broken33 Posted January 30, 2013 Posted January 30, 2013 Hi everyone! So we broke up about 9 weeks ago. It was a long distance relationship, he ended it before I was to move, saying he didn't see things working out between us due to some personal problems we were both dealing with and that the timing just wasn't right. I was devastated, and he did it via email which made it worse. Blocked me on facebook, and changed his phone number! I was contacting him for awhile, trying to get answers, then went NC. I found out he has been sleeping with someone else (just sex not a relationship) he doesn't know I know this. Before this he started communicating a little with me via email and I responded because I didn't know about the girl at this point. Anyway, I called him 2 weeks ago, he was polite but said he couldn't talk. (I got his new number from a friend) I went NC after that. Fell off the face of the earth pretty much! A week later I got an email which went something like this "im sorry I didn't respond earlier, and I am sorry I didn't talk to you but to tell you the truth I wasn't ready to talk yet. Please tell me how are you? tell me your news? I had a stomach virus and have lost a lot of weight but now I am feeling better and eating again" So I didn't respond. Then four days later I got another email "Hi! I emailed you last week, is everything OK? I hope you are fine and everything is OK" again I didn't respond. Here is my dilemma I still love him, I still want him back. But I don't know if I should keep contact if he contacts me or just let him miss me and realize his mistakes and wait for an I miss you or I made a mistake I am sorry email? HELP ME!! WHAT DO I DO?? Should I respond??? I am so confused!
Samilia Posted January 30, 2013 Posted January 30, 2013 Hi everyone! So we broke up about 9 weeks ago. It was a long distance relationship, he ended it before I was to move, saying he didn't see things working out between us due to some personal problems we were both dealing with and that the timing just wasn't right. I was devastated, and he did it via email which made it worse. Blocked me on facebook, and changed his phone number! I was contacting him for awhile, trying to get answers, then went NC. I found out he has been sleeping with someone else (just sex not a relationship) he doesn't know I know this. Before this he started communicating a little with me via email and I responded because I didn't know about the girl at this point. Anyway, I called him 2 weeks ago, he was polite but said he couldn't talk. (I got his new number from a friend) I went NC after that. Fell off the face of the earth pretty much! A week later I got an email which went something like this "im sorry I didn't respond earlier, and I am sorry I didn't talk to you but to tell you the truth I wasn't ready to talk yet. Please tell me how are you? tell me your news? I had a stomach virus and have lost a lot of weight but now I am feeling better and eating again" So I didn't respond. Then four days later I got another email "Hi! I emailed you last week, is everything OK? I hope you are fine and everything is OK" again I didn't respond. Here is my dilemma I still love him, I still want him back. But I don't know if I should keep contact if he contacts me or just let him miss me and realize his mistakes and wait for an I miss you or I made a mistake I am sorry email? HELP ME!! WHAT DO I DO?? Has your situation changed? Would you still be LDR? But, in short, I wouldn't answer no.
stevie_23 Posted January 30, 2013 Posted January 30, 2013 This could be a very painful way to go, but if you truly do love him and want him back and you think there's any chance of that actually happening, then if I were you, I WOULD respond. But just...beware. It probably won't end well and you may be right back to square one instead of having moved forward by 9 weeks, as you are now. I'd have a few mental blocks in my way though if I did contact him (if I were you). I'd want to know why he was able to treat you so harshly when he ended things - blocking you, not responding to you, changing his number. He wiped you off the face of his earth after breaking your heart completely. I'd confront him about the girl he slept with and why he did this. I'd ask why he wants to talk NOW and not before, and basically...all I'd want to know is what he wants. Does HE want to be with me again? If so, in what way? Does he want the distance provided by a LDR? Or does he only want a real life in person thing? From the sounds of his emails, he may just want to keep you around as a friend now he's moved on enough to feel he's able to talk to you. And that sucks for you, because you want more. Proceed with caution.
Author broken33 Posted January 30, 2013 Author Posted January 30, 2013 Yeah my situation has changed actually for the better, he knows this though I think. His situation is getting better. And no if we were to get back together I would move like we had planned I would not want to continue with the long distance. I just don't want to get caught in this emailing of random things. But I am afraid to totally end all communication because then he may not come back.
Author broken33 Posted January 30, 2013 Author Posted January 30, 2013 Stevie 23 I do want him back. I am no better then I was 9 weeks to be honest. The thing is I think if I don't contact him maybe it will make him call or email with an im sorry I made a mistake. I don't know if just emailing as friends would get him back! And yes I need an apology and an explanation. He told a friend that he knew if he talked to me he couldn't go through with it and stick to it because he will always love me
stevie_23 Posted January 30, 2013 Posted January 30, 2013 Ok. So...some thoughts and questions... 1. You seriously love him and want him back. So can I presume while you were together he treated you well and you were happy before? And you expect that if you DID get back together that you would be happy again? 2. WHY did he end things? He told his friends that he couldn't talk to you and had to go NC or else he'd cave and not go through with it because he'd always love you, but why despite this love for you did he feel such a strong need to end things? 3. In terms of the above, if his reasons were related to the personal difficulties both of you were experiencing at the time (which you say are now improved), do you think his decision to end things was based on this and it was short-sighted? And that now the situation is different, he would be happy with you again if you got back together? 4. Does ANY part of you believe his feelings have actually changed and he's no longer in love with you and that is why he's done this? 5. It will probably not do any good for you to "pounce" on him right away. Like if you respond but still act like you're a couple. You are NOT together anymore. That MAY change in the future, who knows, but right now you're not a couple and he has been out of that mindset that he used to have with you for a while. He may not want to go back there, at least at first. Right now that mindset is associated with sadness and pain, and any happy memories you two had, may be hard to access. (this may or may not be the case though). 6. You said acting more casual, as friends, may not be enough to get him back. You can't really think this way, in my opinion. It won't help. It may be too much pressure, and as I said above, there may be complexities about what he's feeling about your relationship and you in general. Take it SLOW, and this means just...not being much of ANYTHING at the moment. 7. I think if you want him back, what have you got to lose by responding? The hope is at risk of being lost, yes, but nothing concrete. You don't have him now so right now he's not your's to lose. So...I say give it a go BUT please bear in mind that you may be very hurt again. I said just then that you have nothing concrete to lose, but the loss of hope can be hard to take, so be careful.
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