WTF?? Why can't I get away from her!!!!

[ItxWillxGetxBetter]

little background, Been in NC/LC with my ex for 3 months after an almost 9 year relationship in which we were engaged. I have been really trying to stay away. I cut out everyone that was associated with her so I can heal.

 

So anyways, I went out with a friend on Friday night for drinks and I get a random call from a mutual friend of my ex and I asking if I have been giving out her number because some girl is calling and asking for me (did not pick up the phone). I was like wtf? So I texted back and said nope not me and thought nothing of it.

 

I came home and told my best friend and she said that its probably my ex's new guy trying to figure out if shes still talking to me. Apparently, they are having issues. My best friend thinks this because she says people can call the wrong number which is common but not when they call and ask for someone with my name. I dont have a common name and there are not very many people out there with my name so she thinks its my ex's guy. Her reasoning is that my ex is probably contacting our mutual friend to vent or whatever and hes probably seeing that number over and over on her phone log and hes testing to see if its me that shes talking to by having some other girl call. Bit of a stretch I think but it does make sense. So i was like whatever serves her right!

 

A day later, one of my friends who I havent spoken to in awhile calls and ask about us. I said we have been broken up for 4 months now and she was like really....she has pixs of you and her still up on her facebook. I was like the wtf??? Really....can I not get away from this crap. I didnt want to know about the stupid wrong number crap and I certainly didnt want to know about the facebook crap. I was perfectly happy thinking that shes over me and happy with this new guy (which i'm fine with). My conscience was clear and I was happy. Now this crap comes along and I know it shouldnt matter but it makes me think and makes me feel bad. WTF???? Can I not get away from this crap. This is not freaken fair. I did everything right. Cut contact, cut out mutual friends, stayed away I even moved out of my house (our place we use to share) so that I can move on with my life! How Sh*&y is this? I have done everything humanly possible to avoid anything about her and crap like this comes up. WHY!!!!!!

Edited January 28, 2013 by ItxWillxGetxBetter

[flitzanu]

i think you're really stretching on the wrong number thing. that's a little too elaborate when there are much easier ways to go about that information.

 

as for your friend calling asking about you two and telling you about her page and pics and blah blah, tell the friend to piss off and that you aren't interested in knowing about your ex, that's why you're "broken up".

[cavalier99]

Ha I think that your scenario is feasible. In any case the issue at hand is that these thing make you feel like there is hope.

 

I mean from what you said 1)she has problems with new relationship 2) still has your pics up 3) your ex's boyfriend is potentially checking her phone to see if she is calling you (girls by the way hate it when you check their stuff)

 

So now your thinking that they might breakup because she still loves you deep down and will come right back to you when she dumps this guy.

 

So i can see why you are upset and i already know you have that feeling that there is some unfinished businesses between you and your ex (did you get my PM response by the way?).

 

Unfortunately these thoughts will just stifle your healing. Id be having them also. So my advise is to not think them if that is possible. I know its easier said than done. I thing we both need to start dating or find a FWB situation to help along our recovery. Keep going out. Cav

 

Ive been having sorta a down stretch. Like the finality of everything is hitting me again but deeper this time and that any pipe dreams i might have harboured of a magical fantasy type reconciliation are leaving. Its called reality and it sucks facing it. I've said this a lot IT IS OVER but now it is really taking on a whole new meaning. Like NO FOOLIN said we can never go home ...depressing. i need to snap myself out of this and into a better state.

 

I've also had disturbing dreams the last 2 nights were we meet up at he familys house and her parents and firends and new bf are around and I need to act all normal like old friends. And it is obvious she still loves me but neither can act on it.

Edited January 28, 2013 by cavalier99

[ItxWillxGetxBetter]

Ha I think that your scenario is feasible. In any case the issue at hand is that these thing make you feel like there is hope.

 

I mean from what you said 1)she has problems with new relationship 2) still has your pics up 3) your ex's boyfriend is potentially checking her phone to see if she is calling you (girls by the way hate it when you check their stuff)

 

So now your thinking that they might breakup because she still loves you deep down and will come right back to you when she dumps this guy.

 

So i can see why you are upset and i already know you have that feeling that there is some unfinished businesses between you and your ex (did you get my PM response by the way?).

 

Unfortunately these thoughts will just stifle your healing. Id be having them also. So my advise is to not think them if that is possible. I know its easier said than done. I thing we both need to start dating or find a FWB situation to help along our recovery. Keep going out. Cav

 

Ive been having sorta a down stretch. Like the finality of everything is hitting me again but deeper this time and that any pipe dreams i might have harboured of a magical fantasy type reconciliation are leaving. Its called reality and it sucks facing it. I've said this a lot IT IS OVER but now it is really taking on a whole new meaning. Like NO FOOLIN said we can never go home ...depressing. i need to snap myself out of this and into a better state.

 

I've also had disturbing dreams the last 2 nights were we meet up at he familys house and her parents and firends and new bf are around and I need to act all normal like old friends. And it is obvious she still loves me but neither can act on it.

 

I think your right...maybe deep down I do have unresolved issues with her. Who knows. I really don't want any thoughts or images of false hope lingering around. This is expressly why I have gone out of my way to stay away from her and to not have her in my life. I dont know. I hope she doesnt come back because I dont want to be put in that position. I'm perfectly content on where I am now and how far I progressed. Given then distance that has been put in between us I now know she was not good for me and I really dont want to go back to that.

 

As for you...dude, i'm really sorry youre going through that. Was it a trigger of some sort that cause these new intense feelings? Damn...is this what I have to look forward to in the coming weeks? lol. Sometimes reality sucks but in the long run I think its better to go through this now then have it linger on for another few months. I'm curious do you know what cause these new feelings? Is it because of the 4 month BU thing?

[cavalier99]

 

As for you...dude, i'm really sorry youre going through that. Was it a trigger of some sort that cause these new intense feelings? Damn...is this what I have to look forward to in the coming weeks? lol. Sometimes reality sucks but in the long run I think its better to go through this now then have it linger on for another few months. I'm curious do you know what cause these new feelings? Is it because of the 4 month BU thing?

 

I don't know. Im OK it was just a barrage of emotions but i can deal with them now. I didn't break down crying like i would have before a couple months ago.

 

I think it is just more processing of things. Any time i go thru stuff like this i come out feeling better. Stuff builds up and then we process. Seems like these bouts in general are less and less frequent (although intensity was strong this time). We are still purging them from our system i suppose it is normal.

 

I don't view these emotions coming up as a set back necessarily. I'm beginning to view this whole process as breaking an addiction as well as the typical grieving process. If we don't give into any urges eventually they pass and we stop having them or they only come on infrequently.