quite.foolish Posted January 28, 2013 Posted January 28, 2013 ..yeh. How am I supposed to answer that?
Author quite.foolish Posted January 28, 2013 Author Posted January 28, 2013 Gru, the truth would paint me in a terrible light. Not a good end. At all.
geegirl Posted January 28, 2013 Posted January 28, 2013 Gru, the truth would paint me in a terrible light. Not a good end. At all. Unfortunately, it didn't work out. No one needs to know anything more than that. 1
Zammo25 Posted January 28, 2013 Posted January 28, 2013 She left me for a far better option and is now being plowed by Mr Wonderful. What else do you need to know ?
Author quite.foolish Posted January 28, 2013 Author Posted January 28, 2013 GeeGirl!! Zammo; pssht off talking about my old friend gettin ploughed! lmao
Author quite.foolish Posted January 28, 2013 Author Posted January 28, 2013 To be honest with you though Zam.. I really hope she is. I hope she has someone who treats her right, I hope she finds her MrWonderful sooner rather than later. She's a top girl, she deserves a MrWonderful.
Zammo25 Posted January 28, 2013 Posted January 28, 2013 To be honest with you though Zam.. I really hope she is. I hope she has someone who treats her right, I hope she finds her MrWonderful sooner rather than later. She's a top girl, she deserves a MrWonderful. Thanks for that. She deserves it. He is far better than me as you quite rightly pointed out.
geegirl Posted January 28, 2013 Posted January 28, 2013 To be honest with you though Zam.. I really hope she is. I hope she has someone who treats her right, I hope she finds her MrWonderful sooner rather than later. She's a top girl, she deserves a MrWonderful. You sound better. Yes? Gaining some acceptance?
Zammo25 Posted January 28, 2013 Posted January 28, 2013 To be honest with you though Zam.. I really hope she is. I hope she has someone who treats her right, I hope she finds her MrWonderful sooner rather than later. She's a top girl, she deserves a MrWonderful. You can do one.
RogerWallace111 Posted January 29, 2013 Posted January 29, 2013 To be honest with you though Zam.. I really hope she is. I hope she has someone who treats her right, I hope she finds her MrWonderful sooner rather than later. She's a top girl, she deserves a MrWonderful. Do you two know eachother or are you the same person ?
Author quite.foolish Posted January 29, 2013 Author Posted January 29, 2013 You sound better. Yes? Gaining some acceptance? I still have a whole bunch of obsessive thoughts, GeeGirl. I still feel terribly ashamed about the way I acted. I still wish I'd have acted better. I still wish we were friends. In a lot of ways I wish I could go right, right back to when we were first together. I still don't think I'll ever find someone I can love more. I really screwed up. I know she's never coming back, and rightly so. I can't undo those things. I want her to be happy, with or without me. I want to be happy. I can't fix things with her if she doesn't want to. I still feel like I've missed out on a whole other life path I should have been travelling now. It's gone though, I can't get it back. I have to go forward. I'm still screwed, but I know one day I'll be better. You can do one. I wasn't talkin about your deal mate. I was sayin, I hope my old friend gets her MrWonderful.
Zammo25 Posted January 29, 2013 Posted January 29, 2013 I still have a whole bunch of obsessive thoughts, GeeGirl. I still feel terribly ashamed about the way I acted. I still wish I'd have acted better. I still wish we were friends. In a lot of ways I wish I could go right, right back to when we were first together. I still don't think I'll ever find someone I can love more. I really screwed up. I know she's never coming back, and rightly so. I can't undo those things. I want her to be happy, with or without me. I want to be happy. I can't fix things with her if she doesn't want to. I still feel like I've missed out on a whole other life path I should have been travelling now. It's gone though, I can't get it back. I have to go forward. I'm still screwed, but I know one day I'll be better. I wasn't talkin about your deal mate. I was sayin, I hope my old friend gets her MrWonderful. Not sure it seems you are making fun out of my situation. Well, laugh away. It has brought me to my knees and there is no coming back from this now.
Zammo25 Posted January 29, 2013 Posted January 29, 2013 You sound better. Yes? Gaining some acceptance? He does not wish this as when he knows some new guy is having sex with his love it will utterly destroy him like it has to me.
