phineas Posted January 29, 2013 Posted January 29, 2013 Why would you care about what friends think if you deleted your ex from fb? Are you in high school? Also, I'm not sure you're giving us the full picture here... Why would your BF give you a ultimatum now after so many years together? What did you do so he now doesn't trust you?? Yeah, something sounds really off here. After 3 yrs her BF goes skitzo about an ex she's had on FB for how long? something shady is going on. 1
TheZebra Posted January 29, 2013 Posted January 29, 2013 Id dump you personally. I have a strict no exes rule when it comes to dating. If exes are around, then Im not around. That means no talking to exes or any contact in any form. Its too much drama and I like women who are mature enough to move on from their past and focus on their current relationship. This sounds like caveman thinking to me. Just because you or the woman who you surround yourself with cannot properly maintain themselves around exes does not mean no man or woman cannot. I have stayed friends with most of my exes and there has never been any drama. There has never been any attraction. My latest ex was, in fact, still good friends with one of his exes and there were never any problems throughout the whole relationship. From your post, it sounds like you're the one creating drama. 1
Mtlgrrl Posted January 29, 2013 Posted January 29, 2013 I agree, I don't understand why you don't delete him. Who cares about an ex & what friends think of you and your relationship. Your bf is probably making a big deal out of it because like me I don't get what's the problem unless theres something else going on. I dont know your boyfriend, is he controlling in life? Or is it just this situation?? You really wanna lose your boyfriend because you kept your ex on facebook? :/ It's all about respect. 1
pbjbear Posted January 29, 2013 Posted January 29, 2013 If you are really not leaving any details out about you and your ex's relationship then your bf is too controlling. I know alot of girls/boys that have had to ask their S.O. to remove an ex but it was because they acted inappropriately several times with an ex, displayed behaviors that they hadnt fully moved on, used lying and deception in general. Heck, I wouldnt ask a guy to remove his ex Id prob stop seeing him. I did this once to a guy who yelled at me for having a male co worker in my office but then lied to me several times about seeing his ex. However, you havent done anything wrong so I think your situation is different. The poster above me may be harsh but its true. I think in terms of relationships and dating Facebook is bad!
veggirl Posted January 29, 2013 Posted January 29, 2013 How would deleting your ex force your friends to "choose between you two"? You have some twisted logic man. You are really gonna put some long distance friends and your ex over your boyfriend? 1
pbjbear Posted January 29, 2013 Posted January 29, 2013 This sounds like caveman thinking to me. Just because you or the woman who you surround yourself with cannot properly maintain themselves around exes does not mean no man or woman cannot. I have stayed friends with most of my exes and there has never been any drama. There has never been any attraction. My latest ex was, in fact, still good friends with one of his exes and there were never any problems throughout the whole relationship. From your post, it sounds like you're the one creating drama. I have to defend kaylan...alot of people say there is no drama with their exes when there actually is. Alot of people (esp. younger, immature people) keep their exes around for an ego boost, attention or they lie/deceive their current S.O. with things about their ex and it does affect the current relationship yet it is all too easy to simply just call someone controlling, insecure or weak when they are called out on their behavior. Some people do not do this so its not true 100% of the time, but after dating a few men who claimed they were over their ex and did the things I said...one cannot help but be wary. Just because someone says there is no attraction to their ex or that they are over them, doesnt mean its true. I dont really listen to what anyone says, I look at what they do. There is often a discrepancy between these two things.
ChessPieceFace Posted January 29, 2013 Posted January 29, 2013 You said repeatedly you're not doing it. Why are you asking about it? Also what has changed after THREE YEARS that NOW he wants your ex deleted? I'm betting there must have been a recent incident that has given your BF cause to question your faithfulness.
