olecountry Posted January 29, 2013 Posted January 29, 2013 Hi. need some advice, i dont really have anyone to talk to, i have had 2 very intense relationships with the same girl this year. i met her last year, she had gotten out of a bad relationship literally about a year ago (jan2012). We swapped numbers. She needed time, i say okay, thats that. i legit understood. We talked again in march,went out once and boom, everythings perfect, we fall in love (or so i think) (We are young shes 22, im 24). We have an intense relationship and she begins to travel with me because I have a job that requires a lot of traveling. Our first fight (end of may), was big and bad, and on one of these trips, and she went home, about 3-3.5 months into the relationship. thats it. we dont really talk for 3-4 months. we get back together in october, sorta thru working together and hanging out via that and are intensely dating again, everythings perfect again, literally like a dream. we both talk about how the first falling out was so dumb both of us were too stubborn to come fix it. same thing sort of happens, we spend all of our time with each other, travel, and everythings good, but what do ya know? on one of the trips we fight (our first fight after dating 3-3.5 months again) and she dumps me. We talk about it, how the first time this happened, and its dumb. We make up. Have a great rest of the trip. Everything seemed fine.Seriously i can tell when shes playing "happy", i always know, but it seemed totally fine. guess i dont always know.. We get home, she dumps me again. Says she couldn't let go what we said in the fight, we go to my house, have sex, talk, she says she isnt thinking right, on period, doesnt wanna break up, is in love with me, wants to marry me, and everything goes back to normal for about a week. then one day she's becomes distant for half a week or so, she's sorta lying to me about what shes up to, but i aint one to make a huge deal about it, finally she comes over, we hang for a bit and talk, i discuss how im doing better, then she dumps me AGAIN. (i had been coming off pain pain pills after a surgery, no illegal stuff, but was going thru a rough week and enjoyed the first couple days of space cause i wasnt feeling too well, and she was very supportive. but i didnt enjoy her lying about what she was doing. like obvious stuff saying shes going to bed but then posting pictures online of her partying late, im not dumb,im her bf and friends with her online? i obviously will prob see it, i just feel like a f*cking creepo so i dont say anything. but we both know i know shes been bsing me ) i ask her what this is about and she says i need to get my **** together, and then later that night she text me saying she still loves me, but needs to give me time to heal and get my **** together. i get frustrated with all the breakups, cause i feel i really had given this my 100%, and basically maybe am too nice, i do everything for her, seriously, so i pack up her things and leave them at her house with a note sayin "balls in your court, i love ya, but i cant do this on off stuff. if u love me youll be back or hopefully find whatever is gonna make you happy". and we havent spoken since. just about work stuff twice. i say i love her, she don't respond. Its only been a 10 days but i am so hung up on this girl. I have already been on a few dates too to try to get past it,but like i am hung up on her. Cant sleep, all i think about. I mean she went from basically being my wife and connected to me for around 4 months (and 3.5 months before that) and one day is jsut gone..its crazy ya know. She doesnt seem to understand why this is so hard on me, even though she was the one talking about getting married, and moving in together, ect.. plus i work with her now. I dont have to see her daily, but am sorta her boss, and sorta have to talk with her at least twice a week. This makes this incredibly painful. She seems completely unaffected by this and that also is killing me. I want to not work with her, maybe pass her business to another one of the "boss's" and explain i just messed up and mixed work n pleasure. i just dont feel i can give her my 100% anymore, i just feel crushed, when we should be working, i wanna talk about "us", but i dont cause i dont wanna look weak. Sorry for posting the novel, any advice on how to get past this ****? Or is it even worth attempting to get back together? once again sorry for the novel, just loosing sleep over this, and have no one to ask.. thanks for any advice..
leedlee1 Posted January 29, 2013 Posted January 29, 2013 She never got over her ex and you were her rebound, I know she probably told you everything you wanted to hear but take this lesson learned that actions speak louder than words.
Chi townD Posted January 29, 2013 Posted January 29, 2013 Yeah, I really don't know your life, but it seems to me that everytime she hits the party scene pretty hard is when she breaks up with you. She seems to come back when there's a lull in the party lifestyle. SO! I can only deduce that she breaks up with you when she wants to party hard and if there's a guy that she wants to party with, well...she doesn't have to feel bad about it, because you two aren't together anymore. Don't you love technicalities!!! If this is somewhat the case, it seems to be very immature behavior and you're better off without her. If you can get her transferred to another supervisor without having any fallout as a result, that would probably be in your best interest.
