Wondering31 Posted January 30, 2013 Posted January 30, 2013 I am currently going out with this guy and we have been on 5 dates. He is such a great guy in all areas and so sweet. He is not as cute as I would like but I am trying to move past that because I understand that he could possibly become more attractive the more I like him. My problem is that he is moving so fast, wanting to see me everyday and already talking about future plans, vacations, valentines day, ect... In the past if that full attraction is not there after a few dates then I duck out but I feel like I have been doing it the wrong way. Should I give it more of a chance and if so how should I tell him I want to slow it down.
Balzac Posted January 30, 2013 Posted January 30, 2013 Welcome to LS! I'm not understanding how Valentines Day is moving at warp speed. You've had 5 dates, a guy needs time to make reservations, buy tickets, secure the dozen long stems. If you call it over that's ok too.
superb Posted January 30, 2013 Posted January 30, 2013 I am currently going out with this guy and we have been on 5 dates. He is such a great guy in all areas and so sweet. He is not as cute as I would like but I am trying to move past that because I understand that he could possibly become more attractive the more I like him. My problem is that he is moving so fast, wanting to see me everyday and already talking about future plans, vacations, valentines day, ect... In the past if that full attraction is not there after a few dates then I duck out but I feel like I have been doing it the wrong way. Should I give it more of a chance and if so how should I tell him I want to slow it down. Is it because you're seeing other people?
Author Wondering31 Posted January 30, 2013 Author Posted January 30, 2013 No, I'm not seeing other people. And valentines day us no big deal but wanting to take me on a vacation in a month is a big deal to me. Believe me, I would love to not worry about and just take him up on his vacation offer but what if jn a month I know for sure that he is just not right for me. And I know it's only been 5 dates but I'm not sure that the chemistry is there. And maybe I'm just a lil scared cause he is moving so fast, I'm not used to that.
superb Posted January 30, 2013 Posted January 30, 2013 No, I'm not seeing other people. And valentines day us no big deal but wanting to take me on a vacation in a month is a big deal to me. Believe me, I would love to not worry about and just take him up on his vacation offer but what if jn a month I know for sure that he is just not right for me. And I know it's only been 5 dates but I'm not sure that the chemistry is there. And maybe I'm just a lil scared cause he is moving so fast, I'm not used to that. On the other hand, if he acted like he wasn't interested in you...how would you feel?
Balzac Posted January 30, 2013 Posted January 30, 2013 I'm curious how many men you've had 5 dates with? Is going out of town for a romantic tryst what you refer to as a vacation?
TouchedByViolet Posted January 30, 2013 Posted January 30, 2013 The best thing to do would be to tell him he is moving too fast. Just be honest and communicate that his speed is bothering you. Easy. If he doesn't get the message or something... next. 1
Author Wondering31 Posted January 30, 2013 Author Posted January 30, 2013 I usually only make it to about 3 dates before I bail but I am trying to give this more of a chance because he is such a great guy. And this us more like a vacation, a week away at the beach.
Treasa Posted January 30, 2013 Posted January 30, 2013 You don't have to accept all his requests for dates. You're sometimes busy with going to the gym, or hanging out with the girls, etc. 1
Author Wondering31 Posted January 30, 2013 Author Posted January 30, 2013 Ha ha. That's just it, I tell him these things but he wants to come over after I go to the gym or see me after my girls night. I like to have lots of time to myself and I do not have to see someone every day.
