does slutting around work?

[destroyed4sho]

Has anyone had sex with a few people to get over their ex. And did it work?

 

I haven't really done this before bc usually I would find someone else to date right after the break up. This time its different, and I am in severe pain. If it works, well why not?

 

And, I would tell the person the truth, that I broke up with someone, don't want a relationship, no strings attached, etc. I don't want to hurt anyone.

[MrNate 2.0]

Has anyone had sex with a few people to get over their ex. And did it work?

 

I haven't really done this before bc usually I would find someone else to date right after the break up. This time its different, and I am in severe pain. If it works, well why not?

 

And, I would tell the person the truth, that I broke up with someone, don't want a relationship, no strings attached, etc. I don't want to hurt anyone.

 

How will 'slutting around' solve emotional issues exactly? The issues are devoid of body.

[cavalier99]

I'm all for slutting my self around. I just cant find any willing women recently.

[destroyed4sho]

Ha...ok so let me just give some background:

My friend said that having sex with numerous people and smoking a lot of weed works. She just BU with someone, and she seems in good spirits. I am just stunned at how fast she got over him! She doesn't even talk about him anymore, even though she was really in love with him and even tattooed his name on her wrist recently.

[cavalier99]

Well. I guess different people are wired differently. I met a really cute girl recently who broke up with her BF a month ago. He cheated on her after a year together..talk of marriage ect.

 

She seemed in great spirits and hardly bothered. I even asked her if she cried. She said 1st week and is fine now. And the guy, ex bf, lives with her best friend so she sees him often. I was baffled:o

 

Now i don't know if she has been hooking up or not with guys..but i do know she didn't go home with me. Lol.

Edited January 29, 2013 by cavalier99

[cavalier99]

And, I would tell the person the truth, that I broke up with someone, don't want a relationship, no strings attached, etc. I don't want to hurt anyone.

 

Ummm...wellll.....it wouldnt be fair not to tell you....but .. I'm just out of a long term thing and ....you know...I'm not looking for anything serious.. .and we can just see where it goes.Lol .

[MrNate 2.0]

Ha...ok so let me just give some background:

My friend said that having sex with numerous people and smoking a lot of weed works. She just BU with someone, and she seems in good spirits. I am just stunned at how fast she got over him! She doesn't even talk about him anymore, even though she was really in love with him and even tattooed his name on her wrist recently.

 

Well, it seems like in the end, she's still alone. Those are probably the things she doesn't tell you about either. All the sex and weed in the world won't make up for that.

 

I mean, if you feel like channeling your pain towards something like that is worth it, then go for it. Just keep in mind, it really won't change anything in the end.

[TrueAwareness]

Ha...ok so let me just give some background:

My friend said that having sex with numerous people and smoking a lot of weed works. She just BU with someone, and she seems in good spirits. I am just stunned at how fast she got over him! She doesn't even talk about him anymore, even though she was really in love with him and even tattooed his name on her wrist recently.

 

Your friend is in total denial of her pain. And she pretends that sleeping around with others and smoking pot has healed her from her pain. But that doesnt help at all. Trust me, i slep with a woman 2 weeks after i split up with my ex for good, and after the immediate sexual release, all you have left is the same emotional pain.

 

Only extremely insecure people find comfort in being able to get laid after breaking up.

[Stoic44]

Has anyone had sex with a few people to get over their ex. And did it work?

 

I haven't really done this before bc usually I would find someone else to date right after the break up. This time its different, and I am in severe pain. If it works, well why not?

 

And, I would tell the person the truth, that I broke up with someone, don't want a relationship, no strings attached, etc. I don't want to hurt anyone.

 

I went through two girls until I found one that I liked better than my ex.

 

Then again, the two girls I had, I wasn't all that attracted. It was just sex.

 

It took my mind off the ex in one way, but then in another it didn't because I was comparing them to the ex. I guess it just takes time no matter how many people you sleep with.

[KatZee]

Has anyone had sex with a few people to get over their ex. And did it work?

 

Yes. And in my case, no.

 

Years back when I was in college, my first love broke up with me. That relationship ending was the worst thing I had ever gone through at that point and I think I made every single mistake one can make when being dumped/trying to move on.

 

One of the things I did was that I decided to "get back" at guys by flirting with them, chewing them up, using them, and spitting them back out. I had a couple of one night stands, and a few other guys over periods of time that were just FWB situations.

