fortyninethousand322 Posted January 28, 2013 Posted January 28, 2013 And by "older women" I mean "older than me". After a long run of zero success trying OLD, I've decided to try a different course of action: messaging women older than me. So what are everyone's thoughts on a guy almost 25 trying to date women aged 30-37? Do I have a better shot than trying to date women 22-28 like I was before? Or is the OLD meat market just as bad when one pursues women in their 30s as it is for trying to pursue women in their 20s? I'm not looking for a "cougar", I'm looking for someone to spend time with and date. Thoughts?
carhill Posted January 28, 2013 Posted January 28, 2013 How do you feel about dating someone with kids? IME, most of that age group will have minor children of varying ages. Perhaps generational, but my experiences indicated that they didn't really take me seriously. Older-women/younger-men, of the type you're relating, was/is less common in my generation, at least from the standpoint of LTR's/M's. As casual dating dynamics, perhaps more prevalent, but that's never been my focus so have no experience nor opinion. You'll probably have better luck with a 30yo than a 37yo, presuming serious dating /LTR. Anything is possible though. 1
StanMusial Posted January 28, 2013 Posted January 28, 2013 Your plan reeks of desperation. I don't think you'd be happy with a girl that old. My advice is to drop the online thing, its a road to nowhere. 1
KathyM Posted January 28, 2013 Posted January 28, 2013 I don't think that's a good plan if you are trying to find a compatible relationship. Most women are not interested in dating much younger men, and if they are, they are going to go for the boy toys. The best way to find a compatible relationship partner is to try all avenues of meeting people, but stick with those who are closer in age. When there are huge age gaps, there are usually dynamics that crop up that doom a relationship, such as jealousy, unequal status in the relationship, etc.
Author fortyninethousand322 Posted January 28, 2013 Author Posted January 28, 2013 Your plan reeks of desperation. I don't think you'd be happy with a girl that old. My advice is to drop the online thing, its a road to nowhere. Yeah, so is my life. Many of the profiles I've come across so far seem to be fairly interesting women, decent looking or better. I don't know, maybe I'd be ok.
Treasa Posted January 28, 2013 Posted January 28, 2013 I'm 38 and my boyfriend is 25. I have no kids and we get along wonderfully. True, it's early, but he's better than all of the other boyfriends I've ever had in my life. However, I don't OLD and never have. 2
Author fortyninethousand322 Posted January 28, 2013 Author Posted January 28, 2013 I'm 38 and my boyfriend is 25. I have no kids and we get along wonderfully. True, it's early, but he's better than all of the other boyfriends I've ever had in my life. However, I don't OLD and never have. That's the kind of perspective I was looking for. Thank you. I look much older than I am, so it's very likely that women out in the real world probably overestimate my age by 8-12 years. Likewise, unless she looks like a child I don't really ever know how old a woman is. I don't have any activities that are conducive to meeting women. So I tried OLD with no success. Gave up, and now I'm thinking of trying again.
Treasa Posted January 28, 2013 Posted January 28, 2013 Well, everyone is going to give their opinion. However, opinions mean jack **** as to whether or not it'll work out. I say why not. If it doesn't work out, it doesn't work out. Just like every other relationship. 3
Author fortyninethousand322 Posted January 28, 2013 Author Posted January 28, 2013 I don't think that's a good plan if you are trying to find a compatible relationship. Most women are not interested in dating much younger men, and if they are, they are going to go for the boy toys. The best way to find a compatible relationship partner is to try all avenues of meeting people, but stick with those who are closer in age. When there are huge age gaps, there are usually dynamics that crop up that doom a relationship, such as jealousy, unequal status in the relationship, etc. I don't know. In my experience, most women overestimate my age so I might as well try for women a bit older. Plus, I don't have much luck offline.
KathyM Posted January 28, 2013 Posted January 28, 2013 I don't know. In my experience, most women overestimate my age so I might as well try for women a bit older. Plus, I don't have much luck offline. Your age would be in your profile, so regardless of how much older you look, she would see your age listed in your profile. I think pursuing women much older than you would be a dead end relationship eventually, and a waste of your time. Five years younger or older is doable though. You said you are 25? Maybe some thirty year olds would be an option. They may have the maturity to realize that looks are not everything, they are not getting any younger, and be more willing to appreciate other qualities in a man. But when you're getting into much bigger age gaps, other issues crop up that I mentioned before, and would probably be a waste of time for you.
melodymatters Posted January 28, 2013 Posted January 28, 2013 We are all : * 5 ft tall, 100lbs * blonde and blue eyed * own a theater company * have been widowed before. .....Oh wait, that's just ME ! If you didn't get my point it is that every woman, is her own person so there is no formula. I'm in my 40's and my H is in his 20's. We met at work though, not OLD, and since he's 6'6 and hairy, I THOUGHT he was early 30's and because i'm petite, he though I was mid to late 30's. WHOOPS ! Anyways, we are very happy, and this scenario is becoming MUCH more common. As someone above said : " What do you to lose by TRYING ?" Don't let the naysayers give you some exact algebraic equation that they simply made up ! All it takes is one compatible person. Good luck ! 3
monicaelise Posted January 28, 2013 Posted January 28, 2013 And by "older women" I mean "older than me". After a long run of zero success trying OLD, I've decided to try a different course of action: messaging women older than me. So what are everyone's thoughts on a guy almost 25 trying to date women aged 30-37? Do I have a better shot than trying to date women 22-28 like I was before? Or is the OLD meat market just as bad when one pursues women in their 30s as it is for trying to pursue women in their 20s? I'm not looking for a "cougar", I'm looking for someone to spend time with and date. Thoughts? There's definitely no harm in trying. Just don't make the mistake of thinking it's going to be "easier". Many women become harder to please, in a variety of ways, as they age. You may have better luck along one dimension (such as flexibility regarding physical appearance), but much worse along another (e.g. requirements regarding things such as financial stability or life goals).
