You don't have to be tall to get a woman

[silicone]

Hmm. Ok, I grew up in poverty, endured abuse and sexual molestation by my father who then abandoned me, had my share and MORE THAN my share of bad relationships (attracting people doesn't mean you attract good people or that it will last), have had huge, recurring issues with anxiety, panic attacks, and depression, failed several classes my first semester in college, couldn't even leave the house at one point for five months straight (as in even couldn't step outside my door), etc..

 

Empathy is exactly where my post came from. I choose to get back up again and again and be happy and love myself despite anything that happens in my life or any mistakes I make.

 

I am not perfect. But I'd rather be happy. I CHOOSE to be happy. If you think this is something that came easily to me, you are mistaken. It didn't happen until I was 37, and took several months just to start to see differences. But now I am able to stay happy regardless of what happens.

 

Your thoughts affect your emotions. Your emotions affect your actions. Your actions affect the world.

 

Change your thoughts. Or don't. You can choose not to be happy, but it's not going to affect how I feel.

 

You can help a lot of those things - height isn't exactly an easy thing to change. You can change your personality, but it will only take you so far.

 

TheWholigan uses his brother as an example - they are in South London. From my experience and knowledge, those in London, particularly south and east, do have shorter men, so it's more comfortable for them. Others aren't in that situation.

[veggirl]

LS needs a pinned Height Thread. damn.

[sid3]

LS needs a pinned Height Thread. damn.

 

It needs a lack of height thread IMO.

[TheZebra]

The internet is the only place I've heard of men complaining about height and dating. I go out every weekend and see so many short guys with beautiful gals. They're everywhere. Even in high school I remember one of my good friends dating a guy who was like 6 inches shorter than her.

 

It's an excuse that short guys use as to why they can't get girls. No, it's not your heright, it's YOU.

[MalachiX]

Hmm. Ok, I grew up in poverty, endured abuse and sexual molestation by my father who then abandoned me, had my share and MORE THAN my share of bad relationships (attracting people doesn't mean you attract good people or that it will last), have had huge, recurring issues with anxiety, panic attacks, and depression, failed several classes my first semester in college, couldn't even leave the house at one point for five months straight (as in even couldn't step outside my door), etc..

 

Empathy is exactly where my post came from. I choose to get back up again and again and be happy and love myself despite anything that happens in my life or any mistakes I make.

 

I am not perfect. But I'd rather be happy. I CHOOSE to be happy. If you think this is something that came easily to me, you are mistaken. It didn't happen until I was 37, and took several months just to start to see differences. But now I am able to stay happy regardless of what happens.

 

Your thoughts affect your emotions. Your emotions affect your actions. Your actions affect the world.

 

Change your thoughts. Or don't. You can choose not to be happy, but it's not going to affect how I feel.

 

I wasn't talking about happiness, I was talking about success in dating.

 

I feel bad in bringing up my friend in the wheel chair again, because it seems like I'm talking about him as a statistic rather than a person, but his story sometimes helps myself and how people deal with challenges. Aside from being in a wheelchair his whole life, his mother went into a coma during childbirth and died years later before he ever got to really "meet" her. When he was in his early 20s, his sister was murdered by her husband and his father had a stroke shortly afterwards that handicapped him.

 

In the time i've known him, this guy has only put out positive emotions and is a credit human beings everywhere. As far as I know though, I've never seen him in a relationship.

 

We all have different challenges and react to them in different ways. If it takes some people longer than others to overcome theirs, it may not be because of a negative attitude, it may just be because they weren't as equipped to deal with them. I don't pretend to be able to fully understand what you've gone through just as I don't think you can fully understand what my friend has.

 

I know that, in the grand scheme of things, I've gotten off pretty easily. That doesn't mean that I don't struggle with a great many things and it doesn't mean that when I have moments of despair, I'm trying to being negative and trying to sabotage myself. We're all human beings.

 

Part of the reason why so many responded to the film The Sessions is that it was made by a handicapped writer/director, about a handicapped person, and that character was willing to say, "yeah, I'm pissed, and I'm bitter sometimes." That's not weakness. That's just the way it is.

 

I'm not trying to attack you, just to suggest how your post might be read by some how are still having trouble in overcoming their obstacles.

