took it and liked it and didnt care about what was happening in Sam's world. And now, since you broke it off with your bf, you wanna know why Sam hasn't been contacting you? Ever thought that he has a life too and maybe he's happy with his gf or whatever? 1
Samilia Posted January 30, 2013 Posted January 30, 2013 Is he aware of your new found single status? Also, you mentioned that you both agreed it wouldn't have worked out, so what do you want from him now?
Author babycrapgreen Posted January 30, 2013 Author Posted January 30, 2013 Is he aware of your new found single status? Also, you mentioned that you both agreed it wouldn't have worked out, so what do you want from him now? I'm sure he's aware, our no communication started the day I broke up with my boyfriend. I've scared him off, haven't I?
Author babycrapgreen Posted January 30, 2013 Author Posted January 30, 2013 You did not want it, but you took it and liked it and didnt care about what was happening in Sam's world. And now, since you broke it off with your bf, you wanna know why Sam hasn't been contacting you? Ever thought that he has a life too and maybe he's happy with his gf or whatever? What are you talking about? He's the one that initiated everything the hangout the contact..Apparently, I did care enough about what was happening with Sam's life when I chose not to reply to his email when he had a girlfriend. We've hungout the last 6 months. What are you talking about?
Author babycrapgreen Posted January 30, 2013 Author Posted January 30, 2013 Well didn't you say he had a girlfriend? Yeah, back in 2010. They had broken up by the time I emailed in 2011.
rushingwaters Posted January 30, 2013 Posted January 30, 2013 You chose your ex over him. He probably moved on, regardless of your new single status. If you like him now, why didn't you like him before? He doesn't want to be your backup.
Lani Posted January 31, 2013 Posted January 31, 2013 Why don't you just ask Sam what he wants? Tell him you're single, and if there was ever a time for you to give this thing a shot, it's now. If he says no, you move on.
Author babycrapgreen Posted January 31, 2013 Author Posted January 31, 2013 Why don't you just ask Sam what he wants? Tell him you're single, and if there was ever a time for you to give this thing a shot, it's now. If he says no, you move on. Lani, Thank you. I'm scared. I will. I'm going to ask him soon.
Lani Posted January 31, 2013 Posted January 31, 2013 Lani, Thank you. I'm scared. I will. I'm going to ask him soon. Of course it's scary. But after all this time, I think you need to know what's going on. One way or another you'll have your answer. Good luck! Update us when you're done!
HitMeNow Posted January 31, 2013 Posted January 31, 2013 What are you talking about? He's the one that initiated everything the hangout the contact..Apparently, I did care enough about what was happening with Sam's life when I chose not to reply to his email when he had a girlfriend. We've hungout the last 6 months. What are you talking about? I am sorry, I thought he still had a girlfriend and for some reason, thought you guys hadn't hung out, just exchanged a few emails. Sure give it a try. Chances are, he is just taking his time, since he knows that now you're invested in him. Just the mating dance. Out of curiosity. Did you break up with your bf because of Sam? I kinda feel bad about the EX.
Quiet Storm Posted January 31, 2013 Posted January 31, 2013 He probably doesn't want to be your fallback guy. He's showed you what he had to offer many times, and you weren't interested.
Author babycrapgreen Posted February 1, 2013 Author Posted February 1, 2013 I am sorry, I thought he still had a girlfriend and for some reason, thought you guys hadn't hung out, just exchanged a few emails. Sure give it a try. Chances are, he is just taking his time, since he knows that now you're invested in him. Just the mating dance. Out of curiosity. Did you break up with your bf because of Sam? I kinda feel bad about the EX. Not necessarily, I didn't break up with my fiance/ex for Sam. Our engagement was like me realizing "do I really want to spend the rest of my life with a guy that has acted like he's been so unsure of me throughout the years of our relationship?"... And made me think of Sam, how he never let me feel that way even when were just friends. I know what I am doing and I know it's horrible but, I'm 27, I was there for my fiance and he's hurt me and I've stayed true... even I when did have that opportunity when I was 20-21, I didn't take it... and, I'm regretting 8 years later. As cliche as it is, I'd really like to hope that there's something there.
