Necole Posted January 30, 2013 Posted January 30, 2013 It's been 5 months and I still can't get over my ex. We dated for over 2 years but we were long distance and it just became too much for him. He decided he was going to move on. We still talk from time to time because I can't seem to get past it and cut ties with him. Talking to him makes it easier for me. Recently he has started seeing someone and I have as well but I just can't get past it. I thought he was the one, my future husband. It's not fair to my current boyfriend whom I adore that I still feel this emotional connection to my ex. Everybody says I need to cut ties completely but I just can't. I feel pathetic, lost. Nobody understands. Has anybody been through the same?
FailedFirstLove Posted January 30, 2013 Posted January 30, 2013 It's been 5 months and I still can't get over my ex. We dated for over 2 years but we were long distance and it just became too much for him. He decided he was going to move on. We still talk from time to time because I can't seem to get past it and cut ties with him. Talking to him makes it easier for me. Recently he has started seeing someone and I have as well but I just can't get past it. I thought he was the one, my future husband. It's not fair to my current boyfriend whom I adore that I still feel this emotional connection to my ex. Everybody says I need to cut ties completely but I just can't. I feel pathetic, lost. Nobody understands. Has anybody been through the same? We all understand how hard it is to cut off a loved one. Im struggling so bad and I can't do it. I end up talking to him. I can't bring myself to date another guy tho. I guess deep down still waiting. Pathetic! I know. I think you need to go Nc for awhile. It's unfair to your new bf. 1
th90 Posted January 30, 2013 Posted January 30, 2013 The only way for you to completely move on and forget about your relationship with your ex is to cut ALL ties with him. I know how hard that is but you don't have other option it seems. I'm doing it myself. I cut my ex of 7years off completely and refused to have a friendship UNTIL I have completely moved on. It's the hardest thing I have to do but it's for the better since he's decided for us to break up. Also it's quite unfair for the new guy you're seeing, isn't it? 1
Author Necole Posted January 30, 2013 Author Posted January 30, 2013 I know it's what I have to do. It's getting it done that's hard. I didn't talk to him for a whole month and he ended up deleting me from fb. I freaked out and texted him right away. He pretty much in so many words told me he did it to see my reaction. He said he didn't realize that deleting me would get me to talk to him. See, after our breakup we still flirted and he still called me pet names. Then everything seemed to change and he stopped. I'm pretty sure it's cause he started talking to his current gf. I know I need to cut it off completely but I don't even know where to start. My current bf is so wonderful! He knows I'm still coping and he chooses to stay through it. I know he deserves better. Should I call my ex one last time and say goodbye or just drop off the face of the earth? I feel he at least deserves a reason.
crashvector Posted January 30, 2013 Posted January 30, 2013 I know it's what I have to do. It's getting it done that's hard. I didn't talk to him for a whole month and he ended up deleting me from fb. I freaked out and texted him right away. He pretty much in so many words told me he did it to see my reaction. He said he didn't realize that deleting me would get me to talk to him. See, after our breakup we still flirted and he still called me pet names. Then everything seemed to change and he stopped. I'm pretty sure it's cause he started talking to his current gf. I know I need to cut it off completely but I don't even know where to start. My current bf is so wonderful! He knows I'm still coping and he chooses to stay through it. I know he deserves better. Should I call my ex one last time and say goodbye or just drop off the face of the earth? I feel he at least deserves a reason. Why? You've already said goodbye 50 times I'm sure. Look, your new BF is either in love with you, or stupid. As lonely as I am, if some woman I was interested in was still contacting her ex and calling him pet names and such, I'd dump her in a heartbeat. I've had enough broken hearts in my life...and dont need to go LOOKING for another one...like your current bf is doing. You're right..he deserves better. He deserves to be with someone who is able to give him 100% of her attention....something you aren't capable of at the moment.
Author Necole Posted January 30, 2013 Author Posted January 30, 2013 Ummm.. First off me and my ex don't flirt anymore and the pet names were right after we broke up. Since being with my current bf I have not been inappropriate with my ex. We still talk as friends and that's as far as it goes. I'm not a cheater. My current bf knows everything about me. I don't hide anything. He was fully aware of my situation from day 1 and has supported me through it. I'm a great person and I don't go around breaking hearts.
