Another perspective on looks

[Imajerk17]

For all the guys on here who think that great-looking guys get all the girls, I have a story for you...

 

When I was in college, my best friend at the time used to get women left and right, whereas I did not. Was he good-looking? Well, admittedly, yes he was. Hell he was great-looking--6'1" athletic build with perfect features. At 5'7" with not-so-perfect features, I was the ugly friend. He met his college girlfriend--a gorgeous blonde--via cold approach, and in SHE approached HIM.

 

If it's all about looks then he goes on to a life being successful with women, and I go onto a life being unsuccessful with women, and that would be The End.

 

Except it is not all about looks. I sure thought it was at the time--hell when I was in my early 20s I was even saving up for plastic surgery. I never got around to that being unemployed and a poor graduate student. I instead made the best of what I had through grooming. I also got to make friends with guys who were no better-looking than I who did really well with women. I guess their habits rubbed off on me.

 

Anyway my great-looking best friend from college and I ran into each other a few years ago and went out. This time women were into both of us equally. What happened? Well, this is what I noticed...

 

--My great-looking friend got rejected 4 out of 5 times. He never seemed to remember the rejections because he just approached someone else. That was how he always did so well. The "game" if you will wasn't over until he won.

 

--He liked himself and he believed that the woman liked him too. He said to me "Jerk, there were times when the girls we met were into you. But you didn't seem that into them, so I went for it." Truthfully I always just assumed they were into my friend.

 

--He wasn't needy nor was he pushy.

 

Anyway, now I was more or less doing these things and I was having his success. Which goes to prove the following:

 

PERSONALITY = SUCCESS WITH WOMEN.

 

 

Looks hardly matter in the long run, you simply have to make the best with what you got.

[pbjbear]

This isnt groundbreaking news.

Most girls will give an average looking guy a chance if he has a personality to make up for it

That doesnt hold true for most guys- most guys place more emphasis on looks (not counting the guys that dont really have options and are desperate to take whatever they can get)

[pbjbear]

How many hot men do you see with average looking women, or an average looking man with a butt ugly woman? I can think of 2, maybe 3, examples in my entire life.

 

I see tons of beautiful women with average looking men, and average looking women with ugly men.

And no, these men arent famous or rich...they have a good personality that won them over.

[superb]

Looks give you the opportunity to date beautiful women. It's very difficult to date beautiful ladies if you're a 5'7 chubby balding dude

 

Does this mean that every man, no matter his looks seeks looks only or initially? It's strange to me seeing men talk about their looks when women are under the microscope from both attractive and not so attractive men. What happened to quality of character?

[superb]

I work in a restaurant as a manager and see couples everyday. Real couples that go out and do things. Tall, short, ugly, pretty, fat, skinny...all mixed up together and something tells me that one didn't suddenly get ugly...or fat..while the other maintained beauty. It tells me that two people can meet and actually like each other if they eliminate outside sources of temptation and instant gratification.

[superb]

I care a lot about character/personality but I care a lot about looks too

 

Obviously physical attraction must exist...but I prefer to go for average looking guys vs. hot super model types. Seems a lot of men would rather go for a chick with a perfect body and beauty over "who" she is. Often men don't even give women a chance to show who she really is if she's not up to par physically.

[SmileFace]

Obviously physical attraction must exist...but I prefer to go for average looking guys vs. hot super model types. Seems a lot of men would rather go for a chick with a perfect body and beauty over "who" she is. Often men don't even give women a chance to show who she really is if she's not up to par physically.

"Who" she is includes her body.

Dating someone you aren't physically attracted to will only cause resentment later.

[superb]

"Who" she is includes her body.

Dating someone you aren't physically attracted to will only cause resentment later.

 

Sure, but what if she gains weight? What happens when she ages and gets wrinkles? That will be "who" she is then too...love isn't relative to physical features. Some people have ugly babies and still love them...why? Unconditional...meaning you must get to know someone in order to know who they are and love everything about who they are.

 

I get what you guys are saying about looks...but looks aren't everything.

[HitMeNow]

My theory is that looks by themselves are a Pass-or-Fail. I.e, either you can see being attracted and sexual with the person or you can't. Further down the road, personality is what makes that unbreakable connection.