 

When you were at your worst, when you were dealing with severe anxiety and memories of abandonment, I wonder how you might have responded if some guy said, "Hey! Charlize Theron was abandoned by her dad and had tons of mental problems but I'd still date her in a minute! Trust me because I'm a handsome dude who's never had any trouble finding a date!" Maybe you might have found it a tad patronizing. Maybe not. I don't really know you.

 

Peace and Love

[MalachiX]

It's an excuse that short guys use as to why they can't get girls. No, it's not your heright, it's YOU.

 

I guess this is more the kinda post that I feel is just as destructive as the self-pitying/anti-women posts.

 

If you ever get to read the book "Outliers," it talks a lot about how so many different factors go into success in all areas. The great take-away I got from it was that success in anything (including romance) relies on a lot of different things that are often hard to see and often beyond our control. It doesn't mean that we should give up. It just means that we shouldn't assume that there's something wrong with people who don't easily succeed.

 

Frankly, I think if you said, "Heavy women just use that as an excuse why they can't get men. It's not because you're fat, it's just you!"

 

Everyone has trouble with something. If it's not dating then it's something else. People who are having trouble in anything deserve our sympathy more than they deserve our scorn.

 

Besides, I doubt any of us would be on these forums had we mastered 100% the art of romance

[Truthsayer]

The internet is the only place I've heard of men complaining about height and dating. I go out every weekend and see so many short guys with beautiful gals. They're everywhere. Even in high school I remember one of my good friends dating a guy who was like 6 inches shorter than her.

 

It's an excuse that short guys use as to why they can't get girls. No, it's not your heright, it's YOU.

 

 

 

Lol. Ive noticed the exact opposite. Ive know quite a few women to say and show in action they are only dating 6ft+ tall guys. Proof that sometimes its not you its your height. What city are you in where hoards of short guys are getting beautiful women? Do you live in the promise land?

[ThaWholigan]

I guess this is more the kinda post that I feel is just as destructive as the self-pitying/anti-women posts.

 

If you ever get to read the book "Outliers," it talks a lot about how so many different factors go into success in all areas. The great take-away I got from it was that success in anything (including romance) relies on a lot of different things that are often hard to see and often beyond our control. It doesn't mean that we should give up. It just means that we shouldn't assume that there's something wrong with people who don't easily succeed.

 

Frankly, I think if you said, "Heavy women just use that as an excuse why they can't get men. It's not because you're fat, it's just you!"

 

Everyone has trouble with something. If it's not dating then it's something else. People who are having trouble in anything deserve our sympathy more than they deserve our scorn.

 

Besides, I doubt any of us would be on these forums had we mastered 100% the art of romance

It's OK to vent. Really.

 

But where we have a problem is when it becomes excessive, and then people start blaming others. I do have empathy (or at least, I try to all the time), but it can only go so far. I am always advising and geeing up, and understanding, and empathizing, and encouraging for none of it to mean anything. That gets jarring. Every now and then, someone is going to come and say "Hey, we get it. It's hard. Get over it now".

 

I know it's not what people want to hear, but this is the other side of the coin.

[SteveC80]

Not to be cynical but most women who are open to date shorter man are older women whos bioligcal clocks are ticking and they no longer have the same market value they used to

 

So if im a short ddue i guess id wait till this women get oledr and desperate lol

[MalachiX]

It's OK to vent. Really.

 

But where we have a problem is when it becomes excessive, and then people start blaming others. I do have empathy (or at least, I try to all the time), but it can only go so far. I am always advising and geeing up, and understanding, and empathizing, and encouraging for none of it to mean anything. That gets jarring. Every now and then, someone is going to come and say "Hey, we get it. It's hard. Get over it now".

 

Yes. It's not black and white it's shades of grey. What I'm saying is can we stop making it seem that every guy who might get frustrated because he's short/overweight/low-income is some depressed/angry misogynist? After all, what the women here seem to be frustrated by is that the "angry dudes" seem to think that, because they have had some issues with their heights, they argue that every woman is a shallow, hypocritical bitch who won't date anyone under 6 feet?

 

Once again, not everyone is the same so let's stop pre-judging people.

[ThaWholigan]

Yes. It's not black and white it's shades of grey. What I'm saying is can we stop making it seem that every guy who might get frustrated because he's short/overweight/low-income is some depressed/angry misogynist? After all, what the women here seem to be frustrated by is that the "angry dudes" seem to think that, because they have had some issues with their heights, they argue that every woman is a shallow, hypocritical bitch who won't date anyone under 6 feet?

