pbjbear Posted January 30, 2013 Posted January 30, 2013 The thing is whether people wait for a special someone or just put other things before building relationship skills are in a difficult position because there is a lot of competition from those with more experience - and I don't mean sexual experience. Dating is very important aspect of interpersonal skills and the more clued up you are the more likely you get picked - or the complete opposite. Virginity is usually an indication of lacking a certain level of interpersonal experience and to be honest, most of us would just rather not go there. I dated inexperienced guys the last few years and it wasn't fun simply because often they were clueless when it came to romantic relationship nuances. The two women I mentioned have great interpersonal skills are prob more emotionally mature and healthy than most women I know. They work in professions based on interpersonal skills, they just never got around to sex. I see what you are saying though...some virgins are extremely clueless. Honestly, the cluelessness would bother me more than them being a virgin though.
Emilia Posted January 30, 2013 Posted January 30, 2013 The two women I mentioned have great interpersonal skills are prob more emotionally mature and healthy than most women I know. They work in professions based on interpersonal skills, they just never got around to sex. I see what you are saying though...some virgins are extremely clueless. Honestly, the cluelessness would bother me more than them being a virgin though. To me sex is a natural way of expressing love in a relationship and I suppose I don't really know why anyone would forgo that. Especially as it is something that's much easier to get into when you are younger since there are more opportunities. Cluelessness and virginity often go hand in hand (that doesn't mean non-virgins are that clued up necessarily, no).
Emilia Posted January 30, 2013 Posted January 30, 2013 That doesn't jive with the post I quoted from you... That's exactly the point of my post. Why put off building interpersonal relationship skills? That's how you gain them, by dating. Don't you like women? (not implying sexual orientation)
ThaWholigan Posted January 30, 2013 Posted January 30, 2013 Being that I was a virgin until half a year ago, I would say to not lie. Eventually, you will find a girl who wants to sex you. You just have to learn how to be relaxed about your virginity and practice not being anxious about sex. 1
KungFuJoe Posted January 30, 2013 Posted January 30, 2013 The problem with lying is that now you'll have even MORE pressure to perform that first time, because you set the expectations that you know what you're doing. Even greater chance you will suffer from ED the first time around. Something to chew on..... 2
Emilia Posted January 30, 2013 Posted January 30, 2013 The problem with lying is that now you'll have even MORE pressure to perform that first time, because you set the expectations that you know what you're doing. Even greater chance you will suffer from ED the first time around. Something to chew on..... I so agree with this. Seriously there is so much pressure on both parties in this situation, pressure on the guy to perform and not allowing the woman to realise she needs to be a little bit patient rather than be surprised by the awkwardness of it all.
fortyninethousand322 Posted January 30, 2013 Posted January 30, 2013 That's exactly the point of my post. Why put off building interpersonal relationship skills? That's how you gain them, by dating. Don't you like women? (not implying sexual orientation) You said it would be harder to find someone willing to date you if you're inexperienced. So I was asking if someone should just date someone they're not into just for the experience (not necessarily sexual experience either).
Emilia Posted January 30, 2013 Posted January 30, 2013 You said it would be harder to find someone willing to date you if you're inexperienced. So I was asking if someone should just date someone they're not into just for the experience (not necessarily sexual experience either). no because that's not dating, that's just being friends.
fortyninethousand322 Posted January 30, 2013 Posted January 30, 2013 no because that's not dating, that's just being friends. Even if you make out and hold hands and stuff?
Emilia Posted January 30, 2013 Posted January 30, 2013 Even if you make out and hold hands and stuff? Of course. If you are not sexually attracted to a person, the stakes are not there for you to want it work. The whole issue is about emotional investment and how to become the kind of person who understands how to manage their emotions. How do you learn that if you don't care about the other person? On a slightly different note: this is why some people never manage to hold relationship down even if they have sex regularly. They don't know how to manage their emotions and for whatever reason never learn the nuanced aspects of relationship building.
