liquid12 Posted January 28, 2013 Posted January 28, 2013 Me And my ex just broke up, it is a weird one. We where starting to lean towards breaking up, when my VA got me to go to a therapist. They suggested I bring someone close to me so I brought my gf at the time. Come to find out I was clinically depressed last summer and neither of us realised it. The next day I come home she had cut herself. (She hadn't done that in a long time. Never since we started dating.) I had suspected she cheated on me but hadno proof, when I asked her why she cut herself. She told me it was cause she cheated on me. That she felt so stupid for messing up The best relationship she has ever had. I forgave her on spot and we talked about alot of things. Let me pause here for a brief background info. We dated half a year before moving with eachother. It wasn't spur of the moment thing it just felt right. The whole relationship just seem to fit and snap perfectly. We always talked about everything no matter what it was. Webroke up after a total of a year and 8 months. During the summer of my depression I did ignore and our sex life was at a serious low I pushed her away. I feel that's why she cheated on me. All of her ex are abusive verbally or made her feel worthless for some really retarded reasons. We now live in different places and are "friends" I have been trying to give her space but we did hang out a couple of times after we broke up. I didn't want to break up but we both where worried about hidden emotions coming back to haunt us weither it was distrust or guilt. Two weeks later an ex she was on and off with for 5 years right out of high school. Just so happen to break up with his girl friend and a couple of mutual friends told me they hooked up that night. Now they where best friends after they broke up till he got his new girlfriend that he just broke up with. When she really needed him he abandoned her because his current gf told him to stop talking to her, and he did. Am I stupid for wanting to get back with her? Should I be worried that she is possibly rebounding with her ex? What should I do to maybe get back together? She knows I frequent a wing bar every wed. And its not like I can tell her to just leave me alone and still hope things work out. I honestly believe I love her but want to have some space and break time then get back with her. .... help!
LduKaZ Posted January 28, 2013 Posted January 28, 2013 She's a cheater. A person who really loves you and cares about you would help you beat depression, not go out and hook up with another dude and then come back home to cut herself. If she rebounds with her ex, it's because she is a mess. Do not EVER blame this on yourself!! EVER! This things hurt, but you're better off without her. The fact that you forgave her cheating on the spot means she didn't even have time to be ashamed, and this means she WILL do it again in the future. You can't trust a girl like that, you simply can't man. I'm sorry but the best thing you can do is try your hardest to erase her completely of your life, and move on. You can not be friends with an ex until all your emotions for that person have healed.
Chi townD Posted January 28, 2013 Posted January 28, 2013 Sorry, dude. But, you need to keep walking away from this. I mean, first off. She cheated on you. period. She threw your trust and your relationship out the window for some selfish gratification. Second, she cut herself, which tells me that she has a lot of emotional issues. And you can't fix that, my friend. That's something she needs to work out on her own. And the fact that she jumped right into the sack with an Ex boyfriend on the Eve of his break up tells me that she doesn't have a lot of self respect. I think you need to heal and move on from this. You said it yourself. You were diagnosed with clinical depression. You have a lot of healing and self awareness to figure out and you are in no condition to be jumping back into a relationship and definately not one so toxic as the one you had with her. I think you need to distance yourself from this "wing" club for awhile. Find other interests and different hobbies to keep yourself occupied. You need to stay NC with her and heal. Time to move on dude. Sorry if that isn't what you wanted to hear.
Author liquid12 Posted January 28, 2013 Author Posted January 28, 2013 Its. ot what I wanna hear but I am listening. Does it matter its if its the first time she has ever cheated? (Her best friend told me that fun fact) or that the guy that she did with had been trying to do her before I did had always wanted to getvher real drunk gave her a lecture how I wasn't good enough for her. And then invited her back to his place and after she was pretty much black out drunk threw him self on her? I know it sounds like I'm defending her. But this is stuff that I have pieced together after talking to alot of people she never once defended herself. I guess what I am hoping for is that maybe later way later their might be a chance. But I know that is stupid thing to do. Thank you for saying the truth and for your advice! What does NC mean?
Author liquid12 Posted January 28, 2013 Author Posted January 28, 2013 What I'm grasping at is a loop hole for what she did and it just makes me mad to realise that there isn't one. I have started up some hobbies and taking girl that are friends out to the wing place to hopefully scare her away from there so at least I'm on the rightish track!
Chi townD Posted January 28, 2013 Posted January 28, 2013 Its. ot what I wanna hear but I am listening. Does it matter its if its the first time she has ever cheated? (Her best friend told me that fun fact) or that the guy that she did with had been trying to do her before I did had always wanted to getvher real drunk gave her a lecture how I wasn't good enough for her. And then invited her back to his place and after she was pretty much black out drunk threw him self on her? I know it sounds like I'm defending her. But this is stuff that I have pieced together after talking to alot of people she never once defended herself. I guess what I am hoping for is that maybe later way later their might be a chance. But I know that is stupid thing to do. Thank you for saying the truth and for your advice! What does NC mean? Then, that would be rape. And she should have gone to the cops and reported it. Did that happen? Nope! She hid it from you. So that kinda tells me that she knew what she was doing. She allowed it to happen. I mean, if you're in a commited relationship, drunk or not, you don't go to a guys house alone, unless you wanted to. NC means. NO CONTACT. You need to ignore her texts, emails and phonecalls. Let it go to voicemail. And you don't send anything either. Post here instead. You need to block her on FB and don't follow her twitter. This is a tool to help you heal and move on. To let go.
LduKaZ Posted January 28, 2013 Posted January 28, 2013 Its. ot what I wanna hear but I am listening. Does it matter its if its the first time she has ever cheated? (Her best friend told me that fun fact) or that the guy that she did with had been trying to do her before I did had always wanted to getvher real drunk gave her a lecture how I wasn't good enough for her. And then invited her back to his place and after she was pretty much black out drunk threw him self on her? I know it sounds like I'm defending her. But this is stuff that I have pieced together after talking to alot of people she never once defended herself. I guess what I am hoping for is that maybe later way later their might be a chance. But I know that is stupid thing to do. Thank you for saying the truth and for your advice! What does NC mean? NC means No Contact. And no man, it doesn't matter what the situation was. If she was drugged or raped, she wouldn't be cutting herself out of guilt. She doesn't even care, she cheated on you and now she's out there getting drunk again and hooking up with another ex. And you are here trying to make excuses in your head to make her still be the girl you want her to be. I know after a break up you feel like that person is magical, and the goodest of the goods. You want to believe that. But after some time you'll realize how much of a mess she was! You won't even want to come close to her! Time to have so pride and go as far away possible from this girl. For your own good. You are so much better than that dude! And I promise you WILL find someone who treats you how you deserve one day.
Author liquid12 Posted January 28, 2013 Author Posted January 28, 2013 Then, that would be rape. And she should have gone to the cops and reported it. Did that happen? Nope! She hid it from you. So that kinda tells me that she knew what she was doing. She allowed it to happen. I mean, if you're in a commited relationship, drunk or not, you don't go to a guys house alone, unless you wanted to. NC means. NO CONTACT. You need to ignore her texts, emails and phonecalls. Let it go to voicemail. And you don't send anything either. Post here instead. You need to block her on FB and don't follow her twitter. This is a tool to help you heal and move on. To let go. She actually did get raped when she was younger went to the cop but small town politics. Plus she showered destroying the evidence. Anyways NC sounds like a plan, I got to finish up our old apartment stuff but I will asap. And ill report when I'm feeling weak. Please anyone else offering advice on this subject please do I know ill come back and read this often to keep myself sane and on course.
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