 

Once again, not everyone is the same so let's stop pre-judging people.

I've never thought that. I actually think that the few misogynistic people on the forum are guys who actually get somewhere sexually (or say they get somewhere) with women. I don't think that all the frustrated guys are that way.

[Treasa]

When you were at your worst, when you were dealing with severe anxiety and memories of abandonment, I wonder how you might have responded if some guy said, "Hey! Charlize Theron was abandoned by her dad and had tons of mental problems but I'd still date her in a minute! Trust me because I'm a handsome dude who's never had any trouble finding a date!" Maybe you might have found it a tad patronizing. Maybe not. I don't really know you.

Peace and Love

 

Self-pity didn't help me. Waiting for others to come along and make me happy didn't help me. It wasn't until I was in my darkest hour and I knew I had to make a change that I finally did. And that change was hard as hell to initiate. Choosing to be happy when everything around you is horrible is hard to do....at first.

 

So what would you have me tell these people? Oh, yeah, all women are jerks. Yes, you're right, you are short and ugly and no one wants you.

 

Sorry, that isn't me. I prefer to try to give hope and a different perspective.

[MalachiX]

Self-pity didn't help me. Waiting for others to come along and make me happy didn't help me. It wasn't until I was in my darkest hour and I knew I had to make a change that I finally did. And that change was hard as hell to initiate. Choosing to be happy when everything around you is horrible is hard to do....at first.

 

Yeah but, once again, I know people who have chosen to be happy and still can't get dates. They are amazing people but a positive outlook doesn't fix everything.

 

So what would you have me tell these people? Oh, yeah, all women are jerks. Yes, you're right, you are short and ugly and no one wants you.

 

You know, for someone who has gone through so much and claims to have such empathy, I'm surprised to see how polarized you seem to see things and how easily you seem to ignore perfectly clear statements.

 

Did I say you should tell people that all women are jerks? Did you some how miss the multiple times when I said I hate this attitude as much as anything.

 

Why is exactly are things so black and white for you? Do you really think that only alternative to your post is to tell people to wallow in despair and hate the opposite sex?

 

I don't know you but the longer this topic seems to go on, the less "hopeful" your posts become.

 

I'll use my friend in the wheelchair as an example one last time and then call it quits: A while ago, I was working on a project with him and there was a third individual who had recently lost a ton of weight. My friend had gotten out of his chair at this point and the chair wasn't in view when the third guy arrived. He looked at my friend and said, "how much do you weigh?"

 

My friend replied, "I honestly couldn't tell you."

 

The guy then said, "I used to way a lot like you but I started eating right and took it off no trouble."

 

"Ok," my friend said not feeling the need to explain to this guy that his weight problems were largely due to his lack of mobility.

 

"It's really not hard," the guy continued even though none of us wanted to hear it. "You just have to work hard and really want to lose weight." You can imagine how awkward this was.

 

The point is that we don't always know why people have difficulties with certain things. Maybe they don't have handicaps we can easily see but maybe certain things, both physical and emotional can hinder us more than we realize. Being happy doesn't always fix every problem you may have. Being happy doesn't make you a great dancer or a great singer and being happy doesn't help you lose weight when you can barely walk on your own.

 

What I'm suggesting is that certain difficulties are, in many ways, as real as physical handicaps. They don't disappear because you act positively.

 

I don't know how to fix every emotional problem a person may have. If I did, I would be in a much better place. I do think however that there's a happy medium between telling someone to dwell in despair and patronizing them. I think people respond much better when they don't feel condescended to and when others awknowladge the challenges they face.

[serial muse]

Not to be cynical but most women who are open to date shorter man are older women whos bioligcal clocks are ticking and they no longer have the same market value they used to

 

So if im a short ddue i guess id wait till this women get oledr and desperate lol

 

Ha, thanks for the example, this is the exact sort of thing I'm talking about.

 

I'm 5'6". My exH was 5'4", as I've noted on these boards before. He had no problems getting women. I'm not going to rate myself on a 1-10 scale, because yuck, but I didn't date/marry him because I was old and desperate. I was young, attractive, and found him attractive too. So stick that in your cynicism.

 

And it's annoying that I even feel annoyed by this. All so destructive.

