Jump to content

Friend dating guy who treated her like crap, do I tell her my real feelings?

ImperfectionisBeauty

By ImperfectionisBeauty
in Dating

 Share
While the thread author can add an update and reopen discussion, this thread was last posted in over a month ago. Want to continue the conversation? Feel free to start a new thread instead!

Recommended Posts

ImperfectionisBeauty Established Member

ImperfectionisBeauty

Posted
Posted (edited)

Ok hear me out, I am jealous! I can totally admit I am jealous of this situation. My friend is dating this guy, he isn't a new guy she has known him since 7th grade and dated him about 2 months in 9th grade and then they broke up. He is a nice guy in the way that he treats people, but he is just not good boyfriend material. Here is why: like I said they dated 2 months freshman year, but they always stayed friends he started dating other girls but he was still sweet talking her and telling her how much he cared about her and wanted to with her. He did this while he was with someone and then when he and the girl he was with broke up he would still not date her.. This went on for years. Our 3nd year in college she took an internship solely because he lived there and she wanted to spend time with him, he said he was going to spend all this time with her. We were there 3 months and he made the effort to see her 2 times MAYBE the rest of the times she initiated (like 5 times). He just didn't treat her well at all. I have ALWAYS been team her and him, because she is hopelessly in love with him and has been since we were 12.

 

This changed last year when he pretty much took her virginity one day and within 1 week got a new girlfriend and completely cut her off like totally completely. She was DEVASTATED like I have honestly never seen her like that, she would call me at like 2 crying and it was just sad. At the time I was going through the break up with my ex and we were just each others shoulder. There was a ton of crying and a ton of sad country songs and ice cream and wine. We SWORE we would never go back.

 

So basically on Christmas he texts her and tells her that he has to see her and needs to talk to her, how she is the only person who makes him happy etc etc... She said she would meet but she wasn't going back, now 3 weeks later she is head over heels, she said he has changed and he is so great etc.. but I don't know if I believe that. I told her I would support her no matter what she decides but I am just at the point where I am tired of hearing about him and her and all the "cute" stuff he says and does. None of her other friends will listen because they hate him, and so does her family. I appreciate so much that she trusts me to talk to me but it is frustrating. We said we wouldn't go back.. I know I am super jealous because I want my ex to take me back SOOOOOOO much, he won't even answer my text (I haven't sent one since like December) and I can understand her going back because he is her weakness, and I hope he is really different now, but I just can't sit there everyday and pretend to be so happy and interested.. It is the same story everyday. I want so much to not be jealous of this but I can't not be.. I literally begged my ex t take me back after he dumped me... I would probably (100% for sure) beg him now.

 

I want to be a good supportive friend and I am trying, I listen and I am happy for her and her situation I would just love for it to be me instead BUT it isn't and I get it and I can accept it. I just want to be able to give her advice from a non-jealous place. So far I have told her to just be careful. She is a good person and she just totally puts her heart out there (like me) and when it gets broken it is hard to watch.

Edited by ImperfectionisBeauty
KungFuJoe Established Member

KungFuJoe

Posted
Posted

Has anyone ever told you that you lacked a filter when you spoke?

  • Author
ImperfectionisBeauty Established Member

ImperfectionisBeauty

Posted
  • Author
Posted
Has anyone ever told you that you lacked a filter when you spoke?

 

Lol nope. Like I said though I haven't been mean about this situation

superb Established Member

superb

Posted
Posted

Why would you want to tell her that you're jealous? That is a feeling that shouldn't be shared. Maybe you're too involved with their relationship and IF you can't give advice from a nice place within you, you probably shouldn't give it at all. The relationship is about those 2, not you.

  • Author
ImperfectionisBeauty Established Member

ImperfectionisBeauty

Posted
  • Author
Posted
Why would you want to tell her that you're jealous? That is a feeling that shouldn't be shared. Maybe you're too involved with their relationship and IF you can't give advice from a nice place within you, you probably shouldn't give it at all. The relationship is about those 2, not you.

 

I am not going to tell her that I am jealous, she asks me all the time what I think about the whole situation and in all honesty I think she took him back way too fast, she is moving way too fast, she trusts too easily, and she is being stupid, but I don't want to tell her that because I just don't. I don't WANT to give any advice but when she asks I'm just like "whatever, be careful".

KungFuJoe Established Member

KungFuJoe

Posted
Posted

IB,

 

I'm not going to lie or sugarcoat. You are one of the most immature people I've come across on this forum, and that's saying a lot.