 

Also looks are a lot of times.... not just about about looks. There is a lot of other things, like how a person carries themselves, how they interact with other people, etc, that you can notice before actually conversing with them.

 

Cheers,

[pbjbear]

Obviously physical attraction must exist...but I prefer to go for average looking guys vs. hot super model types. Seems a lot of men would rather go for a chick with a perfect body and beauty over "who" she is. Often men don't even give women a chance to show who she really is if she's not up to par physically.

 

Truth.....everyone looks at looks when making dating decisions but with men, personality doesnt overcome looks the way it can with women. I have never seen a case otherwise

[SmileFace]

Sure, but what if she gains weight? What happens when she ages and gets wrinkles? That will be "who" she is then too...love isn't relative to physical features. Some people have ugly babies and still love them...why? Unconditional...meaning you must get to know someone in order to know who they are and love everything about who they are.

 

I get what you guys are saying about looks...but looks aren't everything.

Yes but looks are very important. Aging and wrinkles is common sense. Being a totally different person physically by choice is problem. I am not taking about be ugly since that isn't my point. Yes people will love their kids unconditionally - a partner isn't the same thing.

 

I wouldn't be pleased if I met a guy and a couple years into a relationship he let himself go and the same should apply to women.

 

What I can agree with on slightly - is that someone shouldn't go with someone for only looks but should know and love them as a whole.

[superb]

Truth.....everyone looks at looks when making dating decisions but with men, personality doesnt overcome looks the way it can with women. I have never seen a case otherwise

 

Same here, I haven't witnessed it personally either. I have friends who's looks have faded but they're in the safety net of their marriage....which leads to the discussion of cheating. All goes back to a woman, her body and pleasing a man.

 

I personally was involved with a man for almost 2 years in a physical relationship but he wouldn't take me outside of the bedroom. WHY? I wasn't "dating material" in his eyes but he could sleep with me.

[superb]

Yes but looks are very important. Aging and wrinkles is common sense. Being a totally different person physically by choice is problem. I am not taking about be ugly since that isn't my point. Yes people will love their kids unconditionally - a partner isn't the same thing.

 

I wouldn't be pleased if I met a guy and a couple years into a relationship he let himself go and the same should apply to women.

 

What I can agree with on slightly - is that someone shouldn't go with someone for only looks but should know and love them as a whole.

 

That is fair to say. I say this...if you're choosing someone based on beauty only (men and women alike) you're destined for failure long term. Beauty is only skin deep.

[superb]

Women care more about personality, men care more about looks. In other news, the sun is hot and sky is blue

 

 

Also you go for average looking men because you don't have the confidence to go for extremely good looking men as you believe that they'll always want somebody who is better looking

 

Maybe...or I just can't see myself with a high maintenance guy who takes more time to get ready than I do

[ChessPieceFace]

Bad looks (and so many other things) are still a deterrent. Pointlessly optimistic advice threads are no better than pointlessly pessimistic ones. Neither reflect reality.

 

Yes, if you are dog ugly and you just keep trying endlessly, you will eventually succeed. What about all the rejection? "Ignore it" - that's simplistic. We aren't robots. When someone gets rejected over and over that starts to eat at their soul. Saying "just man up and don't let it get to you" is callous and condescending, and ignores basic human emotion.

 

So you say you're ugly and kept trying and succeeded. Good for you. Not everyone is you.

[superb]

You were involved with a man for 2 years who had no respect for you whatsoever?

 

 

 

http://i0.kym-cdn.com/photos/images/newsfeed/000/173/576/Wat8.jpg?1315930535

 

LMFAO at that picture. Yeah I was..said a lot about what I felt about myself at the time and I've learned my lesson. Trust me.

[superb]

huh? very few guys outside of homosexuals are high maintenance or take a long time to get ready. I get ready in 20 minutes myself (just shower and get dressed)

 

 

Men don't need to do much to look good thankfully

 

Oh the topic of looks alone, my vision of a perfectly beautiful man by societies standards is like some sort of movie star, perfectly cut boy, perfectly dressed, perfect looking hair.

 

I prefer tall, no hair, average body, not too thin not too heavy. But I look at other things that make the whole person, I probably shouldn't be involved in this conversation because to me many things make someone beautiful. Like I said, beauty is only skin deep. Super hot guys I've snagged have been jerks to me in most cases.

