Play Posted January 29, 2013 Posted January 29, 2013 My boyfriend wants me to delete my ex on facebook. We've dated each other for nearly 3 years, and the ex I dated over three years ago also for 3 years. My ex and I share mutual friends back at home who I don't get to see that much anymore. People would know and would have a go at me and I would resent my boyfriend for it. That's why I'm not doing deleting him. My ex would tell a few of his friends and word would get round. My friends don't want to choose between us. I've tried to only see my ex when I have to and when there's lots of other people there, and I haven't made such a big deal out of it. My boyfriend wants me to delete because he thinks I haven't told him when I've been in a group with the ex beforehand - I've only seen him twice the entire time we've dated. I'm not deleting him -my boyfriend can say whatever he likes, its not about secrecy, its about the situation at home. People would start asking why I did it and having a go for making stuff more awkward. My boyfriend is really upset and has trying to make me do it by threatening me with a break up. He could accept my decision and move on but its sounds like he's choosing not to. I would have deleted him on fb if it would not be even more awkward than it already is. I love my boyfriend, the ex is not the issue. What do you guys think?
TheZebra Posted January 29, 2013 Posted January 29, 2013 Sounds like your boyfriend is the controlling type. Who you have on your Facebook is your business and your business alone. If YOU want to delete your ex from your FB for your own reasons, then go ahead and do it. But don't do it because another guy is threatening you about it. Think about the action on the whole - remove your ex from the situation. Your current boyfriend is giving you an ultimatum over who you have clicked on the 'Add Friends' button on a social networking site. Just think about that for a minute. If he's going to draw up an ultimatum over something so silly, what else is he going to try and get you to do? Wear less revealing clothing in public? Text him whenever you go out without him? Forbid you from meeting up with male friends? Be careful...
Author Play Posted January 29, 2013 Author Posted January 29, 2013 Sounds like your boyfriend is the controlling type. Who you have on your Facebook is your business and your business alone. If YOU want to delete your ex from your FB for your own reasons, then go ahead and do it. But don't do it because another guy is threatening you about it. Think about the action on the whole - remove your ex from the situation. Your current boyfriend is giving you an ultimatum over who you have clicked on the 'Add Friends' button on a social networking site. Just think about that for a minute. If he's going to draw up an ultimatum over something so silly, what else is he going to try and get you to do? Wear less revealing clothing in public? Text him whenever you go out without him? Forbid you from meeting up with male friends? Be careful... I've dated him for three years, he's not new. It's just this ex. My response has been - if he wants to break up, it's his choice. The only choice I've made is not to delete someone on facebook. 1
harnold Posted January 29, 2013 Posted January 29, 2013 He has confidence issues. I've been with a girl who remained friends with all her exes. Didn't bother me. I was confident that I had more to offer than them, and that I had chosen a girl who had moved on. I was right. I think his attitude shows that he doesn't completely trust you, and is somewhat controlling (at least in those aspects of your life). Which isn't a terrible thing, most guys are probably like that. But I think he's getting worked up about nothing. Tell him your side and to chill out. 1
Author Play Posted January 29, 2013 Author Posted January 29, 2013 He has confidence issues. I've been with a girl who remained friends with all her exes. Didn't bother me. I was confident that I had more to offer than them, and that I had chosen a girl who had moved on. I was right. I think his attitude shows that he doesn't completely trust you, and is somewhat controlling (at least in those aspects of your life). Which isn't a terrible thing, most guys are probably like that. But I think he's getting worked up about nothing. Tell him your side and to chill out. Have told him all of this.
Janesays Posted January 29, 2013 Posted January 29, 2013 Id just delete my entire facebook and be done with it. 5
CC12 Posted January 29, 2013 Posted January 29, 2013 Did something recently happen that suddenly made this an issue? Has he had a problem with it for the whole three years you've been dating? Just curious. Threatening to break up with you unless you do what he wants is really controlling and borderline abusive. Does he do this kind of thing a lot? If he's really going to break up with you over something so stupid and trivial, there's not much you can do to stop him.