Feelin Frisky Posted January 28, 2013 Posted January 28, 2013 Worked for me. I didn't have OLD when I was your age. I did however lose my cherry to a 33 year old divorcee (whereas chicks closure to 20 often were catty and cruel unless you were perfect and I had recurring weight problems), then at 25 I got involved long term with someone 4 years older. A little older women have gone through their phase of thinking they are god's gift and get lonely if they are not hooked up. So yeah, go for it. Just don't hurt anyone by giving the impression you're going to fill their life with joy forever after (unless of course you do fall in love with someone a bit older and are willing to go to the mat for them).
Author fortyninethousand322 Posted January 28, 2013 Author Posted January 28, 2013 Well goal #1 at this point is just getting a date. This week marks 2 years since the last time I've been on one of those. A relationship is the ultimate goal but I have to start with step #1.
Treasa Posted January 28, 2013 Posted January 28, 2013 Worked for me. I didn't have OLD when I was your age. I did however lose my cherry to a 33 year old divorcee (whereas chicks closure to 20 often were catty and cruel unless you were perfect and I had recurring weight problems), then at 25 I got involved long term with someone 4 years older. A little older women have gone through their phase of thinking they are god's gift and get lonely if they are not hooked up. So yeah, go for it. Just don't hurt anyone by giving the impression you're going to fill their life with joy forever after (unless of course you do fall in love with someone a bit older and are willing to go to the mat for them). And other women are way better, healthier, happier, and less needy as they get older. I'm not dating my boyfriend because I'm lonely or desperate. I could be married at any time to a guy who is really awesome TO me but just not quite right FOR me.
FitChick Posted January 28, 2013 Posted January 28, 2013 Start at the lower end of your age range and work your way up if you need to. I think there are plenty of newly divorced women looking for a bit of fun. You need to get some "hands on" experience which will give you more confidence. They might teach you a few tricks you could use later.
Author fortyninethousand322 Posted January 29, 2013 Author Posted January 29, 2013 Thus far 0-3. Those were the three "most promising" that I found so far. All had some stuff in common with me and had preferred age ranges in the mid twenties at the lower end. So, I'll message some more tomorrow.
Author fortyninethousand322 Posted February 10, 2013 Author Posted February 10, 2013 Most of us older know that a lot of younger guys will message us because they aren't getting success with their own age group. the only thing you will get for that is contempt. I got this response in another thread. Is that really how older women view younger men who message them?
rys Posted February 10, 2013 Posted February 10, 2013 When a boy asks me to "hang out", I'm guessing 'aww, he needs a motherly/sisterly advice.
Eternal Sunshine Posted February 10, 2013 Posted February 10, 2013 I am pickier than ever regarding a guys personality. Most guys I dated in my 20s, I wouldn't touch with a 10 foot pole 1
Terminal-Ice Posted February 10, 2013 Posted February 10, 2013 As a 35-year-old woman, I would not date a 25-year-old. For the first time in my life, I feel that men my age are much closer to me in more ways than just my age. I love men my age, and it's for the more complex reasons, the subtle complexities in their personalities that have developed as the result of their life experiences. They're much different than men your age. Yes, this is a generalization, but generalizations exist for a reason. However, that absolutely does not discredit the exceptions. They do happen, and they happen well. My grandmother was 8 years older than my grandfather, and they were both born before 1910. <-- exception to the rule I would consider opening up your age preference rather than shifting it. Go for 21-35 and see how that works. The one thing I would caution you against is a woman who says she doesn't want kids if you think you might want kids in the future. This is something that very rarely changes and often places undue stress on marriages where one partner thought the other would change their mind. Don't do that to yourself. If you really think that you can fall in love with a woman and devote yourself to her for the rest of your life, make sure that you both want the same basic things. Don't go into it thinking you can change each other. With that said, don't go into a "relationship" with just any woman thinking that you can keep yourself from falling for her. Life has a habit of working out how you didn't expect.
Terminal-Ice Posted February 10, 2013 Posted February 10, 2013 When a boy asks me to "hang out", I'm guessing 'aww, he needs a motherly/sisterly advice. Which begs the question: what are you saying to these women? Perhaps your approach is wrong.
Author fortyninethousand322 Posted February 10, 2013 Author Posted February 10, 2013 So far I've only messaged older women on OLD, not approached them in real life. I don't really approach any women in real life but that's another story. I just message them like I would a woman my own age. I got one response, but it was from a woman who lied about her location. Which seemed kind of sketchy to me.
rys Posted February 10, 2013 Posted February 10, 2013 Which begs the question: what are you saying to these women? Perhaps your approach is wrong. Uhm, i'm a 33 y.o. woman and i'm not into older women
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