MrCastle Posted January 28, 2013 Posted January 28, 2013 I have been posting here for a long time that men see women as a means to an end...sex. this isnt anything new I do enjoy reading replies of men saying "oh no, i see women as human beings first" and then saying they did this or that...which treats them as a sexual object first. it amuses me how men convince themselves through rationalization they dont do this Mr Castle is a perfect example. He states over and over he doesnt see women that way, but if you look at how he treats women, thats exactly what he does Not really. I can view women I'm not attracted to as people, respect them and treat them like I would anyone. I could be friends with women I have no attraction to, just like a man. Now, if we're talking women I am attracted to. I'm faced with two options. Ask them out, and we date, or walk away if they reject me. This is not because I only see them as sex, it's because being friends will not work. Seeing her date other guys, talk about them, etc, all the while I'm there watching, still attracted to her; and mad it's not me. How will that sort of set up help me? It won't. It's best for both of us to go our separate ways if I've been rejected. Not stick around hoping something changes.
Author KungFuJoe Posted January 28, 2013 Author Posted January 28, 2013 So then is what you're saying that becoming familiar with the opposite sex beneficial to your success? Sure. I can get on board with that. But what Ronin said, to me, is pattently false, and some of the stuff you said earlier as well. Yes, it's no secret, being around women will help you understand them. But that doesn't mean you will date the person you are friends with, which is what I thought this thread was. I saw the "friend" term thrown around here and had to make sure we're not promoting the idea that you need to be friends with someone before you can date them. Familiarizing yourself with the opposite sex is always a good thing. Just don't expect or hope that the ones you familiarize yourself with will want to date you. MrCastle, You don't get it. Not in the least. I've highlighted the parts where it shows that you don't get it. It's not about familiarizing yourself with women. This is not a war. It's just about simply seeing EVERYONE...men and women...the SAME. As PEOPLE. There's nothing SPECIFICALLY wondrous or amazing or spectacular about MEN or WOMEN. But, individually...as PEOPLE...we are all wondrous and amazing and spectacular...in our OWN way.
MrCastle Posted January 28, 2013 Posted January 28, 2013 YOUR definition of success is NOT the same as all the other guys in here. The people I'm focusing on are ones who are looking for something meaningful...they're looking for someone to love and for someone to love them back. They're not looking for the next "score". They're looking for the next Mr/Ms Right. I mean, this IS LOVEshack, right? But here's where we go off track again. My system can land you both short term AND long term relationships. I personally choose to reject the latter, but I certainly can get one, if I wanted.
pbjbear Posted January 28, 2013 Posted January 28, 2013 Not really. I can view women I'm not attracted to as people, respect them and treat them like I would anyone. I could be friends with women I have no attraction to, just like a man. Now, if we're talking women I am attracted to. I'm faced with two options. Ask them out, and we date, or walk away if they reject me. This is not because I only see them as sex, it's because being friends will not work. Seeing her date other guys, talk about them, etc, all the while I'm there watching, still attracted to her; and mad it's not me. How will that sort of set up help me? It won't. It's best for both of us to go our separate ways if I've been rejected. Not stick around hoping something changes. You already stated you wont commit to any one woman because any guy will be stupid to do that when you can f*** multiple people and if a girl doesnt put out in 3 dates youre done
MrCastle Posted January 28, 2013 Posted January 28, 2013 MrCastle, You don't get it. Not in the least. I've highlighted the parts where it shows that you don't get it. It's not about familiarizing yourself with women. This is not a war. It's just about simply seeing EVERYONE...men and women...the SAME. As PEOPLE. There's nothing SPECIFICALLY wondrous or amazing or spectacular about MEN or WOMEN. But, individually...as PEOPLE...we are all wondrous and amazing and spectacular...in our OWN way. If they're not different/all the same, why are you concerned as to whether or not unsuccessful people have friends of the opposite sex?
Pyro Posted January 28, 2013 Posted January 28, 2013 How many close friends do you have of the opposite sex? I don't mean casual friends...or that you hang in the same circles. I'm talking you're a guy and you have a female friend that you go out, just the two of you, and do things that friends do. You might even LIKE this person for more than a friend, but you are perfectly content with just being nothing more than friends, as long as you he/she remains in your life. What I'm getting at is sometimes I wonder if those of you having issues with the opposite sex...if a big part of it is that you just don't see them as "people" but instead...as a means to an end...with that end being "in a relationship". FTR I had platonic female friends since high school, and I really didn't start being successful with dating until I was 22-23. I got better not because of whom I was friends with, but because I knew that I needed to improve and I worked at it and accomplished it. My wife and I were casual friends online for a number of years before we became romantic. I do get what you are saying though. You are wondering if men who struggle just see women as a hole to put their dingaling in and not anything more. Is that accurate?
