Her parents won't let mee see her again

January 30, 2013

I’m in a relationship (8 months) with a younger girl. She’s 17 and I am 25. Her parents obviously don’t feel comfortable about this. I wouldn’t either. From the start, they have never shown me any respect. I have sat down with them and asked them how I could make things more comfortable for them. I’ve just been myself the whole time. It’s her daughter, their house, their rules. I respected that and tried to communicate and be transparent about our relationship. People that have read my posts here on Loveshack know that I’m not some ignorant man chasing a young girls heart just for the fun of it. I have fallen in love with her. She’s mature, sweet, adventurous and all that jazz that makes me feel this way about her. I’m really serious about relationships. I’ve been in a long relationship before and it took me 2 years to get over that one. I know that I’m taking a risk with such a young girl, but every time we are together it seems right. Her age isn’t an issue.

It finally seemed to go better, but two days ago her parents read some of our e-mails. They took everything out of context and are now convinced that I’m some sort of loverboy. They act like my girlfriend is the victim and make ridiculous disrespectful accusations about me.

Yesterday my girlfriend and I took home some Mcdonalds. We were watching a movie and we noticed the doorbell ringing. I didn’t feel like opening the door, so I stayed put. But they rang again, again, again and again. I realized it were her parents and didn’t know what to do. They kept ringing the bell until I opened the door. They took my girlfriend with them without saying a word. They want to talk to me and my mother(?) about this.

Her parents never listen to her daughter. So I’m not convinced that they will listen to what we’ve to say. It’s probably going to be about them and how they disapprove this relationship.

Should I let them come over? What should I do? I just want everyone to calm down. I want to have a chance with my girlfriend. I truly believe we can have a great time together even if it’s not everlasting.

Thanks for reading

Edited January 30, 2013 by Thierro

January 30, 2013

If that's what it's going to take for you to be with her, then yes, let them come over.

At least they're offering that, and not just taking her away with no offer of reconciliation.

Sounds like a crappy situation, so good luck!

January 30, 2013

If that's what it's going to take for you to be with her, then yes, let them come over.
At least they're offering that, and not just taking her away with no offer of reconciliation.

Sounds like a crappy situation, so good luck!

Thanks for sharing.

I know that we are all to blame for something. I understand her parents to a degree. I have no idea how I would have reacted if I had a daughter of 17 years old going out with a guy 8 years older than her. But it has been 8 months now. It shows how happy my girlfriend and I are with each other. She's doing better than ever and doesn't show any problematic behavior since she's going steady with me. Her parents noticed that as well.

Her parents are very controlling and strict. In a way I would call them socially awkward at best. So I know this isn't just about our relationship.

Also: They don't want my girlfriend around when they come over. They told her: 'You have nothing to do with this. This is about him and us.'

So I have no idea what I can expect. But it doesn't look good.

Edited January 30, 2013 by Thierro

January 30, 2013

A 17 year old and a 25 year old isn't overly strange. If you were 33 and she was 25 it would probably be easier for people to accept.

If the two of you are really in love, I suspect love will prevail. I think the more her parents try to tell her what to do, the more she will push back.

My parents put so many restrictions on me while I was her age- and all that did was alienate me further.

January 30, 2013

But what if they tell me I can't see her anymore? What do I say? That I will keep seeing her if they like it or not? Do we need to go secretive about it? How should my girlfriend act to her parents? She wants to talk to them, but they treat her like a 6 year old that doesn't know any better. Should she retaliate until her parents give in?

How do I talk to these people that only want me gone?

January 30, 2013

I’m in a relationship (8 months) with a younger girl. She’s 17 and I am 25. Her parents obviously don’t feel comfortable about this. I wouldn’t either. From the start, they have never shown me any respect. I have sat down with them and asked them how I could make things more comfortable for them. I’ve just been myself the whole time. It’s her daughter, their house, their rules. I respected that and tried to communicate and be transparent about our relationship. People that have read my posts here on Loveshack know that I’m not some ignorant man chasing a young girls heart just for the fun of it. I have fallen in love with her. She’s mature, sweet, adventurous and all that jazz that makes me feel this way about her. I’m really serious about relationships. I’ve been in a long relationship before and it took me 2 years to get over that one. I know that I’m taking a risk with such a young girl, but every time we are together it seems right. Her age isn’t an issue.

It finally seemed to go better, but two days ago her parents read some of our e-mails. They took everything out of context and are now convinced that I’m some sort of loverboy. They act like my girlfriend is the victim and make ridiculous disrespectful accusations about me.

Yesterday my girlfriend and I took home some Mcdonalds. We were watching a movie and we noticed the doorbell ringing. I didn’t feel like opening the door, so I stayed put. But they rang again, again, again and again. I realized it were her parents and didn’t know what to do. They kept ringing the bell until I opened the door. They took my girlfriend with them without saying a word. They want to talk to me and my mother(?) about this.

Her parents never listen to her daughter. So I’m not convinced that they will listen to what we’ve to say. It’s probably going to be about them and how they disapprove this relationship.