 

I'm not saying it to insult you. I don't know how old you are, and it just might be your young age. But if you're in your 20s, I think you have a LOT of growing up to do. Your outlook on a LOT of things is very narrow minded and selfish.

 

I mean, the fact that you are JEALOUS of your friend, because someone who abused her is trying to get her back...I mean...WOW...so much wrong with that I don't even know where to start.

  • Author
ImperfectionisBeauty Established Member

ImperfectionisBeauty

Posted
  • Author
Posted
IB,

 

I'm not going to lie or sugarcoat. You are one of the most immature people I've come across on this forum, and that's saying a lot.

 

I'm not saying it to insult you. I don't know how old you are, and it just might be your young age. But if you're in your 20s, I think you have a LOT of growing up to do. Your outlook on a LOT of things is very narrow minded and selfish.

 

I mean, the fact that you are JEALOUS of your friend, because someone who abused her is trying to get her back...I mean...WOW...so much wrong with that I don't even know where to start.

 

No, I totally understand. I'm 22, and I totally don't act 22 I get it. I guess it is just weird like he wants her back, she is going to get this happy ending with this guy who she has loved since we were 12 and he treated her like crap and I can't even get my ex to answer a text back, and I was a good GOOD girlfriend.. It is just bad.

KungFuJoe Established Member

KungFuJoe

Posted
Posted
No, I totally understand. I'm 22, and I totally don't act 22 I get it. I guess it is just weird like he wants her back, she is going to get this happy ending with this guy who she has loved since we were 12 and he treated her like crap and I can't even get my ex to answer a text back, and I was a good GOOD girlfriend.. It is just bad.

 

Happy ending?

 

Are you sure about that? He treated her like crap. That sound like a happy ending to you?

  • Like 2
Samilia Established Member

Samilia

Posted
Posted

Maybe because she cried on your shoulders you feel that, on some level, she's yours. He wasn't there when she needed someone, you were. Now it's hard to let her go back with this guy that you feel is a total *******.

 

I don't think you should tell her how you truly feel, however maybe you can nicely tell her that today you'd like to talk about you a bit, for a change.

 

I don't feel like you're jealous because she has someone, I feel you're jealous because he took her away from you. That's something you should probably work on by having your own separate interests, away from her and her bf.

Merenishen Member

Merenishen

Posted
Posted

You are so lucky it is unbelievable. You won't realize it until later, but you'll be counting your blessings in a few years, maybe a few months.

 

I was in a similar situation about 2 years ago. My ex was a dickbag, and my best friend at the same time was going through her own breakup. Her ex kept taking her back and I'd be jealous because my ex wouldn't take me back. Even though I knew it was dumb because my ex was the douchiest mother****er you'll ever know. However, this realization was not enough to make me stop wanting him.

 

2 years later, I finally moved on thanks to no contact and never having to experience getting back with my ex after he left me, and I'm now in the best relationship of my life with a guy who loves me and respects me. It wasn't until my current boyfriend that I realized that guys aren't all scummy and that people like my ex who make you sad aren't worth jack ****. I would never even DREAM of dating a guy like that again - as a matter of fact, they turn me off extreme amounts.

 

Guess where my friend still is? That's right - still on/off with the same guy who's cheated on her multiple times and is still the same dickbag he has always been.

 

Meanwhile I was lucky enough to learn my lesson when I was 19. Hopefully you can learn yours too soon. Next thing you know you will be thanking your ex for never having taken you back. I know it hurts now, but do yourself a favour and do what you need to do to get over him, and don't draw out the pain or wish for it to be drawn out.

  • Like 1
  • Author
ImperfectionisBeauty Established Member

ImperfectionisBeauty

Posted
  • Author
Posted
Maybe because she cried on your shoulders you feel that, on some level, she's yours. He wasn't there when she needed someone, you were. Now it's hard to let her go back with this guy that you feel is a total *******.

 

I don't think you should tell her how you truly feel, however maybe you can nicely tell her that today you'd like to talk about you a bit, for a change.

 

I don't feel like you're jealous because she has someone, I feel you're jealous because he took her away from you. That's something you should probably work on by having your own separate interests, away from her and her bf.

