aed Posted January 29, 2013 Posted January 29, 2013 It keeps getting better. I mean honestly what kind of insecurity must you have, that you need to be your SO best/first/favorite/world. It shocks me that the average guy on LS is that freaking insecure. I don't know if you have a OS. but just tell her (or your future gf), to see how she reacts; that that you feel you could talk more easily with your ex, then with her. But she has other qualities that matter to you!
KungFuJoe Posted January 29, 2013 Posted January 29, 2013 It keeps getting better. I mean honestly what kind of insecurity must you have, that you need to be your SO best/first/favorite/world. It shocks me that the average guy on LS is that freaking insecure. I don't think there's anything "wrong" with wanting that. I think everyone kinda does. But you gotta draw the line somewhere and when you cross into "obsessing" over it, that's when it's a problem.
KungFuJoe Posted January 29, 2013 Posted January 29, 2013 BUT...here's my take on it. If my gf ever told me I wasn't the best sex she ever had (and it did happen with my last ex)...oh man...THE CHALLENGE IS ON! I didn't bitch and mope and whine. I upped my game in the sack and long story short, that same ex, months later was telling me how I absolutely ruined her for other men. Also...just because you aren't your SO's first love, first sex, first whatever...there is so much out there that can be done. GO MAKE YOUR OWN FIRSTS! My wife and I were not each other's firsts. But over the many years we've been together, we've "made" so many new firsts that the ones we don't have with each (first sex, etc) seem so pale and meaningless in comparison.
animalover Posted January 29, 2013 Posted January 29, 2013 Based on some threads I have been reading today, that's what it seems like. I see a lot of people getting all bent out of shape because he wasn't always prince charming, or she wasn't always a snow white virgin. I'm seeing way to many people that don't seem to understand that people evolve and go through phases. Opinions? I don't know why you ask for opinions when you are already leading to the people about what you want to hear... I don't think insecurities have nothing to do with the topic (at least not in my case). There are people, yes believe me, who think sex has a meaning! Sex is an expression of love for some of us (weird, crazy, stupid, immature, insecure people). I don't find sex special when I am with a person who has had meaningless sex with other people... and yes, when I have sex with someone I need to feel special... so I guess when it comes to when it can influence dating or not... it is a definitely yes! I think it will also be very different when you live in New York and when you live in a farm town, probably you will find much less conservative people in a big city than in a small town.
SJC2008 Posted January 29, 2013 Posted January 29, 2013 Girls lie to get a guy committed to her? How? Do you mean sexual history? Guys do the same...I had a guy with a manwhore past lie about it like crazy when he figured out through my friends Im not super into guys like that...I figured it out based on his behavior (no self control whatsoever) he displayed later on and then got it confirmed by his friends even later People are dishonest...just gotta hope you end up with a good one at some point This is one of my main fears in dating. I'm afraid to get hurt and honestly more afraid of hurting someone. We live in a cruel world:( Men and women will date people for the time being and then gig them! They'll lie, cheat, misrepresent themselves. I'm not perfect and don't need someone perfect. Just be honest about who you are and be aware of what your flaws are. AND hopefully meet someone with that same mind set. 2
Crusoe Posted January 29, 2013 Posted January 29, 2013 extending this stoner example, if you used to smoke weed and you don't any more, why should you have to tell a SO about it, if they never ask? Why would you not unless you thought it would do harm? And if you thought it would do harm, why wait and let it do more harm in the future? I've got a criminal record, GBH, someone broke into my home and attacked me, he got hurt. I don't hide that from anyone, I let them know. If it changes their opinion of me so be it. It's my past, I own it, it's up to me to suffer any consequences. I won't allow someone to become emotionally attached to me and then have a surprise in the future, especially if I knew they would never date someone with a GBH record. They deserve the truth. 1
animalover Posted January 29, 2013 Posted January 29, 2013 This is one of my main fears in dating. I'm afraid to get hurt and honestly more afraid of hurting someone. We live in a cruel world:( Men and women will date people for the time being and then gig them! They'll lie, cheat, misrepresent themselves. I'm not perfect and don't need someone perfect. Just be honest about who you are and be aware of what your flaws are. AND hopefully meet someone with that same mind set. You are totally right! People just should be consequent with their own choices in life!
Author Lonely Ronin Posted January 29, 2013 Author Posted January 29, 2013 I don't know if you have a OS. but just tell her (or your future gf), to see how she reacts; that that you feel you could talk more easily with your ex, then with her. But she has other qualities that matter to you! I have has several GF, and an almost SO, and most of them have understood that each relationship has a unique dynamic unto its self. The ones that got insecure about this or that didn't last very long. I either broke up with them, or they broke up with me, as the knew I wouldn't tolerate that crap.
aed Posted January 29, 2013 Posted January 29, 2013 Why would you not unless you thought it would do harm? And if you thought it would do harm, why wait and let it do more harm in the future? I've got a criminal record, GBH, someone broke into my home and attacked me, he got hurt. I don't hide that from anyone, I let them know. If it changes their opinion of me so be it. It's my past, I own it, it's up to me to suffer any consequences. I won't allow someone to become emotionally attached to me and then have a surprise in the future, especially if I knew they would never date someone with a GBH record. They deserve the truth. This: I am who I am. Why would you be ashamed of yourself when you have learned from your mistakes?
Author Lonely Ronin Posted January 29, 2013 Author Posted January 29, 2013 I don't know why you ask for opinions when you are already leading to the people about what you want to hear... It's called an exchange of opinions.
