Reserved men and their formerly "wild" girlfriends

January 29, 2013

Question for the guys and girls,

Has anyone ever been wild and crazy in their past and eventually just wanted to settle down for nice and normal? And I don't mean "settle" in a bad way...I just mean you had your fun, you're tired of it, and just want something "normal".

January 29, 2013

Question for the guys and girls,

Has anyone ever been wild and crazy in their past and eventually just wanted to settle down for nice and normal? And I don't mean "settle" in a bad way...I just mean you had your fun, you're tired of it, and just want something "normal".

I wouldn't. If I want to be with someone I have to be 100% myself. I don't do things I don't like. When I did try things and I didn't like it and a girl is asking for it. I will tell the hole story!

January 29, 2013

Looks like one of those rare times I make a post. Guess I'll get a little more active around here.

An opinion from MrNate:

I think an important thing (well things) to consider is the nature and the consequences of this wildness. What I mean is that for the 'majority' of wild women/men converts, I would say that most are not involved in a situation where they have to adjust themselves to a conservative person. Namely because the idea of hiding part of who you are sound mighty painful to begin with.

So with that being said, I'm willing to bet that most people or women (for the sake of this) who were wild and wind up with a more conservative guy may be because...they very well just grew tired of it. Now of course, this is where it's sticky. The next question now would be: "Well now because she's with me, she won't do that wild stuff that she did with her bf, etc."

But hold up.

The guy is 'conservative' right? So why would he complain? Unless..the guy is not as conservative as he says, and is just a closet wild person. Also...

In this case, it's still good for the guy because even though she was a former wild person...who said it just disappeared? Maybe she just wants to settle down and be wild with you. And just you. Instead of hopping around.

I'm sure most wild women will get just as freaky for the right man as they always have. And since you're the right one, well..****. The gettin is about to get real good.

I think that's another good way of looking at things. I wouldn't view most as 'hiding' parts of themselves..more in a case of 'I want to kind of chill out now and be with one man who likes me for who I am' And not just a part of it...

All of it.

I just went against everything I stand for and wrote a wall of text.

**** me.

Edited January 29, 2013 by MrNate 2.0

January 29, 2013

I know women may feel like they have to fit into a certain role because of cultural pressures. So yes I can see how they'd be more sexually open with a guy they were casual with than with a guy they want something more with. They don't want the relationship guy to think she's xyz and not be viewd as non relationship material etc. This is a perfect example of where where taking the lead as a man comes into play IMO. I would try to get her to open up and feel like she can be her true self without feeling like she's going to be judged or scare me away. TBS, she HAS to be open to communication about it for it to work and trust me or it won't work.

January 29, 2013

Ok I'm copying and pasting what I wrote in the photo book thread because it fits better here and wasn't fully on topic there, it read:

It is weird how women go through the "jerks", being "easy" & doing freaky sh*t quickly, then...... decide they need a "nice" guy, find one, aren't turned on by him cause he's too tame & docile, thus don't show him the same level of freakiness, but keep him cause he's sweet, stable & provides comfort.

This isn't necessarily malicious, and maybe not wrong, but it's funny how women in this situation will so often insist that they just don't want to be adventurous anymore and are over it. Cause of course theyre not. Theyve just started to value stability, etc more than that, and are therefore willing to date a guy who doesn't really turn them on as long as he provides that. Even her sex drive isn't as active, and she honestly isn't as into that stuff anymore, that nastiness doesn't just go away. She probably just feels she's more grown up, should be more "respectable", and just isn't quite so wild.

Any girl who's done freaky sh*t with her past guys but refuses to with me - nah. Doesn't have to be to the same degree, and if it's actually demeaning to her that's one thing. But if I knew my girlfriend had done nude photos regularly in the past, and wouldn't let me take a few of her now, for my personal use, I'd be out. I wouldn't buy an excuse that she was "past that" and had changed too much to let me snap a couple f*cking phone pics. I would feel like she wasn't turned on enough by me to get even slightly adventurous- and I want a girl whose aroused as f*ck by me.

January 29, 2013

I don't think some of the women that end up in this situation are all genuinely "wild".

I think many behaved in wild ways, but were not necessarily acting based on their own wants and needs, and instead acting in ways that they felt men wanted.

I think most women, especially the younger generation, have figured out that men respond to "wild". They see the porn their boyfriends, brothers, fathers watch (I'm not anti porn, by the way). They go out and see that sexually "free" women get a lot of attention. They date men that ask them to do things they wouldn't necessarily crave naturally, and are intitially validated by the attention that this provides. I'm not saying women don't have sex drives or aren't sexual beings.