Pfiend101 Posted January 29, 2013 Posted January 29, 2013 You should delete the ex. Sounds like you might still have feelings for your ex. I see where he's coming from. What if your ex starts trying to mack on ya on facebook. Best not to get into that situation 3
Author Play Posted January 29, 2013 Author Posted January 29, 2013 Did something recently happen that suddenly made this an issue? Has he had a problem with it for the whole three years you've been dating? Just curious. Threatening to break up with you unless you do what he wants is really controlling and borderline abusive. Does he do this kind of thing a lot? If he's really going to break up with you over something so stupid and trivial, there's not much you can do to stop him. A lot of it for him is down to me saying things and acting in ways I don't accept I have. I didn't tell him last year when I saw the ex and he got mad. My boyfriend spent x-mas with me this year, and after he left I met up with some friends which included the ex. I didn't even know for sure the ex would be there. My ex then posted happy birthday on my facebook. I offered my facebook login details to my boyfriend, it's not about secrecy.
Author Play Posted January 29, 2013 Author Posted January 29, 2013 You should delete the ex. Sounds like you might still have feelings for your ex. I see where he's coming from. What if your ex starts trying to mack on ya on facebook. Best not to get into that situation I offered him my facebook password.
Pfiend101 Posted January 29, 2013 Posted January 29, 2013 Thats nice but then you say you saw your ex a year ago and didnt tell him about it. Of course he's upset! 2
kaylan Posted January 29, 2013 Posted January 29, 2013 OP you are in the wrong here. You still talk to and hand around your ex and you wonder why your bf asked you to delete the fb friendship? And youre ok with ending the relationship over this. Sounds to me that you care more about your ex and how you look to your mutual friends than you care about your relationship. Id dump you personally. I have a strict no exes rule when it comes to dating. If exes are around, then Im not around. That means no talking to exes or any contact in any form. Its too much drama and I like women who are mature enough to move on from their past and focus on their current relationship. 9
Author Play Posted January 29, 2013 Author Posted January 29, 2013 Tell me did you dump your ex, did he dump you, or did things kind of end unfinished because of circumstances like moving away... I broke up with him - it was sort of long distance a bit and then he wanted to work abroad, things fizzled out a bit.
Janesays Posted January 29, 2013 Posted January 29, 2013 The fact that the OP, her friends, her ex, her boyfriend, etc all feel so strongly about Facebook that theyre willing to end friendships and relationships over it is bizarre and unhealthy. Not a darn person here seems mature enough for human OK interaction AT ALL. Op, be other only adult here and just delete the whole thing. Real live people are more important than the nonsense images we create online. 7
Author Play Posted January 29, 2013 Author Posted January 29, 2013 OP you are in the wrong here. You still talk to and hand around your ex and you wonder why your bf asked you to delete the fb friendship? And youre ok with ending the relationship over this. Sounds to me that you care more about your ex and how you look to your mutual friends than you care about your relationship. Id dump you personally. I have a strict no exes rule when it comes to dating. If exes are around, then Im not around. That means no talking to exes or any contact in any form. Its too much drama and I like women who are mature enough to move on from their past and focus on their current relationship. I don't even talk to my ex. It's not my ex's feelings its mine when people start asking why I did it and having a go for making stuff more awkward. I've tried to only see him when I have to and when there's lots of other people there, never alone. As I say, it's his choice.
Author Play Posted January 29, 2013 Author Posted January 29, 2013 Oh god this just makes it a million times worse don't you even understand. It was a fizzel out.... geez lady do you not see it... do you really not see it? A fizzel out because of distance and now the distance gets closed during the holiday with friends and drinks and FACEBOOK........ If I was your bf I'm serious I would take you over my knee and spank you silly. I have no feelings towards my ex. I would have deleted him on fb if it wouldn't have made things more awkward.
