superb Posted January 29, 2013 Posted January 29, 2013 So I guess I'm still seeing this guy. Despite my attempts to push him away. I called him out on a few things that bothered me about the relationship (it's a VERY new relationship) and he just keeps saying he's confused by what I'm saying, that he doesn't understand or get it....which in turn has me VERY confused also...is he just trying to keep me on "the hook"? I like him enough to hear him out and carry on but really? He is confused by my vocabulary? Seems like he's avoiding the issues I have and just wants to smooth things over.
KungFuJoe Posted January 29, 2013 Posted January 29, 2013 So I guess I'm still seeing this guy. Despite my attempts to push him away. I called him out on a few things that bothered me about the relationship (it's a VERY new relationship) and he just keeps saying he's confused by what I'm saying, that he doesn't understand or get it....which in turn has me VERY confused also...is he just trying to keep me on "the hook"? I like him enough to hear him out and carry on but really? He is confused by my vocabulary? Seems like he's avoiding the issues I have and just wants to smooth things over. You are pushing him away. Tell me again why you care what he says or does...or even thinks? He's not confused by your vocabulary. He's confused by your ACTIONS.
Author superb Posted January 29, 2013 Author Posted January 29, 2013 You are pushing him away. Tell me again why you care what he says or does...or even thinks? He's not confused by your vocabulary. He's confused by your ACTIONS. I tend to do that when red flags wave in my face though. Goes back to my over communicating thread-because I see my actions as being defensive and wrong and I understand that part of his confusion. Him avoiding the issues that made me feel that way is the other side of things. I like him. I would like to see him more...however he acts different since we last hung out, less interested and that has bothered me. Also his activity on a dating site has me a little bothered also.
KungFuJoe Posted January 29, 2013 Posted January 29, 2013 I tend to do that when red flags wave in my face though. Goes back to my over communicating thread-because I see my actions as being defensive and wrong and I understand that part of his confusion. Him avoiding the issues that made me feel that way is the other side of things. I like him. I would like to see him more...however he acts different since we last hung out, less interested and that has bothered me. Also his activity on a dating site has me a little bothered also. I'll save you some trouble. Just leave. Now. If you guys can't communicate on this very basic level, good luck down the road. Chalk it off to simple compatibility issues.
Keenly Posted January 29, 2013 Posted January 29, 2013 I haven't read your other thread, can I get a quick summary of the problems?
Author superb Posted January 29, 2013 Author Posted January 29, 2013 I haven't read your other thread, can I get a quick summary of the problems? I've been questioning whether or not I communicate too much too soon with men. He told me last Thursday that before I made it home from his house his dating site profile would be gone. Didn't do it. I gave him the weekend before I mentioned it. I feel his interest level has went from interested very much to basically like we're married and I don't need any type of communications or texts/calls yet he's surprised by this bothering me. Meanwhile, while not texting me back or calling he's "online now" on this site and it makes me angry. He called today, got a little loud with me...I told him I was trying to tell him how I felt so he knew, assuming he'd care. I feel like he's avoiding the #1 problem at hand and letting it spiral into little compartments, overall complicating things himself by avoiding it in the first place.
KungFuJoe Posted January 29, 2013 Posted January 29, 2013 Word of advice. Ditch online dating. I swear, I have not heard ONE good story come from OLD. Not one. 1
Author superb Posted January 29, 2013 Author Posted January 29, 2013 Word of advice. Ditch online dating. I swear, I have not heard ONE good story come from OLD. Not one. That is my plan. Not only do I not want a man who can't get offline but how can I find one that's online and expect him to be any different? I've been single 6 years, actively dating maybe 4 and all of my OLD experiences have left me feeling very bad about myself. It's weird to see the man you think you're with online and knowing he's talking to the other women in the same way he'd pursued you. It's created a major trust issue within me.
Author superb Posted January 29, 2013 Author Posted January 29, 2013 So while I understand my actions may be confusing...there is a reason to be confused. I'm confused myself. Putting yourself out there takes a lot of guts when you're serious about trying to make a relationship work and I see these signs, red flags that are telling me to run. His resistance makes me feel a little bad, can't blame a new man for what's happened in the past BUT I think at this point he needs to prove something or just leave me alone.
Keenly Posted January 29, 2013 Posted January 29, 2013 Did you bring all of this up way too early? Sounds kind of like you scared him away
Author superb Posted January 29, 2013 Author Posted January 29, 2013 Did you bring all of this up way too early? Sounds kind of like you scared him away I brought it up 4 days after leaving his house...he had the weekend, I worked all weekend...figured I'd be able to trust his word about the deleting of the site and everything else he told me that night. Giving him a fair chance. Really bothers me when people don't follow through because I do what I say I'm going to. If I'm seeing someone, I won't talk to other men, I won't date other men, I try to focus on them to see how things will work out between us. Maybe I'm too attentive and shouldn't expect it back. To me that just feels like settling for something I will really hate later on though.
