lookingforyou Posted January 30, 2013 Posted January 30, 2013 Do you ever feel that if someone rejects you or isn't interested in you the way you are into them, that you're the problem? Such as maybe because you're not good looking enough, not smart enough or not tall enough? How many of you, on the contrary, think it's their loss?
Samilia Posted January 30, 2013 Posted January 30, 2013 I have always felt that two good things don't always do well together. We, on the other hand, often feel the need to find who screwed up and why. 1
Treasa Posted January 30, 2013 Posted January 30, 2013 I honestly don't give it any thought, as I've probably already forgotten about the person. 1
Author lookingforyou Posted January 30, 2013 Author Posted January 30, 2013 I have always felt that two good things don't always do well together. We, on the other hand, often feel the need to find who screwed up and why. Could you elaborate on the bold? I'm not trying to find out who's responsible. I'm just asking a question for anyone to share their experience.
Author lookingforyou Posted January 30, 2013 Author Posted January 30, 2013 I honestly don't give it any thought, as I've probably already forgotten about the person. You're my idol! Can you teach me how to do that? it's obviously the other persons fault... they are the idiot... I am perfect... :lmao::lmao:
superb Posted January 30, 2013 Posted January 30, 2013 Do you ever feel that if someone rejects you or isn't interested in you the way you are into them, that you're the problem? Such as maybe because you're not good looking enough, not smart enough or not tall enough? How many of you, on the contrary, think it's their loss? I usually think it's me.
Author lookingforyou Posted January 30, 2013 Author Posted January 30, 2013 I usually think it's me. Which aspect?
Treasa Posted January 30, 2013 Posted January 30, 2013 You're my idol! Can you teach me how to do that? Sure. If you like someone and they don't like you, realize it's not the end of the world, and move on.
Author lookingforyou Posted January 30, 2013 Author Posted January 30, 2013 Sure. If you like someone and they don't like you, realize it's not the end of the world, and move on. That's true. It's sometimes not easy to not take it personal though.
Treasa Posted January 30, 2013 Posted January 30, 2013 Well, here are my "secrets" (which are really just common sense): 1. Realize you're awesome. If you aren't awesome, make sure you're awesome. Accomplish things. Have goals. Feel good about yourself regardless of what you perceive others feel about you. 2. Have priorities that are above a potential dating partner. For me that would be my family, work, my friends, martial arts, video games, etc. That potential person probably comes in under my laundry but above weeding my sidewalk. If things work out, they move up the list.
superb Posted January 30, 2013 Posted January 30, 2013 (edited) Which aspect? I think a number of things, usually I don't get clarity. 1. I'm not attractive enough. 2. I have character flaws they don't like. 3. I have kids. or they think they can do better maybe and that is just a general/overall dislike of me...that's how I take it anyway. I take things to heart so I always internalize the situation and look to what I could be doing better. Can't change my face or family but I can change how I act or how I communicate. Edited January 30, 2013 by superb I had More thoughts
superb Posted January 30, 2013 Posted January 30, 2013 Well, here are my "secrets" (which are really just common sense): 1. Realize you're awesome. If you aren't awesome, make sure you're awesome. Accomplish things. Have goals. Feel good about yourself regardless of what you perceive others feel about you. 2. Have priorities that are above a potential dating partner. For me that would be my family, work, my friends, martial arts, video games, etc. That potential person probably comes in under my laundry but above weeding my sidewalk. If things work out, they move up the list. I think confidence is important. You can know you're awesome, I think I'm awesome....doesn't mean every man I meet agrees though and sometimes that kinda stuff gets you thinking about what could be wrong with you.
Author lookingforyou Posted January 30, 2013 Author Posted January 30, 2013 Well, here are my "secrets" (which are really just common sense): 1. Realize you're awesome. If you aren't awesome, make sure you're awesome. Accomplish things. Have goals. Feel good about yourself regardless of what you perceive others feel about you. 2. Have priorities that are above a potential dating partner. For me that would be my family, work, my friends, martial arts, video games, etc. That potential person probably comes in under my laundry but above weeding my sidewalk. If things work out, they move up the list. Sometimes I think if I conduct my love life the way I do at work, I could be more successful. I guess because different emotions are involved. I have other priorities but sometimes I feel lonely or wonder why only my friends seem to have good relationships. But I think it's really good that you've got this sorted out.
Treasa Posted January 30, 2013 Posted January 30, 2013 I think confidence is important. You can know you're awesome, I think I'm awesome....doesn't mean every man I meet agrees though and sometimes that kinda stuff gets you thinking about what could be wrong with you. It's ok if they don't think you're awesome. That's why I said as part of #1 that you have to like yourself and think you're awesome *regardless* of what your perceptions of other people's opinions are. Plus, half the time those perceptions are probably wrong and the product of negative thinking. If every guy in the world told me no, I'd still think I was awesome. 1
Treasa Posted January 30, 2013 Posted January 30, 2013 Sometimes I think if I conduct my love life the way I do at work, I could be more successful. I guess because different emotions are involved. I have other priorities but sometimes I feel lonely or wonder why only my friends seem to have good relationships. But I think it's really good that you've got this sorted out. If it makes you feel any better, it took me 37 years to get to that point.