Author olecountry Posted January 29, 2013 Author Posted January 29, 2013 hey thank you so much for the responses... I don't think she was cheating on me or there was another guy. it'd be too obvious. She does like the party ****, the traveling, the fun stuff, but it seemed like anytime it wasnt all awesomeness she was out. I thought this was her childish way of saying "i dont to be in a serious relationship just a "sorta relationship"..but maybe she was, is this common symptoms of a woman cheating? She did have TONS of flings when we were apart but theyd always fall apart within 2-3 weeks cause of her..shes just...i dno its like guys are her drug, it like an addiction to have a new bf all the time. and yeah i can transfer her to have someone else look over her work no problem, i just dont look weak, and i have this weird thing in the back of my head that maybe through that well get back together n happy, but if someone doesnt even respond when you say you love em and the balls in their court, their answering "i dont want you"...
Chi townD Posted January 29, 2013 Posted January 29, 2013 hey thank you so much for the responses... I don't think she was cheating on me or there was another guy. it'd be too obvious. She does like the party ****, the traveling, the fun stuff, but it seemed like anytime it wasnt all awesomeness she was out. I thought this was her childish way of saying "i dont to be in a serious relationship just a "sorta relationship"..but maybe she was, is this common symptoms of a woman cheating? She did have TONS of flings when we were apart but theyd always fall apart within 2-3 weeks cause of her..shes just...i dno its like guys are her drug, it like an addiction to have a new bf all the time. and yeah i can transfer her to have someone else look over her work no problem, i just dont look weak, and i have this weird thing in the back of my head that maybe through that well get back together n happy, but if someone doesnt even respond when you say you love em and the balls in their court, their answering "i dont want you"... Well, I'm not saying she cheated (this could be a case of the GIGS) but she definately wanted to keep her options open. ANd she couldn't do that if she was tied to you in some way, shape or form.
Author olecountry Posted January 29, 2013 Author Posted January 29, 2013 Well, I'm not saying she cheated (this could be a case of the GIGS) but she definately wanted to keep her options open. ANd she couldn't do that if she was tied to you in some way, shape or form. no totally its funny you say that, when one of her old ex's moved back to town (he moved away cause he was always suicidal and **** to get help) she began spending all her time with him. she says its her best friend, they dated for like a week before she couldnt cause there was nothing physical (i am straight guy and i will confirm this is one of the ugliest men i have ever seen in my life) but she has been with him a lot since we broke up and traveling to closer cities to see friends. it seems like its bugging her a little, since i posted last she texted for the first time in weeks asking for some of her **** back....lol this will be an interesting meeting, thanks for ur advice!!! any advice on like trying to get closure? or just let it be? adam
Chi townD Posted January 29, 2013 Posted January 29, 2013 She wants her sh*t back. What other closure do you need? Doesn't sound like she's on the fence about anything. Move her to a different supervisor, if she approaches you about the move, just tell her that it was in the best interest to keep work from becoming awkward and not an uncomfortable and/or a hostile work enviroment.
Author olecountry Posted January 30, 2013 Author Posted January 30, 2013 @chinatownd by closure, i mean, i still dont get what i did wrong. when we met today, we had to talk about business (like i said im her boss) and we talked about us a bit after returning her items (im pretty sure she did this just because i did the same. she still has her favorite hat and dress at my house and knows its there i told her yesterday when i told her about this stuff, and she didnt want that...) and then we ended up laughing about how it was awkward or y, everything should be cool at work. i asked her when shes ready, if shed give me closure, like let me know how i went from her best friend/someone she wanted to marry/ move in with- to ice cold. twice in one year over 3.5 month periods. just so black and white radical change. im sure she has some progressive statements for me, some critcisim thatll better the way i love in the future, and i wanna educate myself so i dont make these same mistakes in the future ya know? (also im sorta attemping to see someone right now. so i wanna know what i did, most breakups come with a reason... i of course didnt tell her this) like did i move to fast? was i too giving? you know what i mean, i wanna know what made her wanna marry me then decided to drop me like im a hot pieca chicken. seems normal to me that people that would want that closure. but when i asked she said she didnt have a reason shed have to think about it, it just didnt feel right, and im a great guy i did everything right. so i just wanna know what pushed her away, i dont wanna get back, esp after meeting with her today, it confrimed she is not for me. how should i go about asking what pushed her away? thats all im not looking for closure like i want her to be back with me, just want to understand why all this happened from the jump.
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