jrtfrisco Posted January 29, 2013 Posted January 29, 2013 I had a great first date with a girl recently. We both talked soon after, and had a great second date as well...but then somehow, by the end of the night we made it to the bedroom and had sex. It was fun, but since then she has been a bit evasive in terms of wanting to hang out again. We have talked by way of text and phone since, but as of a few days ago she has really seemed to be disinterested (or at least taking a step back). I especially say this as I called her two nights and left her a message, and she hasn't called me back (which is unusual as she would return my messages/calls relatively promptly). What should I do? Just let it go? Or should I send her one more call or text (telling her basically that I'd like to hang out again, but the ball is in your court...implying that I won't be calling again)? Should I tell her that I don't sleep around like that/or move that fast that soon (as I don't...and me and her just got caught up in the moment)? It should be noted that although I was attracted to her, I wasn't even looking for sex that soon...although it was only two dates, I kind of like her and want to get to know her more. Then again, it was only two dates (each ranging at least 5 hours), so I don't know her at all (maybe she did just wanted a night of fun with me and that's it...who knows). Thanks for the advice.
Emilia Posted January 29, 2013 Posted January 29, 2013 Perhaps try arranging something with her that's clearly not sex related. ie a date that doesn't involve your house for example. This way you will know whether it's about sex too soon or something else.
Babolat Posted January 29, 2013 Posted January 29, 2013 I would let it go at this point. You have expressed your interest with calls/texts. If you have not asked her out again, I would, but not with text, over the phone or in person. DO NOT tell her how you usually are with sex; you were both adults here, you both did what you wanted to do and either could have stopped if they wanted to.
TaraMaiden Posted January 29, 2013 Posted January 29, 2013 I hate to crunch it on you, but - she may not have enjoyed the experience as much as you thought or she seemed to.....perhaps she sensed this wasn't working for her.... Maybe....
mavendark Posted January 30, 2013 Posted January 30, 2013 Also try not to call/text her so much, girls get more interested when guys are more aloof
Kelemvor Posted January 30, 2013 Posted January 30, 2013 Let it go. I've found that women are so much more interested the more I act disinterested. It's a catch 22. The women that have pursued me the most... are guess what? The ones I don't even like. The ones that you do like... you can't act desperate. It's such a turn off. You had two dates, you had sex, who knows what on earth prompted her 180. Maybe she just wanted to get laid. Maybe she hated the sex. Maybe she wasn't that impressed with your equipment? Maybe she met someone else. Maybe she had a previous relationship that she didn't tell you about and was on a hiatus. Who the hell knows. It doesn't matter. There are a million other women out there that you will find just as attractive and have just as good a time with. Don't be THAT guy. If she is interested and you cut her off, trust me.. you'll hear from her again.
Author jrtfrisco Posted January 30, 2013 Author Posted January 30, 2013 Thanks all for the advice. I have let it go. Whatever happens, happens...all is good. As for the sex (on a side note), it was good for us both (maybe even too good), so that wasn't the reason...but as a few of you noted, the "reason" (whatever it is) isn't even important at this point. Thanks again all.
CarrieT Posted January 30, 2013 Posted January 30, 2013 How do you know it was so good for her? We women can put on quite a show, I'm afraid.... 1
Author jrtfrisco Posted February 2, 2013 Author Posted February 2, 2013 Okay, I omitted an (arguably important) fact here: we had unprotected sex. Aside from all of the "maybe she didn't like your equipment/sex" comments (as, objectively speaking, that is likely not the case), my thoughts are that maybe we got a little too hot and heavy too soon. Any thoughts on this? Again, she didn't pull a 180 right after we had sex...it was more like a week later. I know that anything could be the reason, but I do think that the nature of the sex we had was maybe a little too much too soon. By the way, she got back to me, but she's being pretty distant now (meaning, she didn't say "lets hang out tomorrow," but she left the door open for in the near future). PS: I know I did something very stupid (unprotected sex), so you can hold off on any negative comments with respect to that (I never do that...it just happened, and she was on the pill and I'm seeing a doctor soon to get tested)
Author jrtfrisco Posted February 4, 2013 Author Posted February 4, 2013 (edited) Any more thoughts, anyone? They'd be appreciated...thanks. Edited February 4, 2013 by jrtfrisco
TaraMaiden Posted February 4, 2013 Posted February 4, 2013 date of first post: 29.01.2013. Most recent post: Today. Has she contacted or spoken to you at all in that time?
Author jrtfrisco Posted February 4, 2013 Author Posted February 4, 2013 Yes, in a nutshell, she said that she's sorry she didn't get back to me sooner, but she's been busy working (she does work crazy hours lately), and that we will definitely hang out again when we both are free. I'm not sure if the above is her blowing me off (as she wasn't like "sorry I've been busy, but let's shoot for next weekend," etc.), or making it clear that she wants to keep this super casual (or a combination of both).
Author jrtfrisco Posted February 10, 2013 Author Posted February 10, 2013 Okay, last thought (as I see this post has fizzled out)...do you think it's possible she backed off because she thinks I'm some player/lothario or something? I guess my question is: do you think she took me less seriously because I made moves too fast? I know it takes two to tango, but I initiated everything pretty much...and before the sex things were good in terms of talking and getting to know each other, etc. It seems to me now that she was going with the flow, and then after the second date we had a crazy night in bed, and she said "okay, that was fun, but this might be a little too much for me right now." Thoughts please, thanks. PS: I know people have said "maybe she didn't like the sex." Okay, I understand that point, but, I really don't think that was it (for first time sex, it was pretty good...and if she didn't think so, she must of been a nympho or something...).
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