Lonely Ronin Posted January 29, 2013 Posted January 29, 2013 Based on some threads I have been reading today, that's what it seems like. I see a lot of people getting all bent out of shape because he wasn't always prince charming, or she wasn't always a snow white virgin. I'm seeing way to many people that don't seem to understand that people evolve and go through phases. Opinions? 6
KungFuJoe Posted January 29, 2013 Posted January 29, 2013 On this site...a HUUUGE yes. In the real world...#1 issue is just plain overall compatibility. You can have two perfectly "normal" (at least within the normal spectrum) people get together and it won't work out because....they just aren't compatible. 1
pbjbear Posted January 29, 2013 Posted January 29, 2013 Sometimes. Sometimes people arent just going through phrases though and people do have a reason to be insecure. Things should be taken on a case by case basis. If I met a guy with a manwhore past with the right current personality and attitude, I would date him. However, most manwhores I know have a current personality and attitude that suggests they would not be able to successfully commit to one girl without screwing her over. I know there are exceptions though. Honestly, it is very hard to tell if someone is insecure over the internet. People post things here based on their perception and stories told here are rarely told how they actually occur objectively, so that leaves alot of room for inaccuracy.
Author Lonely Ronin Posted January 29, 2013 Author Posted January 29, 2013 Honestly, it is very hard to tell if someone is insecure over the internet. People post things here based on their perception and stories told here are rarely told how they actually occur objectively, so that leaves alot of room for inaccuracy. true, but some times you don't need much to tell when some one is insecure. Joe, you should re tell the hug story, that girl has some severe insecurity issues.
aed Posted January 29, 2013 Posted January 29, 2013 When people changed they show that, and don't hide or lie about it! Why is it okay for an girl to lie to get a guy committed to her. But it's not okay for a guy to lie so he can get in her pants? second: most people don't change. They change their environment! (Party girls that banged every dude in the place, but are going serious with the opposite kind of guy, and then say: the past is the past.) Are not changed people they changed their environment!
KungFuJoe Posted January 29, 2013 Posted January 29, 2013 true, but some times you don't need much to tell when some one is insecure. Joe, you should re tell the hug story, that girl has some severe insecurity issues. I think I just did in another thread, but if that's not a prime example of someone with insecurities, I don't know what is. I know I dodged a bullet.
Author Lonely Ronin Posted January 29, 2013 Author Posted January 29, 2013 When people changed they show that, and don't hide or lie about it! what world do you live in? I now several used to be stoners, and they don't go around telling the world that they used to smoke weed. second: most people don't change. They change their environment! (Party girls that banged every dude in the place, but are going serious with the opposite kind of guy, and then say: the past is the past.) Are not changed people they changed their environment! so your the exact same guy you where at say 16? you haven't changed one bit?
pbjbear Posted January 29, 2013 Posted January 29, 2013 When people changed they show that, and don't hide or lie about it! Why is it okay for an girl to lie to get a guy committed to her. But it's not okay for a guy to lie so he can get in her pants? second: most people don't change. They change their environment! (Party girls that banged every dude in the place, but are going serious with the opposite kind of guy, and then say: the past is the past.) Are not changed people they changed their environment! Girls lie to get a guy committed to her? How? Do you mean sexual history? Guys do the same...I had a guy with a manwhore past lie about it like crazy when he figured out through my friends Im not super into guys like that...I figured it out based on his behavior (no self control whatsoever) he displayed later on and then got it confirmed by his friends even later People are dishonest...just gotta hope you end up with a good one at some point
aed Posted January 29, 2013 Posted January 29, 2013 what world do you live in? I now several used to be stoners, and they don't go around telling the world that they used to smoke weed. Where I come from all the stoners I know are not lying about it to their gf's. or claiming they don't do that kind of things! And ofcourse I changed from when I was sixteen, but I always felt and believed I should be open and honest with people I care about. That hasn't changed. I still have the same kind of friends (and made ofcourse allot of new ones). But I have the same values now, I had back then. I have more values at moment. I can see things more from an other persons perspective. And ofcourse some behaviour changed: when you are sixteen you are going out 3 times a week when you are single, when you are 40 that will be different. Because you are in a different lifestyle (don't have the friends that are doing those things etc). But that got nothing to do with being changed as a person. When you where an hot head in your 20s and always picking fights with people, of course this will change when you are 40. But does that mean you changed? No. 99/100 casus its because you don't interact or be with people like that. When the moment comes those old habbits mostly pop up 'out nowhere'.
