So.. What happened with your last girlfriend?

[quite.foolish]

QF, I think you really need to invest some time in therapy. There's more to what's going on inside you than just these questions. Your posts when you were under that other username, were downright scary. The above are the least of your issues for now and maybe if you get to dig deep and figure out the root of your problem, these questions will find its answers.

 

Stop focusing on the relationship, what was and wasn't. Start focusing on fixing you.

 

Why the violence? Why the rage? Why the lack of self-love? Why the impulsivity? Why the lack of ambition? Why the lack of motivation? Why the self-destructive patterns?

 

Seek a counselor that will help you find the core issues and work yourself up from there. Map a plan to help improve yourself. Therapy will also help you find coping skills when you feel this way. If you don't know the root, you'll never find a solution. And if you don't find a solution, you'll keep repeating the same patterns. Fixing surface level issues won't do anything for you but keep you putting out the same behaviors in future relationships. What good is that?

 

What have you been focusing on in terms of getting you back on a healthy path again? You mentioned you wasted your life not going to school, finding a good job, etc. What have you done so far these past couple of months to get back to working on you again?

 

I've spoken to four councellors, they seem to think what I've told them is nothing out of the ordinary.. Obsessive thoughts that were angry for a while, feeling down cause the lack of things to do, nothing to think about but her.. I dunno what's going on really, never been anything like this/that before. I guess it has a lot to do with not being able to accept that she just didn't feel the same about me after 8yrs had passed since we first stopped being friends.

 

Some of the anger is directed at myself, some of it at her. Some of it toward the girl I knew eight years ago, some toward who I was eight years ago. It's a really tough situation to be honest (I know I made it all myself, but still..), extremely confusing. I don't know what's wrong with me.

 

I haven't done a whole lot to be perfectly honest.. Reading lots, writing lots, I've tried to think about a few other girls, spoken with a bunch of people about my situation. I've done some assesments for the local college, just waiting for a start date to grab some more qualifications. Today I was given a start date for my new job (monday), so I'm feeling positive that things will get better.

 

A whole load of things would have been different if the girl in question was just 'some girl'. I just feel like I've really screwed things up, in a big way.

 

You know, I prayed for that chance with her.. I prayed to God for one more shot at what we were when we were younger, I promised I wouldn't hurt her and just wrecked everything.

 

A small part of it is her not being in my life anymore, but it's mostly regret about how I've made her remember me. She did EVERYTHING for me, more or less. She treated me like a King and I tried to treat her like a Queen. After I upset her, and she told me she was through, I threw everything back in her face. Every memory we had, that's what hurts me.

 

The way I acted.. So irrational, it's unbelievable. So many regrets about what I did. We had a bunch of good memories together and I freaking wrecked them for both of us.

 

A big part of me feels like I don't deserve to be happy after doing that to her. I just feel awful. I don't ever get to see her smile for me again, never get to make her laugh again, never get to hear her voice again.

 

I shot all the hopes of marrying the girl of my dreams clean out the water.

 

Idiot.

[Zammo25]

I've spoken to four councellors, they seem to think what I've told them is nothing out of the ordinary.. Obsessive thoughts that were angry for a while, feeling down cause the lack of things to do, nothing to think about but her.. I dunno what's going on really, never been anything like this/that before. I guess it has a lot to do with not being able to accept that she just didn't feel the same about me after 8yrs had passed since we first stopped being friends.

 

Some of the anger is directed at myself, some of it at her. Some of it toward the girl I knew eight years ago, some toward who I was eight years ago. It's a really tough situation to be honest (I know I made it all myself, but still..), extremely confusing. I don't know what's wrong with me.

 

I haven't done a whole lot to be perfectly honest.. Reading lots, writing lots, I've tried to think about a few other girls, spoken with a bunch of people about my situation. I've done some assesments for the local college, just waiting for a start date to grab some more qualifications. Today I was given a start date for my new job (monday), so I'm feeling positive that things will get better.

 

A whole load of things would have been different if the girl in question was just 'some girl'. I just feel like I've really screwed things up, in a big way.

 

You know, I prayed for that chance with her.. I prayed to God for one more shot at what we were when we were younger, I promised I wouldn't hurt her and just wrecked everything.

 

A small part of it is her not being in my life anymore, but it's mostly regret about how I've made her remember me. She did EVERYTHING for me, more or less. She treated me like a King and I tried to treat her like a Queen. After I upset her, and she told me she was through, I threw everything back in her face. Every memory we had, that's what hurts me.

 

The way I acted.. So irrational, it's unbelievable. So many regrets about what I did. We had a bunch of good memories together and I freaking wrecked them for both of us.

 

A big part of me feels like I don't deserve to be happy after doing that to her. I just feel awful. I don't ever get to see her smile for me again, never get to make her laugh again, never get to hear her voice again.

 

I shot all the hopes of marrying the girl of my dreams clean out the water.

 

Idiot.

 

You are Human mate and Human's make mistakes. We are not robots, we act on feelings and emotions. STOP beating yourself up buddy. A break up is NEVER 100% down to one person. Something she did , made you react like this. You did what you did at the time with all the facts to hand , like I did. There is no point reliving the past, wishing we did it differently as it is GONE but do not EVER blame yourself 100% as that is just wrong. Your posts show me you have a massive heart and have been brutally honest, a rare and wonderful thing that your new love will embrace. Fully. Believe it as it is true.

[quite.foolish]

You are Human mate and Human's make mistakes. We are not robots, we act on feelings and emotions. STOP beating yourself up buddy. A break up is NEVER 100% down to one person. Something she did , made you react like this. You did what you did at the time with all the facts to hand , like I did. There is no point reliving the past, wishing we did it differently as it is GONE but do not EVER blame yourself 100% as that is just wrong. Your posts show me you have a massive heart and have been brutally honest, a rare and wonderful thing that your new love will embrace. Fully. Believe it as it is true.

 

To be honest Zammo, absolutely everything is my fault! lol

 

It was my fault that she called it off in the first place. Everything after was 100% me. She was completely non-reactive. (annoying me more tbh)

 

I can't blame her for anything, that's why I'm so messed up. She did NOTHING wrong and I acted like that toward her. Angry because she didn't wanna hang out anymore. What an immature fool!!

 

I know what you're saying though man, I can't change it now. People have done worse and things will be better eventually.

[Zammo25]

To be honest Zammo, absolutely everything is my fault! lol

 

It was my fault that she called it off in the first place. Everything after was 100% me. She was completely non-reactive. (annoying me more tbh)

 

I can't blame her for anything, that's why I'm so messed up. She did NOTHING wrong and I acted like that toward her. Angry because she didn't wanna hang out anymore. What an immature fool!!

 

I know what you're saying though man, I can't change it now. People have done worse and things will be better eventually.

 

We are in the same boat. We perceive we blew it. But did we ?, did we really ? We saw something in the relationship that we were not happy with and took a chance to made a call on it and it blew up in our faces but we did it, as , at the time , something made us do it. Now we have them on a pedastal as a " work of art " admiring from afar now but were they that great ?, were they ? If they were they would have put in some fight , surely ? My ex walked away with no fight, no conversation and NO effort to make things better and then jumped on a guy who I am sure was on the scene at the time. She may have made the best decision in her life, maybe not. But I am not privy to what is happening with them now but I do know after the first 3-6 months of infactuation life's sh*t kicks in and then the relationship is tested. She may have found her soulmate, I thought it was us but as events unfolded I was obviously NOT her soulmate or she would still be in my arms, like your ex would be. So they made their choice and we have to respect that and move on. We really have no other choice.

Edited January 31, 2013 by Zammo25