Author babycrapgreen Posted February 1, 2013 Author Posted February 1, 2013 He probably doesn't want to be your fallback guy. He's showed you what he had to offer many times, and you weren't interested. Somehow, I think you're right. I'd feel like a scapegoat if I were him.
Author babycrapgreen Posted February 1, 2013 Author Posted February 1, 2013 You chose your ex over him. He probably moved on, regardless of your new single status. If you like him now, why didn't you like him before? He doesn't want to be your backup. I liked him then but, I wanted to do the right thing regardless of how I felt. I was with someone for 4 years and I didn't want to break up with someone for someone else. I'd feel really guilty.
HitMeNow Posted February 1, 2013 Posted February 1, 2013 Not necessarily, I didn't break up with my fiance/ex for Sam. Our engagement was like me realizing "do I really want to spend the rest of my life with a guy that has acted like he's been so unsure of me throughout the years of our relationship?"... And made me think of Sam, how he never let me feel that way even when were just friends. I know what I am doing and I know it's horrible but, I'm 27, I was there for my fiance and he's hurt me and I've stayed true... even I when did have that opportunity when I was 20-21, I didn't take it... and, I'm regretting 8 years later. As cliche as it is, I'd really like to hope that there's something there. I think life is sometimes crazy... and sometimes it throws you curveballs.\ Idk what this ex of yours did, but whatever happens, next time make sure to have chosen the right one before investing 8 years of your life. And don't worry about Sam. Live the single life for a bit... maybe you ll meet someone better.
Author babycrapgreen Posted February 1, 2013 Author Posted February 1, 2013 I think life is sometimes crazy... and sometimes it throws you curveballs.\ Idk what this ex of yours did, but whatever happens, next time make sure to have chosen the right one before investing 8 years of your life. And don't worry about Sam. Live the single life for a bit... maybe you ll meet someone better. Thank you.
Author babycrapgreen Posted February 2, 2013 Author Posted February 2, 2013 Do you think he wants nothing to do with me now?
HitMeNow Posted February 2, 2013 Posted February 2, 2013 Do you think he wants nothing to do with me now? That I cant answer and I dont think anyone can. But regardless of that, there is this problem I see that I notice in myself too. You come to this forum to seek help, but while doing so you fill your time with *SAM*, therefore SAM becomes more important to you. (than he would have been if you didn't even make this post). Therefore, i know this sounds counter intuitive but don't come to this forum seeking for help... that in itself is damaging and reinforces your crush (or whatever it is) of Sam. Instead focus on an area of your life that you would like to develop. Be it work, social skills, communication skills, a language, etc. And most importantly ACCEPT that whatever will happen will happen and it is outside of your control. Knowing if Sam wants something to do with you or not is not going to make a change. Lastly, for your sanity's sake shoot a txt to Sam to see where he stands. Understand that you are sending this text to make your life eaasier rather than to get him to you. Cheers, 1
Author babycrapgreen Posted September 12, 2015 Author Posted September 12, 2015 I wanted to give the conclusion of everything I had posted. I like taking note of everyone's advice, both friends and this forum, and they all seem to have one commonality and that is... to ask the person. I asked him plainly if he has romantic feelings for me... and he basically said no. I think I wondered where I stood with that person and I think I was scared to admit it to myself that's why I did not want to confront it, he didn't want to be with me, regardless of the nice gestures and dinners. And, I think, with anyone, that should be enough to walk away. Especially, the hot and cold person. I hope this advice finds comfort to anyone who has ever felt in limbo with someone... you should not feel that way. He may have loved you, at one point, but, the way someone consistency treats you is very important. 1
Cinnamonstix Posted September 12, 2015 Posted September 12, 2015 Although I can't say for certain, it is possible that Sam was most attracted by your unavailability. 1
highseas Posted September 12, 2015 Posted September 12, 2015 thanks for the update. Even though the answer might not be what you were hoping for, at least you figured it out from him rather than spending the rest of your life wondering what might have been. Yes, maybe he once had feelings for you, but he has apparently moved on or is no longer emotionally available. It is normal to have feelings for someone even after quite a few years. You both had a frank, serious conversation and things were clarified, and ultimately, that was a good thing. 1
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