ImperfectionisBeauty Posted January 30, 2013 Posted January 30, 2013 Don't lie about it, you should be proud. I wish I would have waited and not thrown it away. If someone can't accept your virgin status then screw them you wouldn't want to be with them anyways
Author Geiss Posted January 30, 2013 Author Posted January 30, 2013 Well there seems to be a lot of wrong perceptions about me being thrown around. But then again people tend to perceive you differently than you perceive yourself. You're making me sound like this complete nervous wreck that is socially inept and completely clueless and going to become clingy to some girl afterwards. I have had girlfriends in the past. My first relationship lasted half a year. She was also a virgin. We never had sex though. I think we worked through all the awkward kissing so I won't be like that guy on that show the virgin diaries where he looked like a pelican kissing his bride. So I'm not one of those guys that has never kissed and never had any action at all. I could easily have lost my virginity 10 years ago multiple times. A couple of girls I went out with did know. And both of them wanted to have sex with me within a few hours of meeting me. I've even had my shot at a few one night stands. But I passed them all up. One of them I was so close to doing it. I'm talking an inch away when she said I went white as a ghost and yes, I did have much anxiety come over me. I knew she wasn't the one for me. I said what if I get her pregnant. This girl calls herself a female player. She has slept with over 40 guys. There was so much going through my mind. She kind of relieved me when she said we don't have to do this. And I was like whew and we stopped. And then I never saw her again. And that was my doing. She wasn't right for me. You just know. So no I do not have toys and childish things lying around in my place. Not like that movie where he had GI Joes and whatever. I'm not a slob or anything. I'm a tall guy over 6 feet and not overweight and I still have all my hair. I have a good job that I actually enjoy. I'm pretty happy otherwise. I have my good friends. That are pretty much in the same situation as me. My one friend is actually envious of me. And he hasn't had sex for 8 years now. So I don't have friends busting my balls about this. Anyways its not so much about lying to someone about it. I mean do women confess how many sexual partners they've had prior to having sex? They better not or a lot of guys might be out that door pretty quick. Same thing as admitting you are a virgin. She might run for the door. That's not what I'm talking about though. I'm talking about having sex and afterwards I'm just wondering if she would know or not. I know I would be good at foreplay. I'm not inexperienced there. Is this mandatory information that should be said. I'm seeing a lot of mixed responses here. Some say yes, others say no. Okay. So I guess it's up to my own judgement. But I'm not going to say it on a first date though. Hell no. And yes everyone has assumed that I have done it by now. I try to get out of those conversations when people start talking about sex I go uh oh, time to go for a smoke. Hey I assume everyone has done it too that I'm around but I know from reading forums and such that there is a lot of guys out there that haven't, even some women, just not as much.
SJC2008 Posted January 30, 2013 Posted January 30, 2013 Let's cut the BS here people! In the western world, regardless of sex, if yo're older than about 23 and still a virgin, you're an ogre in probably 75-90% of societies eyes. So should older virgings and older inexp'd people lie and get our exp so we can "join society". A great society mind you. One where people string people along until the BBD comes their way. One where we cheat on our SO's, where we'll date others and sleep with them even though were not over our exes becaue we can't face being alone. So PLEASE let me tell one white lie so I can be part of this bliss!!! As a man who has never strung a woman along for sex (there were opportunities) I really do wonder if there's a correlation between that and my lack of exp?? I'll conclude with I'm not perfect and have done things in my life that I'm not proud of like anyone else before I get tared and feathered here for being a night in shining armor.
animalover Posted January 30, 2013 Posted January 30, 2013 The thing is whether people wait for a special someone or just put other things before building relationship skills are in a difficult position because there is a lot of competition from those with more experience - and I don't mean sexual experience. Dating is very important aspect of interpersonal skills and the more clued up you are the more likely you get picked - or the complete opposite. Virginity is usually an indication of lacking a certain level of interpersonal experience and to be honest, most of us would just rather not go there. I dated inexperienced guys the last few years and it wasn't fun simply because often they were clueless when it came to romantic relationship nuances. You know, I think you should think the same about the other way around... lately I see many post of girls who have been very successful in not being virgins...
RogerWallace111 Posted January 30, 2013 Posted January 30, 2013 I don't know if you could say I "faked" it, but I didn't tell the first girl I was with I was a virgin. And when I did tell her like a week later she was legitimately surprised. Somehow I had mad stamina, and maybe, due to plenty of porn-watching, just knew what was up...