 

You'd think having a ton of guys lusting over you would boost the ego, and I'm sure some girls love it. But for me, it made me feel worse. Sex was so impersonal. I was obviously being used just as much as I was using them, and feeling used wasn't a good feeling. Especially when I had known love just a short time prior. At the end of the day, after I'd left someone's apartment, I'd just feel lonely and sad again.

 

If you don't face your problems, they'll just keep popping right back up. Sleeping around doesn't solve anything.

[LduKaZ]

I think it depends on the person.

 

After my toughest break up, I hooked up with this chick, about 2 weeks after. And Im not even kidding you I couldn't even get it up properly. I woke up in the middle of the night feeling like absolute trash. I ran out of the house. After that I couldn't have sex for like 6 months.. Not because the chance wasnt there but because I was scared Id feel the way I did that night, like it was a hopeless, meaningless, garbage sex.. I think its better to heal up a bit first.

 

As for weed. I find it does help if you're smoking it with friends, it makes you forget and enjoy the moment. But if you're smoking weed alone, it will definately make you dig deeper into your own thoughts, and if those thoughts are about the BU, you wont have a good time.

[bitterruin]

I hooked up with a guy a month after the breakup and after we finished I went to the bathroom and cried. So if you want to feel like sh*t and miss your ex even more then go ahead and do it.

 

If you want to actually enjoy it wait until you're done trying to use sex to forget him. If you want to hook up for another reason other than to help you deal with the pain the only thing that will cause is bring more of it.

[Simon Phoenix]

Yep. The first month after my ex and I broke I had sex with a few women, including one a mere two days after the break happened. Didn't help. Was feeling sad and emotional and felt that hooking up would bring me my "balls" back and help me get over this girl. Yeah, not so much. It was pretty easy though -- I was so into my ex that I wasn't giving off any nervousness or desperation, which actually allowed me to do pretty decent. When I started coming to terms with that was when I started going back to my mediocre-at-best macking ability.

[mutant]

Absolutely! But only if you have decided to forge ahead and get over your ex. In the last month, I have been banging 2 girls one of them is my immediate next door Neighbor and the other a distant friend. I have also been flirting alot and inviting girls to my place for "dinner" which has not gone down well with my Neighbor because she's jealous. But this is a nice problem to have especially when trying to get over an ex.

 

I rarely think of my ex when I am with these girls, I also enrolled for a masters program therefore I have little time to spend with them. I have met other girls who I could have invited home but it's been a challenge. Juggling between my job, studies and girls is challenging but like I said this is a nice problem to have when getting over an ex.

[cavalier99]

Absolutely! But only if you have decided to forge ahead and get over your ex. In the last month, I have been banging 2 girls one of them is my immediate next door Neighbor and the other a distant friend. I have also been flirting alot and inviting girls to my place for "dinner" which has not gone down well with my Neighbor because she's jealous. But this is a nice problem to have especially when trying to get over an ex.

 

I rarely think of my ex when I am with these girls, I also enrolled for a masters program therefore I have little time to spend with them. I have met other girls who I could have invited home but it's been a challenge. Juggling between my job, studies and girls is challenging but like I said this is a nice problem to have when getting over an ex.

 

Ha. I'm dying laughing man. I love the blunt honesty. cant wait to see that backlash about how your suppressing your emotions. Lol

Edited January 29, 2013 by cavalier99

[mutant]

Ha. I'm dying laughing man. I love the blunt honesty. cant wait to see that backlash about how your suppressing your emotions. Lol[/QUO

Ha! Honestly this hasn't been easy. Just last weekend my Neighbor came over and shared very personal and emotional information with me. She cried at some point and I consoled her we ended up sleeping together without sex. I can't get into anything serious yet but I am ok with no-strings attached sexual relationships. Her current behavior is making it increasingly difficult to bring in more ladies to my place. I have now put two other girls on hold and they'll probably get bored and walk away. One of them is a workmate who I was scheduled to give a massage about a fortnight ago.

[Sari]

Ha! Honestly this hasn't been easy. Just last weekend my Neighbor came over and shared very personal and emotional information with me. She cried at some point and I consoled her we ended up sleeping together without sex. I can't get into anything serious yet but I am ok with no-strings attached sexual relationships. Her current behavior is making it increasingly difficult to bring in more ladies to my place. I have now put two other girls on hold and they'll probably get bored and walk away. One of them is a workmate who I was scheduled to give a massage about a fortnight ago.

