Treasa Posted January 30, 2013 Posted January 30, 2013 I feel the part in bold. I also read self-help books. But it's like there's some wall in my head and nothing goes through to make me change my thinking. Have things changed since you switched to positive thinking? Yes. I'm almost always happy now, even if external circumstances haven't changed. I'll tell you, it takes a lot of work, and it takes ongoing work. You'll never be "cured." But like all good things, it's worth the effort and does become easier with time.
Author lookingforyou Posted January 30, 2013 Author Posted January 30, 2013 It's always going to be their loss if you're a wonderful person and they didn't get the chance to experience or know that. People play a lot of games in dating and many aren't sure what they want. Just know that the person who is truly interested won't make you feel this way. There is a light at the end of the tunnel, just gotta get there. Thanks. I can't wait to get out of the tunnel! Looks are subjective. I'm often attracted to men who a lot of girls wouldn't find outwardly "handsome." Some people will find you good looking, others will not. It's just an opinion and not a reflection on whether or not you are actually attractive. Not to sound sexist but there are more cases of women attracted to men that aren't outwardly handsome and fewer of men attracted to women that aren't outwardly beautiful. I like what you said about this. It's just an opinion and not a reflection on whether or not you are actually attractive.
Treasa Posted January 30, 2013 Posted January 30, 2013 Thanks. I can't wait to get out of the tunnel! Not to sound sexist but there are more cases of women attracted to men that aren't outwardly handsome and fewer of men attracted to women that aren't outwardly beautiful. I like what you said about this. It's just an opinion and not a reflection on whether or not you are actually attractive. I was once 270 pounds. I'm 5'2". I still had no problem attracting men. I'm cute, funny, outgoing, flirty, and know how to make people feel good about themselves.
Treasa Posted January 30, 2013 Posted January 30, 2013 yeah, yeah, all good... but I've been meaning to ask... is the top of your head shaved in your pic, or is it just pulled back really tightly!?!? makes no difference... I'm just wondering! sorry! :o:o :lmao: It's not either. I just have dark hair and the top was shoved backward because I wanted the focus to be my face. If you want to see my hair, I have other pictures in my album. 1
Author lookingforyou Posted January 30, 2013 Author Posted January 30, 2013 I was once 270 pounds. I'm 5'2". I still had no problem attracting men. I'm cute, funny, outgoing, flirty, and know how to make people feel good about themselves. Wow. That's amazing.
GravityMan Posted January 30, 2013 Posted January 30, 2013 The first two replies by Samilia and Treasa were very good. Just because someone rejects you doesn't necessarily have to mean that there's a "problem" (i.e. a flaw, a weakness) with you OR them. It could be as simple as "she just isn't attracted to you" - and there doesn't have to be any particular reason why. Or maybe she isn't looking to date at that time. Or maybe she prefers tatted-up biker dudes or prefers hipsters, while you're the clean-cut dress-shirt young professional. And on and on. This is why I think it's a bit silly to dwell on & worry about any one rejection, and just accept it, let it go and move on. Chances are, eventually some woman will be attracted to him the way he is. Now if the person is getting rejected a whole lot - i.e. nearly all of the time, then perhaps he should take a look in the mirror.
somedude81 Posted January 30, 2013 Posted January 30, 2013 Do you ever feel that if someone rejects you or isn't interested in you the way you are into them, that you're the problem? Such as maybe because you're not good looking enough, not smart enough or not tall enough? How many of you, on the contrary, think it's their loss? Of course it's me. If I'm rejected by 100 different girls. How can I possibly say that it's them and not me?
Samilia Posted January 30, 2013 Posted January 30, 2013 Could you elaborate on the bold? I'm not trying to find out who's responsible. I'm just asking a question for anyone to share their experience. I have been dumped, I have dumped. I have been in both roles. Thinking about some of the break ups I feel like no one was the problem. I can't say he was the problem, or I was. The two of us together just didn't work. To give you a specific example I used to date this guy when I was a young adult, you know, my first love etc.. but we eventually broke it off. Looking back on it I can't say either of us had done something so wrong that it had to be fixed. We were both decent people, he didn't have any particular traits I can blame the break up on. I honestly don't think that I was to blame either. If anything had to be pin point maybe it was our young age, our lack of experience when picking a mate. Sometimes there is a particular problem: drinking, cheating, lying, etc.. but often I find that we are just not good together, the relationship isn't flowing the way it should. There is no real problem to get fixed. When someone says "I don't feel like this relationship is working" they might just be telling the truth. Nothing you we can do can fix it, we are who we are, and I don't feel like I need to drastically change who I am.
FitChick Posted January 30, 2013 Posted January 30, 2013 Sometimes you can meet the right man or woman at the wrong time. Nothing wrong with self-improvement, regardless.
pbjbear Posted January 30, 2013 Posted January 30, 2013 Everyone has insecure moments and has put themselves down when being rejected. I think people with higher self esteem and more rational thinking realize its ok to get rejected. If you really werent goodlooking, smart or successful enough for them...they arent for you. You dont want to be with someone who thinks youre not attractive, smart or successful enough for them. Sometimes its just the spark isnt there and that happens and you cannot do anything about it. I have had guys reject me even though they think Im great and vice versa. Most of the time I think "their loss" or that it simply wasnt meant to be.
Author lookingforyou Posted February 10, 2013 Author Posted February 10, 2013 The first two replies by Samilia and Treasa were very good. Just because someone rejects you doesn't necessarily have to mean that there's a "problem" (i.e. a flaw, a weakness) with you OR them. It could be as simple as "she just isn't attracted to you" - and there doesn't have to be any particular reason why. Or maybe she isn't looking to date at that time. Or maybe she prefers tatted-up biker dudes or prefers hipsters, while you're the clean-cut dress-shirt young professional. And on and on. This is why I think it's a bit silly to dwell on & worry about any one rejection, and just accept it, let it go and move on. Chances are, eventually some woman will be attracted to him the way he is. Now if the person is getting rejected a whole lot - i.e. nearly all of the time, then perhaps he should take a look in the mirror. I'm a female by the way. I turn some heads on good days. But I don't seem to get many guys asking me out on dates. Sometimes you can meet the right man or woman at the wrong time. I agree. Everyone has insecure moments and has put themselves down when being rejected. I think people with higher self esteem and more rational thinking realize its ok to get rejected. If you really werent goodlooking, smart or successful enough for them...they arent for you. You dont want to be with someone who thinks youre not attractive, smart or successful enough for them. Sometimes its just the spark isnt there and that happens and you cannot do anything about it. I have had guys reject me even though they think Im great and vice versa. Most of the time I think "their loss" or that it simply wasnt meant to be. This is true. Sometimes I feel low and start to think it may be my problem. Even if it's not.
ltjg45 Posted February 10, 2013 Posted February 10, 2013 I feel it is mostly me whenever a break-up takes place. Rarely do I think it is the female.
Author lookingforyou Posted February 10, 2013 Author Posted February 10, 2013 I feel it is mostly me whenever a break-up takes place. Rarely do I think it is the female. What do you think your "problem" is?
ltjg45 Posted February 10, 2013 Posted February 10, 2013 What do you think your "problem" is? I don't think I want to type out a long list of "potential problems" that I may have. It would be too boring to you and any other decent male/female on this message board.
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