Author superb Posted January 29, 2013 Author Posted January 29, 2013 Also...he avoided questions I asked yet replied to my text about my grandmother dying last night, saying "aww I'm sorry hun" so idk what to think. Maybe just not think so much about it and roll with it. Could be my dream man, right?
starla33 Posted January 29, 2013 Posted January 29, 2013 That is my plan. Not only do I not want a man who can't get offline but how can I find one that's online and expect him to be any different? I've been single 6 years, actively dating maybe 4 and all of my OLD experiences have left me feeling very bad about myself. It's weird to see the man you think you're with online and knowing he's talking to the other women in the same way he'd pursued you. It's created a major trust issue within me. This is why I hate online dating. It's a never ending cycle of guys that are looking for a bigger better deal (although that is a lot of guys in general). It's like oh you are hot?! Well there is someone hotter around the corner so they will keep looking and never be satisfied, until one day they feel lonely and settle for whatever hot girl was around the corner next. Maybe try eharmony? That one might be better?
Author superb Posted January 29, 2013 Author Posted January 29, 2013 This is why I hate online dating. It's a never ending cycle of guys that are looking for a bigger better deal (although that is a lot of guys in general). It's like oh you are hot?! Well there is someone hotter around the corner so they will keep looking and never be satisfied, until one day they feel lonely and settle for whatever hot girl was around the corner next. Maybe try eharmony? That one might be better? Nah, I'm going to take a break...seeing how this pans out will be more material for my dating book I'm going to start working on and focus more on that, my family and working out at the gym. All things that make ME feel good. Dating doesn't make me feel good so I need a break. 1
Charlene78 Posted January 29, 2013 Posted January 29, 2013 Also...he avoided questions I asked yet replied to my text about my grandmother dying last night, saying "aww I'm sorry hun" so idk what to think. Maybe just not think so much about it and roll with it. Could be my dream man, right? Your dream man? You're kidding, right? He refuses to take down his dating profile while he's with you, then doesn't follow up on his word to take it down, plus he still goes online to look for other women and he dodges important questions of yours. Doesn't exactly sound like a dream man if you ask me, but more like a man that is trying to keep his options open. 2
Author superb Posted January 29, 2013 Author Posted January 29, 2013 Your dream man? You're kidding, right? He refuses to take down his dating profile while he's with you, he doesn't follow up on his word to take it down, he still goes online to look for other women and he dodges important questions. Doesn't exactly sound like a dream man if you ask me, but more like a man that is trying to keep his options open. I was joking....lol If he's being persistent I think he deserves a fair shot is all I'm saying. Doesn't take away the fact that I expect him to PROVE himself to me. If he doesn't I'm done...My foot is out the door right now anyway.
Keenly Posted January 29, 2013 Posted January 29, 2013 I mean too soon as in did you lay all of this on him on the third date ?
Author superb Posted January 29, 2013 Author Posted January 29, 2013 (edited) I mean too soon as in did you lay all of this on him on the third date ? Basically. But things moved swiftly between us. Figure being upfront with him was best. Which is why I'm willing to tone it down a notch, pump the brakes and not push anything or even talk about anything now. Just let things go and see what happens. Edited January 29, 2013 by superb wasnt done typing
Author superb Posted January 30, 2013 Author Posted January 30, 2013 As this day dragged on...he didn't communicate to me at all anymore and I trolled him and saw him online...SOOOOOO...I get it now. Now I'm done. Why make him explain what I already know? I won't.
Keenly Posted January 30, 2013 Posted January 30, 2013 Yeah, you scared him away. Emotionally I am guessing.
Author superb Posted January 30, 2013 Author Posted January 30, 2013 Yeah, you scared him away. Emotionally I am guessing. Perhaps the right man will understand where I'm coming from. Are men intimidated by outspoken women really?
SJC2008 Posted January 30, 2013 Posted January 30, 2013 I have lost all hope for the human race:( It is a t with an i in front!
Keenly Posted January 30, 2013 Posted January 30, 2013 Perhaps the right man will understand where I'm coming from. Are men intimidated by outspoken women really? It has nothing to with being outspoken. It sounds like from the information I am getting that you dumped too much baggage on him too quick. Men will understand your faults and accept them, but you kinda have let us get a bond going with you first, otherwise you are just going to scare us off if you put too much on the table too soon. I mean, maybe I am alone in thinking this, but if you would have waited a few more dates, it might have been received a little better. 1
Author superb Posted January 30, 2013 Author Posted January 30, 2013 I have lost all hope for the human race:( It is a t with an i in front! I don't understand what this means? Sorry.
Author superb Posted January 30, 2013 Author Posted January 30, 2013 It has nothing to with being outspoken. It sounds like from the information I am getting that you dumped too much baggage on him too quick. Men will understand your faults and accept them, but you kinda have let us get a bond going with you first, otherwise you are just going to scare us off if you put too much on the table too soon. I mean, maybe I am alone in thinking this, but if you would have waited a few more dates, it might have been received a little better. You're probably right, live and learn. Most of all knowing we're going to have serious communication issues right away is a good thing to discover now rather than later.
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