 

I don't mean to come across as judgemental or preachy, but maybe think about what you're doing to your poor neighbour. She obviously has feelings for you. Maybe you should stop screwing her around and just concentrate on banging girls who don't care about you so much. Otherwise you'll hurt her just as you have been hurt by your ex.

[iouaname]

Immediately after the break up, I started flirting a lot with other men. It was just something to take my mind off of my ex... or so I thought. Eventually I met a guy who I talked a lot with, and he suggested meeting up for lunch. It was then that I realized that I wasn't ready to be intimate with anyone else. In fact, flirting with other men just made me think more of my ex and how much I missed him.

 

I decided for myself that I was going to take a break from that and not really try to meet another guy, because I needed time to heal first.

 

People heal in different ways, if hooking up (be safe!) helps you, then I don't judge for it. You have to do what feels best for you. For me, it made the situation worse.

[mutant]

Ha. I'm dying laughing man. I love the blunt honesty. cant wait to see that backlash about how your suppressing your emotions. Lol

 

I don't mean to come across as judgemental or preachy, but maybe think about what you're doing to your poor neighbour. She obviously has feelings for you. Maybe you should stop screwing her around and just concentrate on banging girls who don't care about you so much. Otherwise you'll hurt her just as you have been hurt by your ex.

 

I get what you mean, I already let her know that I wasn't interested in anything serious. She had seen me and the ex severally before BU and even enquired how she was doing. She is a really nice person with a big heart and I like her character. We had sex the first day she came over to say hi which was before we knew each other well.

[mutant]

It's easy to have sex after BU once you accept that your ex is not coming back and she out there cuddling and banging another man. However this can be a challenge initially. The first time, I invited some girl for dinner at my place then one thing led to another and just before we had sex after petting heavily she asked "why should we have sex if we don't love each other?" This question alone turned me off instantly. I dressed up took a shower and since it was late I couldn't ask her to leave. Nevertheless, I went to bed completely ignoring her and she slept in a separate bedroom. Next morning she apologized but I explained to her my situation and that she shouldn't feel guilty. Interestingly we ended up having sex the same week unexpectedly. I think its easy to have sex with another person after BU if you are completely understand yourself and the situation you are in.

[destroyed4sho]

I think it depends on the person.

 

After my toughest break up, I hooked up with this chick, about 2 weeks after. And Im not even kidding you I couldn't even get it up properly. I woke up in the middle of the night feeling like absolute trash. I ran out of the house. After that I couldn't have sex for like 6 months.. Not because the chance wasnt there but because I was scared Id feel the way I did that night, like it was a hopeless, meaningless, garbage sex.. I think its better to heal up a bit first.

 

As for weed. I find it does help if you're smoking it with friends, it makes you forget and enjoy the moment. But if you're smoking weed alone, it will definitely make you dig deeper into your own thoughts, and if those thoughts are about the BU, you wont have a good time.

 

Yes, I think that this would be the reasons why I wouldn't do that. I am scared of feeling that emptiness in my stomach after its over. It is a horrible feeling. I rather just stay in bed and watch my netflix or hulu and write on this site...lol. Its just been so hard. I would do anything to just stop freaken thinking of her and fantasizing...I hate it...I need a boost to speed this grieving process up...just don't know how.

Btw, my friend got an STD in those 2 weeks of living la viva loca. :-S She is fine though.

Regardless, there are those people that find it beneficial to sleep around after a BU. I think its because your mind starts to focus on someone else, even if you dont care about them. For example, this one person that likes me was texting me to hang out...and ofcourse I am not ready yet NOR do I like them, but just the fact that we were texting each other for 3 hours here and there....it got my mind off my ex. And it was a RELIEF for those few hours. Ofcourse, afterwards I just got right back into the old scheme of things. But at least for those few hours I actually felt sane.