Treasa Posted January 30, 2013 Posted January 30, 2013 Ha ha. That's just it, I tell him these things but he wants to come over after I go to the gym or see me after my girls night. I like to have lots of time to myself and I do not have to see someone every day. Ok, so you say, "Actually, I'm tired and I'm just going to hang out by myself tonight after <whatever>." If that is too subtle, tell him you like having your own space and that he needs to give it to you. 2
Balzac Posted January 30, 2013 Posted January 30, 2013 My read on this is that you two have different goals for this relationship. It's not about him being wrong or moving too fast. It's certainly not wrong to need personal time. I think there's not enough chemistry on your side. This is the infatuation stage @ 5 dates and you're not feeling it. Do him a kindness and cut this off. 2
clia Posted January 30, 2013 Posted January 30, 2013 Ha ha. That's just it, I tell him these things but he wants to come over after I go to the gym or see me after my girls night. Just tell him you are busy relaxing, cleaning your house, washing your hair, playing Just Dance on the Wii, reading a book, watching American Idol, cleaning your closet, catching up with your friends, goofing around on the Internet, or whatever. If you don't want to get together, decline his invitation. That's it. You are 1/2 of this relationship so you can also set the pace. When he makes "future talk" just smile and change the subject. He can dream and plan and think all he wants. I like to have lots of time to myself and I do not have to see someone every day. I am exactly the same. I told my boyfriend this on around our second date, so it didn't come as a surprise to him. I see him maybe 3 times a week. That is plenty for me. 1
veggirl Posted January 30, 2013 Posted January 30, 2013 Just tell him "I am interested in getting to know you, not jumping into an insta relationship where we spend all our time together. Slow your roll you freak, you look desperate and needy, do you have a life outside of me at all?" you could word it differently if you want but that's the jist. 4
FitChick Posted January 30, 2013 Posted January 30, 2013 The hotter the flame the faster it burns out. You need to slow him down as others have said. Sounds like he is just desperate for sex, though. You could tell him you want to wait for your first time together -- during that romantic beach vacation. Otherwise, I have a feeling if you have sex now, that vacation will suddenly evaporate. 1
mustangguy29 Posted January 30, 2013 Posted January 30, 2013 I am currently going out with this guy and we have been on 5 dates. He is such a great guy in all areas and so sweet. He is not as cute as I would like but I am trying to move past that because I understand that he could possibly become more attractive the more I like him. My problem is that he is moving so fast, wanting to see me everyday and already talking about future plans, vacations, valentines day, ect... In the past if that full attraction is not there after a few dates then I duck out but I feel like I have been doing it the wrong way. Should I give it more of a chance and if so how should I tell him I want to slow it down. Break up with him now and spare both of you the heartache of doing it a year from now. Even if you do talk yourself into pretending to be attractive to him, that initial burst of lust will fade, and you will still not find him attractive. He won't be happy because you guys are not having enough sex, and you won't be happy, because he keeps pushing you to have sex. 1
flopply hat Posted January 30, 2013 Posted January 30, 2013 Have you ever being on the other end? Wanting to be with someone and they put you off? I have and took it all wrong or did I? I thought 'he is just not that attracted to me as I am to him'. If he had of told me he needed time for himself then it may of worked as it was I needed more and he just gave excuses so it didn't work. So i say tell him exactley how you feel. Communication is important.
kaylan Posted January 30, 2013 Posted January 30, 2013 I am currently going out with this guy and we have been on 5 dates. He is such a great guy in all areas and so sweet. He is not as cute as I would like but I am trying to move past that because I understand that he could possibly become more attractive the more I like him. My problem is that he is moving so fast, wanting to see me everyday and already talking about future plans, vacations, valentines day, ect... In the past if that full attraction is not there after a few dates then I duck out but I feel like I have been doing it the wrong way. Should I give it more of a chance and if so how should I tell him I want to slow it down. If the attraction isnt there now, it wont be there later. You should know after a few dates. Id say launch and let him and yourself find someone who has a burning desire for each of you. You think this guy is moving fast because you arent into him. If you were into him, youd be delighted by him planning ahead and taking such an interest in you. 1
Author Wondering31 Posted January 31, 2013 Author Posted January 31, 2013 Thank you all for your advice! It's really opened my eyes, today he is acting as if he is already in love and I'm like, really? He text me earlier and said he showed his little girl a picture of us and she said "Yale look so happy". We were drinking so of course we looked happy, is what I am thinking but he is thinking his 3 yr old really has insight into the future and this tells me it's probably best I try to end it before he really gets hurt. Thanks again you guys.
Kamila Posted January 31, 2013 Posted January 31, 2013 If you don't feel it yet after 5 dates, it's okay. Sometimes attraction comes later. I'm also more of a slow person, your date will just have to be more patient. You can't rush those things, don't force yourself.
Phoe Posted January 31, 2013 Posted January 31, 2013 I am another supporter of the "slowly get to know and go on several dates to let attraction BUILD" method... I personally took quite a bit of time to become very interested in my previous boyfriends, but I do think there's something to be said about the other posters insights.... you may just not be all that into him. Of course, the whole "I showed my daughter a picture of us and she thinks we're so precious" convo would DEFINITELY have me feeling spooked too. Let him know that you like to move slowly, and during those times when he insists on seeing you after the gym (or whatever it is you're doing), just tell him you feel like going home and relaxing on your own for the night, just getting some "me" time, and then offer to hang with him another time soon
mtber75 Posted February 1, 2013 Posted February 1, 2013 I am currently going out with this guy and we have been on 5 dates. He is such a great guy in all areas and so sweet. He is not as cute as I would like but I am trying to move past that because I understand that he could possibly become more attractive the more I like him. My problem is that he is moving so fast, wanting to see me everyday and already talking about future plans, vacations, valentines day, ect... In the past if that full attraction is not there after a few dates then I duck out but I feel like I have been doing it the wrong way. Should I give it more of a chance and if so how should I tell him I want to slow it down. By telling him directly to SLOW DOWN! Guys are pretty direct. If he is really into you than he'll understand.
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