Thank You...

[maplesyrup]

I've never posted here before. In fact this is the first time I've ever visited this forum. My girlfriend of over two years broke up with me recently. About two weeks ago she said she wasn't happy anymore and that she needed to go. She moved out of our apartment. Three days later, after very little contact, she asked to meet with me. I agreed... she told me she was sorry, she said she missed me and still loves me and she cried and all that. We took a long walk on the beach and we made up and decided to get back together. I thought it was some kind of miracle. The next two weeks were the best two weeks of my life. We weren't living together anymore and to me it seemed to bring us closer together. When we did see each other is was incredible. We started going on dates to all of our favorite little hot spots and shared a lot of new experiences. Something inside me changed. I bought her flowers... her favorite, lilies and pink roses, pink being her favorite color... for no reason and brought them to her at work. She was ecstatic... she kept telling me how much she loved them and how all the girls at work were really jealous. Then this past weekend we took a short holiday together. It was incredible. We both had the best time, didn't fight or argue or bicker, not even once. She told me she loved me, laughed at all my stupid jokes, was always pulling me in for kisses and everything. We came back Monday and I dropped her off, she kissed me told me she loved me and that she'd see me soon. She texted me a few hours later and said she missed me already...

 

And later that day she broke up with me. She said I felt more like a friend. That the feelings weren't there anymore. My world came crashing down around me. I was scared... I was never scared when she was around. She would just have to talk to me softly or smile that imperfect yet oh so perfect smile of hers and all my doubts and fears would vanish. And suddenly I was scared and alone... and she wasn't ever going to smile that smile again. At least not for me. I didn't understand. I bombarded her with texts, calls. I tried to get her to explain, I told her I was sorry and I could change and that I love her and can't live without her. She was so cold and distant and ruthless... like she was carved out of stone. Like all those times we shared, all the love we shared, the home we made together... like all of that didn't matter to her anymore. Like it never mattered. Just like that. It killed me that the sweet, beautiful girl I know could just rip my heart out like that, leave me bleeding and alone... after all those days we shared... all those times she told me she loved me and that she wanted to spend the rest of her life with me... and then just do that to me and not seem to care at all. It was awful.

 

It's a tricky situation because I met her after moving to a new country. We almost immediately started dating and as a result all of our close friends are just that... OUR friends. Mutual ones. And now it's awkward and they're really her friends rather than mine so I'm left completely alone. I never really bothered to make friends because I always had her and, by association, her friends. Now I'm sitting here in the dark... bonecrushing loneliness looming over me. It's the worst.

 

Then I found this forum... and I saw that there's over a thousand pages of people going through the exact same thing that I am. And I don't feel so alone anymore. I've read dozens of threads and I feel a lot better now. I feel like I know what I have to do. I feel like I can move on. And for that, I just really wanted to say thank you. Thanks so much for being here for me, even though I don't know a single one of you. Thank you for helping me through this.

 

I've started no contact with her. It's been about an hour since I last texted her. I said I hope there's no hard feelings and that I really want her to be happy, even if she's happiest without me, I have to let her go because that's what real love is. She said she was sorry she couldn't give me what I needed and that was it. I'm trying to stay strong but it's really hard. So I just keep reading threads here, to give me strength, to hear that it's going to be tough but at the same time it's going to be fine.

 

I'm sorry this is such a long post, I almost don't expect anyone to read it. I'm not really looking for replies. If you want to post advice, go for it. Whatever you want to post, post. I just really wanted to share my story and say thank you so much for what you've done for me. You don't know me but you've helped me so much and I can't thank you people enough.