wwallace Posted August 25, 2004 Posted August 25, 2004 Hi everyone, I been reading this forum for a while,so I finally had enough nerve to post. I been with the OW for 5 months, we both had a great time together. We hung out and had a good friendship etc...(you get the point). Even though we were both married. But things got kinda confusing, she was having problem with her husband and i was having problems with my wife and I guess thinks took off. Now about a month ago she stops calling me(I can deal with that) for no reason. She has a friend that is also a friend of mine and she said that she spoke to her yesterday and she said that she is so confused and that she really misses me and loves me. But she wants to work things out with her husband. When she told me that I said to myself why if she is trying to work things out why even talk about me,why not let the scar heal and move on. I don't understand... I feel really bad for what i did to my wife and I am going to thearpy and almost every other weekend I am taking her out to try to work things out. I am nervous if she calls me i don't want to seem rude and just hang up on her. I still have feeling for her and i think of her everyday..I don't know what to do.. I thank you in advance.
VivianLee Posted August 26, 2004 Posted August 26, 2004 It will takes time to heal no matter what. However, the only way to eventually heal and get over it is to have NO CONTACT or NC (as they abbreviate on here).....if you want to move on and truly work things out, you need to purge yourself of everything related to her (no more questions to the mutual friend)...I know it's nice to be know you are missed and loved BUT it's really not your concern, she's not your wife nor you her husband....concentrate on making things up to your wife and falling in love with her..... If you break the no contact, you are back to square one and you have to go through the hurt and healing process all over again....don't do that to your wife or yourself....I'm speaking from experience!!
sinner Posted August 26, 2004 Posted August 26, 2004 If you break the no contact, you are back to square one and you have to go through the hurt and healing process all over again....don't do that to your wife or yourself....I'm speaking from experience!! Listen to, and follow, vivianlee's excellent advice. This advice is not sexy, it is painful. But believe me when I tell you that if you ignore this NC counsel and rekindle the affair things will be even worse for everyone the next time the affair implodes. And the next time the affair may not be the only thing that implodes: Think about one or two marriages vaporizing. It can happen. NC is the only way to go. Get out while you still can.
neener Posted August 26, 2004 Posted August 26, 2004 I'm going to have to agree with all of the above and I think you all ready know it to. I said to myself why if she is trying to work things out why even talk about me,why not let the scar heal and move on If she does call there is no need to be rude there is also no need to answer. I'm sure you've heard of "screening" a call. If she leaves a message just delete it, don't even listen to it. Another little tidbit of advice, I would let my mutual friend know that I don't want to put them in the middle of this situation and prefer to not discuss the other person with them. That way you won't have to have those little stabbing bits of information. Good Luck! It's not an easy road but your heart will eventually catch up with your head.
KissMyTiara Posted August 27, 2004 Posted August 27, 2004 Can't he just keep the message on his cell phone and replay it repeatedly everytime he misses her until the cell phone company deletes it for him, after what, like 21 days?
neener Posted August 30, 2004 Posted August 30, 2004 KMT that's funny, and may I add what a great option, might as well find a cell phone company that keeps the messages for 28 days (like mine, and lets not talk about how I know that) that way you have a whole entire extra week to torture yourself. Go all out you know. Why just pour salt in the wound when you can pour salt and vinegar? Am I right? hehehehe
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