its a lifestyle Posted January 30, 2013 Posted January 30, 2013 (edited) It's freaky, and depressing. She was my first love and it's been a hard 6 months since she left, My new years resolution was to move on, rebuild my life and to stop allowing the memories to control me. I felt an overwhelming motivation on new years eve to move on with my life, this year I am 21, I'm beginning great things for my career, I have some exciting plans for the year. Last week I did something stupid and somewhat betrayed my new years resolution by randomly looking at her facebook&twitter page, thus seeing a picture of her face. Since then I've been dreaming about her, she's been in my dreams for 3 nights in a row, I was barely even thinking about her before I did that stupid thing... and now I'm dreaming about her 3 nights in a row and as a result she's back on my mind full-time? FFS!!... The dreams are sickening, scenes of getting back together, kissing, sex, also scenes of rejection and hate, I wake up feeling disgusted, somewhat hurting and disappointed in myself. I'm genuinely moving on, I've accepted that she's no longer a part of my life, I want to completely get over her 100%... But this dreaming... is it that my sub-conscious is still deeply in love with her? it's showing me that I'm not actually as close to moving on as I really think I am? Edited January 30, 2013 by its a lifestyle
stevie_23 Posted January 30, 2013 Posted January 30, 2013 You may still be in love with her on one level. Sometimes after a BU, particularly if the other person initiated it, it can be hard to really grasp WHY you're not together. If YOU were happy (but they weren't), you can sometimes hang onto some residual feelings long after the BU because you WERE happy, simple as that. Dreams also don't necessarily mean anything too literal. I still have the occasional dream of my ex, who left me (but then again, I KNOW I'm still in love with him), and they're always happy, peaceful, loving dreams. I neither embrace or reject them. They just...are. I accept them as being good, fond memories, and I do admit I miss them being my reality, but it's ok.
Author its a lifestyle Posted January 30, 2013 Author Posted January 30, 2013 (edited) You may still be in love with her on one level. Sometimes after a BU, particularly if the other person initiated it, it can be hard to really grasp WHY you're not together. If YOU were happy (but they weren't), you can sometimes hang onto some residual feelings long after the BU because you WERE happy, simple as that. Dreams also don't necessarily mean anything too literal. I still have the occasional dream of my ex, who left me (but then again, I KNOW I'm still in love with him), and they're always happy, peaceful, loving dreams. I neither embrace or reject them. They just...are. I accept them as being good, fond memories, and I do admit I miss them being my reality, but it's ok. I was in love with her, and she's my first real love... every man has "that girl" who he was closest to in life, we knew each other since being young teenagers... she was special I can't deny it. But I don't consider myself in love with her anymore, if she came to me tomorrow I would tell her to ****off, I HATE her and never want to see her again in my life, her chapter in my story has ended. Regardless, I'm only saying that to give you an idea as you referred back in time to details of the break up, who broke it off, understanding it, if we were happy... blablabla, that's all irrelevant now, I've already done the "ask yourself these questions 10 million times over" stage lol, I did it months ago. I've found my closure from within and she is HISTORY... but now I'm finally at this stage in my awake state... she's ****ing haunting me in my dream state lol. To set the scene for you, I no longer wallow, day dream and feel down & depressed about her, it's a new year I'm starting a great new life and everything is looking bright, it's taken me 6 months of depression to get here, but I'm here and I finally feel good. My point of this thread is - so I peaked at her facebook & twitter last week for the first time since early december 2012, I didn't see anything I didn't already know or anything which altered my mood/set me back... besides her face, Now since then I'm dreaming about her every night? and waking up feeling hurt and disappointed in myself... Edited January 30, 2013 by its a lifestyle
stevie_23 Posted January 30, 2013 Posted January 30, 2013 Ok. I get it more clearly now. So why did you have a look at her Facebook?
Author its a lifestyle Posted January 30, 2013 Author Posted January 30, 2013 Ok. I get it more clearly now. So why did you have a look at her Facebook? I was having one of those odd days thinking about her last week, I was off work that day and it was morning and my friend had called off our work-out... I hadn't looked at her facebook since late/Nov early/Dec, and it was part of my new years resolution not to... But curiosity killed the cat and I just typed stuff in without thinking about it... I guess it killed the sense of progress, I had let myself down and "letting myself down" in this way has been playing on my mind.... the subject in which I let myself down is related to her.. so I guess in a way she is part of what is playing on my mind, it has been causing me to think about her again this last week, and as you know... dreaming about her, I'm not far from trying out therapy if this doesn't subside fast.
stevie_23 Posted January 30, 2013 Posted January 30, 2013 Therapy would help I think. I really need to take my own advice here. lol. Therapy helps anyone, no matter who they are and what issues they have, big or small. So go for it, I say. In terms of "falling down" a bit and checking her Facebook (well, not CHECKING but looking at it I guess), well...yeah. We've all done this. Been there, done that. I am still checking my ex's posts most days on this songwriting forum he's on. Just to make sure he's "ok". lol. Silly, right? The secret is...(1) Not to have ANY interest in checking that sort of stuff, and (2) If you DO happen to see it, it doesn't hit you. It doesn't bring back much feeling. One day we'll all get to that point, but for now...we just muddle through I guess.
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