Should I let them come over? What should I do? I just want everyone to calm down. I want to have a chance with my girlfriend. I truly believe we can have a great time together even if it’s not everlasting.

Thanks for reading

her parents shouldnt have read her emails. anyway, i was with a 27yr old when i was 16, and my mother hit the roof until i told her i was happy with him and would she rather i was out doing silly things with teenage boys....that soon changed her tune. i was with that guy 6 yrs too. just give them time.

January 30, 2013

her parents shouldnt have read her emails. anyway, i was with a 27yr old when i was 16, and my mother hit the roof until i told her i was happy with him and would she rather i was out doing silly things with teenage boys....that soon changed her tune. i was with that guy 6 yrs too. just give them time.

It's something i'm going to say to them. I will just tell them how I feel about her daughter. In the end, there's nothing I can do.

February 2, 2013

Update: I'm not allowed to see her anymore.

Any ideas what I should do?

February 2, 2013

Wait til she turns 18. You'll at least earn a LITTLE bit of their respect doing that. A 25 yr old dating a high schooler is weird, sorry.

Are you having sex? What were the emails like?

Doesn't help your cause that you ignore them as they ring your doorbell over and over.

February 2, 2013

You've made no mention of the age of consent in your state. As you may know it varies state by state. Often the law governs penetration and it's not limited to penile penetration.

Does "seeing her" effectively mean no dating or no communication of any kind? When does she become 18?

February 2, 2013

Her age isn’t an issue.

Yes, it is, because she's a minor. If it weren't an issue, you wouldn't have her parents showing up at your doorstep to discuss your relationship and tell you that you're not allowed to see her. This wouldn't be happening if you were dating a 21 year old woman.

It'd probably be best for you to back off a bit until she's legally an adult. If you keep seeing her and get caught, her parents are likely going to blame you and try to make your life miserable. Even if she's the one sneaking around.

February 2, 2013

It's legal over here. She'll be 18 in 8 months.

It's clear how you guy's think about this. I think it's a shame to let a relationship die like this. I consider her old enough to make her own decisions.

February 2, 2013

Dude, lighten up, were not judging the quality of your love. What is being discussed is the legal exposure you are inviting. You may have never touched her intimately, you've not divulged such facts. The issue for you, at this age, she legally cannot consent. We've no idea how aggressively her parents seek to protect her. It seems odd they permitted you access to her, access alone, but it's easy to make the leap after reading your emails that they directly know or suspect sexual intimacy.

Is it possible that at your age you are ignorant of the law? Apparently your belief is that your state law permits her to give consent at an age under 18.

We certainly can help you verify that.

February 2, 2013

Even if it's legal where you are, her circumstances require her to obey her parents. It doesn't matter if you think she's old enough to make her own decisions--the point is that her own parents don't think she is. And until she's out on her own, that is something you have to accept unless you want to be further demonized by her parents. At this point the only way to earn their trust is to respect their wishes and stay away from their daughter.

I guess so. So what do I say to her? Contact me again in 8 months? I can't even talk to her? Seems a bit harsh?

February 2, 2013

Dude, lighten up, were not judging the quality of your love. What is being discussed is the legal exposure you are inviting. You may have never touched her intimately, you've not divulged such facts. The issue for you, at this age, she legally cannot consent. We've no idea how aggressively her parents seek to protect her. It seems odd they permitted you access to her, access alone, but it's easy to make the leap after reading your emails that they directly know or suspect sexual intimacy.

Is it possible that at your age you are ignorant of the law? Apparently your belief is that your state law permits her to give consent at an age under 18.
We certainly can help you verify that.

I know that I have nothing to say about the matter. All I can do is give up.

February 2, 2013

It's legal over here. She'll be 18 in 8 months.

It's clear how you guy's think about this. I think it's a shame to let a relationship die like this. I consider her old enough to make her own decisions.

If I were in her parents' shoes, I'd probably feel the same way they do. That doesn't mean they're right, but you can see where they're coming from. She may be mature enough to be able to make her own decisions, but she's not in a situation where she can. She'll have to figure out her own way to become an independent adult. It's part and parcel of being 17.

It doesn't necessarily mean your relationship will die. But I think it would be wisest and safest for you to step back until her parents no longer have a say in her dating life. Do you really want your girlfriend's parents to be part of your relationship, anyway? You don't know what they might try to do if you try to keep seeing her. Even if you're legally in the clear, that might not stop them from going to the cops with some BS story anyway.

February 2, 2013

So more than not seeing her it's parents stating no contact?

How serious is/was this relationship? We're you two planning to cohabitate? Marriage?

Did her parents threaten legal action? They want a cooling off period until her 18th birthday?

There's actually a lot you've not talked about here.

February 2, 2013

So more than not seeing her it's parents stating no contact?

How serious is/was this relationship? We're you two planning to cohabitate? Marriage?

Did her parents threaten legal action? They want a cooling off period until her 18th birthday?

There's actually a lot you've not talked about here.

