Necris Posted January 29, 2013 Posted January 29, 2013 I've been thinking, could it be possible that the reason some people do so terrible in dating and incapable of getting anyone to be attracted to them is because of more intangible factors, something about them is just off or makes them unattractive but only on the subconscious level? What I am saying is, perhaps the reason some people are successful in dating and others aren't maybe because those who have terrible dating luck produce some sort of "woman repellant" to prevent women from being attracted to them. So they can try hard, work on themselves, be more sociable, etc. but at the end of the day they are still unattractive seemingly no matter what they do. While there are other guys out there who are the opposite, who don't have to do anything, and women are naturally just drawn to them for reasons unknown.
TheZebra Posted January 29, 2013 Posted January 29, 2013 My ex has a friend, let's call him Dan. Dan was a very pessimistic person when it came to dating and it showed through with everything he did. While all of us were out having fun, having a couple of drinks, etc, Dan would just kind of sit back and not really interact with anyone. He'd often leave early. And we all got along and had similar hobbies and stuff, so it's not like he was an outcast. Whenever Dan got anyone that would listen to him, he'd go on and on about his dating woes. This translated into how he interacted with everyone in and out of our group. Before he even said 1 word you could tell he was insecure and negative. I think he still doesn't have a girlfriend because you can just FEEL the bad vibes with him. Plus, he would be so serious and worried when talking to girls that he'd come across as boring and un-fun.
KungFuJoe Posted January 29, 2013 Posted January 29, 2013 Vibe might be THE most important factor in attraction.
fortyninethousand322 Posted January 29, 2013 Posted January 29, 2013 My ex has a friend, let's call him Dan. Dan was a very pessimistic person when it came to dating and it showed through with everything he did. While all of us were out having fun, having a couple of drinks, etc, Dan would just kind of sit back and not really interact with anyone. He'd often leave early. And we all got along and had similar hobbies and stuff, so it's not like he was an outcast. Whenever Dan got anyone that would listen to him, he'd go on and on about his dating woes. This translated into how he interacted with everyone in and out of our group. Before he even said 1 word you could tell he was insecure and negative. I think he still doesn't have a girlfriend because you can just FEEL the bad vibes with him. Plus, he would be so serious and worried when talking to girls that he'd come across as boring and un-fun. Sounds very similar to me. Except I don't talk to anyone about my dating woes. Too embarrassing. Better to keep it all bottled up. Everything else though sounds pretty similar to me...
Author Necris Posted January 29, 2013 Author Posted January 29, 2013 Whenever Dan got anyone that would listen to him, he'd go on and on about his dating woes. Now that right there is probably his problem. When I go out with friends I do so to have fun not talk about my dating problems. Also when I approach women I try to be the fun guy, and usually joke around with them.
tbf Posted January 29, 2013 Posted January 29, 2013 When it comes to expressing feelings and attitude, verbal communications comprise only 7% of communications.Reposting this from another thread. Also, most people know when someone doesn't like or respect them. 2
rocketman122 Posted January 29, 2013 Posted January 29, 2013 Im not certain this is true. I dont give women the time of day and seem to attract them, no matter what. I have a very serious face. was told many times I look pissed all the time or im "thinking" and still women look and stare. I dont think it has anything to do with vibes. I dont give off a desperate "vibe" that im open and available. not at all. and still im very successful. I do believe that physical appearance has a lot to do with it. but this only for the first part.
Esoteric Elf Posted January 29, 2013 Posted January 29, 2013 What is this repellant? I don't know; otherwise I would have rid myself (if capable) of it long ago, but I will give a plausible suggestion to this "vibe" that I have read elsewhere: "When we take a look at how men assess women, the matter is fairly straightforward. Men take notice of the physical characteristics first and foremost: proportional weight, facial features, curves in the right places. Then they gauge personality and look for any compatibility of interests, which are essentially icings on the cake. The entire assessment takes place in a man's own mind and there is little need for any external opinion on the matter. It is very different with women. Of course they too spot the potentially most impressive specimens and filter them out for further assessment, but it seems that they place a huge weight on social cues coming from the outside. At this point, I really doubt whether women, as conditioned in modern societies, are actually capable of distinguishing high value men from others. I am inclined to say that they merely gravitate towards those men who have been, in some way, preselected by society. At face value, that does not seem like a bad strategy. After all, the opinion of many should carry more weight than subjective feelings of one person. It's enough to observe though the kind of people who gain fame to see that this strategy is destined for failure. This is the reason why the most deranged serial killers are in such hot demand among otherwise normal women. Most women have no capacity to distinguish between genuine achievement and lowest grade notoriety. I would venture to guess that a typical woman would remain completely impervious to the advancements of a man who possesses great qualities of mind and personality, but who does not have an external stamp of approval from her social set or broader fame. Show that man once on TV, and the same woman will draw towards him like moth to a flame. Notice that the same is not true when it comes to men assessing women. Men develop attraction in an entirely self-sufficient way by assessing another person's worth through their own perception. None of this very helpful for men who struggle to find relationship partners right now, but it is something to consider while pondering the seemingly inexplicable failures with women. It is not always a matter of insufficient personal qualities or less than smooth approach. In most cases, women just need external validation - they are not able to make a decision without it so the default is rejection" 1
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