Author Play Posted January 29, 2013 Author Posted January 29, 2013 (edited) Why would you care about what friends think if you deleted your ex from fb? Are you in high school? Also, I'm not sure you're giving us the full picture here... Why would your BF give you a ultimatum now after so many years together? What did you do so he now doesn't trust you?? I did. He thinks I'm lying, when I'm not. He keeps going on about that I didn't tell him. When we first started dating, I met up with a friend who I had slept with once, but he was just a friend and it was in a big group - he made a big deal about it, I didn't even know it would be an issue. The first time I didn't know really if the ex was coming, and then he turned up at like 11pm, and stayed for like 10 minutes, we just said hi. So I didn't think there was a need to make an issue out of it and tell him, but I eventually admitted he was there when he was asking. He blew up because I didn't tell him but this was all forgiven like a year ago. This second time I knew he was in town, but didn't know for sure he would turn up to this thing - my boyfriend heard my friend say he was going to be there and had a go at me for not telling him - I didn't even know for sure. I even texted my friend to check he was going to be there and he was and I showed my boyfriend the texts - so he knew before I even went anyway. Then soon after the ex says happy birthday on my facebook wall. Then he blows up with all of this. I shouldn't have to defend myself as a liar when I'm not and deleting it will just be acting as though I am. And it will damage my relationship with my friends, and I don't want to make them choose. I don't want to break up, but if that's what he has to do. Edited January 29, 2013 by Play
Almond_Joy Posted January 29, 2013 Posted January 29, 2013 I think if he's willing to end the relationship over this, it's been bothering him for a long time. I would also think his insistence is too controlling, except you had interactions with your ex and chose not to tell him about it. I'm hard put to believe that you didn't know he was sensitive about exes before that happened, so if you knew it was a big deal to him why didn't you disclose that you were hanging out instead of having him find out after the fact? I get that this ex isn't a big deal to you, but it is a big deal to your bf. I could see if you had a very close relationship with your ex that you wanted to maintain, but that isn't even the case here. You're saying the sole reason you won't cut contact is because your friends will give you a hard time. But you're not in a romantic relationship with your friends, and to me friends should be understanding and respectful in a situation like this if you choose to cut contact. If it means that much to you that they not give you a hard time, explain to them before cutting contact that you don't want them making a big deal out of it. Thy should respect a sincere request. So you don't get hassled, and your bf can let this go. It would be a win win that way. Honestly I think you're getting something from that ex for you to fight to keep him in your life, even though you don't want to be with him. You're willing to throw away an otherwise good (assumption). 3 year relationship to stay fb friends with a guy that you're not really even friends with IRL????? That doesn't make sense. Maybe the ex gives you extra attention when you guys hang out and you don't want to lose that? Or maybe you don't like being given ultimatums, so out of willful independence you'll end a relationship to have things your way? If that's the case it wouldn't be about the ex at all, more a power battle in the relationship. What I'm getting to with these musings is that your bf's not the only one fighting here. There's something about the dynamic among your ex and friends that means a lot to you, if you're willing to walk away from a 3 yr relationship over it. If the only thing motivating you here is the approval of your friends then maybe you should be single. Your bf's approval, after 3 years, should be more important than your friends'. And in this case your friends should respect your actions if you cut contact. If what your friends want mean more to you than what your bf wants (in this case, I don't think he's making an unreasonable request), you two don't need to be in a relationship.
veggirl Posted January 29, 2013 Posted January 29, 2013 Okay well I am ALL about cutting exes out of your life, but your BF is sounding a little cray cray now. You ran into your ex for 10 min and it took him a YEAR to get over it?
TheGuard13 Posted January 29, 2013 Posted January 29, 2013 I think anyone who asked me to stop talking to a friend, even if they were my ex, would be someone I could not trust not to be controlling, possessive and insecure. Deleting someone off Facebook is a bit much, I think. Friends are important, even exes who are friends, and sometimes more important than significant others in the long run.
Author Play Posted January 29, 2013 Author Posted January 29, 2013 Okay well I am ALL about cutting exes out of your life, but your BF is sounding a little cray cray now. You ran into your ex for 10 min and it took him a YEAR to get over it? Well maybe a bit more than 10 minutes but he forgave me then. And then got mad over this new thing a year later - yes.
Quiet Storm Posted January 29, 2013 Posted January 29, 2013 People would start asking why I did it and having a go for making stuff more awkward. My boyfriend is really upset So "people" would start asking why you did it.... and that makes you more uncomfortable than your boyfriend being really upset? I think there comes a time in life when we have to stop worrying about what "people" think, and focus more on what our loved ones think. In my life, the feelings & opinions of those I love, and those who love me, are paramount.