aed Posted January 29, 2013 Posted January 29, 2013 Girls lie to get a guy committed to her? How? Do you mean sexual history? Guys do the same...I had a guy with a manwhore past lie about it like crazy when he figured out through my friends Im not super into guys like that...I figured it out based on his behavior (no self control whatsoever) he displayed later on and then got it confirmed by his friends even later People are dishonest...just gotta hope you end up with a good one at some point I think it is one of the wurst things a person can do: lying to someone by not being themself, so the other person wil like them and be with them, so they can meet their own selfish agenda. The problem is: men and women lie and being dishonest in different stadia's of the relationship. But it's both equaly wrong!
Author Lonely Ronin Posted January 29, 2013 Author Posted January 29, 2013 Where I come from all the stoners I know are not lying about it to their gf's. or claiming they don't do that kind of things! extending this stoner example, if you used to smoke weed and you don't any more, why should you have to tell a SO about it, if they never ask?
aed Posted January 29, 2013 Posted January 29, 2013 extending this stoner example, if you used to smoke weed and you don't any more, why should you have to tell a SO about it, if they never ask? When I know my SO is having problems with people who smoked pot. I will tell her I did those kind of things. Why is that so difficult?
Author Lonely Ronin Posted January 29, 2013 Author Posted January 29, 2013 When I know my SO is having problems with people who smoked pot. I will tell her I did those kind of things. Why is that so difficult? I guess I have never associated with someone that uptight before. The type of person who is going to hold something against me that i did decades ago, before i even knew them.
aed Posted January 29, 2013 Posted January 29, 2013 I guess I have never associated with someone that uptight before. The type of person who is going to hold something against me that i did decades ago, before i even knew them. It is not about being uptide, its about being honest. If I did smoke pot when I was young, And I know my OS would have problems with that (you find out these things very early on), I will tell the truth. So both of us can be truly or selfs, not some slight version of the image we want to be. Just to be ourselfs and beloved and attracted because of what we are the full 100%. If people don't like it so be it! That doesn't mean I will tell every dark secret I have, the moment we met. But I will never lie, hide things so people maybe like me.
Woggle Posted January 29, 2013 Posted January 29, 2013 Some of it is being insecure but on the other hand what do you have to go on other than a person's past to determine whether or not they are trustworthy or not? The past often predicts the future. If they cheated on the person before you and the person before them and even before that is it unreasonable to think that maybe they might cheat on you? 1
Author Lonely Ronin Posted January 29, 2013 Author Posted January 29, 2013 Some of it is being insecure but on the other hand what do you have to go on other than a person's past to determine whether or not they are trustworthy or not? The past often predicts the future. If they cheated on the person before you and the person before them and even before that is it unreasonable to think that maybe they might cheat on you? A persons current actions speak much louder than past ones, or words.
Woggle Posted January 29, 2013 Posted January 29, 2013 A persons current actions speak much louder than past ones, or words. Well I would not chance it with a serial cheater. As far as sexy pictures and all that stuff I don't care but nobody would hire a known thief to watch money so why would a person commit to a serial cheater?