The two of us were doing great. Her parents disliked me from the start because of my age, but they gave me a chance. I've did everything in my power to make them feel comfortable about the situation and letting them know I really like their daughter. I've did nothing wrong, but her parents never believed my intentions were good from the get go. After 8 months her mother noticed that she didn't log off on her e-mail account and she read some e-mails.

Whenever I try to make pictures of my girlfriend, she tends to run away, hide her face and such. So I jokingly wrote to her: 'You know, I'm a professional photographer. I can make some sexy pictures if you'd like.' Her parents took it out of context and thought I wanted to make naked pictures. I didn't. But even if I did, so what?

Two weeks back when we were in her room I told her to undress herself and show her body to me. She's insecure, so I wanted to let her feel sexy and wanted. This is something her parents read as well.

We haven't had sex yet even though the both of us really want to. We want to wait a bit. Before all of this she started taking the pill with her parents consent. So they knew it was coming eventually.

They threatened with legal actions. I need to disappear from her life.

It’s serious. We have a great time together, but she has very paranoid parents. I’m not the only one having problems with her parents. Like I said; they are socially awkward at best. They don’t have friends, don’t leave the house, have issues in their own relationship and so on.

February 2, 2013

Whenever I try to make pictures of my girlfriend, she tends to run away, hide her face and such. So I jokingly wrote to her: 'You know, I'm a professional photographer. I can make some sexy pictures if you'd like.' Her parents took it out of context and thought I wanted to make naked pictures. I didn't. But even if I did, so what?

So what? The age of consent for pornography is separate from the age of consent for sex. Even if you can argue that a simple naked photo isn't porn, had you done this, you could've easily opened yourself up to some serious trouble. If I were her mom, I'd be worried about a 25 year old taking naked pictures of her because what the hell is he going to do with them? Post them on the internet?

I believe you're sincere, but surely you can see how her parents would be concerned.

February 2, 2013

Screw her parents. If she loves you... she will find a way to make it happen. Eventually her parents will realize they are fighting a losing battle. When she gets into any kind of trouble... like. Flat tire or something. And you are the one that she calls to save her and not them, they will see.

February 2, 2013

I don't want to come between my girlfriend and her parents.

All I did was fall in love with a 17 year old girl. I understand that her parents worry, but my girlfriend has been doing great the past 8 months. No problematic behavior what so ever.

There’s nothing I can do, because they’ll always believe that I’m a rotten apple.

I really love her and it hurts to let her go because of false accusations. I'm not a bad guy and I don't deserve this crappy treatment from her parents. I want to safe what we have, but there's nothing I can do or say to make it all go away.

February 2, 2013

Where did you meet a teen anyway?

My suggestion to you would be JUST BE FRIENDS til she is legally an adult. So I guess that's for 8 months. If you really love her, you will wait--for her sake, so that she doesn't have to put up with her parents bitching about you.

February 7, 2013

It only got worse. I don't think there's anything I can do or say to make this right again. I can't tell my girlfriend what to do, I can't talk badly about her parents, her parents won't listen to me, legally nothing. I could write them a letter, but why should I keep trying if I didn't do anything wrong?

Staying friends? I don't believe that's very realistic. I need to shut up from now on and let it all go. Whatever my girlfriend wants to do to save us is up to her.

Thanks for the interest and help.

Edited February 7, 2013 by Thierro

February 7, 2013

Even if your love is as pure as morning snow as you suggest and nobody else could ever understand it, try to realize she's still a child and will be changing A LOT over the next several years. I am 24 and am not even close to the person I was at 17.

This type of thread comes up a lot. The girl is a prime candidate for GIGS over the next few years even if you DID stay together. What if she goes to college?

Go find somebody your own age.

February 7, 2013

Even if your love is as pure as morning snow as you suggest and nobody else could ever understand it, try to realize she's still a child and will be changing A LOT over the next several years. I am 24 and am not even close to the person I was at 17.

This type of thread comes up a lot. The girl is a prime candidate for GIGS over the next few years even if you DID stay together. What if she goes to college?

Go find somebody your own age.

I have to admit that I have difficulty seeing that. To me she is a very mature girl, even more so than most of the 25 year olds that I meet. She's very calm, collected, honest, insightful, non-judgmental, caring, very positive about life, she’s a thinker just like me.. I have met other 17 year olds and they are nothing like her. In my history of dating I halve always looked for intelligence and maturity in a girl. Sure, I halve also fallen for her innocence, her kindness, her playfulness because she’s young. I have always been a guy that likes to be a teacher, a coach in someone’s life, a fatherly type ( I didn’t grew up with one and my exes always seem to have problems with their dads).

I want a relationship that is based on love, communication, honesty and hard work. I truly believe I can find that with a girl like this. I am not sure if I am crazy to think that. I can see why the GIGS is an issue here. But the two of us have a good time together. Maybe that’s more important than needing/finding “everlasting” love. If she wants to leave, good for her. We had a memorable time together. She learned from me and I learned from her.

The reason why I won’t let her go or stay friends with her till she’s 18, is because I’ll have to wait more than 8 months. The exact amount of time we have been seeing each other. I don’t believe a relationship that short can sustain a break like that.

Edited February 7, 2013 by Thierro

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