In addition, many of these young women do not have father figures in their lives that are honest with them about male sexuality. There are many women that come from homes with fathers that are physically or emotionally absent. These women fear abandonment and will often be very willing to please, even at their own expense. And some women who come from stable homes with fairytale perfect dads assume all men are looking out for her best interest, like dad, and trust men blindly.

These childhood dynamics often result in women that are indiscriminate. They give sex to get love, and they adapt a "wild" persona because it results in lots of male attention. They are vulnerable to male attention because they are still trying to fill those missing needs from childhood. They are not mature or wordly enough to see the difference between positive and negative attention. They are validated by male attention, and have discovered that being sexy and wild gets you a steady supply.

Eventually, they learn that others judge them for this behavior and it's not as fulfulling as they hoped. They may realize that their actions were often influenced by men or their "ideas of men" (many false assumptions). So although they genuinely enjoyed the attention that their wild behavior created, it did not meet their needs. They learn that sexual attention from men does not equal an emotional connection, and they may look back on their behavior with shame or regret, because it often resulted in them feeling used sexually. As they mature, they often see that sexual attention from men does not have as much value as they once thought. It doesn't mean you are liked, it doesn't mean you're special, it doesn't mean you are respected.

Men will read that and say "What? Some women actually do things they wouldn't have naturally done, just for the approval or attention of a man? Not a chance! Women are as dirty and horny as we are!" And yes, some women are. But most aren't, IMO. Most women are naturally inclined to want sex within a relationship, and most women date with the end goal of having a successful long term relationship. It's just that sex is often used incorrectly as a tool.

So I don't think women are always maliciously decieving a man, with the intent to "get something over on him". What often happens is that she views herself differently than her past portrays. She often realizes that if she knew then, what she knows now, she wouldn't have done some things. And since she knows she's not genuinely like that, she rationalizes it as not being a lie, but as an omission for the greater good.

HOWEVER, what women need to understand is that honesty and respect are very important for men. You can't erase the past, just because you don't like it.

In order for men to let their guards down emotionally, they need to be able to trust their partner, 100%. Trust is a huge part of their emotional connection and bond to their woman. So is respect. When his woman respects him, it makes him feel validated and admired, which fosters a bond. Meeting those needs in a man will often inspire the feelings of love and protection from a man that women crave.

Many men are bothered by her past, not just because they are jealous or insecure, but because they view their woman with respect and are seriously disturbed that she volunteered herself to be used by other men sexually. She may view it as exploring her sexuality, but he will view is as allowing herself to be disrespected. This can lower her value in his eyes, because he is investing his feelings, time and emotions into a person that other men carelessly discarded. The whole "it's hard to respect a person that doesn't respect herself" thing.

Misrepresenting the past will break the emotional bond because it breaks trust. It will cause him to doubt everything, because he thinks logically. "If she lied about this, then what else did she lie about?". He will forever question if she is genuine, or just telling him what he wants to hear.

If her past is discovered or revealed to his friends or associates, it will break the emotional bond because he will feel disrespected. It is very hard to understand how someone that loved him, would keep important information from him, especially information that his peers know or could find out about. Especially information that could make him look like a chump. He will see this withholding as self serving behavior, which will cause him to rethink the entire relationship and her value to him as a partner.

January 29, 2013

I would say that it's a very specific combination of trusting somebody, feeling physically comfortable around them and having a strong playful vibe with them. It can be as much about the moment and what is going on our life at that point as it is about the man. If not more.

**Thanks.**

January 29, 2013

Question for the guys and girls,

Has anyone ever been wild and crazy in their past and eventually just wanted to settle down for nice and normal? And I don't mean "settle" in a bad way...I just mean you had your fun, you're tired of it, and just want something "normal".

I could say this was me. Not in a sexually open mindedness but in a sheer number of partners sense. I wanted to settle down with one woman. The inner kink grows the older I get though. I become more and more of a pervert as time goes on. I just want to let the little perverted monster out of its cage in the privacy and confines of a committed, trusting and monogamous relationship.

January 29, 2013

I don't think some of the women that end up in this situation are all genuinely "wild".

I think many behaved in wild ways, but were not necessarily acting based on their own wants and needs, and instead acting in ways that they felt men wanted.

I think most women, especially the younger generation, have figured out that men respond to "wild". They see the porn their boyfriends, brothers, fathers watch (I'm not anti porn, by the way). They go out and see that sexually "free" women get a lot of attention. They date men that ask them to do things they wouldn't necessarily crave naturally, and are intitially validated by the attention that this provides. I'm not saying women don't have sex drives or aren't sexual beings.

In addition, many of these young women do not have father figures in their lives that are honest with them about male sexuality. There are many women that come from homes with fathers that are physically or emotionally absent. These women fear abandonment and will often be very willing to please, even at their own expense. And some women who come from stable homes with fairytale perfect dads assume all men are looking out for her best interest, like dad, and trust men blindly.