SJC2008 Posted January 30, 2013 Posted January 30, 2013 I'm an older adult virgin and I've had my chances in the past but I have turned them down from one reason to another. I've pretty much done everything else, well not everything since there is some kinky stuff out there but I'm wondering if you don't say anything about being a virgin which I won't will you be able to tell. Perhaps a younger virgin it might be possible but an older male virgin that does know somewhat what to do. I've made girls pretty excited just by kissing them and feeling them. I was so close to doing it but I had way too much anxiety at the time. I mean we were naked in bed together, it doesn't get much closer than that. Basically can I fake not being a virgin? I don't want anyone to know. Until maybe afterwards. One thing that'll help you with your anxiety over your inexperience it that sex isn't rocket science! Porn can help but it can hurt also buy thinking you have to be a pro. Also, many men and women who are exp'd aren't all that in the sack anyway and first time sex with a new partner tends to be awkward. The best thing to help you is that I can assure you your "animal instinct" will kick in, TRUST ME. Untill recently, I hadn't had sex since I lost my v at 22 and Im 31. I wasn't planning on sleeping with the last woman I dated on the night of our last date. Hell we weren't even somewhere people usually have sex. We started making out and things got hot and heavy and she started breathing really really hard, that was my cue, I unbuckled her belt, pulled her pants down and she didn't stop me! So if a man who hadn't had sex in almost 9 years can read a sign like that, you can. 1
pbjbear Posted January 30, 2013 Posted January 30, 2013 Let's cut the BS here people! In the western world, regardless of sex, if yo're older than about 23 and still a virgin, you're an ogre in probably 75-90% of societies eyes. So should older virgings and older inexp'd people lie and get our exp so we can "join society". A great society mind you. One where people string people along until the BBD comes their way. One where we cheat on our SO's, where we'll date others and sleep with them even though were not over our exes becaue we can't face being alone. . Dont say that...people cannot handle the truth here. 2
carhill Posted January 30, 2013 Posted January 30, 2013 I didn't find it to be an issue ('faking'); the lady with whom I shared it and I discussed our past relationships and I was honest about the relationships. I never describe specific sexual activity with any person to anyone else, so a lack was irrelevant. We discussed STD's; I had a clean lab report. We discussed BC. I used condoms. We were together for a bit over a year and, when things didn't work out, we both moved on without rancor. When we broke up, I was nearly 37. EOS.
SJC2008 Posted January 30, 2013 Posted January 30, 2013 I didn't find it to be an issue ('faking'); the lady with whom I shared it and I discussed our past relationships and I was honest about the relationships. I never describe specific sexual activity with any person to anyone else, so a lack was irrelevant. We discussed STD's; I had a clean lab report. We discussed BC. I used condoms. We were together for a bit over a year and, when things didn't work out, we both moved on without rancor. When we broke up, I was nearly 37. EOS. Are you saying you lost your V at 36? So when you told her about your past she didn't ask if you were a virgin? (if you were).
carhill Posted January 30, 2013 Posted January 30, 2013 IIRC, I was 35, as stated many times in the past on these forums. No, she didn't ask.
pbjbear Posted January 30, 2013 Posted January 30, 2013 I suggest that they go and date people They could go and date people, but if they are honest that dating is fruitless since the majority of people will be turned off according to you You pretty much pose an impossible situation to virgins btw
SJC2008 Posted January 30, 2013 Posted January 30, 2013 IIRC, I was 35, as stated many times in the past on these forums. No, she didn't ask. Ok thanks. I've been here almost two yeas and have never known that about you...
veggirl Posted January 30, 2013 Posted January 30, 2013 Who is gonna ask?! Like at 29 it would never cross my mind to be all "are you a virgin?" to a guy around my age. Even if he was like "I never had a serious gf" or whatever. And hell NO I would not advise an older virgin to advertise that fact lol. Cross your fingers and hope no one asks would be my advice. You're gonna get nasty comments from many of people, like you see in this thread, why put yourself through that willingly? 3
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