crashvector Posted January 30, 2013 Posted January 30, 2013 Ummm.. First off me and my ex don't flirt anymore and the pet names were right after we broke up. Since being with my current bf I have not been inappropriate with my ex. We still talk as friends and that's as far as it goes. I'm not a cheater. My current bf knows everything about me. I don't hide anything. He was fully aware of my situation from day 1 and has supported me through it. I'm a great person and I don't go around breaking hearts. Granted. However, even by the loosest of definitions, you aren't giving your current bf everything he truly deserves if you are still concerned about your EX. What he DESERVES is a woman 100% focused on her relationship with HIM. not 90% or even 95%. 100% is what he deserves. I only have what you wrote to go on, but it sounds to ME like you aren't completely over your ex yet. Let me ask you this: if you saw a picture of him kissing another woman, would you be upset? If you say anything other than "nope..wouldn't care at all" then you aren't ready to devote yourself to someone else, as you aren't truly over your ex. 2
Author Necole Posted January 30, 2013 Author Posted January 30, 2013 You're completely right. It would drive me insane if I saw him with another girl! He is still on my fb and I took him out of my newsfeed cause seeing him move on killed me inside. I've decided to cut ties with him. I am never going to get over him if I don't. I do love my bf but I won't fully be able to open my heart up to him until it lets go of my ex. This is the hardest thing I'll ever do but I have to be honest with myself. It's time to let go.
mutant Posted January 30, 2013 Posted January 30, 2013 You're completely right. It would drive me insane if I saw him with another girl! He is still on my fb and I took him out of my newsfeed cause seeing him move on killed me inside. I've decided to cut ties with him. I am never going to get over him if I don't. I do love my bf but I won't fully be able to open my heart up to him until it lets go of my ex. This is the hardest thing I'll ever do but I have to be honest with myself. It's time to let go. I don't think five months after BU is adequate time to grieve and enter in a new relationship. If your current bf came here seeking advice I would ask him to dump you and go NC.
Author Necole Posted January 31, 2013 Author Posted January 31, 2013 My bf wouldn't come here for advice.. We have a great relationship. But thanks for the kind words!
na49 Posted January 31, 2013 Posted January 31, 2013 Would you be okay with your current bf talking to his ex and being hung up over her? If you would be okay with that, then keep doing what you're doing.
Author Necole Posted January 31, 2013 Author Posted January 31, 2013 He is friends with his ex and I'm 100% ok with it because I trust him. Regardless of that I have decided to cut ties completely from my ex. It's time for me to focus on my relationship and myself.
stevie_23 Posted January 31, 2013 Posted January 31, 2013 It's different to be friends with an ex and to still have feelings for an ex, even if you don't necessarily want to still be WITH him anymore. My ex and I are best friends and have been since we were 14. We got together at age 18 and broke up at age 22, and never stopped being friends. At first, it was VERY hard for me. But I met my current partner 3 months after my ex and I broke up, and then we ended up getting together (my current partner and I) 2 months after that. So...everyone has a different time frame for being able to get together with a new person. And everyone has a different capacity and ability to remain friends (and JUST friends) with an ex. I don't know if you do have to go completely NC with your ex in order to move on. Maybe you do though, or at least for a while to get some proper distance. Maybe in 6 months or so if you still wanted to, you could be friends ONLY. Who knows? If you DO go NC, I would tell him you're doing it though. Don't just drop off the face of the earth. I know, as someone here said, you've probably said "goodbye" 50 times already, but you HAVE been in the interaction you're in now for a while (in contact), and so this is the assumed current situation you're in...so if you just disappear suddenly, it's not ideal. If it were me, I'd explain (briefly) and then leave.
Author Necole Posted January 31, 2013 Author Posted January 31, 2013 I don't want to lose contact forever but I definitely think some NC is in order. I don't know how he is going to react but in order for me to heal completely I have to get away and work on me.. Think about me..
mutant Posted January 31, 2013 Posted January 31, 2013 My bf wouldn't come here for advice.. We have a great relationship. But thanks for the kind words! You aren't completely over the ex and you're struggling with the thought of going NC. This makes it difficult to concentrate on the new relationship especially if the ex comes calling later on. You already know what you should do; I wish you all the best.
Inviv_girl Posted January 31, 2013 Posted January 31, 2013 Ask yourself what do you want. Grieving over en ex who wont take you back or focus on your new bf. The last goodbye is not necessary, why would you do that anyway.. maybe it wont mean anything to him at all. When you engage into new relationship you should be completely ready and moved on from your ex otherwise it wont be fair to the new guy and it will hurt him to be your rebound, you dont want to be anyone rebound do you? So please move on, think about yourself, your current bf and focus on that. Friendship with ex sometimes works sometimes not, it wont work if you still have feelings for him. Do NC, move on and lets see what happen in the future but dont think about it.
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