mustangguy29 Posted January 29, 2013 Posted January 29, 2013 Based on some threads I have been reading today, that's what it seems like. I see a lot of people getting all bent out of shape because he wasn't always prince charming, or she wasn't always a snow white virgin. I'm seeing way to many people that don't seem to understand that people evolve and go through phases. Opinions? Yes. Insecurities and whether or not we can control them has a massive effective over every aspect of our life from dating to getting that raise you want, but are afraid to ask for. If you can manage your fears and insecurities you have a much greater chance of being able to control the direction of your life. 1
Babolat Posted January 29, 2013 Posted January 29, 2013 It is not about being uptide, its about being honest. If I did smoke pot when I was young, And I know my OS would have problems with that (you find out these things very early on), I will tell the truth. So both of us can be truly or selfs, not some slight version of the image we want to be. Just to be ourselfs and beloved and attracted because of what we are the full 100%. If people don't like it so be it! That doesn't mean I will tell every dark secret I have, the moment we met. But I will never lie, hide things so people maybe like me. On our 2nd date, my current GF told me from time to time she liked to smoke pot. After we had been dating for a while she shared her "drug" history with me, I did not ask. She felt like I needed to hear it so I listened. My jaw was dropped the entire time as I experimented, though was never a real user. She was, big time. I am glad she shared it with me though and it was something important for her to share. 1
chex Posted January 29, 2013 Posted January 29, 2013 I'd say incompatibilities are the reasons that jump out -- the reasons why you simply wouldn't date someone in the first place. Insecurities are more insidious in their ways, less up-front. They'll creep up and wreck a relationship that was otherwise amazing. 1
KungFuJoe Posted January 29, 2013 Posted January 29, 2013 I'd say incompatibilities are the reasons that jump out -- the reasons why you simply wouldn't date someone in the first place. Insecurities are more insidious in their ways, less up-front. They'll creep up and wreck a relationship that was otherwise amazing. THIS. Happened with my first relationship. I thought she was a cool girl. Didn't find out til it was too late that she was a controlling sociopath.
Anela Posted January 29, 2013 Posted January 29, 2013 Based on some threads I have been reading today, that's what it seems like. I see a lot of people getting all bent out of shape because he wasn't always prince charming, or she wasn't always a snow white virgin. I'm seeing way to many people that don't seem to understand that people evolve and go through phases. Opinions? Yep. I'm not gorgeous, and I used to be agoraphobic, things like that I am terrified of being judged on. It occasionally clicks that anyone who actually likes *me* won't judge me on those things, but certain things come up in conversation when you're meeting people, so I'd have to be evasive or just come out with it. I don't have much relationship experience, which seems to be a deal-breaker at my age. Rejection always seems to be right around the corner. I don't like rejecting others, either. I think I just did in another thread, but if that's not a prime example of someone with insecurities, I don't know what is. I know I dodged a bullet. The hug story? I stopped giving people hugs, for a long while. I'm over it now. But this is what I mean: you think you dodged a bullet with her. ONe guy told me nicely, that I had to get over the age thing, but he hasn't dealt with women his own age, overlooking him because of his age - I've dealt with that from men. Ugh, I'm in the wrong mood for this site today. I woke up feeling defective - a week ago, I felt fine!
Author Lonely Ronin Posted January 29, 2013 Author Posted January 29, 2013 ONe guy told me nicely, that I had to get over the age thing, but he hasn't dealt with women his own age, overlooking him because of his age - I've dealt with that from men. Ugh, I'm in the wrong mood for this site today. I woke up feeling defective - a week ago, I felt fine! Well, this is the truth, or it will always be a problem.
KungFuJoe Posted January 29, 2013 Posted January 29, 2013 Anela, My story was of a girl that I was just talking to...not even officially dating. We were at a party together. A female friend of mine who was there showed up, gave me a hug, and went on her way. The girl I was talking to flipped out. Was asking me 20 questions about who she was, was I with her, why is she even here?, etc, etc. I gave her a one sentence reply that was along the lines of, "you have got to be kidding me" and walked away...never spoke to her again. THAT was a bullet. And I was like Neo in the Matrix that night. 1
Author Lonely Ronin Posted January 29, 2013 Author Posted January 29, 2013 It keeps getting better. I mean honestly what kind of insecurity must you have, that you need to be your SO best/first/favorite/world. It shocks me that the average guy on LS is that freaking insecure.
Recommended Posts