SarcasticAbby Posted January 28, 2013 Posted January 28, 2013 First let me start off by saying I'm a 34 yo divorced female who thought I knew what I was doing. I use to be pretty good at dating but apparently I've lost my touch. I've dated but haven't had a serious relationship in over 3 years. Maybe I'm too picky? Or maybe something's wrong with me? I met a guy at a Christmas party last month and although we were only introduced briefly I must have made a good impression because he scoped me out on Facebook and emailed me. We hit it off instantly and exchanged numbers. For the first week he was pretty forthcoming with his texts...although not everyday which is what I'm use to from men who are interested...when we texted the conversation was great. I know most will have something negative to say about it being text vs picking up a phone and actually talking but that didn't bother me since I'm not a big phone person. Let me also say he's a few years younger than me. 28! I know... Younger guys seem to flock to me... Although I've dated both older and younger, 28 is a bit young to me but he owns his own place, is recently out of the military and has a great job so I thought... What the hell! So for the first week or so he was very anxious to get together which eventually we did. He was in the midst of buying his home so I went to his place and chatted, had a couple beers, and watched tv. We did end up fooling around but I left before it went too far. Nothing past a little touching happened. Since then he still contacts me... Every 3 days like clock work to be exact... Calls me beautiful and asks about my day, but hasn't made a single reference to meeting again. I do text too but I generally wait for him to initiate. Sometimes I respond within minutes, sometimes if I'm busy it may take a couple hours, or if he seems distant I may not reply at all. I'm not playing games I just don't understand what's going on here. I have gone on other dates but nothing seems to come of it. The ones I want don't want me... The ones that want me I don't want! Ugh... I'm so over dating!!! 2
superb Posted January 28, 2013 Posted January 28, 2013 I feel ya there! It's a very frustrating world we live in when we're single and trying to find our way. I've also dated younger, older....same results..a lot of games being played by men, leading to a lot of confusion in us women. Wish I had an answer or some encouraging words but I'm right there with ya. I'm lost in dating purgatory too.
Green Light Posted January 28, 2013 Posted January 28, 2013 People are pretty much awful now. It's like a wasteland of narcissism, shallowness, games, and mind numbing blandness. I think that things really changed around 2007.
carhill Posted January 28, 2013 Posted January 28, 2013 Welcome to LS Have you considered that factors from your M and D have influenced your perspective on both your prospective dating partners and the process of dating itself? If yes, what 'life lessons' do you think are relevant here? If no, would you consider reflecting upon that dynamic? IMO, you're now older, more mature and have likely learned a lot from living as well as from being married. Your approach to dating is different than when you considered yourself 'good' at it. Is it healthy? My opinion is to keep trying and learning from the process. As someone old enough to be your father, my general sentiments echo yours. I've been generally away from dating since my D a couple years ago. Don't really miss it, TBH. Lots of other stuff in life to do.
Green Light Posted January 28, 2013 Posted January 28, 2013 I've been generally away from dating since my D a couple years ago. Don't really miss it, TBH. Lots of other stuff in life to do. You aren't missing much. People these days are like very picky, self involved, zombies who text and talk AT YOU but don't ask questions or know how to keep a dialog going.
MrCastle Posted January 28, 2013 Posted January 28, 2013 Too much cynicism in here. You won't find what you're looking for with that kind if attitude. Some people just need to step away from dating for a while. When it happens, it happens. You can't force it.
Green Light Posted January 28, 2013 Posted January 28, 2013 Too much cynicism in here. You won't find what you're looking for with that kind if attitude. Some people just need to step away from dating for a while. When it happens, it happens. You can't force it. Meh, I'm too old for the whole "attitude" thing. Leave that for the young people. I've been around the block a few times and I know how things really are. There are still good people out there but they are getting harder and harder to find.
