louise_23 Posted January 28, 2013 Posted January 28, 2013 posted about this guy before. hes really shy. over the years we've gotten close but it was generally always me contacting him or making an effort to speak to him if we ran into eachother though he has always made equal effort once the ball is rolling. we have now been dating since new yr. i asked him out on the first date, he said yes. he's initiated contact since then (he was short with me when i tried the other day so ive resolved not to bother anymore) but never arranges anything when he does get in touch, i always have to ask him out. and he does want to do something as he hints at it alot, its just he wont ask. anyway, we've not spoken for 3 days now and i kind of want to just get in touch and say hey or something. the last time we saw eachother we had a fantastic time. but part of me is unsure whats going on here. outside perspective??
clia Posted January 28, 2013 Posted January 28, 2013 I don't tend to believe the "he's too shy to ask me out" excuse, but for purposes of this response I'll just take your word for it this time. (In my experience, if a guy is really interested -- shy or not -- he will make an effort to contact you and see you, particularly in a situation like this where you have been out on a date with him and expressed your interest.) You need to make a decision. If you want to be the pursuer and the one to initiate dates and everything else with this "shy guy" for the rest of your relationship, then go ahead and send him a text. If you would rather have a more 50/50 partnership or one where the guy is pursuing you, then you should forget this "shy guy" and move on. 2
FitChick Posted January 28, 2013 Posted January 28, 2013 Is he normally passive in other areas of his life? 1
Imported Posted January 28, 2013 Posted January 28, 2013 Usually women are the passive and submissive ones and this is seen as normal and fine. No body would answer you like poster #2. OP, is it really that hard to set things up? Is sorta how I would answer you if you were a dude or we lived in an equal world. In relations, at any one point, things will not always be 50/50, especially early on. Ask any guy at the stage of a relations you're at....except your boyfriend.
Imported Posted January 28, 2013 Posted January 28, 2013 ...... we have now been dating since new yr. i asked him out on the first date, he said yes. he's initiated contact since then (he was short with me when i tried the other day so ive resolved not to bother anymore) but never arranges anything when he does get in touch, i always have to ask him out. and he does want to do something as he hints at it alot, its just he wont ask. ....... outside perspective?? That is so female normal operating procedure lol. I especially like it when they tell me, "you should ask me out...." . Or, "you should ask for my number.." when I was younger and took too long to move things along. They wouldn't actually ask me out or just give me their number (many do just give me their number), they inform me that I should ask. Seriously, I have had women "hint" to the point where they seem a bit loony, but they almost never take the initiative. 1
Author louise_23 Posted January 28, 2013 Author Posted January 28, 2013 I don't tend to believe the "he's too shy to ask me out" excuse, but for purposes of this response I'll just take your word for it this time. (In my experience, if a guy is really interested -- shy or not -- he will make an effort to contact you and see you, particularly in a situation like this where you have been out on a date with him and expressed your interest.) You need to make a decision. If you want to be the pursuer and the one to initiate dates and everything else with this "shy guy" for the rest of your relationship, then go ahead and send him a text. If you would rather have a more 50/50 partnership or one where the guy is pursuing you, then you should forget this "shy guy" and move on. you're right. I think deep down I was thinking this but it helps to hear it from someone else. Is he normally passive in other areas of his life? yes. not that that sounds good on paper... Usually women are the passive and submissive ones and this is seen as normal and fine. No body would answer you like poster #2. OP, is it really that hard to set things up? Is sorta how I would answer you if you were a dude or we lived in an equal world. In relations, at any one point, things will not always be 50/50, especially early on. Ask any guy at the stage of a relations you're at....except your boyfriend. I know. That is so female normal operating procedure lol. I especially like it when they tell me, "you should ask me out...." . Or, "you should ask for my number.." when I was younger and took too long to move things along. They wouldn't actually ask me out or just give me their number (many do just give me their number), they inform me that I should ask. Seriously, I have had women "hint" to the point where they seem a bit loony, but they almost never take the initiative. yeah that's more or less what's happening here except I'm the guy and he's the girl. ahhh well.I've deleted his number. think I'll give up. thanks for answering everyone.x
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