ScienceGal Posted January 29, 2013 Posted January 29, 2013 It's been coming for a while now. He was a life long smoker, and though he quit some years ago, it was too late. He's been in and out of the hospital every week lately. Can't breathe, COPD and cancer to boot (though in remission). Now, he is intubated and the end seems near. I thought I had reached very low points before, but I was wrong. For the past hour I literally laughed and cried at the same time. I didn't think people did that other than in movies. But, I just did. I just burst out laughing and then cried, repeatedly. How comical it is to think of all the times I've cried before, about my life, about my meaningless relationship woes. All the times I begged a God I barely believe in to help me. I feel so foolish. I feel so much shame. If they mean anything, I should've saved all those prayers for now. This is a new pain for me. I don't care about anything else at all.
cavalier99 Posted January 29, 2013 Posted January 29, 2013 (edited) Hi SG. I posted in your other thread but saw you started this one. I'm so sorry. This is one of the toughest things we can go thru. My father passed away last year after a long illness and it is so rough. I also knew it was coming but it doesn't make it easier. It is super hard but it is truly a blessing you can be there. The worst part is what you are going thru now seeing him like that. It is such a helpless feeling. Is there hospice care and other family to help? Please take care of yourself. The fact that you can be there and hold his hand is great gift to him and yourself. He is sooo happy you are there with him even if he cant say it. Talk to him.Wow I'm sorta tearing up thinking about it. I know we don't know each except thru the internet and I'm just a stranger but my prayers are with you and your family. Edited January 29, 2013 by cavalier99
Riiighteous Posted January 30, 2013 Posted January 30, 2013 I'm sorry to hear of what you're going through. I lost my father only a few months ago, and it still has not fully registered. I can understand to some extent what you may be going through, and encourage you that there are plenty of us out there who get it. I am still grieving in my own way, but have found that you really need to do whatever you need to do to cope. I would read endless books, or watch tons of comedies, and yes it was a momentary distraction, but somehow months later I am able to get up and face my day. Be there 100% for your family. Give it your all, even when it might seem inconvenient. I was there for my dad whenever I could be, and he knew that. I'm glad that I not only said what I wanted to say, but I was just there, even if there was nothing to be said. Just remember in those moments where you are feeling down that there are tons of us out there, even if you might feel really alone (trust me I know how that is...). There are tons of us who are either struggling with a very sick parents or loved one, or who have lost a parent or loved one. You're definitely not alone, and you definitely need to find what will uniquely help you cope. Best <3
fetish1980 Posted January 30, 2013 Posted January 30, 2013 (edited) I'm sorry to hear about your tough time SG. I'm not one to force religion on anybody, but just my experience alone, having a relationship with God makes life seem much easier and you look at it from a different outlook. So there's no reason to feel shamed, it's never too late. I'm not going to pretend I know what its like to lose a parent because I don't. I can only imagine what it would feel like and I get pain in my heart just thinking about it, and also knowing and dreading that there is going to come a time when I am going to have to say goodbye. But i just pray everyday that I will have the strength to deal with it when the time does come. Edited January 30, 2013 by fetish1980
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