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Need some on how to break the ice

Derpyderpensen

By Derpyderpensen
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Derpyderpensen New Member

Derpyderpensen

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To keep a long story short things have been going kind of downhill with my now ex since about january 6th over something stupid we've been barely talking and i guess officially broke up on the 21st we've been together for 2+ years and broke up before over stupid insecurity issues that i had but this time was different but she saw it as the same thing as last time which was ... like 16 months ago and i havent even been insecure since.. We met up on then 8th at her house everything was good but still a little shaky.. and then the next day i made a huge mistake... i checked her twitter stupidly and it looked as if someone was bothering her... and she was tweeting about something someone did to piss her off.. none of those things matched me so i asked her whats wrong.. and she flipped out and basically said she'd speak to me later or tomorrow... i should've waited... i kept bombarding her with texts and then this basically lead to a break and then... the break up.. i attempted to get together for lunch but she wasnt sure and we never actually did it mightve been too soon..

 

i assured her ive changed and have a new aspect on viewing things.. this all happened because i looked at her twitter on the 6th and saw something but approached her the wrong way at the wrong time and it even turned out to be nothing too... i havent spoken to her in exactly 7 days.. we are perfect for eachother in many ways and very happpy together. I havent looked at any of her social networks since this all happened and this to me is a sure sign that i did change. Basically i want to start talking to her again she really isnt the type to initiate first contact.. i pleaded and begged for her back but that of course didnt work so i just agreed with the breakup and accepted it , i took some advice from the perfect plan 2 and it was similar to what i did to get her back the first time.

 

I was non challant and basically ready and i feel i am now again but the thing is i have no idea how to approach her.. i want to text her to break the silence so the advice i need is: if i should wait a bit longer before i talk to her.. her reason for breaking up were that it was just the same thing everytime and she wants to be alone.. shes very stubborn and irrational when shes mad or stressed or pressured she also runs away from stressful confrontation... when we spoke on the phone when she got stressed she would hang up this breakup basically happened over text..she didnt want to meet me...So if i break the silence what should i text her? Have no idea on what to say to her and i dont know if its too soon. She isn't the type to ignore me and never really has but i also dont want rejection because she can be cold and distant i just want to basically build things back up.

 

So in short : what do i say to "break the ice" or should i wait and give her time to come to me? and if so then how long? She isn't the type to make first contact in these type of situations.. besides i am basically in the wrong

 

She told me like 2 weeks ago she doesn't feel the same because of the stress and i was being all emotional and needy but i know for a fact i can control it and not get effected by what she says but i do want to get back together. She's always talked about marriage, kids, the whole 9 yards.. we literally have the perfect relationship... i was just overwhelming her

 

My basic problem was i panicking and could'nt control my emotions.. doesn't happen too often but she's made me more emotional in a good way.. ever since the incident im happy to say im at a perfect balance between my old self and what she made me into.. she really made me a better individual and we do anything and everything for eachother.. she got me 700 dollar off contract iphone 5 for christmas..now thats true love

Edited by Derpyderpensen
fungusamungus Established Member

fungusamungus

Posted
Posted (edited)
To keep a long story short things have been going kind of downhill with my now ex since about january 6th over something stupid we've been barely talking and i guess officially broke up on the 21st we've been together for 2+ years and broke up before over stupid insecurity issues that i had but this time was different but she saw it as the same thing as last time which was ... like 16 months ago and i havent even been insecure since.. We met up on then 8th at her house everything was good but still a little shaky.. and then the next day i made a huge mistake... i checked her twitter stupidly and it looked as if someone was bothering her... and she was tweeting about something someone did to piss her off.. none of those things matched me so i asked her whats wrong.. and she flipped out and basically said she'd speak to me later or tomorrow... i should've waited... i kept bombarding her with texts and then this basically lead to a break and then... the break up.. i attempted to get together for lunch but she wasnt sure and we never actually did it mightve been too soon..

 

i assured her ive changed and have a new aspect on viewing things.. this all happened because i looked at her twitter on the 6th and saw something but approached her the wrong way at the wrong time and it even turned out to be nothing too... i havent spoken to her in exactly 7 days.. we are perfect for eachother in many ways and very happpy together. I havent looked at any of her social networks since this all happened and this to me is a sure sign that i did change. Basically i want to start talking to her again she really isnt the type to initiate first contact.. i pleaded and begged for her back but that of course didnt work so i just agreed with the breakup and accepted it , i took some advice from the perfect plan 2 and it was similar to what i did to get her back the first time.

 

I was non challant and basically ready and i feel i am now again but the thing is i have no idea how to approach her.. i want to text her to break the silence so the advice i need is: if i should wait a bit longer before i talk to her.. her reason for breaking up were that it was just the same thing everytime and she wants to be alone.. shes very stubborn and irrational when shes mad or stressed or pressured she also runs away from stressful confrontation... when we spoke on the phone when she got stressed she would hang up this breakup basically happened over text..she didnt want to meet me...So if i break the silence what should i text her? Have no idea on what to say to her and i dont know if its too soon. She isn't the type to ignore me and never really has but i also dont want rejection because she can be cold and distant i just want to basically build things back up.

