number122 Posted January 30, 2013 Posted January 30, 2013 (edited) Okay, I have a simple question to ask everybody here. In a normal relationship (for example after 1 year of being together) who should invest (like energy, time, money, caring) more into the relationship? Who should uphold it? The women or the man? What is the correct stand regarding this? What does it mean if the scale is leaning more to one side? Another user here suggested that the man should always be a little distant in relationships. Is that true? I'm a little confused regarding these questions. What do you think? Edited January 30, 2013 by number122
superb Posted January 30, 2013 Posted January 30, 2013 Okay, I have a simple question to ask everybody here. In a normal relationship (for example after 1 year of being together) who should invest (like energy, time, money, caring) more into the relationship? Who should uphold it? The women or the man? What is the correct stand regarding this? What does it mean if the scale is leaning more to one side? Another user here suggested that the man should always be a little distant in relationships. Is that true? I'm a little confused regarding these questions. What do you think? I think both people should be equally involved. Women tend to be more emotional sure but being distant is a red flag to me. 1
Balzac Posted January 30, 2013 Posted January 30, 2013 Adding money into the criteria makes this more complicated. Point of fact, statistically speaking, men generally out earn women. Perhaps you have more specifics to add on just that criteria point? I'm not a supporter of men being less involved or holding to a distance theory.
Author number122 Posted January 30, 2013 Author Posted January 30, 2013 Hm. How should I respond to this? For example. - Only one side makes/plans the programs - One side responds more and seeks the others attention more (for example email, sms etc etc). Who should be the one who makes the relationship working? Who should contribute more? Is it a mans "job"? Or a womans?
superb Posted January 30, 2013 Posted January 30, 2013 Hm. How should I respond to this? For example. - Only one side makes/plans the programs - One side responds more and seeks the others attention more (for example email, sms etc etc). Who should be the one who makes the relationship working? Who should contribute more? Is it a mans "job"? Or a womans? When I was married I made all plans, handled everything. Some women like to be in control but at the end of the day if you feel like your partner isn't involved it takes a toll on the relationship. I'm not sure there is a right answer here. It's what you're comfortable with..and what does the other person bring to the relationship if you're handling all the business that makes it function and progress.
Balzac Posted January 30, 2013 Posted January 30, 2013 In my world both parties contribute 100% effort to drive the relationship bus. That being said, in some LTR couples, one party is the agreed social secretary but that does not cover the total of planned couple activities.
TheZebra Posted January 30, 2013 Posted January 30, 2013 It's a relationship - an agreement between two people to be together and share their lives. It's both of their jobs to make sure that the other person is happy and to uphold the relationship. If one person fails, the relationship fails. 1
superb Posted January 30, 2013 Posted January 30, 2013 The woman, if the man cares more the inevitable result will be an ever decreasing level of respect from his woman. I disagree. Women like men who can participate in a relationship. That is old school thinking. What about the woman's respect level?
superb Posted January 30, 2013 Posted January 30, 2013 You can disagree all you want, doesn't make it any less true. I never said men shouldn't participate, I said you should never ( outwardly ) care more than she does. I had a man tell me that once and it turned out he was using me for sex. Thinking you hold the upper hand because you appear careless can really cause problems.
superb Posted January 30, 2013 Posted January 30, 2013 That depends, did he get to use you for sex? If so, I don't really see the problem. My point is...whether he really liked me a bunch or not...he appeared not to. So I quit dealing with him. Being a mystery about your feelings for someone isn't attractive long term.
pbjbear Posted January 30, 2013 Posted January 30, 2013 The common theme I have seen in my life is that men invest more into the courting/dating phase and women invest more in relationships. Men put in more effort to "get" her and then when thats over the woman does most of the work. Women also tend to do most of the work in marriages...research stats back me up on that, Ive seen relationships where the woman takes a man for granted, but Ive seen far far more vice versa. Thats why when a guy I like gives me attention and acts like he really likes me in the beginning, I soak it up because most likely if I settled into a relationship with him Id be putting more effort in than him. I think society says a woman is supposed to be more invested/put more effort into relationships...not saying men are 100% to blame. I have never ever dated a guy where after 3 months, our efforts were still 50/50. I was always the one doing more than 50. One of the reasons why I havent been super interested in getting a boyfriend in the past few years.
superb Posted January 30, 2013 Posted January 30, 2013 I'll take that as a yes, so he got what he was after. I didn't say be a mystery about your feelings. I said do not ( outwardly appear to ) care more than her. That doesn't mean you should be a block of ice when your long term girlfriend tells you her mother is dying, it means you should always be the one who's prepared to walk away. She picks up her cellphone on one of the first dates? Slip out when she's in the bathroom. You try to set up a date but she's always busy? Unless she initiates contact to make plans you move on. It doesn't matter if I had sex with him or not. Too many games.
