Happypuppy Posted January 29, 2013 Posted January 29, 2013 Hi guys I must say I love this site. It helps me stop to think and get my head on straight. I would like to share something with you. I have signed up for a newsletter from Mirabelle Summers (just mentioning this in case of copyright and what not) and something she wrote made me feel good, so I thought I would share it with you, maybe it will help you too 'Baggage' is something that just about everybody has. However, SOME women allow the weight of their baggage to actively shape the life that they're living today, and this translates into nothing but aggravation and DECREASED quality in the here-and-now. Your past is part of who you are and what you have grown into, and while we are shaped by the events of our past, we are by no means DEFINED by them... that is, unless we choose to. For example, many women feel 'emotionally crippled' by previous relationships with men, and have reached the point where they feel 'unable' or unwilling to 'try again' with a new man. The problem with this is that, once again, your BELIEFS are creating a NEGATIVE REALITY for you. You are effectively 'imprisoning yourself' in the past by forbidding yourself the ability to move on, to forgive what's happened, and to embrace the possibilities of right now. Let me tell you a little story... >>>> There were two Buddhist monks sitting quietly together under a tree. After many years of imprisonment and torture, they had finally been released from their cells and were free to go. One monk turned to another. 'Have you forgiven your imprisoners?' he said. The other monk looked appalled. 'Of course not!' he said. 'How on earth could I ever forgive them for all the things they did to me?' The other monk regarded him calmly. 'Then I suppose you're still imprisoned,' he said. >>>> The parable of the monks is similar to your own, if you're still lugging around baggage from the past. If you are permitting pain from the past to shape the reality of your life as it is right now, then you're in a prison of your own making. You're CHOOSING to accept the fact that the past will forever have a hold on you, and that you would rather LIVE in the past than move on and live in the NOW. The key is FORGIVENESS (otherwise known as 'moving on'.) To forgive means that you make a conscious decision to STOP giving mental energy to whatever has happened in the past. It's not about absolving someone else of responsibility - for example, if you feel that someone has wronged you, know that this is not about saying, 'That's OK that you did this to me.' Instead, it's about freeing yourself from the emotional burden of looking at life from a past perspective, and admitting to yourself that you are ready to move on WITHOUT bringing forward baggage or burdens from 'before'. Only when you are able to relinquish the past and accept that it's over will you be able to live fully in the present moment... and only then will you be able to recognize and make the most of the opportunities that present themselves to you each day. Until you can forgive (read: accept, and move on), you will still be stuck in the prison of the past. Equally, while you're on the subject of the past, it's not going to hurt to turn your mental gaze the other direction: to the FUTURE. If you have no clue where your life is heading, then I suggest that you spend some time figuring it out. Some women have GREAT ideas for their lives... but they change their minds every few months (or weeks or days). The result? They never accomplish anything. They lack the initiative to set a plan of action to help them achieve. Think about it... if you're an arrow heading for a target, then suddenly change direction to hit another target, you're going to run out of steam and drop to the ground before you manage to hit ANYTHING. Set a goal for yourself, and STICK to it. Start sticking to your word. Don't lay awake at night worrying if you made the right decision or whether you'd like something better. ANY decision is better than no decision at all! If the magnitude of the goal frightens you, then set smaller goals that move you along in incremental steps until you know enough to determine whether that direction is right for you. By the way... smaller goals are a good idea because you're more likely to achieve them. The rush of achievement from fulfilling a goal is a high like no other... and gradually, as your confidence grows, you can start to set larger, more challenging goals. But take it one step at a time! Don't rush the process! For example, it may not be helpful to think to yourself, 'My goal is to get engaged and married within the next six months' if right now you are single and not dating anyone. But having a SMALLER goal - one that you know that you can meet and fulfill, with some effort - will act as a motivating force in your life, and will empower you once you've completed it. For example, 'meeting and dating three men in the next eight weeks' is much more of a sustainable goal. Once you come to terms with this fact, and are able to externalize this truth in your day to day life, your relationships are going to be a lot happier and healthier! (sorry it is focused on "her" perspective, but I think this applies to everyone) I seem to be doing better. I try to focus on the here and now, to open my eyes and really see the oportunities out there. A lot of wonderful people among other things; people I would never had noticed if I still was just focused on my pain. I take these moments when I feel good and keep them inside, to remember when I'm feeling down. Also I try to remember that I could be in a much worse place. One always can; even if your ex knocked your sister up, burned all your stuff and tells you he hates you, you still are healthy and have food, right? And the possibility that you might turn a corner and meet your future mate? I think it is important to focus on the future, the here and now, the oportunities and stop wallowing in pain. It really IS your choice. Don't give the ex the power to make you feel down and desperate One can never imagine the outcome of things; stuff just happens. And that is what makes this life so wonderful and so heartbreaking, all at the same time (sorry if my english sucks, not my first language)
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