Author KungFuJoe Posted January 28, 2013 Author Posted January 28, 2013 If they're not different/all the same, why are you concerned as to whether or not unsuccessful people have friends of the opposite sex? Because I want to see that people are able to develop healthy FRIENDSHIP relationships with EVERYONE. Not just their own sex. If you can view everyone in the same manner, the opposite sex loses that "mystique", your anxiety and fear is lessened, you are more comfortable around EVERYONE, including the opposite sex. And when anxiety and fear is eliminated, you can act more natural and you can be yourself...instead of stumbling and fumbling and trying to be someone you're not...giving off an unnatural vibe or saying something that makes you wanna facepalm yourself later on. 1
MrCastle Posted January 28, 2013 Posted January 28, 2013 You already stated you wont commit to any one woman because any guy will be stupid to do that when you can f*** multiple people and if a girl doesnt put out in 3 dates youre done You sure that was me? I don't recall saying 3 dates and your done. I do recall saying if we're not intimate after a month, it's probably a dead end because I expect an adult women to have figured out whether or not she wants to sleep with me well before a month has passed. I don't recall calling people stupid either; but I question relationships and their significance, sure. We all go our own ways; I just don't understand relationships at a young age, that's all.
Author KungFuJoe Posted January 28, 2013 Author Posted January 28, 2013 FTR I had platonic female friends since high school, and I really didn't start being successful with dating until I was 22-23. I got better not because of whom I was friends with, but because I knew that I needed to improve and I worked at it and accomplished it. My wife and I were casual friends online for a number of years before we became romantic. I do get what you are saying though. You are wondering if men who struggle just see women as a hole to put their dingaling in and not anything more. Is that accurate? Not just a "hole" (though that applies for some) but as this FOREIGN CREATURE THAT CANNOT BE UNDERSTOOD. Men here are SCARED of women. Scared to death. What is a natural reaction to something that scares you? Aversion, resentment, HATRED.
Pyro Posted January 28, 2013 Posted January 28, 2013 Not just a "hole" (though that applies for some) but as this FOREIGN CREATURE THAT CANNOT BE UNDERSTOOD. Men here are SCARED of women. Scared to death. What is a natural reaction to something that scares you? Aversion, resentment, HATRED. Well I personally don't show contentment towards what scares me, but rather I try to understand it more and get to the root of the issue, BUT that is a different topic for a different day. I agree with you though that those who understand the opposite sex the least have the most dating/relationship struggles.
Author KungFuJoe Posted January 28, 2013 Author Posted January 28, 2013 Well I personally don't show contentment towards what scares me, but rather I try to understand it more and get to the root of the issue, BUT that is a different topic for a different day. I agree with you though that those who understand the opposite sex the least have the most dating/relationship struggles. YES, but you don't apply to this thread. You're married, aren't you?
MrCastle Posted January 28, 2013 Posted January 28, 2013 Because I want to see that people are able to develop healthy FRIENDSHIP relationships with EVERYONE. Not just their own sex. If you can view everyone in the same manner, the opposite sex loses that "mystique", your anxiety and fear is lessened, you are more comfortable around EVERYONE, including the opposite sex. And when anxiety and fear is eliminated, you can act more natural and you can be yourself...instead of stumbling and fumbling and trying to be someone you're not...giving off an unnatural vibe or saying something that makes you wanna facepalm yourself later on. Right but how are they going about it? I'm all for having friends of both sexes, women included, so long as you're not attracted to them. If you are attracted to them and either 1.) believe you need to be friends first to get them or 2.) accept the friend zone expecting things will change -- you will be miserable. And that's not a real friendship. That's all I'm saying. If having female friends helps you understand them better and see that they are humans, just like us, and we're all the same, great. I support that. But if the premise is "make friends with them so you can date them later!", I have a problem with that. Which is what Ronin seemed to be saying, which I had to address. If that's not the purpose of this thread then let's move on. We may be agreeing on the same point and due to misunderstandings, are going back and forth here.
pbjbear Posted January 28, 2013 Posted January 28, 2013 Right but how are they going about it? I'm all for having friends of both sexes, women included, so long as you're not attracted to them. If you are attracted to them and either 1.) believe you need to be friends first to get them or 2.) accept the friend zone expecting things will change -- you will be miserable. And that's not a real friendship. That's all I'm saying. If having female friends helps you understand them better and see that they are humans, just like us, and we're all the same, great. I support that. But if the premise is "make friends with them so you can date them later!", I have a problem with that. Which is what Ronin seemed to be saying, which I had to address. If that's not the purpose of this thread then let's move on. We may be agreeing on the same point and due to misunderstandings, are going back and forth here. Get them to you does not mean anything meaningful...it means ****ing them until they get sick of just doing that and they move on
mesmerized Posted January 28, 2013 Posted January 28, 2013 I have had some very close male friends, tell each other every single thing type. I actually ended up dating one of them at some point and in some ways it was great because we knew each other too well. The fact that I knee a lot about his exes always bothered me though.