 

That is part of it, we promised to not go back and to move on. I was there with her through it all you know (and she was with me) so I feel upset that he so easily wiggled his way back in. He has done it before and she took him back but THIS TIME was a huge deal because he hurt her so badly she didn't just bounce back like she always did before you know? I know why she talks to me, because her sister and other bestfriend are over it.. They will not talk about him because we all were so supportive when it happened and we all just can't believe he came back and it happened so fast and it is like she doesn't hold him accountable for what he did. At the same time who am I to judge that? I would take my ex back in a heartbeat if he would come back lol so that is where the jealousy comes in, everything just comes to easy for her.

  • Author
ImperfectionisBeauty Established Member

ImperfectionisBeauty

Posted
  • Author
Posted
Happy ending?

 

Are you sure about that? He treated her like crap. That sound like a happy ending to you?

 

Maybe he has changed though? She makes it seem like he has, he says the cutest things in texts and he drives home (2 hours away) every weekend to see her and she stays with him every weekend. I don't know, I mean she has loved him for forever and I want her to be happy, I just want to be happy too lol

SmileFace Established Member

SmileFace

Posted
Posted

I love how everything evolves around you.

You keep on being a bitter bitch and see how far that gets you.

It is absolutely disgusting.

I have always wished you the best but you are seriously off your rockets some times.

You are so jealous, even when your friend's are in good relationships and you will do your best to try and convince yourself that you are trying to help.

If I had a friend like you - I would never want friends again.

You need to grow up.

Since if your ex even replied to your tweet after a year you will be running back to him.

So don't make it seem like you are any better.(well actually you are saying this yourself)

You just can't see people happy.

 

If you are total over her and this boy - stop enabling and be like her sister and ignore her.

She will learn and hopefully you will - one day.

  • Like 1
  • Author
ImperfectionisBeauty Established Member

ImperfectionisBeauty

Posted
  • Author
Posted
I love how everything evolves around you.

You keep on being a bitter bitch and see how far that gets you.

It is absolutely disgusting.

I have always wished you the best but you are seriously off your rockets some times.

You are so jealous, even when your friend's are in good relationships and you will do your best to try and convince yourself that you are trying to help.

If I had a friend like you - I would never want friends again.

You need to grow up.

Since if your ex even replied to your tweet after a year you will be running back to him.

So don't make it seem like you are any better.(well actually you are saying this yourself)

You just can't see people happy.

 

If you are total over her and this boy - stop enabling and be like her sister and ignore her.

She will learn and hopefully you will - one day.

 

How is everything revolving around me? literally I felt like this time I actually tried to deflect the attention from myself.. I wasn't bitchy in this post or anything so I am totally confused. A bitter bitch?? Yeah I am and if you went through half the **** I have you would be too. That isn't the point though, I think I am being a good friend by listening to her and stuff even if I think she is making a bad decision.

Merenishen Member

Merenishen

Posted
Posted
Maybe he has changed though? She makes it seem like he has, he says the cutest things in texts and he drives home (2 hours away) every weekend to see her and she stays with him every weekend. I don't know, I mean she has loved him for forever and I want her to be happy, I just want to be happy too lol
doubt he's changed. Didn't you say he took her virginity? He's probably getting laid now and that's incentive enough to keep her around now. How's their relationship in other aspects? Communication? Respect? Did he ever apologize or did he ever own up to his previous douchebaggery? If he hasn't, then there's a super strong chance he hasn't changed. why would he? He can do whatever he wants with your friend. Why would he change.

 

I know it's hard to not worry, but this is her own life and her own actions. She'll learn on her own. We all do.

  • Like 1
SmileFace Established Member

SmileFace

Posted
Posted
How is everything revolving around me? literally I felt like this time I actually tried to deflect the attention from myself.. I wasn't bitchy in this post or anything so I am totally confused. A bitter bitch?? Yeah I am and if you went through half the **** I have you would be too. That isn't the point though, I think I am being a good friend by listening to her and stuff even if I think she is making a bad decision.

 

You mentioning that you are jealous

Stating that you will go back to your ex

 

You will do the same if you had the chance and you are more mad that you don't have a chance to be back with your ex like her.

 

=Bitter Bitch

 

Plus I have dealt with tons of **** and believe me I have all reason to be a man hating bitch but I am not so you don't need to be bitter.

clia Established Member

clia

Posted
Posted
No, I totally understand. I'm 22, and I totally don't act 22 I get it. I guess it is just weird like he wants her back, she is going to get this happy ending with this guy who she has loved since we were 12 and he treated her like crap and I can't even get my ex to answer a text back, and I was a good GOOD girlfriend.. It is just bad.

 

Is this the ex who you dated for around six weeks who broke up with you like four (?) months ago?