Author Lonely Ronin Posted January 29, 2013 Author Posted January 29, 2013 Why would you not unless you thought it would do harm? And if you thought it would do harm, why wait and let it do more harm in the future? Because i don't spend much time focusing on the past, and I consider a person to be something more than the sum of their past experiences. 1
aed Posted January 29, 2013 Posted January 29, 2013 I have has several GF, and an almost SO, and most of them have understood that each relationship has a unique dynamic unto its self. The ones that got insecure about this or that didn't last very long. I either broke up with them, or they broke up with me, as the knew I wouldn't tolerate that crap. Just try, with all the girls you think that have the same understanding as you, but wait until you have them really committed. Women have different value's and experience the depth of an relationship different then men. I have never met anyone how said it;s okay my OS can be x with person A (and I find x very importent), but can;t be with me. Oh well: "each relationship has a unique dynamic unto its self".
animalover Posted January 29, 2013 Posted January 29, 2013 It's called an exchange of opinions. Just saying that you are leading opinions with your own... you don't want people to give you their opinion, you want them to agree with yours... You even let clear your own strong opinion about it before you ask the question, that is already dismissing the people who thinks differently!
TouchedByViolet Posted January 29, 2013 Posted January 29, 2013 I personally don't give a ****. I know what I want in a woman and have seen a few who demonstrate those qualities. Some people have all sorts of insecurities and still find relationships.
KungFuJoe Posted January 29, 2013 Posted January 29, 2013 I personally don't give a ****. I know what I want in a woman and have seen a few who demonstrate those qualities. Some people have all sorts of insecurities and still find relationships. Finding is one thing. KEEPING is a whole other ball game.
Crusoe Posted January 29, 2013 Posted January 29, 2013 This: I am who I am. Why would you be ashamed of yourself when you have learned from your mistakes? Exactly, and more than that. How big a gift is it for someone to decide to share their life with you? It's everything. You can't give more than that. So why reward it with anything less than truth. 1
Author Lonely Ronin Posted January 29, 2013 Author Posted January 29, 2013 I have never met anyone how said it;s okay my OS can be x with person A (and I find x very importent), but can;t be with me. Oh well: "each relationship has a unique dynamic unto its self". well i have had a couple relationships last longer than presidential terms, so I know about commitment. I think the biggest thing that puts a sower taste in my mouth is the fact that most of the stuff i have read today is about given sexual acts. To me it reeks op people who haven't progressed the high school gota get laid gota be the cool guy phase. I have had crazy sex, I have had mundane sex, and crazy doesn't equal better, or mean that I was more attracted to, or turned on the woman I had crazy sex with. Feelings and emotions come into play a lot for me and that's what maters not that some specific act happened. 2
aed Posted January 29, 2013 Posted January 29, 2013 Exactly, and more than that. How big a gift is it for someone to decide to share their life with you? It's everything. You can't give more than that. So why reward it with anything less than truth. this is what most people don't seem to understand here!
aed Posted January 29, 2013 Posted January 29, 2013 well i have had a couple relationships last longer than presidential terms, so I know about commitment. I think the biggest thing that puts a sower taste in my mouth is the fact that most of the stuff i have read today is about given sexual acts. To me it reeks op people who haven't progressed the high school gota get laid gota be the cool guy phase. I have had crazy sex, I have had mundane sex, and crazy doesn't equal better, or mean that I was more attracted to, or turned on the woman I had crazy sex with. Feelings and emotions come into play a lot for me and that's what maters not that some specific act happened. Okay. Most men (that haven't had a player lifestyle) experience the love of their gf by sex. When she did things with other people (and liked it) but doesn't want it to do with him. He feels she is not with him for 100%. Same thing: Tell your gf you felt you could share more easy your innerworld with your ex, then with her.
Author Lonely Ronin Posted January 29, 2013 Author Posted January 29, 2013 this is what most people don't seem to understand here! well my significant other is never going to be god, so they don't need to know everything abut me, or every little thing i have ever done. I'm an advocate of sharing what you feel is important to you (the essence of who you are as a person), and answering things that you feel comfortable answering/talking about.
Author Lonely Ronin Posted January 29, 2013 Author Posted January 29, 2013 Okay. Most men (that haven't had a player lifestyle) experience the love of their gf by sex. When she did things with other people (and liked it) but doesn't want it to do with him. He feels she is not with him for 100%. In my opinion they don't really no what love is then. Personally, most of the intense feelings I've had regarding love had nothing to do with sex. 1
aed Posted January 29, 2013 Posted January 29, 2013 well my significant other is never going to be god, so they don't need to know everything abut me, or every little thing i have ever done. I'm an advocate of sharing what you feel is important to you (the essence of who you are as a person), and answering things that you feel comfortable answering/talking about. I think this way you can relate so good with those kind of girls/ Everyone has his thing, all the people I hang out with are open and direct. Does this mean they are always nice for me, don't say things that can be hurtfull? No the opposite of it. That's why I respect and love them, and I want them to be and stay in my life! Because I know I can built on them no matter what! I am not ashamed of things, and even my most awfull mistakes with dignity, because I learned from them.
KungFuJoe Posted January 29, 2013 Posted January 29, 2013 I would not want a woman who was MORE wild in the past than she was with me. Oh hell no. Has nothing to do with insecurity. It has to do with the fact that I'm not the right guy for her. She needs someone that makes her feel like a sexual woman and I need a woman who will BE that sexual woman for me. This is all conjecture, of course...I've never been with a woman who was wildER in the past than with me. 1
TheGuard13 Posted January 29, 2013 Posted January 29, 2013 I think that while there are different types of issues, most people's issues in a relationship do stem from some kind of insecurity, even if it is indirect.
animalover Posted January 29, 2013 Posted January 29, 2013 In my opinion they don't really no what love is then. Personally, most of the intense feelings I've had regarding love had nothing to do with sex. Maybe you don't know what sex is then?
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