proactivedreamer Posted January 30, 2013 Posted January 30, 2013 I am not sure that I can accept my relationship the way it is, and more importantly I am not sure that I can accept my boyfriend as he is. We had this big blow up which left me feeling sort of numb, and full of questions. I had some ideal about him, and it has been lost in the muck of reality. He's got me questioning myself, "am I being fair?", "am I expecting too much?", "are these absurd requests?" This all started because I wanted him to spend the night with me. He hasn't spent the night over here in nearly two weeks...**** I don't know what I want from him. He doesn't have a job. We don't go anywhere. We spend close to 3-4 days apart because I am usually working, and it doesn't make sense for him to wait for me. When we are apart those days, we don't talk. When we are together it's usually good times, and he is loving, affectionate, and sweet. And I keep telling myself that that should be enough. But I don't feel special. You know what I mean? Like doing something for your partner just because. For instance, he doesn't make me dinner, or breakfast or surprise me at my job for lunch just cause he wanted to see me. I mentioned that he doesn't have a job, so he can't take me out or buy me little things that I like. He never plans anything. He just isn't thoughtful. I love tons of activities that are free like working out(he always says no to working out with me, prefers to workout alone) or going to free events, but he never tries to do something that would make me happy or feel good. I hope I am explaining this clearly. Lately, I haven't been feeling unfulfilled. I feel like it's a constant struggle. I feel like he says "no" most of the time. He doesn't do the little things...and he said something tonight that sort of made me feel insecure about my intentions. He said the perfect girlfriend would be someone who loved him unconditionally despite his bs. Really? Cause I have been with him for nearly a year, and supported him and was patient through his depression, supporting of him while he is unemployed, the list goes on. I feel like maybe I am expecting too much. Maybe not everyone is like that...insight?
Inviv_girl Posted January 30, 2013 Posted January 30, 2013 Hey I think you two should have clear communication. Guys want direct instruction/saying. You must vent everything out to him and be honest what makes you happy and what not. Including the work out, activities, whatever... Make sure he fully understand that! and make sure he knows what upsets you. And then give him time to vent our his! Maybe he upset of something, maybe he has problem he doesnt want to share or stressed out of being unemployed? I understand how it feels for being crazy and stressful if we don't have enough money, and jobless. So talk to him, have clear and honest communication!
Happypuppy Posted January 30, 2013 Posted January 30, 2013 Listen, I completely understand how you feel. And it is horrible. I felt like that for the last months of my relationship. If you have communicated CLEARLY what your expectations of him are, and he still does not do it, you have to ask yourself the question: Will I be able to give up on my idea of a relationship and just let things be as they are? Can I live with feeling "tolerated"? Personally I think one should never settle. You will only come to resent the person later on, and none of you will ever truly be happy. Do what I wasn't strong enough to do: Deliver the message about how you expect things to be, if he doesn't try to do something about it asap, get up and leave and never look back. You simply seem to have different opinions on how a releationship should be, much like me and my ex did at some point. And it will never work like that. 1
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