Joaquin Posted January 29, 2013 Posted January 29, 2013 (edited) I had a gf that met up with an ex behind my back and lied about it. I found out and dumped her the day I found out. Zero respect, zero trust after that, zero love. Edited January 29, 2013 by Joaquin
Imajerk17 Posted January 29, 2013 Posted January 29, 2013 Im confused OP. In your other thread you are a GUY. Other posters here check for yourselves. Quit trolling. 3
Author Play Posted January 29, 2013 Author Posted January 29, 2013 Im confused OP. In your other thread you are a GUY. Other posters here check for yourselves. Quit trolling. nope this is completely 100% true. i know there is another thread, but i asked that to get a different perspective on the same issue. this is what i think here and everything i have said here is absolutely true - it's complicated but my relationship means a lot to me which is why. i am not trolling.
Imajerk17 Posted January 29, 2013 Posted January 29, 2013 nope this is completely 100% true. i know there is another thread, but i asked that to get a different perspective on the same issue. this is what i think here and everything i have said here is absolutely true - it's complicated but my relationship means a lot to me which is why. i am not trolling. No its not. Youre a guy in one thread and a girl here.
Author Play Posted January 29, 2013 Author Posted January 29, 2013 No its not. Youre a guy in one thread and a girl here. I just told you. It's exactly the same thread about exactly the same issue except then I posted from my boyfriend's perspective because I wanted to know if people thought his position was reasonable. Please go away and stop contaminating this - the answers being given are really useful for me. You have nothing useful to add.
Babolat Posted January 29, 2013 Posted January 29, 2013 Have told him all of this. Has he met these exes? Perhaps that would help him see what the relationship is like now. 1
pbjbear Posted January 29, 2013 Posted January 29, 2013 I think anyone who asked me to stop talking to a friend, even if they were my ex, would be someone I could not trust not to be controlling, possessive and insecure. Deleting someone off Facebook is a bit much, I think. Friends are important, even exes who are friends, and sometimes more important than significant others in the long run. If you mean friends are more important than s.o's yes...too many girls make this mistake. most of the time, relationships with men dont last so its not wise to neglect your friends. However, if you are saying your ex is more important than your s.o in the long run I feel sorry for the women you date, because if you dont give a rel proper nurturance due to paying attention to an ex your rel has no chance to fully grow and be healthy
Author Play Posted January 29, 2013 Author Posted January 29, 2013 Maybe she wants to be both. Who cares. Move on. Thank you, I appreciate this.
Babolat Posted January 29, 2013 Posted January 29, 2013 Not really. He knows I'm not talking to him. I've told him everything I've said here. He just doesn't like that I haven't told him when I've run into him with other people being present. I don't want to be in a relationship with someone who doesn't trust me. I deal with this a little bit with my current GF. For me it's not about trust, rather I just think if you are having lunch, dinner or drinks with an ex it's something one would feel comfortable sharing with their current SO. It does feel like you are hiding something if you do not share. Or, better yet, invite him next time so he can meet the ex.
serial muse Posted January 29, 2013 Posted January 29, 2013 I just told you. It's exactly the same thread about exactly the same issue except then I posted from my boyfriend's perspective because I wanted to know if people thought his position was reasonable. Please go away and stop contaminating this - the answers being given are really useful for me. You have nothing useful to add. Haha, no. Based on your past posts, you're the boyfriend, and this is the fake thread. Regardless, now you've gotten opinions after presenting both sides. So, where are you with all of this? Will you stick with the ultimatum that she delete him or you'll delete her?
ChessPieceFace Posted January 29, 2013 Posted January 29, 2013 Yeah here comes the trickle truths......first it was a bit more then minutes then what's next? LOL tell me about it. And this is from someone who made another thread posing as a guy. She's lying to all of us already, why would her BF trust her word? We can't.
Author Play Posted January 29, 2013 Author Posted January 29, 2013 LOL tell me about it. And this is from someone who made another thread posing as a guy. She's lying to all of us already, why would her BF trust her word? We can't. I meant 10 minutes as in "I'll just be a sec". I don't know how long he was there for - not very long. It was probably more than 10, it certainly wasn't over an hour.
Recommended Posts