strongertoday Posted January 28, 2013 Posted January 28, 2013 I have never been a no contact person.. when hubby and I fell in love (long distance) we had an agreement that every day he would send some contact (email, text, call, etc).. and he was great and understood how I felt. 4 years, 12,000 miles, dealing with alcohol addiction, lots of overseas travel and fun.. a great life... then he got a new job, decided to change his life dramatically (NY eve he decided to give up smoking AND diet AND exercise all at the same time his PhD is hitting a major hurdle).. and then he got stressed and fell apart. 3 weeks of hell... moodiness... anger... letting the alcohol get way out of hand.. but mostly he just woudlnt listen to me.. he saw support as criticism... advice as controlling. So Thursday he left... went on a bender to a motel.. and then he found a house to stay in for a week or so. He has come home, said he wants this and loves me but needs space to get his head together. Its ok I say, I understand. Then I fell apart... not a little... but alot.. I begged him not to go... offered him the world.. Ive texted and texted like mad... 5 texts of mine over 4 hours to one reply of his which read "Its ok, its not over, I just need some time, have a hot bath and relax, see you tomorrow after work"... so I of course sent 2 more texts over the next 4 hours... and a message on facebook when I saw him there... and an email. Most of what I am sending is just trying to be funny or joking.. a few are "I am really hurting, you know I dont do NC well" So its 5.30am and I am awake having panic attacks and want to text him again... why am I so mad when I know the best thing to do is give him his space... I know I am sleep deprived..but cant get more than 4 hours before I am up.. I have a job, 3 awesome kids, financially secure, no problems getting another guy if I wanted, and I am usually the most upbeat and happy person.. this isnt me.. how can I stop myself?
megasparxxx Posted January 28, 2013 Posted January 28, 2013 I can see you're freaking out right now, but try to relax. He's already said it's not over. Try to take his word for it for now and busy yourself with other things until he figures himself out. People really do need space to clear their heads. If you're filling up that space with demands, or reminders that he's failing to come to come to conclusions quick enough for you it will just muddle up his thinking even more and push him away. Be patient, and I really hope it all works out for you! x
iouaname Posted January 28, 2013 Posted January 28, 2013 Yeah just calm down, I know that your situation might seem tough but you've gotten a lot more than most of us have gotten, which is your ex saying that it's not over. If you continue to call him and panic, you'll just drive him away. Give him some space, because he'll come back to a more stable, strong person quicker than he would with the way you're behaving now.
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