Author SarcasticAbby Posted January 28, 2013 Author Posted January 28, 2013 You kind of blew him off during the makeout session which he interprets as not that interested. I blew him off...really??? What was I suppose to do... Have sex with him??? I'm trying to show interest without being clingy, or slutty, or showing too much interest. There are just too many rules. 1
superb Posted January 28, 2013 Posted January 28, 2013 Too much cynicism in here. You won't find what you're looking for with that kind if attitude. Some people just need to step away from dating for a while. When it happens, it happens. You can't force it. Some women are exhausted with the games...not sure if that is having a bad attitude or not.
Drseussgrrl Posted January 28, 2013 Posted January 28, 2013 Should have married one when you could. That's helpful.
Green Light Posted January 28, 2013 Posted January 28, 2013 There are just too many rules. I agree. It's like everybody is looking for a reason to "disqualify" you. It's like being in some kind of competition or some unreal job interview. 2
Author SarcasticAbby Posted January 28, 2013 Author Posted January 28, 2013 I'm sorry but too many girls play the game on the surface you seemed to be playing. His response to not invest more time in you was a good call. You didn't give any reason for him to believe you had legitimate intentions. You're probably right... But then he should stop contacting me altogether, no? Or should I just stop responding? What's the point here... That's really what I'm trying to figure out. Im too old for this game I'm supposably playing. I don't mean to sound rude, I'm a very up front kind of person and maybe that's part of my problem.
Green Light Posted January 28, 2013 Posted January 28, 2013 I'm a very up front kind of person and maybe that's part of my problem. That probably doesn't help...
pbjbear Posted January 28, 2013 Posted January 28, 2013 I agree with you, dating and romantic relationships are a joke the majority of the time. Its such a waste of my time. I find Im much happier single. I am tired of -getting shot down when I dont put out within the first 3 dates and then getting called "prude" for it -being told to put up with degrading, disrespectful behavior (because "hes a guy" and "boys will be boys" and "good luck being alone no guy would ever not do that") and when I start doing the same to them...they FLIP OUT -men deciding sex is the most important thing in a relationship (related to my first point) -getting to that point where a man gets comfortable and lets the woman do all the work (basically...starts being selfish) -hearing ridiculous double standards when it comes to sex/dating -dealing with the very shallow, emotionally cold nature that all men I have dated (nerdy, "nice guy," jock, outgoing...I dont go for one type either) eventually show after some time. Men have different personalities but when you get to know them they are all the same underneath I give each man the benefit of the doubt when I start dating him, despite my past experiences. All I ever do is get let down. Yet I get called hot, smart and nice all the time. Its funny OK. rant over. 1
Drseussgrrl Posted January 28, 2013 Posted January 28, 2013 My girlfriends are always having these sorts of issues. Recently, two of them got "dropped" by guys they had been out with a few times. Yet, the dudes will remain in contact via text without ever asking for a real date. "Hey what's going on tonight?" "Sup gorgeous" "Are you going to be out later?" It really is infuriating. My solution was to just stop caring for the most part. A guy is going to have to show up in a major way in my life for me to take it seriously. And it could be something as simple as just asking me out on a REAL DATE. What the hell is happening nowadays???
MrCastle Posted January 28, 2013 Posted January 28, 2013 Meh, I'm too old for the whole "attitude" thing. Leave that for the young people. I've been around the block a few times and I know how things really are. There are still good people out there but they are getting harder and harder to find. But your attitude plays a bigger role than you think. Change your attitude, I guarantee your luck changes.
pbjbear Posted January 28, 2013 Posted January 28, 2013 OP, I would focus your energy into hobbies and maintaining friendships. Alot of people Ive met take time away from their friends to date. I dont do that, even when I did date. Why? Few relationships last nowadays, friendships (assuming you find good people to be friends with) are way more enduring. Attitude wont change everything. My attitude wont change the fact that men see women as SEX OBJECTS and not HUMAN BEINGS sorry.
Author SarcasticAbby Posted January 28, 2013 Author Posted January 28, 2013 I appreciate all of your replys and you're right... I'm no longer going to respond to his texts and I'm not going to be the one on the back burner. On to the next...
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