Author lookingforyou Posted January 30, 2013 Author Posted January 30, 2013 I think a number of things, usually I don't get clarity. 1. I'm not attractive enough. 2. I have character flaws they don't like. 3. I have kids. or they think they can do better maybe and that is just a general/overall dislike of me...that's how I take it anyway. I take things to heart so I always internalize the situation and look to what I could be doing better. Can't change my face or family but I can change how I act or how I communicate. Half of this post could have been written by me. Wow. I wonder if it's because I'm not attractive enough or they think they can do better. I don't really mind if it's character based though. I think confidence is important. You can know you're awesome, I think I'm awesome....doesn't mean every man I meet agrees though and sometimes that kinda stuff gets you thinking about what could be wrong with you. I know what you mean.
Treasa Posted January 30, 2013 Posted January 30, 2013 Oh, and let me draw an analogy. Let's say I love lasagna. My boyfriend doesn't like lasagna (he's weird about ricotta ). Does that mean the lasagna is any less amazing? Hell no, because I made it, and my lasagna kicks ass. 1
Author lookingforyou Posted January 30, 2013 Author Posted January 30, 2013 If it makes you feel any better, it took me 37 years to get to that point. Was there any turning point that got you there?
superb Posted January 30, 2013 Posted January 30, 2013 Half of this post could have been written by me. Wow. I wonder if it's because I'm not attractive enough or they think they can do better. I don't really mind if it's character based though. I know what you mean. I'm not really concerned with how I look. I feel beautiful so what hurts me is usually when it's character based because I feel [random man] didn't take the proper time to truly get to know who I am and above all 'who I am' is what I want to be loved for. Guess it is their loss huh?
Treasa Posted January 30, 2013 Posted January 30, 2013 Sort of. There was no traumatic event exactly, except that I was constantly feeling sad and down and wondered when someone would come along and make my life better. And then I realized that I can be as happy as I wanted to be. I started reading a lot of books on emotional intelligence (one of my favorites is called Go Suck a Lemon), I started seeing things in a very positive light, and I started rewiring my thinking process. Occasionally I still catch myself having negative thoughts, but I'm pretty quick to stop it. I assume most people like me, as I'm really nice and open and helpful and witty, and that positive thinking seems to radiate outward and make it even more true. 1
Author lookingforyou Posted January 30, 2013 Author Posted January 30, 2013 I'm not really concerned with how I look. I feel beautiful so what hurts me is usually when it's character based because I feel [random man] didn't take the proper time to truly get to know who I am and above all 'who I am' is what I want to be loved for. Guess it is their loss huh? If it's about looks, it bothers me more. Because I like my character. So if it's about looks, would it still be their loss?
superb Posted January 30, 2013 Posted January 30, 2013 If it's about looks, it bothers me more. Because I like my character. So if it's about looks, would it still be their loss? It's always going to be their loss if you're a wonderful person and they didn't get the chance to experience or know that. People play a lot of games in dating and many aren't sure what they want. Just know that the person who is truly interested won't make you feel this way. There is a light at the end of the tunnel, just gotta get there.
Treasa Posted January 30, 2013 Posted January 30, 2013 If it's about looks, it bothers me more. Because I like my character. So if it's about looks, would it still be their loss? Looks are subjective. I'm often attracted to men who a lot of girls wouldn't find outwardly "handsome." Some people will find you good looking, others will not. It's just an opinion and not a reflection on whether or not you are actually attractive.
Author lookingforyou Posted January 30, 2013 Author Posted January 30, 2013 Sort of. There was no traumatic event exactly, except that I was constantly feeling sad and down and wondered when someone would come along and make my life better. And then I realized that I can be as happy as I wanted to be. I started reading a lot of books on emotional intelligence (one of my favorites is called Go Suck a Lemon), I started seeing things in a very positive light, and I started rewiring my thinking process. Occasionally I still catch myself having negative thoughts, but I'm pretty quick to stop it. I assume most people like me, as I'm really nice and open and helpful and witty, and that positive thinking seems to radiate outward and make it even more true. I feel the part in bold. I also read self-help books. But it's like there's some wall in my head and nothing goes through to make me change my thinking. Have things changed since you switched to positive thinking?
fortyninethousand322 Posted January 30, 2013 Posted January 30, 2013 I think I thought about a situation that way once in my whole life. She was a gorgeous girl but kind of an airhead and very superficial. And went out of her way to ruin some friendships I had. It was her loss. Since then though? Never.
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