[somedude81]

Let me ask this.

 

If I were 5'11 instead of 5'6, would my chances of getting a woman be equal, higher, or lower? Considering nothing else changes.

[pbjbear]

I am barely 5'4 and I have dated several men my height and who were only a tad taller (like 5'5-5'6)

 

The guy I dated I liked the most was 5'5

 

Hopefully this deflates some cynicism

 

Most women want a guy who is not shorter...but not all girls want a guy a foot taller

 

I also dont wear heels very often

[ascendotum]

Not to be cynical but most women who are open to date shorter man are older women whos bioligcal clocks are ticking and they no longer have the same market value they used to

 

So if im a short ddue i guess id wait till this women get oledr and desperate lol

 

Not wanting to be cynical as well, but there's truth to this. I could say hey I know 4 small build guys who have all ended up in relationships in the last few years and 2 of them now have kids with their woman. See there's plenty of woman not hung up on size...but leave out the fact that these guys had been single from 2-10 yrs prior, women where in late 30s up, 2 were single moms, only 2 had any financial stability, 2 had mental issues, 1 had a bit of a disfigurement from an injury....and it paints a slightly different picture.

I also worked with a short guy a couple of years ago who went on numerous dates and was knocking back girls I thought were really great, so its easy to use examples from both sides of the coin. An introverted 'nice guy' short guy is going struggle, and he has macho up his image + boost his confidence the best he can.

[pbjbear]

Not to be cynical but most women who are open to date shorter man are older women whos bioligcal clocks are ticking and they no longer have the same market value they used to

 

So if im a short ddue i guess id wait till this women get oledr and desperate lol

 

Hey I guess we are all cynical

 

Most guys who date an average looking girl only do so because they cannot get the hotter one. Most guys who date an average looking girl pretend they are satisfied with her while continually shopping for hotter women on the side

 

Oh well its life

[ascendotum]

I also agree its just as valid to say... "Heavy women just use that as an excuse why they can't get men. It's not because you're fat, it's just you!"

I also agree with W, that many height threads do rant on blaming women. Still in theory there should not be an imbalance in the dating pool if short girls were fine dating their equivalent.

[TheZebra]

Lol. Ive noticed the exact opposite. Ive know quite a few women to say and show in action they are only dating 6ft+ tall guys. Proof that sometimes its not you its your height. What city are you in where hoards of short guys are getting beautiful women? Do you live in the promise land?

 

I live in the good ol' USA in a big city with lots of different folks from all races and cultures.

 

I go out in some capacity (restaurants, bars, shopping) almost every day. I sit and people watch sometimes. I've lost count of the number of times I've seen a guy my height (5'5) with a girl. They're not sitting there by themselves, no, they're there with a gorgeous girl on their arms.

 

What I'm trying to get across is that people use it as an excuse. I've NEVER heard a guy complain IRL about height and dating. Only here. Seriously. When you're choosing to date someone you go for the whole package. Guys who blame their height have other undesirables and are simply choosing height because it's the easiest thing. It's like when I was in college and one of my hispanic friends would complain that he didn't get a job because of his accent. No, dude, you didn't get the job because you have a 2.0 GPA. But people naturally go for the thing that they can't change because it's a cop out. It's easier than actually accepting the fact that there's something wrong with you that you CAN change and NEED to.

 

I mean seriously, how many women need to come on here and say they don't want to date a 6 foot tall guy?

 

Yeesh...

[TheZebra]

It's funny how people are always blamed for everything, height is important for men it can ruin or make you.

 

Who is to blame if a child is born retarded?. The child itself?.

 

Are you talking about yourself in that example? Because you obviously didn't understand the simple message of my post.

 

People blame the easiest thing they can when things go wrong; and it's always something they can't help.

 

"Oh it's my height that's the problem! I was born this way - there's nothing I can do! Woe is me!"

 

No, it's everything else that's the problem. It's your personality most likely.

 

Men are on average taller than women. That means that on average you will find a girl who is your height or shorter, or even a woman who doesn't care about height and will date someone shorter. If you're STILL not finding a girl, then height's not your problem. Sorry to burst your bubble.

[silicone]

Are you talking about yourself in that example? Because you obviously didn't understand the simple message of my post.

 

People blame the easiest thing they can when things go wrong; and it's always something they can't help.