[destroyed4sho]

It's easy to have sex after BU once you accept that your ex is not coming back and she out there cuddling and banging another man. However this can be a challenge initially. The first time, I invited some girl for dinner at my place then one thing led to another and just before we had sex after petting heavily she asked "why should we have sex if we don't love each other?" This question alone turned me off instantly. I dressed up took a shower and since it was late I couldn't ask her to leave. Nevertheless, I went to bed completely ignoring her and she slept in a separate bedroom. Next morning she apologized but I explained to her my situation and that she shouldn't feel guilty. Interestingly we ended up having sex the same week unexpectedly. I think its easy to have sex with another person after BU if you are completely understand yourself and the situation you are in.

 

I guess I am not sure about how I would react or if I am strong enough yet. I think maybe in a month? I would break down now. But its good to hear that I can try something that has worked for someone else.

 

I know she is not coming back for sure. I know that deep in my heart. And even if she does, my mind would want her and all the memories we had shared relived, but my heart will reject her. There is no turning back at this point, unless she profusely apologizes, shows me the world and moves mountains.:(

Edited January 29, 2013 by destroyed4sho

[Hopeful714]

Never rolled that way,,,,, maybe I should.

 

Really though, sounds like a way to get even instead of over.

 

i agree.... ya don't fix the emo crap, you will find yourself in the next relationship with the same problems, different person. What a drag.

 

I don't think I need to bag a bunch of dudes to get validation. Plus, I don't want to Ho myself out either! Would rather be a clean shiny new ride with the engine roaring for my new man!

 

God forbid you try this and end up with the one who can't get it up or goes and cries!

 

And lastly if that's what my ex is up to, all the more reason I should be glad he's gone...gone....gone!

[PinkSapphire]

So, here's what worked for me.

 

Also, sleeping with someone else (for me, a long-term friend that I knew cared for me on some level and that I also cared for, just not ready for relationship) helped with SOLELY with the longing for sex. THat is a very real, very painful part of a breakup. I also chose to masturbate less and have sex less so that I would get used to being celibate again to ease the emotional ache I felt after the fact. FOr that reason only, would I condone it.

 

To get over the emotional wound, one must take several steps. First, you must mourn the loss and death of the relationship. Cry, be angry, let it all out. Grieve. Read over love letters, look longingly at old pictures, cry it out, write about it, etc. All the things to work yourself through what you are feeling. Whenever you feel the need to say something, write it down in a journal entry. Leave it raw, leave it real, leave it angry. You never have to look again, but et it all out. Also, write a list of his good traits, then a list of the bad, include all the reasons it wouldn't work and why he caused you pain. This is one you will refer back to when you begin to miss him again (every hour, perhaps, every day, etc).

 

Then learn from your m istakes. Identify the flaws in you that contributed to the breakup (even if you were only 10-20% responsible; his part no longer matters) and work on those things. Better yourself through this painful experience (might as well not endure all this pain for nothing, right?). Also write a list of things you absolutely must have/not havein a future partner. These are the lessons you have learned.

 

Then, forgive. Yourself, him, the circumstances. Be grateful for the experience and the lessons you got to learn. Let him go; do not hold onto the hate or pain any longer than necessary. Fill the void left by him, including investing in friendships - new and old, and securing new dinner/walking/movie/cuddle partners, including a fwb while necessary. Nature abhors a vacuum, and after a BU you both have a big one. Fill it with activities, the gym, hobbies, friends - even and especially if you don't feel like it. Do NOT allow yourself to mope around for more than ac ouple of hours per day. Force yourself out, or enlist a couple of friends to encourage you out/force you out when necessary. THis is not fun, but will surely aid in you moving on.

 

Force yourself to at least pretend to have fun; force laughter and smiles, focus on the good while you are out. Yes, you will inevitably think of him and miss him and wish he were there, BUT keep redirecting your thoughts to the cute guy in the corner, your sassy friend cracking jokes, the music and some fun dance moves you are doing - whatever. Just keep distracting your mind. When you feel the urge to text him something, instead tet a joke to a good friend or two. Ask a friend about their....whatever, comment on the weather to a good friend you need to re-invest in. Invite a group of good friends to a concert, dinner, club. Get the picture? FIll your life up with awesome things, so eventually you relaly DO forget about him. Put in coping mechanisms to prevent contacting him (write him an email you will never send, text a friend, listen to a song and shar eit, post hilarious thing son fb - nothing down or negative. You can write it out first, then delete and put something funny instead). All of these things will draw good people to you and force you to be positive.

 

You can do it

[Hopeful714]

Adult toys. Free porn. Great time. No hurt feelings:p