These childhood dynamics often result in women that are indiscriminate. They give sex to get love, and they adapt a "wild" persona because it results in lots of male attention. They are vulnerable to male attention because they are still trying to fill those missing needs from childhood. They are not mature or wordly enough to see the difference between positive and negative attention. They are validated by male attention, and have discovered that being sexy and wild gets you a steady supply.

Eventually, they learn that others judge them for this behavior and it's not as fulfulling as they hoped. They may realize that their actions were often influenced by men or their "ideas of men" (many false assumptions). So although they genuinely enjoyed the attention that their wild behavior created, it did not meet their needs. They learn that sexual attention from men does not equal an emotional connection, and they may look back on their behavior with shame or regret, because it often resulted in them feeling used sexually. As they mature, they often see that sexual attention from men does not have as much value as they once thought. It doesn't mean you are liked, it doesn't mean you're special, it doesn't mean you are respected.

Men will read that and say "What? Some women actually do things they wouldn't have naturally done, just for the approval or attention of a man? Not a chance! Women are as dirty and horny as we are!" And yes, some women are. But most aren't, IMO. Most women are naturally inclined to want sex within a relationship, and most women date with the end goal of having a successful long term relationship. It's just that sex is often used incorrectly as a tool.

So I don't think women are always maliciously decieving a man, with the intent to "get something over on him". What often happens is that she views herself differently than her past portrays. She often realizes that if she knew then, what she knows now, she wouldn't have done some things. And since she knows she's not genuinely like that, she rationalizes it as not being a lie, but as an omission for the greater good.

HOWEVER, what women need to understand is that honesty and respect are very important for men. You can't erase the past, just because you don't like it.

In order for men to let their guards down emotionally, they need to be able to trust their partner, 100%. Trust is a huge part of their emotional connection and bond to their woman. So is respect. When his woman respects him, it makes him feel validated and admired, which fosters a bond. Meeting those needs in a man will often inspire the feelings of love and protection from a man that women crave.

Many men are bothered by her past, not just because they are jealous or insecure, but because they view their woman with respect and are seriously disturbed that she volunteered herself to be used by other men sexually. She may view it as exploring her sexuality, but he will view is as allowing herself to be disrespected. This can lower her value in his eyes, because he is investing his feelings, time and emotions into a person that other men carelessly discarded. The whole "it's hard to respect a person that doesn't respect herself" thing.

Misrepresenting the past will break the emotional bond because it breaks trust. It will cause him to doubt everything, because he thinks logically. "If she lied about this, then what else did she lie about?". He will forever question if she is genuine, or just telling him what he wants to hear.

If her past is discovered or revealed to his friends or associates, it will break the emotional bond because he will feel disrespected. It is very hard to understand how someone that loved him, would keep important information from him, especially information that his peers know or could find out about. Especially information that could make him look like a chump. He will see this withholding as self serving behavior, which will cause him to rethink the entire relationship and her value to him as a partner.

best post from all the threads that are dealing with this subject!

yet I doubt the girls didn't enjoy those things they did. She might regret the things she has done, because her current OS is different and she want's to be perfect for him. But don't make women victims of their own choises, they did those things because they wanted it.

January 29, 2013

The bottom line is that we're not machines. Not robots. We can't just conjure up past moments and recreate them with a different man at a different time. It can be as much about the moment and what is going on our life at that point as it is about the man. If not more.

No one called any human a robot. No one's saying any given woman needs to or should feel aroused and super attracted to any given man. That all has to come naturally.

I think the situation presented here is more when a woman who clearly enjoys and has enjoyed adventurous things sexually gets together with a guy and tries to overlook or ignore her relative lack of sexual attraction toward him because she thinks he's better for her in other ways. And how that's a disservice to him. It's not just uncool for the guy because of the physical pleasure he's being refused, but much more because it makes him feel he isn't adequately attractive to incite those feelings in her.

And I'm saying all this as someone who's never had this issue, I have no bone to pick, I'm just calling it like I see, hear & read it.

January 29, 2013

Many men are bothered by her past, not just because they are jealous or insecure, but because they view their woman with respect and are seriously disturbed that she volunteered herself to be used by other men sexually. She may view it as exploring her sexuality, but he will view is as allowing herself to be disrespected. This can lower her value in his eyes, because he is investing his feelings, time and emotions into a person that other men carelessly discarded. The whole "it's hard to respect a person that doesn't respect herself" thing.

Thank you for that entire post, but I found not many people on this board or in real life get the quoted part.

January 29, 2013

Thank you for that entire post, but I found not many people on this board or in real life get the quoted part.

I don't think it's necessarily that people don't get it - I think that people perhaps presumptuously perceive that point of view as stupid/counter-productive.