geegirl Posted January 29, 2013 Posted January 29, 2013 (edited) The obsessive thoughts are difficult to curb as they will be there no matter how much you try to push them away. It's part and parcel of the process of grieving and healing. The positive about this is that while you have lost her, she gave you a gift. She truly did. The fact that you feel remorseful and are now identifying the mistakes you made and issues you face, it was what you needed to finally take that first step towards self-improvement. It is true that people come into your life for a reason. Maybe for a season or a lifetime. Maybe it took tragedy to give you the drive to hope for better. If you and this woman were still together, existing in dysfunction, you would have never received the lesson. And if you never received the lesson, you would have never chosen a better path for yourself. It may seem bleak, but the fact that you want better for yourself, and the fact that you utter those words, is a huge step from when you first came here. You were all over the place. Half the battle won I say when you find self awareness and see the need for change. Move forward and make those changes. It's never too late. While it hurts to let her go, this experience is just a little sliver of the enormity of your life. I believe you are 24. Never place such a final ultimatum on your life, choosing to believe you will never love another again. You will become what you believe. You will receive what you believe. There's not just one person out there that will fill your heart. There's more to come. More experiences. More people to meet. More challenges to face. More kisses to feel. She may be special. Keep her there. But don't deny yourself the opportunity to feel that again. Your life does not end with her. Edited January 29, 2013 by geegirl
Zammo25 Posted January 29, 2013 Posted January 29, 2013 The obsessive thoughts are difficult to curb as they will be there no matter how much you try to push them away. It's part and parcel of the process of grieving and healing. The positive about this is that while you have lost her, she gave you a gift. She truly did. The fact that you feel remorseful and are now identifying the mistakes you made and issues you face, it was what you needed to finally take that first step towards self-improvement. It is true that people come into your life for a reason. Maybe for a season or a lifetime. Maybe it took tragedy to give you the drive to hope for better. If you and this woman were still together, existing in dysfunction, you would have never received the lesson. And if you never received the lesson, you would have never chosen a better path for yourself. It may seem bleak, but the fact that you want better for yourself, and the fact that you utter those words, is a huge step from when you first came here. You were all over the place. Half the battle won I say when you find self awareness and see the need for change. Move forward and make those changes. It's never too late. While it hurts to let her go, this experience is just a little sliver of the enormity of your life. I believe you are 24. Never place such a final ultimatum on your life, choosing to believe you will never love another again. You will become what you believe. You will receive what you believe. There's not just one person out there that will fill your heart. There's more to come. More experiences. More people to meet. More challenges to face. More kisses to feel. She may be special. Keep her there. But don't deny yourself the opportunity to feel that again. Your life does not end with her. At 50 it is a different ball game altogether. Time has run out now.
geegirl Posted January 29, 2013 Posted January 29, 2013 At 50 it is a different ball game altogether. Time has run out now. Time has run out for what exactly?
Zammo25 Posted January 29, 2013 Posted January 29, 2013 Time has run out for what exactly? Me. Game OVER.
geegirl Posted January 29, 2013 Posted January 29, 2013 Me. Game OVER. I'm not far behind you and have friends around your age. A woman I just became friends with at work. Alcohol problem, suffering a personality disorder and just got dumped after spending 8 years with a man who is now wanting to date others. She's 53. She's now in AA. Yoga three times a week. Started counseling. Finding little ways to make life better for herself. She's struggling with the pain but is determined to use this year to improve herself and become emotionally stronger rather than emotionally dependent. I'm sorry you feel that way. It's a choice to want better for yourself.
Author quite.foolish Posted January 29, 2013 Author Posted January 29, 2013 The obsessive thoughts are difficult to curb as they will be there no matter how much you try to push them away. It's part and parcel of the process of grieving and healing. The positive about this is that while you have lost her, she gave you a gift. She truly did. The fact that you feel remorseful and are now identifying the mistakes you made and issues you face, it was what you needed to finally take that first step towards self-improvement. It is true that people come into your life for a reason. Maybe for a season or a lifetime. Maybe it took tragedy to give you the drive to hope for better. If you and this woman were still together, existing in dysfunction, you would have never received the lesson. And if you never received the lesson, you would have never chosen a better path for yourself. It may seem bleak, but the fact that you want better for yourself, and the fact that you utter those words, is a huge step from when you first came here. You were all over the place. Half the battle won I say when you find self awareness and see the need for change. Move forward and make those changes. It's never too late. While it hurts to let her go, this experience is just a little sliver of the enormity of your life. I believe you are 24. Never place such a final ultimatum on your life, choosing to believe you will never love another again. You will become what you believe. You will receive what you believe. There's not just one person out there that will fill your heart. There's more to come. More experiences. More people to meet. More challenges to face. More kisses to feel. She may be special. Keep her there. But don't deny yourself the opportunity to feel that again. Your life does not end with her. I appreciate this GeeGirl. Thanks The question of why it happened like this is now a big one. I don't know if I've come to some idea with the post I just put up in the forum. The need for power.. maybe? I know she was special, meant a lot to me, but my actions were WAY over the top. There needs to be a bigger answer behind things. That's what I need now.