pbjbear Posted January 30, 2013 Posted January 30, 2013 That would be because women dump men who put in more than 50% long before 3 months. As long as I like the guy, I do not.
superb Posted January 30, 2013 Posted January 30, 2013 Of course it does. His goal was to use you for sex, you claim not caring is a problem if you're a man. If he had sex with you he got what he wanted, hence there's no problem for him whatsoever. Or do you think you have a magical vagina, the loss of which he will never recover from? lol...well no, I think he was a player who took advantage of me. Not being able to distinguish player from normal men is my problem since they all look/act the same.
superb Posted January 30, 2013 Posted January 30, 2013 No they don't. How did he take advantage of you? Did he blackmail you? Spiked your bottled water with alcohol? Or did you voluntarily have sex with him? He took advantage by lying about his intentions. My bad for believing him and I don't regret sleeping with him anyway. I had fun. Why attach lies to something? Women like sex too, why do men feel the need to lie or pretend to get it?
pbjbear Posted January 30, 2013 Posted January 30, 2013 Because you're old, no offense. 25 is too old???
pbjbear Posted January 30, 2013 Posted January 30, 2013 lol...well no, I think he was a player who took advantage of me. Not being able to distinguish player from normal men is my problem since they all look/act the same. Girl I feel ya on this one. Nobody on this site believes me that there are men out there (who arent typical players and obvious about it) who can put up a facade of being nice for quite some time. Really it boggles my mind. Avoiding known players wont make you immune to this. Plenty of nice, normal men you meet everyday also lie to get what they want. People are dishonest and deceiving and Im sure women do it too. I dont know, Im not a lesbian. 3
Pyro Posted January 30, 2013 Posted January 30, 2013 Okay, I have a simple question to ask everybody here. In a normal relationship (for example after 1 year of being together) who should invest (like energy, time, money, caring) more into the relationship? Who should uphold it? The women or the man? What is the correct stand regarding this? What does it mean if the scale is leaning more to one side? Another user here suggested that the man should always be a little distant in relationships. Is that true? I'm a little confused regarding these questions. What do you think? Anyone who suggests you to be distant just means that they are insecure with themselves. Both sides should invest what they can into a relationship. If you want a half-as$ relationship then don't invest. The woman, if the man cares more the inevitable result will be an ever decreasing level of respect from his woman. Just because that was your personal experience doesn't mean that we will all have the same fate. 2
superb Posted January 30, 2013 Posted January 30, 2013 Girl I feel ya on this one. Nobody on this site believes me that there are men out there (who arent typical players and obvious about it) who can put up a facade of being nice for quite some time. Really it boggles my mind. Avoiding known players wont make you immune to this. Plenty of nice, normal men you meet everyday also lie to get what they want. People are dishonest and deceiving and Im sure women do it too. I dont know, Im not a lesbian. I believe you...I've met them.
KungFuJoe Posted January 30, 2013 Posted January 30, 2013 Greznog, If you spent half as much energy trying to go out and actually date as you do in here bashing women with every post you'd probably..... ....well...you probably still wouldn't get laid. But at least it would be a lot nicer around here for everyone else. 2
superb Posted January 30, 2013 Posted January 30, 2013 Greznog, If you spent half as much energy trying to go out and actually date as you do in here bashing women with every post you'd probably..... ....well...you probably still wouldn't get laid. But at least it would be a lot nicer around here for everyone else. FInding amusement and a "haha" factor because a guy used a woman for sex, says a lot about who you are and how you think. Not that I actually care, cause I don't...I'm immune to jerks.
Author number122 Posted January 31, 2013 Author Posted January 31, 2013 (edited) The woman, if the man cares more the inevitable result will be an ever decreasing level of respect from his woman. I actually experience this. I give a lot of attention and care, but it seems it backfires/backfired.I live in a LDR. - She usually never calls, usually I do it (however we do talk everyday in chat) - She never traveled to me (even though I said I would pay for the traveling fees) - I can't even remember when she planned something that we should do together (usually I make the plans, like going to movies, theater, wellness, training etc etc) _ I send a little poem every month at our anniversery...she usually forgets the whole thing. So when I'm abroad she usually doesn't care much, but when are together she's sweet. I'm quite confused at her behaviour. Oo Oh well, I shoudn't expect much from a 19yo girl? Maybe it's time to move on and find someone more worthy. Edited January 31, 2013 by number122
Author number122 Posted January 31, 2013 Author Posted January 31, 2013 Oh and I forgot to add that she usually does not mentions me. For example I always take her to the zoo each year atleast once (she loves it), but I noticed that when she's talking about it to someone else(guy or girl doesnt matter) she does not mention in any way that I took her or I was with her. She usually says "I was at the zoo and ....". This goes for every thing usually. (Like "I went to see the movie XY, it was great! or such"). This bugs me a little.
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