Robs1693 Posted January 29, 2013 Posted January 29, 2013 So in a nutshell my ex boyfriend (who I was in love with so much) treated me awfully and dumped me a few months ago. However, he got back in contact with me saying that he'd grown up, missed me and that he'd changed. We went out a few times and he was perfect, so sweet and loving. He had definitely changed. However, the feelings that I used to have for him aren't as strong as they was and every time I think about going out with him, I get this anxious scared feeling. However, when i am out with him I enjoy myself but I always seem to have these negative anxious thoughts that get in the way. I'm not scared of him as he is so sweet, but I think it's because his feelings are so strong for me and mine aren't the same and I don't know if they ever will be. And I don't want to string him along and hurt him. Please help me, what should I do?
yuppup Posted January 29, 2013 Posted January 29, 2013 I generally think that you should go with your gut feeling. If you're feeling anxious, it's possibly a sign that you may need to move on. Then again, it could just be that the trust has been broken and anyone would feel anxious about a second chance after something like that.
Author Robs1693 Posted January 29, 2013 Author Posted January 29, 2013 It was okay until he became a bit too clingy texting me all the time and I got scared. I'll have one minute where I think 'I can't wait to talk to him again' and another moment where I think 'oh god I don't want this'. I have loved him for three years so it scares me that I feel like this ): I don't know what to do and I don't want to hurt him.
iouaname Posted January 29, 2013 Posted January 29, 2013 You shouldn't be thinking too much about how he is going to feel - he's made a decision in the past that hurt you, and now you have to make a decision for yourself. If you're undecided about your own decision, that's one thing. But if you know that you don't want to be with him, it's best to end things as soon as possible and not prolong the agony.
Njeanne Posted January 29, 2013 Posted January 29, 2013 Let me say after a break up, it takes time to trust each other again. Please talk more with him about how you feel, communication is important in a relationship, specially a reconciliation. This doesn't necessary mean you are falling out of love with him, it takes time to build it up again. Relationship has to be treated as something new, so yes continue dating do not rush things. If you trust him again, I'm sure all those negative feelings will go away. Negative feelings always suppress the positive ones. Give it some more time, communicate and work on getting that friendship bond strong again before going serious. If you still feel this way in couple of weeks (and after having spend/talked a lot of times) then you might have to consider making a choice.
Author Robs1693 Posted January 29, 2013 Author Posted January 29, 2013 I told him that I need to be on my own for a while to sort my head out because I don't know what I want, and making him wait would be cruel. He's really upset, saying i strung him along and broke his heart when I didn't, I told him the truth all along (and thats what he did to me before). He's very angry, saying he would've waited a very long time, but that's not fair to him. I feel like crap guys ):
Treasa Posted January 29, 2013 Posted January 29, 2013 He's controlling. I bet he would have gone right back to his own ways. You listened to your gut, which was telling you the truth. Stop worrying about what he thinks. You didn't do anything wrong. 1
Author Robs1693 Posted January 30, 2013 Author Posted January 30, 2013 He's not like that now. I'm not blinded but he has changed so much it would be impossible for him to go back to his old ways. The thing is I don't know how I feel, I've loved him for so long. I don't know whether it's hurt or trust on insecurity issues, but making him wait on a string is cruel. I spoke to him last night and said that I still want to be friends and that I wouldn't know how I feel until I clear my head and just talk like friends, as before we officially got back on Saturday together I was completely fine. He's still a bit upset but I have made it clear nothing may occur out of this. This is the worst feeling in the world
joli_doll Posted January 30, 2013 Posted January 30, 2013 I can relate to your situation and think the best thing you should do is to stay grounded with your state of mind. Don't let his sudden desperation and regret shake up your emotions and backtrack on all of the progress you've made. Congratulate him on changing and wanting to be a better person, this is good for himself, relationship or not. I understand that your doubts arise from having had such a long relationship with him--but that's where it should stay, in the past. You tried a relationship with each other in the past and it didn't work out, leaving you hurt. I don't think it's fair for you to give the relationship another go only because you broke up, time went by, he regretted things, he came around, and wants another chance now that you healed from it. I think you need to give yourself credit for not having the same feelings anymore and not falling for his bargaining. Don't feel bad for feeling this way. You simply don't feel the same about being a relationship with him anymore and you are not at fault that he feels different. If you must, think back to how awful you felt when he ended things with you while he carried on with his life. It's simply unfortunate that you are not on the same page. It is, however, fortunate for you to receive his change of heart tenaciously and not yield to his intentions. Tough luck that he didn't regard his mistakes when he should have. Move forward, not backward.
TaraMaiden Posted January 30, 2013 Posted January 30, 2013 Robs1693 think about this question, and think about it carefully: When he contacted you and suggested 'strating again' you knew then, you had doubts. So, did you agree to go out with him out of sympathy and compassion, or did you agree to go out with him out of pure love? See, I think there was a good portion of the former. You did it because he twisted your emotional arm with a bit of a guilt trip. That's manipulative and controlling. You are right to distance yourself from him, because going out with anyone out of sympathy, pity, just to make them happy even if you don't feel it all yourself - is a really bad idea. maybe you were wrong not to follow your gut instinct from the start, and say no straight off - but then, it's hard to know..... You did the right thing. Don't contact him any more, and cut off all contact from him. Read the No Contact Guide in my signature. It's written from the Dumpee's perspective, but it will help you too.....
Author Robs1693 Posted January 30, 2013 Author Posted January 30, 2013 When he contacted me, I was really happy and so pleased because I missed him desperately. Everything was fine until Sunday, when he texted me all the time and I just wanted a bit of space, thats when the feelings of negativity came about.
SharkTooth Posted January 31, 2013 Posted January 31, 2013 You'll be ok. Give it a little time but not to much. You never rush new love anyway. And that's what it's suppose to be right. New love with the love of you life...if you don't feel that, move on.
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