geegirl Posted January 29, 2013 Posted January 29, 2013 (edited) I appreciate this GeeGirl. Thanks The question of why it happened like this is now a big one. I don't know if I've come to some idea with the post I just put up in the forum. The need for power.. maybe? I know she was special, meant a lot to me, but my actions were WAY over the top. There needs to be a bigger answer behind things. That's what I need now. I just read that post. In some ways I wonder if you have a poor sense of self, therefore the need to control and dominate her, made you feel better (power) about yourself. I don't think her beauty made you feel powerful, I think her submissiveness was what made you feel powerful. Hence, how dare she walk away from me rather than seek inward and ask yourself what about "me" made her decide to leave. It has nothing to do with how great she is or how beautiful she is. There is something emotionally lacking in you that contributed to the way you behaved and treated her. When someone chooses to dominate another, whether by physical or verbal violence, there is a place deep down inside that is broken and lacking of self-esteem and value. I say this because when you wrote about how you would yell at her, you reminded me of my father. Dominance over my mother and I made him feel powerful. It made him feel important, needed, wanted. It kept us in our places, and he felt secure knowing we knew our place and would never leave. As a child I remember my mother running away carrying my brother in one arm and me in the other and I could hear him raging, "How dare you leave me?" That post you wrote struck a cord. There's an unhealthy root that needs to be plucked out within you. There is nothing surface level about the things you have written on LS. There is rage, anger and fury. It's not as simple as power. Edited January 29, 2013 by geegirl
Esoteric Elf Posted January 30, 2013 Posted January 30, 2013 No one can sleep or dream forever, right?
stevie_23 Posted January 30, 2013 Posted January 30, 2013 First ex-partner (lesbian relationship), 4 year relationship from age 18-22 (best friends from age 14, and ongoing still at age 34) – she broke up with me as we’d drifted apart, she wanted to be “free” and I was controlling (which was correct), we wanted different things, were too young and we were better as just friends. Recent ex-partner (first relationship with a man, online / long distance relationship), almost 2 years from age 32-34 (met online 2 years prior to getting together) – he left me without telling me anything, but eventually told me he couldn’t continue to live 2 lives. He is married (I am also with a long term partner) and it got too hard eventually. I know he still loves me and I still love him. But sometimes love isn’t enough.
Author quite.foolish Posted January 30, 2013 Author Posted January 30, 2013 I just read that post. In some ways I wonder if you have a poor sense of self, therefore the need to control and dominate her, made you feel better (power) about yourself. I don't think her beauty made you feel powerful, I think her submissiveness was what made you feel powerful. Hence, how dare she walk away from me rather than seek inward and ask yourself what about "me" made her decide to leave. It has nothing to do with how great she is or how beautiful she is. There is something emotionally lacking in you that contributed to the way you behaved and treated her. When someone chooses to dominate another, whether by physical or verbal violence, there is a place deep down inside that is broken and lacking of self-esteem and value. I say this because when you wrote about how you would yell at her, you reminded me of my father. Dominance over my mother and I made him feel powerful. It made him feel important, needed, wanted. It kept us in our places, and he felt secure knowing we knew our place and would never leave. As a child I remember my mother running away carrying my brother in one arm and me in the other and I could hear him raging, "How dare you leave me?" That post you wrote struck a cord. There's an unhealthy root that needs to be plucked out within you. There is nothing surface level about the things you have written on LS. There is rage, anger and fury. It's not as simple as power. What's missing from my life that makes me need her to love me so much? Why after eight years of not spending time with her did I still miss her? Why did I act so crazy when she told me she was through with what we were doing? Why do I miss her so much even after 6months of her not trying to contact me again? ALL THE TIME, she's on my mind. I'm so messed up tbh. I feel like emailing her again!
geegirl Posted January 30, 2013 Posted January 30, 2013 What's missing from my life that makes me need her to love me so much? Why after eight years of not spending time with her did I still miss her? Why did I act so crazy when she told me she was through with what we were doing? Why do I miss her so much even after 6months of her not trying to contact me again? ALL THE TIME, she's on my mind. I'm so messed up tbh. I feel like emailing her again! QF, I think you really need to invest some time in therapy. There's more to what's going on inside you than just these questions. Your posts when you were under that other username, were downright scary. The above are the least of your issues for now and maybe if you get to dig deep and figure out the root of your problem, these questions will find its answers. Stop focusing on the relationship, what was and wasn't. Start focusing on fixing you. Why the violence? Why the rage? Why the lack of self-love? Why the impulsivity? Why the lack of ambition? Why the lack of motivation? Why the self-destructive patterns? Seek a counselor that will help you find the core issues and work yourself up from there. Map a plan to help improve yourself. Therapy will also help you find coping skills when you feel this way. If you don't know the root, you'll never find a solution. And if you don't find a solution, you'll keep repeating the same patterns. Fixing surface level issues won't do anything for you but keep you putting out the same behaviors in future relationships. What good is that? What have you been focusing on in terms of getting you back on a healthy path again? You mentioned you wasted your life not going to school, finding a good job, etc. What have you done so far these past couple of months to get back to working on you again?
todreaminblue Posted January 30, 2013 Posted January 30, 2013 ..yeh. How am I supposed to answer that? with honesty...it wasnt a very good breakup (not that i think break ups are good anyway) at the end it got pretty painful, but breaking up was the best option for both of us....i wish her well...if the woman questions you say i would honestly like to put it behind me and move on ......its all honest just not graphic best wishes to you..deb 1
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