Janesays Posted January 29, 2013 Posted January 29, 2013 Op: deletes entire Facebook Ex/friends/boyfriend: "why did you do that?" Op: "because fb is stupid and it doesn't matter." Them: "oh. Good point." I literally just solved ops problem. But sometimes I feel like people dont want advice. They just want validation and pity. 1
rocketman122 Posted January 29, 2013 Posted January 29, 2013 You should delete the ex. Sounds like you might still have feelings for your ex. I see where he's coming from. What if your ex starts trying to mack on ya on facebook. Best not to get into that situation well said. whats more important to you? the relationship or having the ex as a friend on FB? if it bothers him then remove it. there were these whore girls flaunting pictures of themselves dressed like whores at parties and my GF didnt like these, so I unfriended them. controlling or not. its out of respect for your partner. you make it seem "no big deal" but it is. its obvious. if it was my GF, you remove it, or I remove you from my life. simple. you have much to learn. 1
CC12 Posted January 29, 2013 Posted January 29, 2013 I have no feelings towards my ex. I would have deleted him on fb if it wouldn't have made things more awkward. Wait, seriously? The only reason you haven't deleted him is because your friends will get on your case? I'm on your side. I don't think you should have to delete your ex. If you were having inappropriate communications or contact with him, then obviously you would need to delete him. But you're not. You've run into him in social situations twice in the past three years. So I think it's wrong for your boyfriend to try to dictate who you have in your social circle. And it's perfectly fine for you to say, "I'm not deleting him because I just don't want to and I shouldn't have to." But you're saying, "I'm not deleting him because my friends will give me a hard time." That's not a good reason. I honestly can't imagine anyone giving much of a **** that you deleted an ex you never speak to anymore. But if they honestly care that much, you can advise them all to mind their own business. 2
Janesays Posted January 29, 2013 Posted January 29, 2013 I'm babysitting my ex's dog as we speak, so I must be IN THE WRONG too because lord knows some men have such preciously fragile egos that any interaction with an ex is a freaking grade a sin, right night sky? Grow up. If op wants to stay friends with her ex, THAT IS OK. If op's boyfriend wants to date a girl that has a zero contact policy with exes, THAT IS OK TOO. What is WRONG is when two people with different ideas on this insist on bending the other to their will. They should just agree that a major incompatibility exists and part ways. Also, they shouldnt take Facebook so seriously. 1
Janesays Posted January 29, 2013 Posted January 29, 2013 Whose life is drama filled? Mine isn't. My guy couldn't care less about my ex. (But, like me, he does think the dog is stinking adorable and likes having her around.) I know you were not talking about YOUR life being drama filled, Mr. Single Guy. NO ONE really cares what YOU do. So I guess you must be referring to the OP, although I'm thinking 95% of the drama in her life revolves around Facebook.
Author Play Posted January 29, 2013 Author Posted January 29, 2013 Whose life is drama filled? Mine isn't. My guy couldn't care less about my ex. (But, like me, he does think the dog is stinking adorable and likes having her around.) I know you were not talking about YOUR life being drama filled, Mr. Single Guy. NO ONE really cares what YOU do. So I guess you must be referring to the OP, although I'm thinking 95% of the drama in her life revolves around Facebook. Not really. He knows I'm not talking to him. I've told him everything I've said here. He just doesn't like that I haven't told him when I've run into him with other people being present. I don't want to be in a relationship with someone who doesn't trust me.
Janesays Posted January 29, 2013 Posted January 29, 2013 Not really. He knows I'm not talking to him. I've told him everything I've said here. He just doesn't like that I haven't told him when I've run into him. I don't want to be in a relationship with someone who doesn't trust me. Then drop him. You two aren't compatible anyway and this relationship is heading nowhere fast. Break up. Stay friends, if you like. And then find a new boyfriend that doesn't worry about that sort of thing. It's a win for everyone here. Just don't try to convince him he's wrong and bend him to you're way of thinking. He's entitled to the way he feels also and shouldn't have to settle for a relationship that makes him uncomfortable because neither one of you wants to man up and walk away.
Emilia Posted January 29, 2013 Posted January 29, 2013 What do you guys think? That it's unbelievable how you allow your friends and/or boyfriend to control what you or don't do?? I understand why your boyfriend feels uneasy. Who cares what a bunch of people whom you hardly even see think? I mean how weak do you have to be to consider people's opinion who will supposedly get at your throat for deleting an ex? This whole issue is so childish. 2
silvermercy Posted January 29, 2013 Posted January 29, 2013 Why would you care about what friends think if you deleted your ex from fb? Are you in high school? Also, I'm not sure you're giving us the full picture here... Why would your BF give you a ultimatum now after so many years together? What did you do so he now doesn't trust you?? 2
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