pbjbear Posted January 28, 2013 Posted January 28, 2013 You sure that was me? I don't recall saying 3 dates and your done. I do recall saying if we're not intimate after a month, it's probably a dead end because I expect an adult women to have figured out whether or not she wants to sleep with me well before a month has passed. I don't recall calling people stupid either; but I question relationships and their significance, sure. We all go our own ways; I just don't understand relationships at a young age, that's all. Really, so you have over 3 dates a month with the same woman, Mr Independent? Yep til you get sex, and then you state you want to see multiple people. I saw your posts about how you dont come outright and say it, you just act in a manner that you are unreliable and undependable and how they figure it out Nope I was reading your posts, I am sure of it
Pyro Posted January 28, 2013 Posted January 28, 2013 YES, but you don't apply to this thread. You're married, aren't you? I am aware that it doesn't apply to me but I did want to share that me turning my dating woes around had very little to do with who I was friends with. It was mostly me having the desire to change and doing something about it.
Author KungFuJoe Posted January 28, 2013 Author Posted January 28, 2013 Right but how are they going about it? I'm all for having friends of both sexes, women included, so long as you're not attracted to them. If you are attracted to them and either 1.) believe you need to be friends first to get them or 2.) accept the friend zone expecting things will change -- you will he miserable. And that's not a real friendship. That's all I'm saying. If having female friends helps you understand them better and see that they are humans, just like us, and we're all the same, great. I support that. But if the premise is "make friends with them so you can date them later!", I have a problem with that. Which is what Ronin seemed to be saying, which I had to address. If that's not the purpose of this thread then let's move on. We may be agreeing on the same point and due to misunderstandings, are going back and forth here. It's deeper than that. For the record, my wife and I were NOT friends when we first got together. We barely knew each other, had sex within hours of "hanging out", etc, etc. Whether or not you are friends initially is not important. What IS important is that the men AND women here find a way to LOSE their fear of the opposite sex. Because that's what it comes down to. FEAR. Everyone's "path" to getting rid of this fear is different and THAT IS the hard part. But, understanding what the issue is...is how you start correcting the situation.
MrCastle Posted January 28, 2013 Posted January 28, 2013 Get them to you does not mean anything meaningful...it means ****ing them until they get sick of just doing that and they move on Why is having no strings attached sex such an atrosity on here. I multi date. Get over it. I don't want a relationship, I don't want to be friendzoned. What other choice do I have? You make it seem like I screw them and never call them again. Don't get me confused with a player.
Pyro Posted January 28, 2013 Posted January 28, 2013 Really, so you have over 3 dates a month with the same woman, Mr Independent? Yep til you get sex, and then you state you want to see multiple people. I saw your posts about how you dont come outright and say it, you just act in a manner that you are unreliable and undependable and how they figure it out Nope I was reading your posts, I am sure of it Don't insult the man. I know who you are referring to and it is NOT Castle. 1
pbjbear Posted January 28, 2013 Posted January 28, 2013 Don't insult the man. I know who you are referring to and it is NOT Castle. Absolutely not. I am sure of it because I am in love with his photo.
MrCastle Posted January 28, 2013 Posted January 28, 2013 It's deeper than that. For the record, my wife and I were NOT friends when we first got together. We barely knew each other, had sex within hours of "hanging out", etc, etc. Whether or not you are friends initially is not important. What IS important is that the men AND women here find a way to LOSE their fear of the opposite sex. Because that's what it comes down to. FEAR. Everyone's "path" to getting rid of this fear is different and THAT IS the hard part. But, understanding what the issue is...is how you start correcting the situation. See, I can get on board with this. 1
mesmerized Posted January 28, 2013 Posted January 28, 2013 Really, so you have over 3 dates a month with the same woman, Mr Independent? Yep til you get sex, and then you state you want to see multiple people. I saw your posts about how you dont come outright and say it, you just act in a manner that you are unreliable and undependable and how they figure it out Nope I was reading your posts, I am sure of it If he outright said it, he wouldn't be "successful" with women. That's just a method they use, we've all seen and know about it.
pbjbear Posted January 28, 2013 Posted January 28, 2013 Why is having no strings attached sex such an atrosity on here. I multi date. Get over it. I don't want a relationship, I don't want to be friendzoned. What other choice do I have? You make it seem like I screw them and never call them again. Don't get me confused with a player. People only interested in that and nothing else, and who discards anybody else who doesnt want only that, is someone who sees others as sex objects. Oh no, a woman wants a little emotional investment from me? Cant have that...next Oh no, a woman who refuses to only be a **** object? Cant have that...next That is your attitude. Im being overly blunt, but it is what it is
Pyro Posted January 28, 2013 Posted January 28, 2013 Absolutely not. I am sure of it because I am in love with his photo. Look up posts by Leisureguy2020 (some combination of numbers) and you will find posts like the ones you mentioned above about purposely being unreliable to get out of a relationship.
pbjbear Posted January 28, 2013 Posted January 28, 2013 Look up posts by Leisureguy2020 (some combination of numbers) and you will find posts like the ones you mentioned above about purposely being unreliable to get out of a relationship. I know who that is and Im not confusing the two
Recommended Posts