 

"Oh it's my height that's the problem! I was born this way - there's nothing I can do! Woe is me!"

 

No, it's everything else that's the problem. It's your personality most likely.

 

Men are on average taller than women. That means that on average you will find a girl who is your height or shorter, or even a woman who doesn't care about height and will date someone shorter. If you're STILL not finding a girl, then height's not your problem. Sorry to burst your bubble.

 

 

It's not exactly easy to find a girl who will date a shorter guy, who you find attractive and who's personality fits in with yours.

[KungFuJoe]

Hey I guess we are all cynical

 

No...just you....and the rest of the bunch who do nothing but whine and moan and cry endless buckets of tears because "life isn't fair".

 

Sorry...I got no sympathy for you guys. NONE.

 

I look at a guy like TheWholigan, who has autism...and he's got his **** together more than any of you guys. He didn't sit back and say, "**** me, I'm screwed...I'm hopeless" and then come here and cry about it.

 

He took a good long look at himself, with EYES WIDE OPEN, and he made a DECISION that he wasn't going to let it keep him down. He's happy with his life and it SHOWS with every effing post he makes. You can feel the optimism and the enthusiasm for life and it's contagious. It makes people around him happy and he emits a positive vibe that I'm sure carries with him when he logs off of LS. And he will find his happiness one day, I guarantee it.

 

People...you have ONE life to live. Then you DIE and there's no second chance.

 

So ask yourself...you wanna live that one life you got full of piss and hate and cynicism and skepticism and FEAR? I know I didn't. Hell ****ing no.

 

I know most of what I'm saying will fall on deaf ears. Maybe I'm an idiot for even attempting to help anyone here, but I just can't stand the fact that there are people here, more blessed and lucky than most people in the world, and all you can do is attack men, attack women, attach the very people that you hope to find love from.

 

It just doesn't make any sense to me. I can't comprehend how you can want love from someone and STILL hate them at the same time???

 

You guys are blind...SO BLIND...you can't see the forest for the trees. I know I can type and type and type and type and it's just my OCD that keeps me going and going but sometimes I sit here and I wanna pull my hair out...it's THAT frustrating.

[pbjbear]

Im not crying tears over not having a boyfriend- most of the men I meet wouldnt make me happy

 

Most people are cynical about something...Im cynical about men due to my environment and the quality of men I interact with on a daily basis and am surrounded by. Im not cynical about other things though

[PJKino]

No...just you....and the rest of the bunch who do nothing but whine and moan and cry endless buckets of tears because "life isn't fair".

 

Sorry...I got no sympathy for you guys. NONE.

 

I look at a guy like TheWholigan, who has autism...and he's got his **** together more than any of you guys. He didn't sit back and say, "**** me, I'm screwed...I'm hopeless" and then come here and cry about it.

 

He took a good long look at himself, with EYES WIDE OPEN, and he made a DECISION that he wasn't going to let it keep him down. He's happy with his life and it SHOWS with every effing post he makes. You can feel the optimism and the enthusiasm for life and it's contagious. It makes people around him happy and he emits a positive vibe that I'm sure carries with him when he logs off of LS. And he will find his happiness one day, I guarantee it.

 

People...you have ONE life to live. Then you DIE and there's no second chance.

 

So ask yourself...you wanna live that one life you got full of piss and hate and cynicism and skepticism and FEAR? I know I didn't. Hell ****ing no.

 

I know most of what I'm saying will fall on deaf ears. Maybe I'm an idiot for even attempting to help anyone here, but I just can't stand the fact that there are people here, more blessed and lucky than most people in the world, and all you can do is attack men, attack women, attach the very people that you hope to find love from.

 

It just doesn't make any sense to me. I can't comprehend how you can want love from someone and STILL hate them at the same time???

 

You guys are blind...SO BLIND...you can't see the forest for the trees. I know I can type and type and type and type and it's just my OCD that keeps me going and going but sometimes I sit here and I wanna pull my hair out...it's THAT frustrating.

 

Im positvie in most of my parts of my life attracting women is one part where iam a realist i realize im not good at it and being short is part of the reason thats all im saying

 

Beign overly positve and blindly thinking im gonna suceed at dating has only set me up for heart break and failure so if i objectively look at the situation and set my expectations low i cant be disapponted anymore is how i look at it..