 

A month and a half is not enough time to get to know someone. You were in the initial infatuation/feeling each other out/honeymoon stage with your guy when things ended. Six weeks isn't even a relationship. It's a blip on the radar for most people. Many people haven't even committed to an exclusive relationship at six weeks in. He didn't respond to your text because he has moved on. You really need to do the same.

 

You have since spent the past four plus months building this guy up in your mind into the most wonderful, bestest boyfriend ever. He is not and was not. He dumped you very, very early on in the relationship. You didn't even know him. You didn't even have time to be a GOOD girlfriend.

 

I'm sorry to seem harsh, but you barely even had a relationship with your ex. Comparing him to your friend's guy is like apples to oranges. (Although I agree with you that she is making a huge mistake.)

  • Author
ImperfectionisBeauty Established Member

ImperfectionisBeauty

Posted
  • Author
Posted
You mentioning that you are jealous

Stating that you will go back to your ex

 

You will do the same if you had the chance and you are more mad that you don't have a chance to be back with your ex like her.

 

=Bitter Bitch

 

Plus I have dealt with tons of **** and believe me I have all reason to be a man hating bitch but I am not so you don't need to be bitter.

 

I don't hate men, anyways I said that already in a post, I said I was jealous, I said who am I to judge her situation because I would do the same thing.. I SAID THAT ALREADY I don't need you to keep saying it. If that makes me a bitter bitch then so be it, I am bitter and a lot of the time I am a bitch.

  • Author
ImperfectionisBeauty Established Member

ImperfectionisBeauty

Posted
  • Author
Posted
Is this the ex who you dated for around six weeks who broke up with you like four (?) months ago?

 

A month and a half is not enough time to get to know someone. You were in the initial infatuation/feeling each other out/honeymoon stage with your guy when things ended. Six weeks isn't even a relationship. It's a blip on the radar for most people. Many people haven't even committed to an exclusive relationship at six weeks in. He didn't respond to your text because he has moved on. You really need to do the same.

 

You have since spent the past four plus months building this guy up in your mind into the most wonderful, bestest boyfriend ever. He is not and was not. He dumped you very, very early on in the relationship. You didn't even know him. You didn't even have time to be a GOOD girlfriend.

 

I'm sorry to seem harsh, but you barely even had a relationship with your ex. Comparing him to your friend's guy is like apples to oranges. (Although I agree with you that she is making a huge mistake.)

 

We were exclusive, it was a big deal to me because he is the first boyfriend I had. I dated a guy who I met online when I was like 18 for a year or so but other than skyping and talking on the phone we never met so it wasn't real to me. He was real.

Drseussgrrl Established Member

Drseussgrrl

Posted
Posted

Oh my god.

 

Try having your fiance dump you three months before your wedding for the wedding planner, and watching THEM get engaged 6 months later with a baby on the way. Then we'll talk about who should be bitter.

 

And you know what? I'm THRILLED for my friends who have found husbands and are having babies and I would NEVER sit there and talk about their choices the way you do your friends, or stew in my own jealousy. How is that going to get me to my own happy ending?

 

Grow up already.

  • Like 2
  • Author
ImperfectionisBeauty Established Member

ImperfectionisBeauty

Posted
  • Author
Posted (edited)
Oh my god.

 

Try having your fiance dump you three months before your wedding for the wedding planner, and watching THEM get engaged 6 months later with a baby on the way. Then we'll talk about who should be bitter.

 

And you know what? I'm THRILLED for my friends who have found husbands and are having babies and I would NEVER sit there and talk about their choices the way you do your friends, or stew in my own jealousy. How is that going to get me to my own happy ending?

 

Grow up already.

 

I mean I am still trying to get a happy ending for myself. I just don't think my friend made a good choice, like I said I'm supportive no matter what but it was a horrible choice to take this guy back.

 

I'm sorry about your fiancé though, I hope you got done kind of revenge on him

Edited by ImperfectionisBeauty
  • 2 weeks later...
  • Author
ImperfectionisBeauty Established Member

ImperfectionisBeauty

Posted
  • Author
Posted

Is it ok for me to tell her I don't care anymore? I mean I honestly want to know because everyday it is like she has nothing more in her life to talk about than him and her and the stuff they do.. It is EXHAUSTING. I am just tired of it and I want to tell her I'm tired of hearing it, can I do that without being a bitch about it, or upsetting her?

 Share
Go to topic listing
×
×
  • Create New...