[superb]

*body not boy. Sorry.

[superb]

Why do women think they're so unique because they care about personality and character?

 

 

Men care about that too, we're just first turned on by a cute face and a nice fit curvy figure

 

I'm not sure women think they're unique because of that. I'm only me, I can't speak for other women. I'm sure some women run purely on physical attributes too. As some men do and like you're saying men care about character also. I never claim being unique. I also don't think all men are the same....if I did I'd have given up by now on finding the person who will be beautiful to me in every way and vice versa.

[pbjbear]

Why do women think they're so unique because they care about personality and character?

 

 

Men care about that too, we're just first turned on by a cute face and a nice fit curvy figure

 

Because you wont examine a girls personality enough to see if you want to date her if she doesnt have a both FIT and CURVY figure

That is the difference between men and women

For men, pass their physical standards first, then they look at your personality

For women, it is either the same as above orrrr

a guy doesnt pass their physical standards, a girl gets to know him and likes what she sees, becomes attracted and boom! theyre dating. That doesnt happen with guys. Maybe in chickflicks but I have yet to see that in real life

[SmileFace]

Because you wont examine a girls personality enough to see if you want to date her if she doesnt have a both FIT and CURVY figure

That is the difference between men and women

For men, pass their physical standards first, then they look at your personality

For women, it is either the same as above orrrr

a guy doesnt pass their physical standards, a girl gets to know him and likes what she sees, becomes attracted and boom! theyre dating. That doesnt happen with guys. Maybe in chickflicks but I have yet to see that in real life

............sigh

[pbjbear]

So just date men who are about as equally attractive/successful/confident as you are, what's the issue?

 

 

The overwhelming majority of men are perfectly fine with somebody who is as attractive as they are

 

Most men rarely dip below their own physical attractiveness. As I have already said in this thread, I can think of 2 or 3 examples where a guy has/had a gf BELOW his own attractiveness and for vice versa, I can think of tons of examples (where the average guy didnt have fame or money, by the way. it was their personality)

 

Oh course men are fine with your statement...they place more emphasis on looks

 

Ive looked up scientific research on this for ****s and giggles and the study I found with the largest sample size found for marriage partners, looks is the top 3 traits a guy has for choosing a wife...for women choosing a husband looks is in the top 10.

 

Not saying women arent shallow in other ways, but when it comes to LOOKS the average man IS more shallow than the average woman...sorry

[pbjbear]

And most women rarely dip below their own social status/success/income level, so what's your point? Why is it more honorable to be shallow about say education level than appearance?

 

 

Are you one of those women who always goes for men out of her league? Just stick to your league and you should have no problems, what's the issue?

 

I dont think youre reading my posts. I already stated twice that women are shallow in different ways, but when it comes to LOOKS men are more shallow.

 

However I have never dated anyone who made dramatically more $ than me and I have had options to, so I really am less shallow than the men I date. However, not all girls are like this so I wont pretend Im the norm. I pay for myself on dates too

 

No, I dont go for men out of my league. This isnt out of personal bitterness. Seriously, go to a scientific database and look at research articles on this topic. Use your observational skills. I am in a profession that does alot of observing I guess because I have always been interested in the patterns around me and do alot of observing.

 

Most of the men Ive gone for have been "not hot enough for me" (other people's words) than vice versa. I am attracted more to personality, not looks. I have like skinny, buff, slightly pudgy men...

[Disenchantedly Yours]

When I was in college, my best friend at the time used to get women left and right, whereas I did not. Was he good-looking? Well, admittedly, yes he was. Hell he was great-looking--6'1" athletic build with perfect features. At 5'7" with not-so-perfect features, I was the ugly friend. He met his college girlfriend--a gorgeous blonde--via cold approach, and in SHE approached HIM.

 

Moral of the story: good looking and average looking men can get *goregeous girlfriends... you know, the only type of women that matter to men anyway.

 

Sorry Imajerk but I find it funny that a post that starts off about how all kind of guys can get girlfriend highlights the virtues of the goregous girlfriend.

[pbjbear]

Uhhh you were trying to say men arent more shallow about looks...

 

Anytime a guy implies that I honestly roll my eyes