 

So in short : what do i say to "break the ice" or should i wait and give her time to come to me? and if so then how long? She isn't the type to make first contact in these type of situations.. besides i am basically in the wrong

 

She told me like 2 weeks ago she doesn't feel the same because of the stress and i was being all emotional and needy but i know for a fact i can control it and not get effected by what she says but i do want to get back together. She's always talked about marriage, kids, the whole 9 yards.. we literally have the perfect relationship... i was just overwhelming her

My basic problem was i panicking and could'nt control my emotions.. doesn't happen too often but she's made me more emotional in a good way.. ever since the incident im happy to say im at a perfect balance between my old self and what she made me into.. she really made me a better individual and we do anything and everything for eachother.. she got me 700 dollar off contract iphone 5 for christmas..now thats true love

I bolded some tidbits that you should read back to yourself.

 

You are still needy and insecure, and that doesn't just change overnight. Even if you think it will. Even if you got back with her, you can suppress that insecurity or neediness for a while, but it inevitably resurfaces. Just like it did this time. You should take some time to yourself and give her time to herself. If you keep pushing, then that just reaffirms your neediness. You don't know how to give her space, that comes from insecurity. It comes from your need for validation from her. Not stalking her social networking for a few days is proof that you're over your distrust or insecurity? No it's not.

 

Honestly, staying away is the BEST option for people who get dumped for being needy and overbearing. Why? Two reasons. First off, it lets her know that you are actually capable of giving her space. You don't need her back to prove to her that can give her space. See, that's the neediness talking. You prove that you can give her space RIGHT NOW, by actually doing so. Second, it forces you to deal with yourself. The reason people are needy is because they don't know how to make themselves happy, or they rely on other people for their happiness. You've done yourself a major disservice by not addressing these issues the first time you broke up, because when you break up with someone for the same reason twice, you really lose trust in that person. And suddenly, hearing them say... "Hey, I've changed", does not really hold the same kind of weight as it does the first time you've heard it.

 

My advice. Give it at least a month. Cool down. Really reflect back on what made her want out of the relationship, because right now, if you are in a super emotional state, you can't simply can't see it.

 

Second, she has to actually WANT you back for her to take you back, and there is no way to make her want you back. But there are definitely ways to drive her further away. And an obvious attempt at trying to get back into her good graces, a week after a breakup is both disingenuous and annoying to someone who broke up with you because they needed space. So, give it at least a month, and wait for her to contact you first.

 

Yes, you are in the wrong, but that doesn't mean that you need to be proactive towards her. Be proactive in disciplining yourself to keep your space.

Edited by fungusamungus
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Derpyderpensen New Member

Derpyderpensen

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I bolded some tidbits that you should read back to yourself.

 

You are still needy and insecure, and that doesn't just change overnight. Even if you think it will. Even if you got back with her, you can suppress that insecurity or neediness for a while, but it inevitably resurfaces. Just like it did this time. You should take some time to yourself and give her time to herself. If you keep pushing, then that just reaffirms your neediness. You don't know how to give her space, that comes from insecurity. It comes from your need for validation from her. Not stalking her social networking for a few days is proof that you're over your distrust or insecurity? No it's not.

 

Honestly, staying away is the BEST option for people who get dumped for being needy and overbearing. Why? Two reasons. First off, it lets her know that you are actually capable of giving her space. You don't need her back to prove to her that can give her space. See, that's the neediness talking. You prove that you can give her space RIGHT NOW, by actually doing so. Second, it forces you to deal with yourself. The reason people are needy is because they don't know how to make themselves happy, or they rely on other people for their happiness. You've done yourself a major disservice by not addressing these issues the first time you broke up, because when you break up with someone for the same reason twice, you really lose trust in that person. And suddenly, hearing them say... "Hey, I've changed", does not really hold the same kind of weight as it does the first time you've heard it.

 

My advice. Give it at least a month. Cool down. Really reflect back on what made her want out of the relationship, because right now, if you are in a super emotional state, you can't simply can't see it.

 

Second, she has to actually WANT you back for her to take you back, and there is no way to make her want you back. But there are definitely ways to drive her further away. And an obvious attempt at trying to get back into her good graces, a week after a breakup is both disingenuous and annoying to someone who broke up with you because they needed space. So, give it at least a month, and wait for her to contact you first.

 

Yes, you are in the wrong, but that doesn't mean that you need to be proactive towards her. Be proactive in disciplining yourself to keep your space.

 

 

Good advice ill definetly wait but she isnt the contact initiating type in these type of situations. And someone has to make the first move anyway

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