As I said, I don't personally share that point of view myself. But I do understand it.

January 29, 2013

Many men are bothered by her past, not just because they are jealous or insecure, but because they view their woman with respect and are seriously disturbed that she volunteered herself to be used by other men sexually. She may view it as exploring her sexuality, but he will view is as allowing herself to be disrespected. This can lower her value in his eyes, because he is investing his feelings, time and emotions into a person that other men carelessly discarded. The whole "it's hard to respect a person that doesn't respect herself" thing.

Amen quiet storm....

January 29, 2013

Wait...so women who have had wild and crazy sex are disrespecting themselves?

January 29, 2013

Wait...so women who have had wild and crazy sex are disrespecting themselves?

My thoughts exactly.

I do not see it that way at all. Maybe I am weird, but it's actually a turn on to me .

January 29, 2013

Say you get accepted to some university, and are thinking, "I'm the man ! I landed this awesome spot !" and it makes you feel good about yourself, proud, etc.

Then you start looking into the history of the school and find out it's not really that exclusive, and they have a reputation of taking basically anyone who applies. It's gonna change your feeling about how special of a thing your acceptance was whether you like it or not. Of course, it's then up to you to make the best of your education if you're gonna stay there

January 29, 2013

No one called any human a robot. No one's saying any given woman needs to or should feel aroused and super attracted to any given man. That all has to come naturally.

I think the situation presented here is more when a woman who clearly enjoys and has enjoyed adventurous things sexually gets together with a guy and tries to overlook or ignore her relative lack of sexual attraction toward him because she thinks he's better for her in other ways. And how that's a disservice to him. It's not just uncool for the guy because of the physical pleasure he's being refused, but much more because it makes him feel he isn't adequately attractive to incite those feelings in her.

And I'm saying all this as someone who's never had this issue, I have no bone to pick, I'm just calling it like I see, hear & read it.

I agree. I do not believe it's a good idea for anybody to hook up with somebody they're not physically attracted to, unless both are in agreement that they're just not really interested in sex. However, there are people who enter into low-attraction relationships because they prioritise being in a relationship above anything else - so even if they don't feel much attraction to the other person, they regard it as better than being alone.

January 29, 2013

Say you get accepted to some university, and are thinking, "I'm the man ! I landed this awesome spot !" and it makes you feel good about yourself, proud, etc.

Then you start looking into the history of the school and find out it's not really that exclusive, and they have a reputation of taking basically anyone who applies. It's gonna change your feeling about how special of a thing your acceptance was whether you like it or not. Of course, it's then up to you to make the best of your education if you're gonna stay there

BAD analogy. VERY bad.

You're also not taking into account that that school might be easy on enrollment, but the graduation rate is 5%.

January 29, 2013

Say you get accepted to some university, and are thinking, "I'm the man ! I landed this awesome spot !" and it makes you feel good about yourself, proud, etc.

Then you start looking into the history of the school and find out it's not really that exclusive, and they have a reputation of taking basically anyone who applies. It's gonna change your feeling about how special of a thing your acceptance was whether you like it or not. Of course, it's then up to you to make the best of your education if you're gonna stay there

Well, I don't really care about academic exclusivity so I'm probably not the person to ask . As much as I enjoy education, learning and academia (I get bored a lot though), I derive no pleasure from academic status.

January 29, 2013

I agree. I do not believe it's a good idea for anybody to hook up with somebody they're not physically attracted to, unless both are in agreement that they're just not really interested in sex. However, there are people who enter into low-attraction relationships because they prioritise being in a relationship above anything else - so even if they don't feel much attraction to the other person, they regard it as better than being alone.

Same thing: guy promisse a girl the world, just to get sex with her. And she feels hurt, finding out that it where just words, to get in her pants.

January 29, 2013

BAD analogy. VERY bad.

You're also not taking into account that that school might be easy on enrollment, but the graduation rate is 5%.

why bad ?

consider graduation penetration

January 29, 2013

why bad ?

consider graduation penetration

That's why it's a bad analogy.

Because you think the PINNACLE of success in a relationship is penetration.

Not. Even. ****ing. Close.

January 29, 2013

That's why it's a bad analogy.

Because you think the PINNACLE of success in a relationship is penetration.

Not. Even. ****ing. Close.

Nah fool. I'm actually quite the boyfriend, have been in love to where I'd give my life for hers, and meaningless sex barely appeals to me.

We're talking about sex here. And actually I should have said enrollment was penetration.

January 29, 2013

And it's a perfectly legit analogy. Analogies in general just get a bad rap because they can never fully encompass that which the comparison is being made to. But it's a f*cking analogy what do you expect.

January 29, 2013

Not all analogies are bad. Some are very good.

Yours is not one of them.

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